[Closed] How do you kill a tree (Ninja style) ?

The first rule of Ninja Club, is don't lay out your intentions on a public forum.

Anyway, just swing a chainsaw round your head, and if you *accidentally* cut it down, then what they hey. Remember, it's easier to ask for forgiveness, than permission.

Ring it, but dont kill trees, just squint around it.

If it was me, I'd just ride near it at a reasonable speed given my history of uprooting trees when I crash near them...

HTH 🙂

Copper nails? I have around 25kg of them, let me know if you want one.

Such detailed MS Paint drawings undoubtedly incriminate you. I suggest you anonymise/pixelate them through the adoption of ASCII art. You could still use the original as a design for an awesome charity Christmas card.

If and when I come up with a suggestion I'll be sure to illustrate it in equivalent detail for your benefit 😉

Do you think it'll just fall over if you succeed in killing it?

"Even if you succeed in killing it, do you think it'll just fall over?"

Get with the programme girlfriend. The 'gardener' will legitimately take care of the dead ones. This is about making it die. Falling over would be a fortunate side effect unless it flattened (with relative ease) the OPs 2-dimensional house.

Can't help with the tree problem but I do think following on from this there needs to be a new rule enforced:

All new threads now require a sketch in MS paint to help illustrate their point.

Good work, carry on!

I think ninja style basically means throwing stars. But you might need a really big throwing star, which isn't [i]that [/i]stealthy.

qwerty - Member

Copper nails? I have around 25kg of them, let me know if you want one.

You had a batch of manx cats to fix?

Homemade copper shuriken:
[img] [/img]

If the gardener has been instructed to take out the dead ones then you just need to convince him it is 'dead'. A few quid, a few beers or even a friendly word may be enough.

You need to have a freak accident with fire.. Burn it insitu. .
That will kill the tree and dispose of the corpse

But it's nearly Christmas..
[img] [/img]

In the spirit of hi-def schematics. Here is my plan fleshed out.

[img] [/img]

Lift bark, hammer in copper nails, glue bark down for stealth.

Will take a year to kill it, but will look like a natural death.

clearly what you need is a drone strike

[img] [/img]

judging by your illustration, I suspect that you are infact Skeletor and I am concerned why you give a fig given your immense levels of evil.
Is the land owner He-Man?
And who lives in Bad Man's house? Some other Master of the Universe?
This story is missing two things: Battle Cat and She-Ra.

dig on your side n expose roots, cut roots and knock in a length of copper pipe, bury roots n wait.

Drill hole in root fill with the most expensive weed killer you can find and cork the hole. Filling your garden full of salt is a bad idea.

Do the neighbours only want dead looking ones down to keep the costs down? If so, just offer something towards the extra tree to be taken down, won't be more than a 2 hour job if already on site.

Are the trees they are having down really dead anyway? Most closely grown conifers look browned off and dead when the one next to then is removed. In which case the next tree in line each time will look dead.

Hang on a minute... look closely at the OP's drawing.

It's a trap!

[img] [/img]

[url= https://www.gov.uk/how-to-resolve-neighbour-disputes/high-hedges-trees-and-boundaries ]This[/url]

[url= http://www.problemneighbours.co.uk/rules-on-hedges-and-roots-growing-into-your-property.html ]some reading[/url]

Drill hole and insert a concentrated systemic herbicide like glyphosate (round-up) into it daily. Glufosinate-ammonium (finale) would also work, but not as well against conifers. You will need to wait for spring to have a real effect but there is no harm in starting now. If you can do it to a root on your property and use a small funnel to get it in then so much the better. You will probably need to ream it out every few days to keep the wound fresh.

Bear in mind that dead conifers fall over easily just in case you feel like suing when it crushes your house.

Tunnel under it and start a small fire/controlled explosion?

[img] [/img]

Failing that, I would install a tube from behind your fence diagonally downwards into the center of the root mass, and just top-it-up with some sort of strong herbicide every day. At the point the tree's going a bit brown around the edges, just pull the tube out and "excuse me, I think your tree has died. You'd better chop it down before it falls over and squashes my prize-winning petunias"

Cheers for the advice, I'm going to scrap the salt idea then and go with a combination of ...

Drill hole in root fill with the most expensive weed killer you can find and cork the hole. Filling your garden full of salt is a bad idea.

dig on your side n expose roots, cut roots and knock in a length of copper pipe, bury roots n wait.

Drill hole and insert a concentrated systemic herbicide like glyphosate (round-up) into it daily.

I would install a tube from behind your fence diagonally downwards into the center of the root mass, and just top-it-up with some sort of strong herbicide every day.

Approaching the landlords or Gardner is not an option, the neighbours have already tried that approach.

Dont go to all that trouble just keep riding past it with a rattle can of brown paint and spray it till it looks dead.