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just for a bit of a laugh...
we have a horrible old bint in work, she's on a good wage, but takes the p*ss everyday, hands all her work over, stitches everyone up and is a real tight fisted ole cow!
anyway, over the last few months we have noticed that milk is being stolen form the fridge, whole 2 pint bottles, we've narrowed it down to every Friday just before SHE leaves. she takes the tea towels home to wash but when she collects them from the kitchen she grabs a fresh bottle of milk and rolls it up in the teatowel, but she was spotted. last week...
we want to oust her good and proper, the crap suggestions round the office so far have been...
1 - carefully inject the milk with 'eye drops' this is suppose to induce really bad Diarrhea
2 - write a note with suitable 'ransom' typeface along the lines of THIEF!! WE KNOW YOU ARE STEALING THE MILK! fold it up and put it under the cap, so when she goes home and makes a cup of tea she will see the note.
the sad thing is management will just tell us to get on with our work (which we actually do) as its more important if we raise the issue....
Put some laxatives into the milk, that'll teach her! Annoying though when you all pay and she's a tight fi**d bi!
Plastic or glass?
2 pint bottles would suggest Plastic
What's that general anaesthetic that looks very much like milk?
Leave a couple of bottles out of the fridge for a few days, then replace.
Make some of your own "milk". A gentlemans magazine might come in handy for the production phase.
Emulsion?
use some silicon sealant to glue the botles together to anything else you can fit in the fridge, or use silicon to connect a bit of almost invisible fishing twine to one bottle, and then link it to other bottles etc, so when she pulls one the lot comes out.
Get all Saudi on her and just cut her hands off. With a big sword.
I like the note under the cap bit. Thing is, if there's only one bottle left, does she still take it?
D'oh, just put a note under them all I suppose.
Make some of your own "milk". A gentlemans magazine might come in handy for the production.
Better yet,
Tell her on monday, in passing, that you're aware that someone's been stealing the milk but don't know who it is, so one of the lads added his 'special sauce' to the bottle last friday, isn't that hilarious!
You don't actually need to doctor the milk, she just needs to think you have.
plastic, keep em coming!
Leave a couple of bottles out of the fridge for a few days, then replace.
Mmmmmmmmmmm...
Make sure you film whatever it is that you do.
a simple "the whole office knows you stealing, you've been seen doing it. now nobody trusts or respects you" should do the trick.
I got a talking to on something similar from da management.
The notice I put on the fridge was something like.
"Due to my milk being stolen on a regular basis I have carried out an experiment over the last few weeks where certain milk containers have been doctored. The question you need to ask yourself is am I taking the piss or have you been ?"
Maybe just hide the tea towels every friday so she can't smuggle to milk out. See if she improvises.
Get her in a headlock.
Give her laxatives!
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Put something gross eg plastic turd or false teeth in the milk, she won't see it until she gets near the bottom............
At around the time she would do this on a Friday, go and get all the milk out of the fridge and put it on your desk, or share the bottles out equally amongst the rest of you..
Smile at her sweetly.
She'll get the message.
At around the time she would do this on a Friday, go and get all the milk out of the fridge and put it on your desk...
this could be a goer, messing with her head is the best way....
buy some milk, give it to her on friday with a note signed by everyone saying 'we've noticed you stealing the milk, we're sorry we didnt recognise the situation you must be in at home so wanted to club together and help out in some way... if you ever need more milk please let us know as we can do a whip-round again, that milk from the fridge is usually used as part of a practical joke between the guys and we dont want to worry about you drinking half the offices semen again'
Burst in when she's getting the towels out, grab a bottle and down it.
A nice refreshed "AAAAHHHHH" and milky smile when finished.
Picolax in the milk, its what im going to do to the ****ers if I go through 4 pints in two days again this week!
equine laxatives.
does she get paid for washing the tea towels? maybe she just considersd the free milk her payment
if she does get paid you should just follow her home and stab her in front of her family. that'll learn her. learn her good.
the company pays for the milk, she is one of those real...."well i take the teatowels home they wont miss a bit of milk"
NOOOOOO you are a thief!
we've got to set her up as she really is an evil cow, im not normally a nasty person but she makes everyones blood boil! she even 'fixes' the xmas raffle, she nicks half the stuff suppliers leave for EVERYONE then she ends up with the best thingin the raffle.
Take the lid off and cut 90% of the neck off with a stanley knife so it's hardly held on, when she puts it down on it's side in her car it'll burst open, sour milk smells lovely in a hot car interior.....
scrape her face off with a hammer drill then beat her to death with your penis, it's what a real man would do.
1. Being boring and sensible, you've just suggested an act of assault. Probably not a good idea.
2. Much more effective.
3. Everyone follow her into the kitchen when she goes in for the tea towels.
4. Everyone buys a 2 litre bottle of milk and then leave all of them on her desk, saying "you only needed to ask xxx"
Don't know about you, but at my place I don't want pints of milk left in the fridge over the weekend, so anyone who wants it on Friday PM can have it or else it goes down the sink.
More significantly I found the best way to avoid the excess was to order less milk.
Bike lock the milk to the fridge shelf?
beat her to death with your penis
Quote of the week
What would happen to the milk if she didn't take it? Are you being an arse over a quids worth of milk, why does it bother you is there some kind of milk famine in your area?
I suppose you could follow her home, bludgeon her to death and then put her remains through a woodchipper that seems proportional.
Life is too short to worry about petty people.
Blue food dye in the last bottle, or green!
"NOOOOOO you are a thief!"
Oh please
Never taken a desk calculator for home? Some pens? Made a personnal call? How about thrown a sicky?
As above, it'll only go to waste let the old battle axe have it/them... What will she be like after you have outted her??
This will blow up in your face.
Super glue the lid on
Padlock and chain through the handle to something else in the fridge
Wrap one up in Xmas paper with her name clearly visible on the tag
Everyone have a glass of milk on the desk just before she leaves leaving non in the fridge and give her a cheerie have a nice weekend milk tash smile
reckon she takes office toilet paper too?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
As the bishop said to the actress..fner
The company pays for the milk? What do you care then?
Our fridge gets emptied by the cleaners on Friday afternoon, and we bring our own milk.
Replace it with full fat and watch as she piles the weight on.
superglue on the handle of the milk bottle just before she gets there
Punch her in the face. Easiest solution. Don't even explain it.
If you really want to do something, I'd suggest the note on the fridge. Doing something to the milk could really cause problems and make things very difficult for her any everyone else.
Something on the fridge that says we are all aware milk is being stolen, we know who it is but just want it to stop. Could even include things like we know the raffle gets fixed every year etc...
She may not be a nice person but you really don't want to have her complaining that the rest of the workforce are bullying her - the note doesn't allow this unless she admits to the theft.
Cravendale milk lasts ages, no problem leaving it in the fridge over the weekend.
At the right time on Friday I would pop in with a tea towel I had to add to the ones she is taking home, "Here's one I forgot to put in the kitchen. No problem if I put it in with the others? Oh, look there's a pint of milk slipped in there too. Better put it back in the fridge before it gets warm, eh."
If she has any underlying health issues, doing anything to the milk could have implications. That being said, I would tend to favour philconsequences solution, just as a warning like.
On Friday, just before she goes to collect the tea towels, go into the kitchen and start folding them for her, then just as you're finishing grab the milk from the fridge & wrap it up in the tea towels with a cheery "oops, almost forgot that!, there you go, have a lovely weekend" ...
phenolthalein will do the trick.
move the milk and or tea towels?
Milk of magnesia?
STOP THE PRESSES!
I've worked out her game. It's nothing to do with milk, you've fallen for a classic bit of misdirection.
The question you really need to be asking is, how many tea-towels are we missing?
philscons takes milk seriously.
Personally who gives a crap this clearly is about the fact she's not liked and not about the Milk!
Have a party for her on a Friday afternoon and get to love her rather than hate her, you'll all die happier 🙂
Never such large, capital equipment as a calculator but, the others.... silly really, it's my business 🙂Never taken a desk calculator for home? Some pens? Made a personnal call? How about thrown a sicky?
anyways, moving on...
i'd go with a version of you #2
note under lid to read either
'BOO!'
or
with apologies to Dirty Harry
'we know what you're thinking, did we add laxatives or did we not add laxatives - go ahead, love, make a brew...'
or, 5 mins before she's due to go, pop into the kitchen and pop a gift label around the neck of the bottle 'have a lovely weekend'
thanks for all the suggestions... given us a right laugh in here.
will post back with the chosen idea and outcome!
Oooh, I've got one.
If it's a clear bottle, take a photo of you dipping your c*ck in the milk (doesn't have to actually be that bottle of milk), takeen so you can't see that its you. Then unpeel the label on the bottle, tuck it inside facing inwards, and re stick the label, then when she is about halfway down....BOOM!!!
... she'll think "wow, I always wondered how you loaded those things."
Concentrate on your work so you won't miss the milk.
I think this is best:
buy some milk, give it to her on friday with a note signed by everyone saying 'we've noticed you stealing the milk, we're sorry we didnt recognise the situation you must be in at home so wanted to club together and help out in some way...
Gets an office laugh and solves the problem.
SBZ - that'll be Propofol. A favourite of Michael Jackson.
Mail her a link to this thread?
@project - that's the best one that you could actually do. Glueing about 2m of fishing line to a toy rat would be my choice.
Phenolphthalein? Courts take a dim view of poisoning.
Green food colouring worked for a friend at Uni. As he says - "no one ever steals green milk."
"no one ever steals green milk."
There's two problems with this.
1) is that people instead throw away perfectly good green milk (though I grant you, this won't have been a problem encountered by your student friend), and
2) is that when you tip it into your brew and then look into your mug, you'd wish someone [i]had [/i]stolen it.
But keep in mind, she is washing the tea towels!! Would you rather she stopped both or neither. Just one is not an option.
Write 'MILK EXPERIMENT' on the bottles with a Sharpie.
Wash your own tea towels you ungrateful man!
Does anyone suggestion sabotage understand what the penalties for administering poison/substances with the intent of causing harm are? Up to a good few years inside. If you really want Bubba and Billy Ray as cellmates for the forseeable, go right ahead.
Instead of such stupidity, just grow some and confront her with it. No need to want to harm someone over a poxy bottle of milk ffs.
Jut before she leaves on a Friday, get the office short ar...err...'vertically challenged' person to hide in the fridge....she opens the door....BOOOO!!!!!
Does anyone suggestion sabotage blah blah
Is there any reason to think that anyone suggesting sabotage is actually being in any way serious?
Write 'MILK EXPERIMENT' on the bottles with a Sharpie.
I like it. I like it a lot.
I think monkeyboy (edit ooops) is just looking for sympathy, the forum responded accordingly, It's time to stop milking it.
Kato shows the way to do a fridge ambush;
[url= http://www.metacafe.com/watch/mv-d7xH/freezer_ambush/ ]http://www.metacafe.com/watch/mv-d7xH/freezer_ambush/[/url]
Is there any reason to think that anyone suggesting sabotage is actually being in any way serious?
Very possibly. Statistically, bound to be some violent and potentially murderous people on here....
The woman takes the towels home to clean at her own time and expense, takes a bottle of milk. What's the problem?
Does anyone suggestion sabotage understand what the penalties for administering poison/substances with the intent of causing harm are?
Don't worry elf, they're just being internet hard men.
The woman takes the towels home to clean at her own time and expense, takes a bottle of milk. What's the problem?
Apparently she's keeping the muck of the towels too!!
You don't know anyone with a snake?
Might not be the best idea if she's got health problems and children.
EDIT - In the fridge, not the bottle
She might be incredibly poor and she's mid milk-carton-house build?
So where does the milk money come from? Is it from individual contributions or paid from petty cash?
billysugger - Member
You don't know anyone with a snake?
Isn't that just going to harm the cold-blooded snake?
Isn't that just going to harm the cold-blooded snake?
Obviously you need to put it in the micro for couple of minutes first! 🙄
Don't worry elf, they're just being internet hard men.
No I know but they should stop being so silly. 😐