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as above....
I think you may be operating outwith your sphere of knowledge
Review your comments from my perspective and advise me how I should respond without violence
"eh?"
Are you exercising your rights to extrapolate your hypothesis?

Given you've phrased it as a question rather than a statement, I'd suggest that you're probably being more than polite enough already.
Wat you talkin' about Willis?
You could try "are you taking the mickey ?"
Although I much prefer "are you taking the piss mate ?" After all if they [i]are[/i] taking the piss, why would you feel the need to be polite to them ?
If you're worried about being polite, I'm guessing you're worried that the answer might be yes?
"I'm sorry, have I missed something?" followed by a penetrating question regarding what he might be taking the piss about and a penetrating stare.
Gives you a bit more wiggle room if you have missed something and he's not taking the piss, but gives you more ammo if you haven't and he is.
I often rely on the "Rack off mate". It hardly ever causes upset when followed with a wry "I'll bloody thump you" smile.
Obviously this does not apply when it is the Wifey taking the wee wee.
It depends if it's at work or not. If it is, a well crafted email, copied to the right people with a final comment of 'please advise soonest' usually does the trick.
If not a work colleague then just be direct.
I generally look at them in silence waiting for some kind of clarification, even with an email I'd be quite direct with some kind of "you're not being serious, are you?" comment.
It would also depend on the form of the piss taking.
"ha ha, nice one, I thought you were being serious for a minute there"
tends to get the message across 8)
Surely one is making that comment in jest?
In another context...
"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"
mightymarmite - MemberI often rely on the "Rack off mate". It hardly ever causes upset when followed with a wry "I'll bloody thump you" smile.
Obviously this does not apply when it is the Wifey taking the wee wee.
in which case you just hit her from the off....?
na... the GF has started some pissy waitressing job. the boss lady said 10€/hr. after her first shift it worked out at 5€. on the second shift she got 15€ for 2.5hrs.
i just couldn't muster up a nicer way of articulating my disgust.
i, too, would go with "are you taking the piss?" which translates to "willst du mich verarschen?" in german. that really wouldn't go down well and almost qualifies as a "beleidigung" - where the other person feels insulted and calls the police who fine you.
cheers...
"All those present who aren't taking the piss take one pace forward"
"Hey ****wit where do you think you're going"
Gets em everytime