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[Closed] Hit me with your best examples of management bollocks speak.

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Just found this gem while perusing some background on House of Fraser woes...

"The new management team will need to prioritise right-sizing initiatives and utilise any excess space to sweat assets more effectively in a move become fit-for-purpose in today's digital age."


 
Posted : 03/10/2018 7:01 am
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Current one at work- I am running the company with a philosophy of openness and transparency - as the M.D. and Finance and Operations manager hold a conversation behind closed doors looking furtive.  Wouldn’t be so bad but there are only three of us in the office.


 
Posted : 03/10/2018 7:38 am
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The Apprentice returns tonight ...


 
Posted : 03/10/2018 7:48 am
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Posted : 03/10/2018 11:25 am
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The Apprentice returns tonight …

Brilliant!


 
Posted : 03/10/2018 11:57 am
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Boris


 
Posted : 03/10/2018 12:20 pm
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I’m a project manger, and in my experience, “agile” is often used as a euphemism for failing to plan adequately and just making sh*t up as you go along.

I find it's something lazy people like to do so they don't have to write anything down.

Anyway, must dash as I need to scuba in the think tank.


 
Posted : 03/10/2018 1:40 pm
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This thread has broken my Google translate.....


 
Posted : 03/10/2018 2:08 pm
 IHN
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I’m a project manger, and in my experience, “agile” is often used as a euphemism for failing to plan adequately and just making sh*t up as you go along.

Yup.


 
Posted : 03/10/2018 2:09 pm
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Collateral Damage


 
Posted : 03/10/2018 3:15 pm
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We used to appoint subcontractors, now it's all about supply chain onboarding.


 
Posted : 03/10/2018 3:19 pm
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C-Suite.


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 9:33 am
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this one been listed ?

Big Ticket (Events, opportunities, customers)

In meetings and listening to the speak, I wonder if these people take it home and use it with their kids and family - I doubt it

Much like swearing in the workplace but not at home - its a work thing you know !


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 10:24 am
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C-Suite.

Any job advert with this in makes me want to visit the office of the 'onboarding' company that posted it, and create an uncontained exothermic reaction situation in their ideas lobby.


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 10:45 am
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'Drain the swamp' seem to be making a comeback.


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 2:53 pm
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My favourite bit of jargon was gleaned years ago when studying linguistics - "field specific lexicon" - because it's quite liderally the jargon for jargon.

New learning for me today: "jargon" is definitely one of those words that seems to deny its own existence if you use it too many times in quick succession..


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 5:05 pm
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+1 for detesting ‘going forward’;

I like a good old hence forth or from this day forward. Old skool!


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 5:14 pm
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I heard some 'mood music' today. Oh dear.


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 7:22 pm
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I like a good old hence forth or from this day forward. Old skool!

I was going to try in the forthcoming months next time, I'm sure the plebs will understand me 😉


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 7:27 pm
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C-Suite

What the heck is that?


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 7:30 pm
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https://www.investopedia.com/terms/c/c-suite.asp

It means have you tried google 😉


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 7:33 pm
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C-suite - where the chiefs sit


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 7:37 pm
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“jargon” is definitely one of those words that seems to deny its own existence if you use it too many times in quick succession..

I can confirm this is correct. Say it fast enough and it sounds more like 'gun jar'.


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 7:47 pm
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C-suite –

It's like trap 2, but it has one of those awful toilet seats that have a gap at the front, hence the 'C'.


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 7:50 pm
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Can't post a link, but if you Google the extract below you get a pdf of a sideshow with a lot of management bull plus the way it turned out.

"petrobras has established new global benchmarks for the generation of exceptional shareholder wealth"


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 8:44 pm
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C-Suite

What the heck is that?

Think of it as a website where you don’t get logged out, to then have to log back in again..

HTHs.


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 9:33 pm
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<p>"We'll be back on by September"</p>


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 10:55 pm
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It means have you tried google

Heaven forfend that one might prefer having a conversation.


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 11:31 pm
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field specific lexicon

as in "kicked into the long grass" - oh, I see, not that kind of field...


 
Posted : 04/10/2018 11:45 pm
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Heaven forfend

I had to look that up

Shame the forum has no chance with the copy and paste
<div class="dDoNo gsrt"><span data-dobid="hdw">forfend</span></div>
<div class="vmod">
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<div class="vmod">
<div class="lr_dct_sf_h"><i>verb</i></div>
<div class="xpdxpnd vk_gy" data-mh="-1" aria-hidden="true"></div>

  1. <div class="vmod">
    <div class="lr_dct_sf_sen Uekwlc XpoqFe">
    <div>1.</div>
    <div>
    <div class="PNlCoe XpoqFe">
    <div><span class="lr_dct_lbl_blk lr_dct_lbl_box">ARCHAIC</span></div>
    <div data-dobid="dfn">avert or prevent (something evil or unpleasant).</div>
    <div class="vk_gy">"‘The fiend forfend’ said the grim Earl"</div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>
  2. <div class="vmod">
    <div class="lr_dct_sf_sen Uekwlc XpoqFe">
    <div>2.</div>
    <div>
    <div class="PNlCoe XpoqFe">
    <div><span class="lr_dct_lbl_blk lr_dct_lbl_box">US</span></div>
    <div data-dobid="dfn">protect (something) by precautionary measures.</div>
    <div class="vk_gy">"the sacrifice of Mississippi was forfended against even the treason of Wilkinson"</div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>

</div>
</div>


 
Posted : 05/10/2018 12:07 am
 kilo
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I’m saddened by the lack of granularity and protein in this thread.

The new management device in our place is if they come up with a really really bad idea and people point this out they always respond with “but people have worked hard on this and you shouldn’t attack it, in fact we should all thank them for their hard work”. Yes people have worked hard and still produced a really bad idea!


 
Posted : 05/10/2018 7:31 am
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