[Closed] Help!! Horrible intrusive thoughts..and how to stop them

Bump so the thread appears..

I think that's fixed now, we're just ignoring you.

Yep, always had it. Just keep it under control, it's only thoughts and no-one can read them.
I think it's pretty common tbh. I recall an extreme one, when I was a teenager, where I just had the urge to punch my gran on the nose. I know I wouldn't, so kept it under wraps.
Face-to face work meetings were the worst places for me.
Saw that Billy Eillish docu and she thought it meant she had Tourettes, but it doesn't.
(Although my family do call a version of it <surname> Tourettes cos we just say shit and hope afterwards to pass it off as a joke.)

I dunno, I think (hope) to an extent that this is just normal. I get random weird thoughts all the time that I'd never actually act on in a million years, like "I wonder what it'd be like to jab this knife into my eye?"

I knew someone who suffered from the 'have to get it out' thing. She'd open Notepad on her computer (mobile devices are available these days), write out whatever was spinning in her brain, then hit 'close' and it was done with. Worked for her, might not work for you, just an idea.

Anyone ever experienced similar? Or is this next level craziness?

Imp of the Mind...Yes, nearly everyone has them; sex with your sister, stabbing loved ones with kitchen knives all that shit...Don't worry, it isn't just you. remember it's just in your head, the other person you're in the room with can't see your thoughts. Also, bear in mind; the person you're talking to? they have those thoughts as well.

brains; full of nonsense

@nickc - sex with your sister doesn't just happen in (lots of) people's heads though.

OP - yeah. Worry less m8. You'll work through it 🙂

Maybe we need pics of nickc's sister to judge for ourselves 😀

edit: sorry got distracted, meant to mention the gruesome accidents I regularly imagine my kids having since becoming a dad. Use to fear I'd one day get so angry with someone I'd smash their skull in with a piece of pipe (after dreaming it).  If I'm in a dark mood or an interaction with someone has put me there then I'll listen to some appropriate music to make me feel normal again.

Yeah, get this all the time.

Those disturbing thoughts are not you. They do not express the truth of you or your values. In my experience - although with equally horrible but different intrusive thoughts, they arose when I was stressed, anxious and low in mood.

Is your sense of wellbeing as it would normally be?

Yep, get things like that popping in to my head all the time. Usually not so personal though and more about doing things rather than saying things.

meant to mention the gruesome accidents I regularly imagine my kids having since becoming a dad.

I have been suffering from this recently and usually only at night if I can't get to sleep. There are two that are recurring; 1) a dog attacking my daughters at the local playing fields/park, 2) more weirdly, the thought of them panicking while riding down Ballard Down, not braking and going over the edge of the cliffs at Old Harry Rocks (**** knows where that one has come from!)

See, it's definitely not just you

Yep, very normal to have those thoughts eg what does my boss look like naked, maybe I should just jump off this car park roof, shall I just shove my hand in that mitre saw etc etc.

The worrying thing is I actually say random things out loud but mainly when I'm on my own. It's like my subconscious leaks occasionally. The phrases vary over time, currently it's either randomly 'I hate gays' or 'I love gays'. I'll be doing something and one of those phrases just randomly comes out my mouth, it won't be in anyway related to what I'm doing or thinking either. It's probably an even 50:50 split between the two of them, so I don't even know what my subconsious has actually deciced. Luckliy when I'm actually speaking to someone (eg our gay neighbours who we get on with very well) it doesn't happen (yet). Does freak the wife out a bit, a few years back it was 'Kill them all' and she did find that a bit disturbing.

Basically we're all a bit mad, you just have to come to terms with it.

So I'm the unusual one because I've never had those sorts of thoughts?

Oh god thank **** its not just me! I hate some of the shit that comes into my head, I just try to ignore it and get on with it.

I do sometimes think the fact that its mostly the complete opposite of the way you actually feel is just compounding what you truely feel and believe. Well that gets me through the day anyway!!....

, meant to mention the gruesome accidents I regularly imagine my kids having since becoming a dad. Use to fear I’d one day get so angry with someone I’d smash their skull in with a piece of pipe (after dreaming it). If I’m in a dark mood or an interaction with someone has put me there then I’ll listen to some appropriate music to make me feel normal again.

I get that.

Yes its normal to have these issues, and lockdown is making it worse for those of us who do. Lots of sensible advice and perspective up there BUT if it's getting worse and bothering you, talk to your GP, or any work support that might be available. At the least, you'll be reassured your not going mad, at worst, you'll be offered any proper support you need.

When my regular mental meanderings got out of hand, my GP and counselling through work really helped me turn it back round.

So I’m the unusual one because I’ve never had those sorts of thoughts?

Weirdo!

Glad it's not just me.
In my case it comes and goes, when I'm feeling stressed/depressed the temptation to be offensively blunt builds, where normally it wouldn't.
Was it Reggie Perin who had the internal monologue? When it happens I imagine Reggie saying something, which distracts my brain.

So I’m the unusual one because I’ve never had those sorts of thoughts?

Pretty much, I think there was a paper that suggested that 90% of folk have them, and it's worldwide as well, on every continent.

Most of us have these thoughts but it sounds like they are causing you a problem and have increased in number and severity. If I was you I'd talk to my GP. If nothing else they will confirm what's been said on this thread. They may well point you at good resources to use.

You might also be able to get help through your work - I'm lucky that my employer takes mental health seriously. If it's enough to worry you, it's enough to make it someone else's problem too.

So I’m the unusual one because I’ve never had those sorts of thoughts?

More than unusual I reckon, I would say there's something wrong with you.

Your mind should be free and creative enough to have a whole range of thoughts, from the bright positive thoughts, to the dark "what if I...." thoughts.

You ought to talk to someone to find out why you lack the ability to have wayward thoughts.

Its often called The Imp of the Perverse and is quite a common phenomenon

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Imp_of_the_Perverse_(short_story)#:~:text=4%20Critical%20response-,Plot%20summary,the%20Imp%20of%20the%20Perverse%22.

I often get it stood on railway platforms. When the train is coming in i start thinking "what if i jump on the line?"

I suffer with anxiety and Imposter Syndrome quite badly so get these kinds of thoughts pretty much all of the time, have done for most of my life so to me it's normal!

If you find a way to stop them please share it.

I get these too, only I've watched the thick of it so often, these thoughts now are often in the voice of Malcom Tucker.

Feels like it distances it from me in some ways

Is your sense of wellbeing as it would normally be?

It's way worse than ever at the moment, and it was fragile at the best of times. Current anxiety is crippling me day to day. I've previously been on pescribed meds which led me down a dark dark path of self medication which is why im not going down that route again.

It’s way worse than ever at the moment, and it was fragile at the best of times.

I suspect that when you're fragile, intrusive thoughts have more weight than normal. You could try writing them down, that often helps put them in context. If they just exist in your head they seem to carry more weight, once you write things down it sort of gives them scale and you realise they're not all powerful, they're just words.

Sorry to hear you're suffering TP, with every going on at the moment with COVID an all, it's not a massive surprise, and TBH it's a pretty normal reaction to the situation we find ourselves in. How's your GP for mental health referrals? Are there any support groups they can recommend?

Currently looking into my employee support programme but will also maybe speak to the gp. That said whenever I've mentioned it before they just try to prescribe me drugs plus give me a few links to self help guides

I'll maybe try writing them down. They disappear when I say them out loud however this is clearly a problematic solution given they are offensive in the extreme!

For all the people that say this is normal...Is it a once in a blue moon thing for you or something that is persistently there?

For all the people that say this is normal…Is it a once in a blue moon thing for you or something that is persistently there?

For me, its once in a blue moon.

Yup, totally normal . Even muttering 'I'd like to meet you when riding deep in the woods'.

Not like you're tracking down their home address in Edinburgh or anything mental like that.
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Oops 😯

For all the people that say this is normal…Is it a once in a blue moon thing for you or something that is persistently there?

Comes and goes, but it's always been there for me, I'm now 45. I joke about it with my wife now. I don't think I'll ever get rid of it.

Yup another one here who gets horrendous thoughts popping into my head at times. I know it isn’t the real me and that it’s just the mental illnesses of anxiety and depression doing their thing

Comes and goes, I guess the difference with the OP is that I don't really worry that much about it, it's just part of who I am, unlikely to change and not really a problem (so far). So I don't really think about it much.

NB I take SSRIs for anxiety and find they work well for me, I don't really worry about anything anymore or certainly nothing gets too much - it all stays in perspective.

I worry about when I get old and (even more) senile that I won’t be able to stop the thoughts from coming out of my mouth!

For all the people that say this is normal…Is it a once in a blue moon thing for you or something that is persistently there?

Permanently for me. Can go down to just once or twice a day but can be a lot more depending on various factors. Strangely a good day can have lots of them or a bad day only one or two, normal days it's usually on or two an hour. Occasionally they've been known to make me properly laugh out loud at their ridiculousness or un-PC swerve on a situation, especially in new situations. I keep those to myself though.

Yes I am odd.

Stress, low mood, anxiety etc all cause this sort of stuff.

Get rid off all the above and it goes away. From my own experience, the right sort of professional help will allow you do that.

They disappear when I say them out loud however this is clearly a problematic solution given they are offensive in the extreme!

They will disappear when you stop worrying about it.

The more obsessed you are about inappropriate thoughts the more likely you are to have them. The more you have them the more you become obsessed with them. It's a vicious circle in which both stages feeds the other.

Actions are easy to control, thoughts aren't. To give an example : if you walk to the edge of a cliff with a sheer drop it is very easy not to jump, you really don't have to force yourself not to. However if you attempt to force yourself not to think "what would it be like if I jump" I can guarantee you will fail.

To give another example, if you say to yourself "I must not under any circumstances whatsoever think of Christmas trees" (to pick a random object) I can one hundred percent guarantee that you will think of Christmas trees.

The point I'm making is that as long as you keep telling yourself that you mustn't have these thoughts you will have them.

Stop worrying about them, after all they are just silly inconsequential thoughts, and they will simply go away.

Break the circle.

Wilt by Tom Sharpe has this in the book.

I'd not worry.

By the very fact you know it's an unpleasant abhorrent thought instantly means your not a dick and your not mental.

We have no means of controlling our thoughts and we don't know where they come from or where they go. There are though meditation techniques that one can use to recognise what they are - transient - they don't own us & we are not slaves to them just witness's.

Another freak here who has these thoughts!

You asked about CBT earlier in the day - those techniques will help.

Mindfulness performed daily will be the biggest help as its the teacher of quietening the internal monologue, its possibly the one thing that'll help the most in the short term, the other being to reduce anxiety and stress.

It's the revolution in the head, nicely represented by the surrealists.

i have suffered with this for years (depression,anxiety,anger issues and intrusive thoughts etc),and it is horrible.

i have tried to get help for it but this covid situation has just stopped it all dead (haven't seen my local gp since before this covid stuff started).

i just try and ignore it when i'm out etc and tbh i can keep a lid on it,but really wish i can get some real help at some point for it all (that will work for me).

to everyone who suffers with any mental health issue,i wish you well for getting help with it and being able to try and get back to a normal mindset (whatever that is).

apologies that i havent explained very well what i was trying to say,am bloody terrible at trying to write stuff down what i mean properly.

good luck to all 👍

Good book for taming your inner monkey.

Interesting to see this topic come up as I've been watching a black comedy on Netflix which deals with this very thing.

https://www.netflix.com/title/81254306?s=a&trkid=13747225&t=cp

I mean no disrespect to anyone trying to help, but I think a few people need to read this to truly understand what intrusive thoughts are: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought

To the OP - I've suffered from them intermittently all my life, and only found out about the term and classification of "intrusive thought" within the last few years. Up until then, I spent a lot of time thinking that I was a genuinely evil person for having these thoughts, and trying to get rid of them (which only made them worse and more prevalent). What worked for me was acknowledging them and saying in my head "I cannot stop you, but I know that you are not me, and I refuse to give you power over me".

I hope you can find some level of peace from them.

Good post Idiotdogbrain (feels wrong typing that username!)

I remember first seeing Minority Report and thinking “Jesus! I’d be in deep shit if that was real” basically the mind is a mischievous thing and will try to distract you with random stuff. Some plain odd, some plain disturbing. I always figured it was normal. I do find that when I’m low I have negative thoughts about myself that repeat and become very hard to ignore.

Edit - That wiki entry up there describes exactly what I get when very low (suffered with serious depression most of my adult life). Mainly suicidal thoughts and it gets very difficult trying to function at work, at home, just at all when it happens.

I have tried to get help for it but this covid situation has just stopped it all dead (haven’t seen my local gp since before this covid stuff started).

The pandemic really shouldn't stop you getting help. You should be able to access your GP. And NHS Talking Therapies is available. You can self refer if you wish.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

Can't say i remember having these thoughts pop into my head mid conversation with people i have no beef with.
Rude people using me as a verbal punchbag to vent their general animosity, well... What i want to say V what i actually say are miles apart.

thanks ernielynch for the link 👍

Wild! I thought I was normal for thinking that way

I'm relieved to read this so thanks to the OP for posting it. Have had this sort of thing for decades and have never mentioned it to anyone. To know other people have them and its not just me being a horrific and loathsome individual is a very positive thing.

Wow I didn’t realise it would be quite so common. I’ve had these thoughts from a young age and always hope that no one can hear my thoughts - which often brings the, I’m gonna kick you in the genitals, thoughts to a stop. As for the sort of “scenario” bit, I have this too. What if I fall out of this rollercoaster, what if my children are snatched from the garden cos I’ve left the gate unlocked, what if I veer into the ditch etc. Since seeing my Mum die those have deffo got darker. I may have read that this is our brain acknowledging a risk so you don’t do it.

As for the sort of “scenario” bit, I have this too. What if I fall out of this rollercoaster, what if my children are snatched from the garden cos I’ve left the gate unlocked, what if I veer into the ditch etc. Since seeing my Mum die those have deffo got darker. I may have read that this is our brain acknowledging a risk so you don’t do it.

I get all of those sorts of anxious thoughts (again, worse since the death of my mother but that could just be an age thing). Driving in particular is something I feel very difficult to relax with and I find I'm very, very reluctant to travel in weather I'd previously have scoffed at. I see that as quite separate from what the OP was discussing.

I had similar, in that a few years ago, coincidental with feeling v flat and detached, I started to get alien thoughts.
I mean they didn't feel like me, it was like some nutter marched into my brain and started going, "hey that door handle would make a great ligature suspension point!" and 'me' would just think WTAF this is so unwelcome I cannot even....
*I* wasn't suicidal at all, but it was like someone else was in my head wittering away that I couldn't boot out, like a drunk uncle at Xmas IYSWIM.

I went on a type of HRT (obvs assuming you are a bloke this will not exactly work for you!) and was surprised and enormously relieved to discover that *within half an hour of the first pill* I felt 'like me' again.

Point being, anyway, that - brain chemistry baby - not saying necessarily "go on meds" as IANAD but - if there *is* stuff you can manage to regulate sleep, diet, exercise then worth sorting them all. And then go to GP (book double appt if poss?) and write down stuff beforehand like "Don't want to rush to meds because *last time* I was given X and this triggered Bad Thing Y" and practice handy phrases like "can you talk me through what you just said again because I'm not sure I quite follow" or whatevs - things to press pause and rewind on the consultation.

+1 for the Steve Peters book.

hey tp, how's things going? have you managed to speak with your GP yet?

I've struggled with OCD and other mental health issues all my life; horrible intrusive thoughts are a daily battle for me along with thoughts of acting in hugely inappropriate ways and fears that I might act on them, so I'm someone else who can relate to what you're going through.

For example this week I’m chatting to a lovely black lady at work I got on well with and all of a sudden the thought ‘imagine you called her a fxxxxx nxxxxx’ just popped into my head

This, amongst a whole shed load of other unpleasantness, is pretty common for me too.

OCD is surprisingly common and I think that most folk fall somewhere on its continuum (sadly I'm at the more extreme end) what makes it particularly unpleasant is the underlying fear of acting on the thoughts (often some sort of 'ritualistic' activity helps mitigate the fear).

"The Imp of the Mind" has already been mentioned and is definitely worth a read and I recall reading "Living will Fear".

There are various approaches that can help. I did a lot of counselling but one of the things that helped most was sharing and normalising experiences in a group setting. I attended a group run by Triumph Over Phobia (don't let 'phobia' put you off, they work extensively with OCD too). In addition to the group sessions they'd set 'homework' which were CBT type activities to work on between groups. It's fair to say though that group settings can fill folk with dread; some of my thoughts were so unpleasant that it too literally decades to start to share them.

Don't discount medication either as there are tablets that can help (I'm on a lifelong, high dose of clomipramine which seems to enable me to live a fairly normal life - prior to that I was pretty much out of action) although not everyone is a fan of psychiatric medication and it can take a while to find something that works for you.

I huge help for me is just riding my bike and just getting out into the fresh air. There's a real danger that we hide away in order to avoid the 'triggers' that bring on the thoughts which I think makes things a whole lot worse.

I'm not a professional, so can't give 'advice' as such but I'm happy to share experiences if it helps. I will say that I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember and (as a counsellor often pointed out to me) I've never acted on a single thought (and there have been thousands)!

Take care mate and all the best. I've never found a cure (I don't think there is one) but it's certainly possible for things to improve hugely and for life to be enjoyable.

I get these from time to time, thinking about it now maybe they are more frequent at times when I'm stressed or down.

My 'favourite' is when driving along a single carriage way at 60mph with cars heading the other direction at 60mph I'll be thinking "if I just move my right hand quickly from 12 o'clock down to 4 o'clock......NOW....then all hell will break loose". I get the saying offensive stuff urges too but not so much. Each time we had kids and they were tiny babies there would be a new round of horrendous what ifs going round in my mind, would never act on any of it in a million years, I read somewhere it's just your brains way of hard coding the "never do that" into your thought process through visualisation which makes sense to me

I think this can be filed under the same kind of thing as having imaginary arguments in the shower or running through all the things that could go wrong in a job interview that would never actually happen, being afraid you'll jump off a cliff you are standing next to, fear of impotence, etc etc, we have this huge brain that gets bored and I think for some people the brain likes to play games or it's dealing with a genuine fer of something by making you think about actually doing it. If it's starting to affect your life you should probably do something though.

I say my wife's nickname which is short and easy to say in my head and think about her, some proper messed up shit in my head. But stress and anxiety definitely make these thoughts worse.

Have definitely had those thoughts when at a train station, but WFH has solved that one. In fact have never had so much clarity in my thoughts, I can remember much more detail about rides I have been on, the sights the smells, due to being less stressed, no three hour commute etc.

I found meditation, for me just simple breathing exercises really helped when at the worse end of things.

I experience intrusive thoughts and they become more problematic if I’m anxious.
One recurring theme for me is images of things I find disgusting. For example, one day last year I saw a photo of something on FB that people would likely find mildly unpleasant but I found it disturbing (can’t bring myself to describe it!) and couldn’t get the thought of it out of my head for a few days. I tried mindfulness and concentrating on my breathing but it had little effect. For the first 48 hours after seeing it, my coping mechanism was to shout “F off!!” every time the thought appeared. Fortunately it was during the first lockdown so I was only shouting in the privacy of my own home!

I think about crashing into HGVs coming the other way when driving. I even wince sometimes when they pass. I also think about the aftermath and my funeral and my kids injuries sustained from the crash, would they die too or just be horrifically injured? all in the blink of an eye.
When I'm on a car ferry I imagine how stupid it would be to chuck my keys overboard.

I’m glad I’m not alone in experiencing this kind of thing, but as it’s now actually impacting my day to day life I’m going to have to address it

Luckily my employer has a partner company who deals with mental health and as part of the employee assistance programme they are going to arrange cbt therapy sessions covered by my private health insurance. Feeling very lucky this is an option I must say

Just noticed this on the BBC website, it might be worth a read.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1wk60wWvnBTTNGLn63RrvgN/living-with-ocd-5-key-questions-answered