[Closed] How do I get into my car? Numpty content.

Surely there's a hidden key in the fob?

AA/RAC? Probably a call to the nearest main dealer or local dodgy pub.
You might get on a bit better if you tell people what the car is

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Usually a key within the fob?

What van? Might help to identify a fix

What car/van?

What car is it? Might help

Keyless entry but no lights left on buzzer? Seems rather stupid to me.

No car is totally keyless enter. Unless the have accessible jumper points like on some Porsches so you can get doors open

Is it French? That seems like something the French would think of? They're inherently evil, and now they're mocking you

If you're lucky, you can crawl underneath and put some jump leads onto the chassis & +ve terminal of the starter motor to get enough juice into the system to unlock it.

I think the Fire Brigade have a tool for this:

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I feel like suck a Richard

I'm sure he's flattered, but I'm fairly sure no car is completely keyless, it'll have a bell end override somewhere.

Does this help? Going off posting history it's a T5?

Sundayjumper - Member
If you're lucky, you can crawl underneath and put some jump leads onto the chassis & +ve terminal of the starter motor to get enough juice into the system to unlock it.

You can usually open a bonnet buy finding the cable for the realease and giving it a good pull, enough of a pull to pull it out of any clamps etc. Grovel under the thing with a torch, a bit of rope and stick or something to thread over the cable outer then pull - hard.

They're inherently evil

Have a look at the door handles the sometimes put a blanking cap over the bit where the key would go ( look underneath and the may be a slot to put a screwdriver blade in, if so pop it off and there will be a normal key lock. normally there is some kind of plastic emergency key supplied with the proper key or even possibly one "hidden" within the fob ( you may have to open up the battery case. if non of the above then you'll have to get a dealer to sort it!!.
edit: beaten to it!!!

If you can pop it over to Salford on a transporter I can tell you where to leave it for half an hour. I guarantee you'll have no problem accessing it when you return.

And no they *won't nick it.

*We have established it's French haven't we?

Is this the silliest thing you have done using motorised transport?

So I think Alpin is in Germany and has a T5..

Unless its a second car...

Alpin, YGM

does it need to be on the starter? could any positive - say in a light cluster, or a towbar fitting work? (provided of course the component was switch to "on")

Take a look at the weight of the wire from the battery to alternator to starter motor. Then take a look at the 5A and 16A wires that run to everything else...

Starter Motors are pretty heavy on the current, couple of hundred Amps in some cases.

a lot have a cap that will pop off the door barrel,

Nissans where on the n.s door

panic over!

yes, there is a key barrel. hidden by a cap on the drivers door handle. second problem was starting the thing. fortunately the leisure battery is strong engoiuh to turn the starter motor (100ah in the front, liesure battery 75ah).

has been sitting there since the weekend and there is a distinct dead animal/excrement smell in the cabin, but no sign of anything...

Glad you got into the car ! Regarding the smell check for dead body in the boot 😯

there is a distinct dead animal/excrement smell in the cabin, but no sign of anything...

That'll just be Dirty Mike and the boys.