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A "friend" of mine recently got dumped, quite abruptly, no blame on his or her part it's just the way it goes sometimes. He is getting over it now but for future reference do you have any tips for getting through this with as little pain as possible.
No, just deal with it
Gaffa tape and Leonard Cohen
Pull a slapper - genuinely works wonders for the ego (and the body). I have been the 'slapper' for others (girls) before now, and didn't mind at all 🙂
www.soyouvebeendumped.com
As user-removed says, or shag her mates ( guarenteed they'll be one of them up for it)
Have fun with your pals, forget about her, ride your bike, get drunk, and realise life goes on either with or without you
But seriously though, having given it a bit of thought, I do remember how it feels and stavromuller
is actually spot on. There's no quick fix (unless grovelling and begging works).No, just deal with it
I still remember staggering through a family reunion after being dumped in a strange city an hour beforehand. All I wanted to do was curl up in a dark room, but you've just got to struggle through I'm afraid.
Yep, you've got to just keep going. Been there myself and it's a pretty screwed up place to be. It's a cliche but time IS a great healer. Everyone reacts to things in their own way but i guess that time is the one thing that helps everone recover. Well, for the vast majority of us anyway. Glad to hear your mate's getting through it.
Man the f*ck up and smile. Chin up and walk proud. You are still yourself and if you became so involved you lost self then thrive in the enjoyment of finding yourself again. Doing things for you and loving the world because it is fun as f*ck to be more jolly than all the miserable bar stewards out there. Mwahahahahaha smile mother *****r!
Boffing her best friend is a great way to make yourself feel better.
"Life is painful; suffering is optional." Sylvia Boorstein
Yep crack on. The universe has a strange way of directing you towards good stuff, you just have to read the signs.
Time. Knee deep in clunge helps.
12 hours w***athon?
get laid
"Life is painful; suffering is optional." Sylvia Boorstein
"Nail a hooker." Silvio Berlusconi
give it time and shag EVERYTHING.
funny as hell and also a bit shallow but its getting me through it 😉
Supertramp....... are you sure it wasn't you who got dumped?
Was it a long relationship?
If it's any comfort I have in the last six months come out of a 3 year relationship and am so ****ing relieved as I no longer have to put up with her domestic abuse, humiliation & criticism! And she also came between me and my Biking!
Stop being dumb dumbs, most people focus on what they've lost all of the good shit, **** that! just get a list of all the bad shit.
Crap at blowjobs, farts a lot when beer is consumed, wants to talk rubbish after sex, shurrup moron I'm trying to relax and ****ing sleep 😯
Joking aside, just write a list of all the crap stuff and every time your feeling down, get it out and see if you can add to it or just go over what's on it, if the person you've just lost is perfect, then give yourself a slap with a fish, hard and start over 😀
Keep busy. Be patient.
What kaesae said. Me and the other half split after 17yrs after i i ****ed up. I started going through the pish things in the relationship - and there were numerous - which made it easier to move on. I even had people tell me they thought the ex was a nippy cow!!
some very interesting replies, thanks!
I will pass them on to my 'friend' 😉
if you find out please let me know as I think mine is about to break.
Mine just did, headsup. It's what I wanted too and now's it's happened I'm falling apart.
Hope you and supertramp get through.
Lots of ego-massage sex, and gin*
* but seriously it's a total head****, the only thing I can say is that over time, it gets easier**
** but the first thing too 🙂
http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com
Thanks cynic-al. That really helped, until the end when I realised I was a good 10 year older than Matt. But it still helped a bit anyway. Cheers.
time 😉
As pitduck sez; time. Simple as. Broke up with one girl for what seemed to be good reasons, found out later there were no good reasons in that if I'd just talked to her everything could have been sorted. Broke her heart, and mine too. That was twenty three years ago, and I still regret what I did and mourn what I lost. Time heals, but the scar never fades.
Balls deep is the only way to go.
That & beer & time. Lots of beer, lots of time. 😉
The beer thing (or wine) apparenty made things worse (or at tleast no better) and my friend isn't a casual sex sort of bloke - sleeping with her best friend is a no-no (it's a man).
So, Stavromullers advice, though at first it appears a bit harsh, it seems the only way and it is what i'll suggest.
I have feedback on this and Kaesae, your list of bad points, my 'friend' asks 'do you know her?' 😆
in true stw fashion ....mtfu go on a camping trip with real mates really opens your eyes at what u have missed out on.
Sorry to come late to this, I so wanted to contribute but needed to think about how to communicate what I wanted to say. Then it came to me…
Firstly a disclaimer: We all feel things differently, what you call love might not be what I call love, and my experience tells me that very few people actually feel that life encompassing all consuming love. If you are one of them, I am both happy for you and very sorry for you. A part of you has lived a life few are lucky enough to live. But a part of you has now died too.
Years ago I had a motocross accident and broke the navicular bone in my foot. Initially misdiagnosed as a sprained ankle, a week later I was held overnight for an emergency operation to pin it in the morning. I was off work for three months recovering, and living alone as I did I was suffering mentally too. To cut a long story short I eventually lost my job, and consequently my house. Years down the line I’m now fully recovered and very happy, but you know, on some days I get a little twinge…the foot plays up occasionally.
I think having a broken heart is pretty similar. At first the healing process is very slow, very painful, and takes a long time. One day you will be over it though, but that’s not to say that your heart is 100% mended, you may still have moments.
TuckerUK, a good analogy 🙂
Best way over a woman is under another.
Seriously. It works.
Have fun, drink high quality booze, see all your mates and live life to the full.
Then one day the gods will smile on you and you'll be driving out of the carpark with your bike in the boot and she'll walk past on her way to work, looking rough, having an argument with her new boyfriend in the piss down rain...
... and that my friend, feels awesome.
STRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP CLUB
where are you based and when are we going?
Book a flight, grab a bike & **** off would be my first instinct these days, having been through this. Time heals. Fill your time with stuff. Any stuff, but sitting thinking.
Going through (and coming out of) the same thing. There's no easy answer but spending time with mates who don't mind listening is a good way of dealing with it. There will be shit lonely times but as long as you can keep these too a minimum then its not so bad. This ties in with spending time with friends.
I avoided getting pissed for the first couple of months, just my way of not getting any worse. Out quite a bit now and to be honest its fantastic, when you're in a relaionship (well when i'm in a relationship) you become incredibly blinkered, when you're ready splitting up is like having the blinkers taken off!
If they've broke up they've done it for a reason, harsh but its time to move on deal with how they're feeling.
I've been single for 2 months now after 8 years (and 6 months married). Weekends are currently great - drinking, biking etc. Its the nights inbetween that suck when your at home alone.
Whats worked for me is social drinking (never drink at home alone), meeting new people, flirting with old flames, and getting out on the bike a lot. The biking has been losing out to my social life at weekends though.
Chin up, time is THE great healer. After only 2 months, my outlook on life has totally changed.
In 1990 I went travelling with my soon-to-be wife as a last fling before settling down.
We were due to marry in September 1991. In June 1991 I got a knock on my door from the step-son of our mortgage advisor telling me that my fiancé was shagging his step-dad (who was twice her age).
My world uttterly imploded - a few months before the wedding and everything was cancelled.
I spent the first few weeks pissed on De Kruper cherry brandy (I know not why) and harboured thoughts of revenge against the ex and her lover but slowly that anger subsided and I am happy to say I did nothing.
Over the next few months I rekindled friendships and became close friends with my younger brother (who had been alienated because my fiancé disliked him). Those friendships never waned and I still meet regularly with those people and remain best of friends with my brother.
I had a couple of relationships (including another quite sad break up) then eventually met my wife with whom I have two lovely daughters. My wife is immeasurably more perfect in every way than the old fiancé.
I can honestly say that, looking back, I had a lucky escape and know without a shadow of a doubt that my life is happier without her and breaking up was the right thing to do. It was just those first few months that seem dark and out of control when I didn't know where to turn, what to do or know what would become of me.
So - in a nutshell - have belief that time really is the answer.
Ohh and De Kruper cherry brandy.
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Note: Not necessarily at the same time.
Love can break your heart, Downhill will just break your bones. I've made my choice.
Split up with my then fiance in September last year, I was a real mess when it happened. I was lucky to have a great network of friends around me to help me through that time, after a few weeks I started to look back over the relationship and how my ex was then behaving, it soon dawned on me that I'd had a fairly lucky escape!
I've now moved in to a new house, bought a new bike and get time to go riding (this was a very rare thing over the last few years) and had chance to travel a bit more and catch up with friends in other parts of the country who I've not seen much of in recent years.
I'm now happier than I have been in quite a while, I still have low moments, but I think that is more related to stress from renovating a house combined with a bit of uncertainty at work.
In a sick sort of way i'm enjoying this thread ha ha sort of group therepy 😆
I'll bite.
I broke up with my ex of 6 1/2 years (1 year engaged approx) almost a year ago, though in this case it was my doing. Mixed with falling out of love and some personal issues, it was still very hard to re-adjust to life. Moving back in with my parents for example, was and still is, a pain in the hole! Met me current gf last November and it's currently where I am now, my life has changed in so many ways and there might be light at the end of the tunnel for me yet.
The big thing with this relationship is that we have our own time, she plays tennis and has her own circle of friends (I meet them too) and I have my time with my biking, football and a few other things. We share the same interests in that we like sport and keeping fit. We're running a 10k tomorrow night, bring on the competitive streak. But my point is, part of the problem was living in each others pockets and not having our own time. 5 nights a week watching tv and starring at the walls. Not a good way to have a relationship in my book.
Good luck
spot on st colin
In a sick sort of way i'm enjoying this thread ha ha sort of group therepy
It's good to talk, and that's something us blokes are generally quite bad at.
With a couple of hundred $$$
Strippers,
Hookers,
Beers and repeat.
Otherwise -stay active and time to heal.
Don't leave them alone. And don't moan if they never return the favour.
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I broke up with my ex of 7 years in the last few months, it was hard sharing a house with someone who'd obviously (though she denied it until she was blue in the face) found somebody else (turned out I was right). She moved out in the begging of may, then started chasing me for her share of the money that we'd just put into buying a house. Which started to give me panic attacks, schweet. I've since cut off all contact with her and unfortunatly had to do the same more or less with the group of friends that we shared. Panic attacks have stopped though, so removing myself from the trigger was probably a good plan! She'll get her money when I'm good and ready, which is what I made clear to her when I told her to stop, and so far she has.
I'm enjoying riding bikes, exercising hard, partying harder and not having to answer to anyone.
Feels good man.
Well, I ditched a guy at the begining of the year (hides email in profile!) after a few years and it was a relief! Started seeing another guy quite soon after, had a couple of amazing months then he turned and became violent in my home. He seems think this behaviour was acceptable. He is refusing to give me back my stuff that is at his house (he still has another ex girlfreiends stuff too). I know I had a lucky escape and glad that I got out when I did. Last night I got an hours sleep due to just thinking about everything and wondering why the hell would he want to keep my stuff?! At five this morning I started tidying my flat etc as a new start. I now have a spotless flat...yes I did clean the kitchen floor with baby wipes but that is what I do and its my flat so I can do what I want! Went into work, the research went perfect and I went home early for a nap. Im desperate to get out on my bike ( I did do the Bristol bikefest with my big brother as a pair instead of a team with the ex) which I will do and I wont have someone moaning at me for having my fingers covering the brake!
So look forward to the things that you want to do and just try and enjoy the fun of being single!
Well, I ditched a guy at the begining of the year (hides email in profile!)
You are very wise and that made me chuckle
Time cures it IME.
Cardiac surgeon and a few stents ought to do it.
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From a female point of view. There are a few comments on the wives /girlfriends getting :Din in the way of the biking. Actually it is the same for women who are sports minded to. Theres not so many women into sport especially as they get older and I find people seem to think it very strange. I find men seem to want to wrap me up and in cotton wool and try and control my life. I don't like that I like doing my own thing and am very independant. I have to get out I love the freedom of being out probably because theres no one to nagg. I feel in a relationship both parties need to have their own interests, you still need your own friends and to be away from each other doing different things. I would love a partner who would just let me get on and do my thing. So for all you guys out there its not just women who get cross when your out doing its men to. 😀
What Sobriety wrote at the bottom of his bit, enjoy riding your bike, making friends, partying harden etc. Being single is not so bad just a little quite at times. Also get a tent and go camping, take your bike and enjoy. Best holiday ever, on my own did exactly what I wanted and that included going to the pub. Loved it!