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Just been contacted by a girl who I used to see in my 20s
She was a real shit back then and I was really glad to be shut of her
Anyhoo - she has contacted me via faceache and told me she is dying iminently and wants to 'right some wrongs' with me and going as far as calling me her soulmate.
so as far as I'm concerned I have no issues over stuff that happened way back then, however, if it would help her find some peace then I'm happy enough to listen.
I really don't want to be dragged into what can only be a sad state of affairs though
Advice, bitching, derision and comedy responses welcome
Plum
Can't do much harm to have a chat - you can always walk away.
Run.
Wish her the best of health, block her from seeing your status.
Go & listen
How many years ago?
I'm with Drac.
Two questions:
1. Are you desperate for some?
2. Are you psychologically stable/sufficiently heartless enough to deal with the fallout of nobbing her and leaving her to die?
If the answer to both of the above is 'yes' then go for it.
I'd steer well clear, her motives may not be what they seem.
Say 15 years ago or so
Tell her to email you.
Actually I remembered I'm 45 so thats 20 years ago - ****, time flies 😀
Listen to the Auntie!
run...
Or - Let her know you've moved on and feel no bad feelings about her but beware being sucked in. I get to deal with a lot of dying people, they don't necessarily become nicer less manipulative people.
Just tell her your new partner isn't keen on the idea and you aren't prepared to risk upsetting her.
sounds odd, i'm noot sure I'd want to hear it to be honest.
wish her the best, let her know you're not bitter, but not up for dragging up old ghosts. Then ignore
What wrongs does she want to right and how?? Seems odd! Oh and if you're in a relaationship now it may raise a few "issues" no?
Thats too long ago
Tell her you have no problems with anything that happened back then but that you are sorry to hear of her problems now
Run a mile. Just delete her from FB.
I get to deal with a lot of dying people, they don't necessarily become nicer less manipulative people.
... assuming she's actually dying.
All other things aside, if someone I hadn't seen in 20 years (and didn't particularly like back when I did) messaged me out of the blue going, "I'm dying, you're my soulmate, I really need to see you" I'd be giving serious consideration to running very fast in the opposite direction.
She's had 19 non-dying years to get in touch, so it's obviously been at the forefront of her mind.
Psycho Hose Beast - Run Fast Now.
I really have no idea what she would want to talk about other than her being a knob years ago. I have no issues with that now just wanted to get a feeling of how people would handle this kind of thing.
Gut feeling is to ignore the whole thing 😕
[b]Surrounded By Zulus[/b] in which direction? 😉
If she's fit, and your available, what is there to lose? The worst she could do is haunt you.
if you go to see her, you will wake up with a very nasty scar and a kidney missing........ 😉
Run*
*unless she's rich and hasn't written a will.
James G - FTW - thank you
Shes not a facebook friend as I have declined twice in the last year - it seems you are able to send a message to someone without being a friend though
Maybe she will introduce you to your kid.
Is she dying of AIDS and wants you to die too?
+1 on the running option. I knew an ex who made a miraculous recovery from cancer when her 6 months to live were up.
She couldn't have kids then, part of her problem I suspect
Aids however is a possibility 😈
What's FTW Plum?
For the win - eg - I'm going to use your idea as it seems the right thing to do
Thank you
If your joint history is as poor as you say but she still wants to get in touch and right the wrongs with her soulmate; she sounds like she might be a scared woman trying to fix her mistakes from all those years ago.
Frankly I think hiding is weak and perhaps the least you could do is hear the wishes of a dying woman. It's not going to cost you anything but might mean the world to her.
If she has an interesting disease that makes her shake a lot it could be fun
Go and see her.
Listen to what she has to say.
You might not care about her now, but you obviously did once - she's dying, it's the least you can do.
I'm with the runners - as fast as you can in the opposite direction.
No good can possibly come out of it, especially if you have a partner.
Lord knows what I was on about earlier...
What I meant to say was...
Pee in her backdoor through some bombers!
Thank god for that Mintman - I was beginning to doubt myself. I agree with all you've said there.
I would go and listen. It may be confessional or apologetic or it might desperate and manipulative but you won't know if you don't go. Sometimes people don't realise how much being a shit affects the lives of others til a lot of time and reflection has passed. Recently people have confessed things to me that they have held within them for a long time. Doesn't necessarily clear anything though.
Incidentally,
Do you have any mutual friends who can corroborate her story? Does her profile page back it up, even?
i'm not a good person.
i assume that most of my exes will die before i see them again.
(i assume i'll never see them again - i'm not necessarily happy about that, but it's probably true isn't it.)
would it bother you if she died and you hadn't seen her?
if not, don't bother.
i'm not a good person.
I would be happy to listen to her online. I very much doubt I would see her in real life.
This has alarm bells all over it to me.
so e-mail her back, say that you are listening but not unhappy over what happened 20 yrs ago. don't get involved in real life.
You might be able to give solace to a dying woman, you might be about to have your bunnies boiled, So chose the route that gives as much as you can to her while protecting you
Heck no .. from another woman's perspective as TSY said she is a psycho hose beast! 20 years ago I mean come on move on! If you don't want to feel guilty then maybe wish her all the best but I'd be like "not interested". I bet the men say meet up with her as you're all intruiged if she is still a fittie 😉
I wouldn't see her.
If she needs to unload her baggage, then ask her to write it in a letter, or if you don't want to give her your address, then an email.
Does it take a deathbed for her to realise what a shit she's been?
I'd go just out of idle curiosity if not to give a dying person her last wish...
what's the worst that could happen?
life's too mundane, in general, to pass up an opportunity like this - it might give you some content for a chapter of your memoirs
Talk is cheap.
Not talking is sometimes expensive.
And sometimes...vice goes with versa.
If you think you will beat yourself up later for not doing it (I probably would) then do it.
If you think the opposite, then don't.
someone once said "only regret the things that you have done, not what you haven't done"
can you live with yourself if you don't see her? would it hurt if you did?
only you know the answer
Bunny boiler possibly.
would it be too much of a problem to go see her for half an hour?
Hearing a lot of nasty comments. Time can have a big effect on people, and 20 years is plenty.....and if she is dying then maybe she's reflected on her life and wants to right some wrongs.
Put yourself in her position.......and take the karma points
Can I go and say I'm you?
But seriously, I'm very fortunate to have many friends and relatives whom I love and like. More than anybody else I know. I also know there are some people for whom I'm their only friend. I can't start to understand what it must be like to be alone - I don't think I've spent more than 3 days in my entire life when I haven't been with company - so the thought of letting somebody die alone is anathema.
Go and see her. There might be a shag in it at the very least.
Run.
I agree with Mintman. It's not much of an effort to go and see her. Being told your going to die at such a young age must be very hard, made her think of what a short life she's had and what she hasn't done. She has probably just looked back at your relationship and thought I ruined a good thing there and wants to clear the air.
If she takes it the wrong way or things get a bit weird just be polite and leave, at least you'll know you done the decent thing.
Sounds like you have a 20 year old son or daughter
What Houns said ^^^^^^^^
id probably go, but meet somewhere public, do not go to her, or anybody elses, house.
no need to be unpleasant, but make it clear you are being a friend only.
IMO, relationships end for a reason, and whatever the reason was/is, its unlikely it will have changed.
and dont give out any personal details like address, mobile number etc.
she could be totally geniune, give her the benefit of the doubt.
Show some compassion. And be strong.
Houns raises a good point.
She fell pregnant, didn't want you to know, now she's dying, who's going to look after Junior?
You need to see this woman and you know it.
I'd go. I'd walk out if it seemed like she was trying to pull a fast one but I don't see what the problem is with going to hear her out. If, at the end, all she wants to do is say sorry for being so unpleasant when you were together then you've done a good thing.
i'm not a good person.
Neither am I and incredibly cold hearted with it. After 20 years I'm sure you have nothing to say to her so why speak to her. If she has been terrible to others in her life that is her burden to bear.
The fact you are on here asking shows you have doubts about her intentions. Don't humour the daft bint.
What does the person who thought they were your girlfriend think??
Could be a kid, could be AIDS, could be dieing and lonely and no one else to turn to.
If its the latter let her get on with it, she will be dead soon and wont have to worry about you any more...
If it were me I would email back and just say sorry to hear blah blah, whats up, I'm happy where I am thanks.
Leave her in the past, as others have said she has had 19 years to get back in touch and not done so...
Also the ladies of the forum think she is up to something odd - listen to them, they are better at this stuff than we are!
There's only one possible solution - tell her that you too want to right some wrongs, then go round and go out for a bike ride.*
No need to worry about the mental scars, it sounds like they're not going to last very long anyway.
*If she's got the AIDS, bag up first and rinse carefully afterwards.
Am I the only one that sees an opportunity here, go see her say al is forgiven then sh@g her brains out, you might well get the title of having sh@gged a girl to death which would make up for all the bitchy things she did to you..........
..............or you could give her the opportunity to say what she wants to, and not worry about it as you have already moved on
MTFU and go and see her.
At the first sign of any manipulation etc, leave.
Otherwise, no one is perfect, we all do things we regret. If her story is genuine, you'll be doing an honourable thing forgiving her.
7hz +1, go see her. But wear your running shoes, just in case.
Edit: if you've got a current partner, clear it with her first.
Shibboleth and some of the Hustler's comments - IMO you've overstepped the mark and your views are totally unacceptable.
Sickened that people can think in the way that you do - no matter who this girl is or what she might have done. And if it's a 'joke' I fail to see any humour in it. So much for STW having some caring / decent people on it.
WTF have you got a faceache account for
and run
so far the two suggestions are
1. run/ignore
2. listen/deal
i would like therefore to suggest an alternative, tell her to * right off and that you dont give two *s if she is dying as its been a long time coming but is all she deserves, if you wanted to be in contact you wouldnt have rejected two friend requests
Tough call, that one.
An ex is an ex, never go back, only advice my Gramp gave me!
By all means let her have her say via email or farcebook, but 20 years is a long time, people change, you might not be the same person she thinks you are?
& likewise, there is an even bigger chance she is not what you think she is.
😉
I think we all want updates, whatever happens.
What right does she have to drag you into her emotional maelstrom, if it is even true. Hasn't been in touch for 20 years ? Some friend. You don't owe her anything.
However, having said that, I think curiosity would get the better of me. Ask her for more detail via email, insistence on a face to face meeting sounds like an ambush. Take somebody with you and leave your wallet, and credit cards and car keys at home.
I'd also be very tempted to send in a mannish female cousin and tell her you have had a sex change !!
Meet her, but do it somewhere public, and have an escape plan. Perhaps a mate scheduled to turn up after an hour for example. You'll feel shitty for not hearing her out if she dies.
I'd also be very tempted to send in a mannish female cousin and tell her you have had a sex change !!
😆
I'm with SueW - someone's dying, regardless of their past behaviour it's not really that funny...
I'd probably agree to meet up 'as a one off' but, personally, I'd go with my wife (assuming she agreed) and make it clear it's for a limited time and there's likely to be no ongoing discussion after that.
She has her chance to make her peace with herself and her past (which is what it's about - it's not about you at all) and gets to die with one less worry on her mind.
I'd have no problem going to see her. Like people have suggested, just do it on your terms. If you don't like what she has to say, just say so and leave. No need to be unpleasant, and you may just learn a valuable life lesson AND gain some karma points. Be the bigger person, and don't forget to let us know what happens.
At least if she really is dying she won't be able to run after you 😉
If you turn up and she's bought you a gun rack I'd start to worry.
Another option that no one has mentioned is that you could finish her off and put her out of her misery?
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
Just to understand - is there proof she is dying
(sorry but this is the t'internet and people are people...)
If she is - then as others have said you have 2 options but should probably at least hear her out.
If she's not then it's time to run and hide, leave the internet, change your address, bank and move country.
I would talk to my wife/partner and if they were ok with it I would go. To meet in public on a one off time limited basis. It might be good. It will very likely leave you with a lot on your mind,any hint of the ex wanting further contact,or if she wants you to be in contact with any kids she has, I would leave immediately. Change your fb settings. We could all do with storing up some good karma