[Closed] Helping others with advice and then that advice being ignored

as a look at me type of attention seeking behaviour.

I don't know- sorry couldn't resist

Due to our jobs, interests or situations have more experience in areas that we can share with others that we feel might need it.

The hardest bit is working out who needs it and will then use it and ask for clarification.

It is easier to have less knowledge around family over Christmas.

Ha! A lad at work is/was always asking for advice on biking. When he 1st started I advised him to get either a HT or a shortish travel FS, so he bought a Marin Quake. Doesn't matter what advice or ideas I put to him he does the opposite! He does it with other people as well so at least it's not just me.

Maybe your advice is crap?

I guess part of the problem is they have offloaded themselves onto you, and you have offered advice - but they haven't asked explicitly for advice.

I've found that many folk look for confirmation of what they already had in mind - or that if they need to confer, defer to someone else's input..

what should I have for tea project? We have mince defrosted.

I've found that many folk look for confirmation of what they already had in mind - or that if they need to confer, defer to someone else's input..

edit- Jekkyl, have you ever had the mince for tea issue before? what did you make that time?

But it's just [i]your[/i] opinion.

What does that count for ?

And to whom ?

After all, we have an inbuilt "echo chamber" that filters out advice and suggestion that doesn't fit within our own sphere, our own experience gained and that that we have been told or taught as children.

It's unsurprising advice from different sources or voices gets dismissed or ignored.

Humans like to hear what they are particularly tuned into, anything other than that invariably gets dismissed.

Level 1, lesson 1, Pop Psychology right there.

spag bol.

[quote=jekkyl ]what should I have for tea project? We have mince defrosted.

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Not everyone wants advice project, don't take it personally.

Sometimes they just need to be heard or bounce ideas around.

Is this not what the whole forum is based on at times?

The thing with advice is the recipient is free to heed or ignore as they see fit. Approach it in that fashion and you won't be disappointed.

edit Jekkyl - Chilli?

It's always been that way, hence 'you can lead a horse to water...'.

Getting people to help themselves can be the hardest but also the most rewarding thing you can do!

I recently finished 12 sessions of counselling with a brilliant bloke who's only piece of advice to me was "never *ing listen to advice because it's all *!"
😀

My brother in law is always offering me advice, whether I want it or not, so I tend to ignore him.

Thanks for your advice about my tea, think I'll have crackers and cheese.

I find that people tend to give terrible advice because they don't have a vested interest in the issue, properly know how the other feels (or the third party if it's friendship/relationship issues) or aren't particularly well qualified to do so. We all have our own prisms that we view the world through so what is right in your eyes is unlikely to be shared by someone else with different experience and views. For example, you're relationship experience has no relevance to anyone else as different individuals are involved (I hope!).

It's generally much better to simply listen if they just want to someone to talk to, unless you're genuinely an expert in an area.

And a glass of ..

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So obvz, it's like untrue I actually stuck a picccy and gave some advice toooooo booooooot.

Enjoy the cheese, wha da flav bro ?

what should I have for tea? We have mince defrosted.

You really haven't met my wife have you? Pretty much all conversations of that sort go.....

what should we have for tea?

- I fancy pasta bake

Oh. I have mince defrosted.

- So let's have something with mince

But you don't want mince.

- I don't not want mince, I just didn't guess what the correct answer was.

But you said pasta bake.

etc.

They don't want advice, they want you to guess what they've already decided so that their decision is validated.

Project really don't take it personally.

People ignore their lawyers, their accountants, their medical professionals, their health and safety advisers, the instructions of police officers and fire crews all the time. Sometimes they're even paying a lot of money to get the advice.

Sometimes looking for advice is about evaluating the alternatives to make sure you're comfortable with what you're doing.

Personal and simple example but on the "should I buy a DSG car thread" I posted on here about eight months ago I ignored about half the advice in the end (those who said don't) but I was still grateful for those people's input because I made a more informed choice as a consequence.

Edit. I want to know what jekkyl had for tea. We had salmon already defrosted and poached it. We both would have preferred a nice curry.

theotherjonv - it's like we're twins and separated at birth.

As are our wives.....

don't take it personally.

Indeed. If you look at a lot of threads on here - even the most run of the mill ones - it seems to take several stabs at advice / solutions / answers before it really becomes clear what the whole question is. All of the information is rarely in the OP.

The more personal or nuanced the issue the less likely it is that all the important factors are in the question so if peoples actions thereafter seem to contradict advice it maybe because theres more going on than they've made public.

Thanks for your advice about my tea, think I'll have crackers and cheese.

Excellent you made a choice. What flavour cheese, smoked Austrian?

There's a bit section of society that, when telling you their problems, don't want you advice; they want your empathy.

That's all. Nothing more. It's easy.

Rachel

thanks all for your concern, it was brie with a smidgen of wasabi! delicious. If you haven't tried Wasabi & cheese you should!

The late John Berger (esteemed for his diagrphic insight) says it far better than I.

Start in the top left corner .. the segment "I am the centre of the universe" then work your way around, which ever way, it makes little impact on your worldly viewpoint..

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