[Closed] How do you motivate yourself?

This is more common than you think. We're the same in our house. Don't worry too much about that.

It's not a mountain to climb it's just a lot of small hills.

I find putting headphones on and combining chores with the radio or podcast helps.

I need a list, and I start with the small things. That way I get a little victory - it could be something that's only a 5 minute job but there is a satisfaction at ticking it off the list.

A mate of mine has been going through terrible mental health times over the last year, reaching a very difficulty low point through winter. On his way to improving his mental state he has been working on what he classes as small victories.

Defining small jobs and ticking that off, one at a time, the rest waited until he was ready for it. It's not a quick journey nor easy, but that helped him go from a point of massive shame in how he was living to inviting friends round for the first time in many years.

I find not over planning helps with the bigger stuff, just make a start, if I plan too much the scale of the job can put me off. Lists do help, list everything then anything done us a bonus.

You're not alone, we've just been out and bought a tree that now needs planting, decking needs a final coat of oil (before it rains) grass needs cutting and I have a list of biggish jobs to do despite already doing some this year. House looks bombed and the family make a mess the moment it's tidied, all I want to do is put my head down and go to sleep. But I'm having a coffee and will go tackle the tree which involves removing the old stump and removing some turf. At least it'll be done and being outdoors might keep me awake.

Very common, certainly is for me. I think 3 things that help me have already been said:

"It’s not a mountain to climb it’s just a lot of small hills." ....this resonates for me as in ignoring the big picture of all the jobs and just doing one small job even if its just the easiest, its still a job done

Music ... amazing how just turning on radio can lift and distract me from overthinking instead of doing a job

Making lists....some jobs cant be done right there and then so lists are good for spotting the easier jobs and helps need ponder what i need for those jobs that need more planning

I plan by time, not by task. E.g I don’t tell myself I’ll clean the house until it’s totally clean. I just say to myself that I’ll do some cleaning for say 1.5hrs tonight and then I’ll stop, whatever the state of the house is at that point.

That way, I always know what I’m letting myself in for and can see and end point if that makes sense.

Same with admin tasks, I’ll just block out like an hour to catch up on it and then finish.

I also use a to-do list app called Todoist which really helps.

I think a huge thing that helps mentally is not necessarily completing the task but just offloading it from your mind to somewhere else- like the app or a list. It’s easier ti sleep at night if you know there’s a depository with it all in, then trying to constantly retain it- I think having it all in your head, all the time is often the stressful bit.

I don't if I'm honest. I figure that the important stuff will eventually loom so large that I have to do it. Saves doing unnecessary things when one could be doing enjoyable things. I'm naturally lazy though and am unafflicted with a wife.

I can't help you. I'm home alone this weekend and instead of getting up and doing something I've spent all morning lying on my back eating cheesey crumpets watching YouTube videos about procrastination.

You're certainly not alone.

Sounds similar to me, and probably a lot of people. Day to day gets done, anything extra gets delayed till it gas to be done.

Putting a podcast on passes the time and distracts me while I'm getting on with stuff.

pomodoro timer on the phone.

25minutes flat out then 5 mins break.

podcasts really are a good suggestion, off menu and adam buxton have plenty of interesting guests and are very chilled. For some reason i find it alot easier to get stuff done to podcasts than music which often has me skipping.

Does anyone have any reccomendation on how to follow your own advice?

Well the tree is planted, didn't bother removing the old stump In the end, just removed the roots where the new tree was going and cut the stump off at ground level. Back lawn is mown and about to start the decking, having got something done is now actually motivating me to keep going. I knowing I stop I won't start again.

I suppose the biggest demotivator is you, don't let the scale of the task daunt you, I like the idea of setting a time limit, if you still got motivation at the end carry on, if not stop knowing at least some of the task is done.

Life isn't easy so dont beat yourself up because it's hard work.

OP,

I get all that perhaps more.

I have just started realising in late March 2022 (after nearly 20 - 30 years) and only woken up from the nightmare. Life was in a mess looking back. I was living like a zombie.

I rage! I get panic attacks etc and regrets as I wasted so much time in life.
(You don't want to come near me when I rage as I might turn into a big green monster LOL!)

Any ideas or suggestions?

Try to do the followings. Think hard. You will find the trigger point (root cause).

1. Retrace your footsteps from now to the past.
2. Deconstruct them one by one (major one first (root cause) and the rest will fall in place)
3. Find the trigger point of all your problems and usually it is related to an event happened in the past.
4. If possible fix it or at least have a closure for that.
5. Then move on and don't look back.
6. Do it asap. Spend a day or two finding it.
7. Get rid of people that are not relevant or pulling you down because they have their own personal problems unloading on you.
8. Be brave and have courage to change it. (control fear but not let it controls you)
9. You will then return to your true self. (not easy if no one tells you)

You need to do that quick as you don't want to end up like me suffering for 20-30 years. Coz at a blink of an eye your 10 years will pass.

Mine started with one bad advice which I trusted where it snowballed and screwed up half my life. I am just picking up the pieces now but it is never late. Still some rage in me but slowly letting go. Mind is slowly coming into balance but not easy.

Put it another way as I told myself "You don't want to go to your grave with regrets but with a big grin on your face, sort the rest". People should die in peace but many did not because they have regrets.

A few people have said about making lists. This can sometimes backfire if you are feeling motivated when you make the list and just put big headings like SORT OLD CLOTHES. That is actually quite a major undertaking both in time and emotionally as you see all the memories and so yoiu end up not completing it and feeling even less motivated.

Try to break it down into smaller units.

SORT OLD CLOTHES
1) Get clothes out of one place
2) Pick each item up once and put it into either:
KEEP
SELL
BIN
3) Put clothes from KEEP pile back in the wardrode you took them from
4) Put clothes from the BIN pile in the bin
5) Put the clothes from the SELL pile somewhere ready to prepare for sale.

Repeat for the next wardrobe / chest of drawers or whatever next time you feel up to it.

Even if you only manage to sort 10 items of clothing each time you try the bin will consume some, the ready to sell pile will grow and you will make real progress.

When you want to do something different then use the same technique. Instead of Clean and Dust Downstairs, break it into the individual tasks and then complete those rather than failing to complete it all because you are swamped.

It works for me, I hope it might help you.

Everyone procrastinates and wastes time. Everyone. Don't beat yourself up about that.

One thing I've found helpful is, rather than thinking about all the things that need doing, just think about one thing that you're going to do, and do it. You can create a list of things you've done, writing it down and crossing it off straight away. Better than having a to-do list that just grows longer and longer. A list of achievements is so much better than a list of things you have to stress over not having done yet!

There's a decluttering podcast I sometimes listen to. I've not listened to this episode but the title suggests it might be of interest.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1980WYAAZ1ctxoLXWBX1HE?si=Ztj-1ALVSJ2nNtMoTwDeOg&utm_source=copy-link

The saying 'many hands make light work' are so true.
Can the children help with the odd small chore? Then maybe a promise of all going to the park as a treat afterwards.

I always do the horrid things first and work up to the nicer chores, then there is always a treat at the end. This is anything from watching a favourite telly programme - to having a piece of chocolate.

Have some music on to take your mind of the list.

Every family is always having to leave some chores as it's just not possible to do everything.

Don't forget for the things that do get done, to congratulate yourself.

A list may help as you can tick off, but then again, it may not, as chores just keep being added to the bottom.

Everyone has a cupboard that things get thrown into, out of the way if visitors come round.

I remember as a teenager reading a few of the 'inspirational do this and get a better life' books in the house of someone where I was baby sitting. Most seemed total twaddle but a couple of bits I have remembered and use, or at least use my interpretation of.

1) Touch things only once.
Okay, not literally but if you pick up a letter to read then do it, don't start reading it and then put it down to do something else, come back to it later, read a bit more etc. If you cut your list of tasks into the right sized pieces you pick a task, complete it and then it has gone.

2) Don't revisit decisions.
Focus on the decision you need to make, identify the options and select one. Do not then start doing things based on that decision, stop, go back the the decision and consider everything again, choose a different option, start that, go back to the choices. You had all the facts at the start, you made a choice, stick to it unless there are significant changes to the fects that informed the decision.

3) Read all of your correspondence in the morning and early afternoon only.
I guess this would now mean emails and texts. Basically see what is waiting for you in the morning and action or plan the actions required to deal with that. Check again in the early afternoon for new and updates. Don't bother to check every five minutes in between as that is a waste of time, can cause stress and it is extremely rare that anything sent by (e)mail requires an immediate unplanned response.

The first one is great for getting lots of little things done.
The second one takes a bit of bravery at times, can lead to problems but most of the time is great advice
The third also saves times but also relieves the stress of thinking you have to constantly respond immediately to others. It gives you back time and control

For me it is breaking time into smaller chunks, generally trying to fit stuff in before something I want to do like watch a film, see a friend, faff in the shed.
Pick a task that fits the time, you have a deadline, focus and reward.

I did write lists for the house renovation to keep on top of stuff.
I don't write lists for work as I have less control over the situation, if it's important enough it will happen.

Worry and anxiety?

But that's not helpful. Start small. You do need to vacuum the house just get it out and turn it on.

You don't need to do the washing just sort it.

The first step is the hardest so make it small.

lists.
need: shopping, any chores that havent 'just' got done, medium term short duration and one or two longer term, longer duration a because these probably require a bit of thought about funding.

want: ... ride bike, walk, go to pub, bottle of wine or even just 'dinner'.

then i try to do something from the need list, before i allow myself to look at the want list.. i can be more motivated to fix the car, or cut the grass if i decide im going to the pub later, i can probably bung some washing in, or push the hoover round on route.

and dont beat yourself up.

I'm not brilliant at it myself, but lists definitely help me.

And I agree with making them granular.

Everyone procrastinates and wastes time. Everyone.

+1

I've written articles about this kind of thing, and the most-recent (and best) advice I saw was that it's very psychologically important to just make a start on jobs. That's by far the hardest part for most people.

I'm awful at this. For work where I have pressure of timescales I'm fine, but at home I'm crap. Clothes get cleaned and kids get fed. Anything more is a real drag.

Typical example for me is popping the washing in the machine. It beeps when it's done and I know I should put the clothes on the line there and then, straight away. But I don't, I'll do other stuff first that's much more important (😉) like checking STW, or a random episode of wheeler dealers (hold out yer hand).

I've found that lists help, small wins help build up momentum. Also a simple reward, so if I pop the washing on the line then I'll get a cup of tea.

I also find that if I blitz things e.g. set aside a few hours and rope everyone in the house in, then it helps. Afterwards we can all do what we want e.g. play computer games or look at stupid videos on YouTube, or god forbid go out on bikes.

Good luck.

I have Aspergers... i am by design a task orientated, list driven pain in the arse.

My god i can get stuff done...

I have this habit, at the end of the day (home or work) i always try and get an extra job done.

I am as sad as **** and i like hoovering.

I am as sad as **** and i like hoovering.

I wish I could master up all my strength to hoover ... eerrrhhh ...

I really struggle to motivate myself to do anything. Mainly things that need doing, housework etc. Daily things like clothes and plates are done, it’s the other stuff I can’t deal with

This is pretty much me, unfortunately I don't have a magic solution for you. My flat looks like something from an episode of Hoarders these days, not because I'm holding onto piles of stuff for any particular reason - just that I can't get around to sorting it all out and chucking 90% of my stuff away. I get as far as looking at what my local recycling place accept, realise it's only about half of it so look at skip hire and realise that's not a complete solution either so look at man with a van sites and by then I've wasted an hour or two and decided it's too much hassle and put it off for another time.

I did actually force myself to take two bags of clothes to the recycling centre over the weekend so going to just try and keep doing a bag or two of stuff a week for a while and see how far I get before I give up. I'm not one for making lists - I can ignore those as easily as I can the junk around me but breaking the problem down into more manageable chunks is sound advice.

Ever heard of the expression:
"Need something doing? Employ a busy woman."

I've friends who seem to get loads done, all the time and other friends who don't seem to be able to achieve anything beyond basic living - and it doesn't seem connected with how 'busy' their actual lives are.

I'm in between, and can always get the basic's done, and the stuff I want to do - it's the bit in between that 'wanders'. Example. I put a new kitchen in pre-lockdown, including taking the entire room back to bare walls (and sorting out lots of issues - very old house). But I only sorted out the kickboards (the ones that came with it were crap, so I made my own out of wood, to match the kitchen doors) the last two weekends as my OH had thrown a strop.

Unsure what advice I can give, but seek professional help if you're unable to come up with a way yourself.

How do you all motivate yourselves to write these lists?

🙂

Same as the OP here. So many things need doing round the house that it becomes overwhelming and spoils other things. I'll often put off a morning ride/run to get some house jobs done. Then I reward myself with a ride/run.

If the jobs build up and I'm busy with work or helping family, I end up getting stressed. Ideally I want to reduce my hours at work but work won't let me.

The worst thing is staying up late to do stuff and sacrificing sleep.

How do you all motivate yourselves to write these lists?

MrsMC writes them for me.

If the jobs build up and I’m busy with work or helping family, I end up getting stressed. Ideally I want to reduce my hours at work but work won’t let me.

I was lucky that after a meltdown 5-6 years ago my work let me do a 4 day week, and the day off was jobs, sorting out kids weekend activities and/or getting a ride in if that was the only chance of the week.

Change in job/increased responsibilities has coincided with parents needing more help, which will only increase, and now going down the rabbit hole of do I reduce hours more, making my current role impossible, or go down a couple of grades to ease the work pressure or quit work altogether, stuffing my pension plans. Complicated by having a disabled wife as the main earner, but we're never more than a fall or trip potentially ending her ability to work.

I don't know how consciously I do this, and I'm not wanting to complicate things... but Eisenhower's matrix helps to prioritise your tasks.

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newHTE_91.htm

My main takeaway is:

- Need doing now? Do it

- Doesn't need doing now? Don't do it (unless there's nothing else that needs doing now).

Then you get into it: why is it it important? Is it really important or do I just think it is.

e.g. I've had DIY jobs that needed doing for months, maybe years. They were very visible (cracking door frame filler) so would wind me up, but totally cosmetic so zero urgency to doing them. I had to accept they were inconsequential (note: it's a new build house, the rage I felt was towards the piss poor builders so had to square that off as "normal") and accept I'd do them when I had time. Which I thought would mean a day, but actually took two hours split across a few days in stages while nothing else was happening. Also combined with needing to hoover the house so the dust it created wasn't an extra chore.

Highly recommended read:

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20200121-why-procrastination-is-about-managing-emotions-not-time

WCA

Try to break it down into smaller units.

^^^

This but then go for a ride or something...

TBH I'd make a list of things that can be done in 30 mins or less... avoid longer tasks for now or ones with co-dependency's (like solitaire tasks) don't even list them YET. (Like I need to organise the garage... but to do that I have to do the shed .. but to do that...)

At the moment you have a really long list in your head PLUS a feeling of not getting stuff done.
Lots on that list won't be urgent or important but it might be easy to do in 30 mins...

I suspect many of these will end up taking less time (obviously some will turn out longer) but then you keep a list. I have a big block with post for example.. it just builds up... mainly because it then makes me have to do something like binning/filing/making some sort of decision.. it truly looks like hours of unpleasant (to me) faff. Every time I do it though it takes way less time... so I get a bunch of stuff I might have to do but that never takes that long either...

I’m so overwhelmed with so much that needs doing I literally break down in a panic every time I try to start. Because of this I walk around the house blinkered and ignore everything but it’s always in my head that it has to be done. It’s not fair on the kids to live like this and that’s what I try to remember when I attempt anything. I’ll be honest, most of the time I sit in a heap crying as I can’t cope with it all.

I started sorting through their old clothes a few weeks ago to try and sell the better named ones to help pay off my debts. I broke down halfway through doing it as my mind then wandered off to my debts. All of that is still sitting in piles in the front room, that’s just one example.

Don't do it alone .. the kids can help and you can support each other... as WCA said if you sorted SOME stick it in a bag and stick it back for now anyway...

This thread opened on a real hard/serious tone, but some great advice here.
In as much as, im agreeding with a lot of it at least.

Lists.
Podcasts.
Cordless tools.

I went down to part time a year and a half ago, so that i could have some time to myself and to "stuff than needs doing" that the kids get in the way of at the weekend.
But im pretty strict with myself, as taking fridays off is not an insignificant paycut, so i dont want to spend that time Doom-scrolling through facebook

So ive got a list. All tasks that need doing around the house, but ones that are easily pushed back and not done.

Im dead strict on fridays. If ive had time to siat down, i go to the list and get something to do.

Top of the list is "Go for a Ride", and is never removed. its the only riding i get these days, and valuable from a mental health point of view

- lap of the house with an ikea bag collecting everyones dirty washing. If they wanted it seperating into light and darks they shouldve done it themselves.
- Make sure the washing machine is running. (better still, get it filled and running before going for a ride)
- Lap with the hoover. See the cordless hoover thread. I cant be bothered getting a proper one out, but a cordless one makes it so much easier.
Same for the mower. Battery mower means the whole job can be knocked out in half an hour. Tidy garden makes me feel much better.

and that lot cant be done by 10am easily.

The remainder of the list is stuff like

Tip run,
Fix outside lights,
put up a picture rail
pull the electric window switch out of the van door and see if i can fix it.

All tedious **** that doesnt need doing, but can potentially be knocked out quite quick as long as you pick it up and just get on with it.

I find its a real weight off to know youve achieved stuff, even if it is little 10 minute jobs that have been hanging over you for months or years.

Alcohol. Drugs. Self appreciation. Vitamin D.

oooh, i forgot to mention my other list.

best titled the DILLIGAFFYC list - this is the one which i vocally add tasks to, at the bottom, in absolute full knowledge that im never going to run out of other stuff to do which takes proirity.

Thanks for all the input and suggestions, really appreciate them all.

I've read over these replies several times which has meant I've yet to do anything productive, but I'll try and implement some of the suggestions and see how it goes. While it doesn't help me physically here, it's nice in a way knowing it's relatively normal and I'm not alone in being like this. Maybe we should all start a chub club style idea for getting things done 😂

Quite liking the podcast idea, I've never listened to one but sounds like they're easy to listen to without being too much of a distraction.

Get up early with little procrastination.

Coffee.

(Early bedtime)