[Closed] Having other peoples kids round at your house...

My initial thoughts are 'poor kid'. What's happening at home that he'd rather be at yours or anyone elses house 24/7?

Having said that - perhaps agree days/times he can come round (Saturday mornings and one weekday after school?). Tell him that you all need family time with your lad?

How does your boy feel about it?

What's the kids name?

What's the kids name?

hehe I see what you did there:D

Liam

You should come over all Madonna, or Angelina Jolie and adopt him. Its clearly what he's angling for

I'd echo what waswaswas said, there's something going on to make him want to be out of the house all the time. Or at the very least he's just getting little or no love & attention at home and is looking for it elsewhere? Do you see the parents?

That's good thinking wwaswas.

Do you feed all the cats form your street too?

FFS! if your son doesn't want to play with the boy he needs to tell him himself.. seems pretty obvious where he gets his lack of assertiveness from

Do you see the parents?

Yeah, the Dad's OK, but Mum is pretty ignorant. I don't think there are any major problems at home, but they just don't spend any time with him.

I m with Binners, adopt the poor little fella, call him Heathcliffe and move up on the moors above Hebden Bridge, sorted !

seems pretty obvious where he gets his lack of assertiveness from

I have quite a few faults, but 'lack of assertiveness' is deffo not one of them :-). The kids is 7, I am trying to be sensitive to the situation. My lad's not shy either, he told him he couldn't come round.

There's a couple of lads at the end of our street who come round to play at ours at any opportunity & their appearances have become more frequent since their mum had a new baby. Owt like that happened?

Who's new troll creation is persona? 🙄

Can the street not get organised with a rota of who has him round each evening?

Perhaps this rota could then be given to the kid's parents, just in case they cared where he was.

[quote=binners said]You should come over all Madonna, or Angelina Jolie

Wouldn't be the first.

There's a couple of lads at the end of our street who come round to play at ours at any opportunity & there appearances have become more frequent since their mum had a new baby. Owt like that happened?

No, I think he's always been round at other peoples houses. We just appear to be very 'on the radar' at the moment.

If you dont want him in your house kick him out ,its what my mum always did when she had had enough

Make up some stories to social services. He'll be better off in care, and one day will thank you for it. And he's out of your hair too. Its a win/win

Make up some stories to social services. He'll be better off in care, and one day will thank you for it. And he's out of your hair too. Its a win/win

Your a bad man Binners!

Seems a bit harsh to straight up tell him to stop coming round., especially if your lad is being a bit half-arsed at telling him himself (he wouldn't be coming round if he REALLY didn't want him there). That kind of rejection could damage his confidence for life.

His parent's don't appear to do anything with him.

There is the route cause of the problem and you can be a humanitarian who does the right thing [wwaswas or you can act like "persona" [swoons]] according to your own moral compass.

I used to spend much more time at mate's than my own house (not the same mate all the time, and not as regularly as the OP's "friend"). There were no major problems at home, my mates were just allowed TVs and Nintendoes in their rooms and I wasn't allowed either!

Just make the child's stay untenable. Make sure they can only play in the same room as you and the rest of your family while you watch something really depressing on Yesterday. Say SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH at regular intervals even if no-one is talking. Refreshments and toilet facilities are not available.

That's what we used to do 🙂

7 years old is young to be running round knocking on peoples houses.... is it?

Or isn't it?

I can't remember what I was doing at 7. We used to play out in the close a lot but there was about 5 of us all similar ages. We would spend a lot of time round 1 of the groups house but they had a very open family and household - all sorts of people would come and go all the time, doors always unlocked kinda thing...

Sounds like the poor bugger has a miserable home life. I think you are doing the right thing in treating it sensitively.

Hard to know what to do though. Sometimes we indulge people because they need our help...

Have you thought about just opening the door and saying "<Sons name> isn't coming out today, sorry - bye!" And leaving it at that. No explanation - I mean, only if your son doesn't actually want to hang.

I used to have a mate like this when I was a kid. Didn't dislike him, but he liked me a lot more than I did him.
My thoughts at the time we're that it's not killing me to have him round so why upset him, we still had a laugh as all kids do.

Sometimes we'd go to another kid's house and he'd latch on there for a bit, sometimes I'd say I didn't feel like it, sometimes my parents would say it's not a good time.

All I would say is don't tell him outright that he can't come round any more, I imagine that would devastate him. If it has to come to that then his parents should be telling him. Why not try whittling it down by saying it's not convenient for a day or two a week, see how it goes from there?

Tricky. Does sound like you are treating him as you'd like others to treat your boy, which is a good thing.

We have a similar thing at ours. All of our kids friends come over to ours more than our kids go to theirs. I think it's a combination of things.

1: Other childrens' parents don't care where their kids are as much, if at all.

2: Other kids' parents kick them out of the house all the time to "go and play" because they want to watch big brother celebrity housewife jungle factor, smoke, drink and general other things that comes as a priority over the annoyance of their own children that they themselves had.

3: Kids think that round your house they can do what they want and get away with it.

4: We are parents that are actually nice and hence talk and interact with the kids.

5: Nicer atmosphere at ours, without annoying brothers and sisters at their own house. More freedom. Nicer "things" to do and play with.

We generally keep on top of it and I straight up tell the kids when they have over stayed. i.e. We are about to eat dinner so its like "right kids, we're eating dinner now so off you go". They are fine with this and always obey me. They generally behave well as well when round. In fact, our "problem" is nothing like yours I'm exagerating. I just sometimes feel they stay a bit much and want to come home to my own house kinda thing, with my family in.

I would say speak to the parent/s.

PS: Also have considered putting a sign up to stop kids ringing/knocking every 5 minutes. That actually annoys me the most. My kids are told what is/isn't annoying and educated as to how when you keep knocking for people it can be an invasion of privacy. It seems a lot of kids are parented so badly these days.

does your son have a really cool toy/activity/thing that they play with when he comes round? other peoples houses and stuff is always more interesting than you're own.

As above really, I'd just start saying firmly no, come back tomorrow.

Be careful though. If its an attention thing then any attention is good, even if it is making up stories for the Childline Police...if you know what I mean. 🙁

does your son have a really cool toy/activity/thing that they play with when he comes round?

We have a Wii, which is part of the problem.

Thanks for all the good advice. Tonight I have given him a small lego set to do, so when Liam calls my lad will be busy and unable to play.

Gives us a bit of breathing space.

I also thought "poor kid" 🙁

But I think you have to just say "No, sorry, ***** is busy/having his tea/doing his homework/etc." I expect you will have to do this for quite a few evenings before he gets the message. It would be interesting to know why he's not playing at home at all - but that's not really anybody's business but his family's. I think you're being remarkably sensitive about it too.

We have a Wii

Wii's broken. I feel sorry for the little lad and I don't even know him. Shows that he prefers you as a family to his own.

My daughter goes to our neighbour's quite a bit (not constantly though) but he rarely comes to ours. He thinks our house is shit, Meg's stuff is shit, and he (at 5 years old) does not yet have the skill to express this tactfully.. it's dead funny 🙂

You should come over all Madonna

Took me three goes to read those words in the order they were intended.

😉

But I too though poor kid. It could just be he's bored, lonely or finds something in your family unit he's missing at home.

That wasn't something I enjoyed. Told him Dan was busy, he was pretty persistent but he walked off in the end, looking a bit tearful. Not feeling massively great at this moment in time.

he was pretty persistent but he walked off in the end

seems a bit odd, was he arguing the toss 😀

No, I told him I was doing Lego with Dan (although Dan was playing by himself) and he said that he could do that with Dan, and could he speak to Dan to see if he wanted to play. 🙁

awkward 😆

Have you looked out the window?

Kick them out to play

"well, you can't play in here, its sunny, get your arses out there"

that way if your lad wants some privacy, he can come home.

Poor kid. Sounds needy 🙁

EDIT: He is a kid though; lessons best learnt at this age rather that past teens where we get all self-conscious about lessons 😀

He's just called twice more...

Might be a bit too much, but you could just log all the visits/doorbell rings on a bit of paper etc. and show the parents how much of an issue it has become. Might be a bit of an eye opener.

I'll adopt him if he's near Leeds. Always wanted kids, might as well correct someone else's 😀

Or you could just buy him a copy of Mayfair. You won't see him for months.

Some people (or kids) are just useless at playing by themselves, that lad needs to get out on his bike. Keeps all us lot entertained that's for sure.

Or you could just buy him a copy of Mayfair. You won't see him for months.

Hide it in a bush nearby. Everyone needs hedge porn!!

lessons best learnt at this age

What lesson's that? No-one loves him?

Edit. I won't bite.

but you could just log all the visits/doorbell rings on a bit of paper etc. and show the parents how much of an issue it has become

Talking to a neighbour about it tonight, I don't think they would be particularly interested. Bit of a sad situation really.

I'd like to think I'd let him in to play. How old is the kid and is he being left on his own?

He's 7, and I don't think he's left on his own (he has brothers and sisters I think)

Talking to a neighbour about it tonight, I don't think they would be particularly interested. Bit of a sad situation really.

You mean another neighbour or his parents? Tell me not his parents

Kinda reminds me of my youth in a way.

From 5/6 I was told to go out and not come home until tea was ready (v.late).

**** knows how I'm not dead as a consequence. **** shit 70's careless parenting.

He's 7, and I don't think he's left on his own (he has brothers and sisters I think)

brothers and sisters to play with or look after him? How far is.it from your house.to.his? Sounds like it could be neglect to me. My mrs and i had to report a child if a similar age last summer. Was left playing in park all day throughout the summer holidays. She liked walking our dog and it soon became obvious she hd no adults with her and was there at 8am when i walked the dog and at five when the mrs did. Apparently her brother was supposed to be looking after her.

He's just called twice more...

Buy a dog. A big one.

You need to speak to the parents again. FWIW I would take the same line as you. Allow him to play sometimes. Mark the line on others. Be gentle with the balance at first eg more yes than no then gently manipulate it to a level you can deal with. If the kid is suffering low self esteem dont crush him.

he could be being abused at home maybe give social services a call.

Listen to what Hora says. Do you want to have contributed to that lad growing up a serial frame swapper, and round dodger? Can you live with that? Because that's where he's headed.

For gods sake will somebody think of the children!

[img] [/img]

Meanwhile over in the parallel universe the same thing is happening,-

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1794170-Neighbour-kid-is-annoying-me-Help

Hey, there is a mammaTJ on that thread...is that where he's gone?

I spoke to the kids neighbours last night, who are friends of ours (they have kids and have been getting fed up with him ringing the bell constantly). They confirmed their one of their kids was bitten by their dog, and there is now way we should let our kids into their house. The kids dad is OK, but his mum is a scumbag. They didn't think there was any abuse or serious problems, apart from the mum not having any social skills.

It's interesting that one of them overheard a conversation where my lad was apparently politely explaining he couldn't come to the BBQ on Sunday, and the boy got aggressive and started calling my lad names. He then came round to me and said my lad was being horrible to him...at which point I relent and invite him to the BBQ.

I'm thinking politely limiting his time he can come round to maybe once a weeknight and once at the weekend, and seeing how that goes.

I've just read the mumsnet thread...they don't show the sensitivity like us bike types do they 😉

Got some interesting names though... "TheRealFellatio" 😯

I suspect that within my lifetime the women on Mumsnet will have mounted a bloody revolution, overthrown the government, and will be ruling the country with an iron OFSTED style fist. Terrifying 😯

It's interesting that one of them overheard a conversation where my lad was apparently politely explaining he couldn't come to the BBQ on Sunday, and the boy got aggressive and started calling my lad names. He then came round to me and said my lad was being horrible to him...at which point I relent and invite him to the BBQ.

I'm thinking politely limiting his time he can come round to maybe once a weeknight and once at the weekend, and seeing how that goes.

From what you've said in that first paragraph, I don't think I'd let him in the house at all. If that's just one conversation that your neighbours have overheard, how many other conversations have the boys had where he's tried to bully your boy into doing what he wants?

Could that be why your boy doesn't really like spending much time with him?

Got some interesting names though... "TheRealFellatio"

Which was followed a few posts on by "Swallowing" 😀

All the kids in our close seem to have their lives revolving around whatever my 8 year old likes to do at the moment. I get home from work and there is 5 kids sitting in my front garden asking when he's getting back from school. They knock every 5 minutes. If he doesn't want to come out, I get interrogated as to why not.

Its doing my head in.

Sounds like your kid is dealing crack Scott.

(This is a joke.)

I find that asking my own kids or their mates to do anything remotely helpful disperses them faster than I can finish the sentence.

Take them all for a big bike ride until he's nearly dead or throws up and tell him this is what we'll be doing every day he wants to play.

It's interesting that one of them overheard a conversation where my lad was apparently politely explaining he couldn't come to the BBQ on Sunday, and the boy got aggressive and started calling my lad names. He then came round to me and said my lad was being horrible to him

That would be game over for me. I'd never let him in again.

You need to speak to the parents again. FWIW I would take the same line as you. Allow him to play sometimes. Mark the line on others. Be gentle with the balance at first eg more yes than no then gently manipulate it to a level you can deal with. If the kid is suffering low self esteem dont crush him.

Down to earth stw post of the year award. Take a bow.

[i] Got some interesting names though... "TheRealFellatio"

Which was followed a few posts on by "Swallowing"[/i]

Do you think they have the same problem if they go out for social activities as stwers do - only knowing peoples forum names?

Turning up at someones door and asking her husband if therealfellatio can come out to play must take some, errm, balls.

"Hang on I'll ask. Who are you?"

"Swallowing"

"Oh, right"

A few years ago we had a lad (probably about 8ish) always coming round to our house - especially in the morning before school - we'd have him in, sometimes he'd have breakfast as his Mum hadn't left any food out for him when she went to work. It was basically that his home life was crap and he didn't want to be there.

After a while he stopped coming, we think he started going to someone else's.

He was just a kid looking for some attention and in a way it's better for him to be at ours rather than wandering the streets getting into trouble.

It's interesting that one of them overheard a conversation where my lad was apparently politely explaining he couldn't come to the BBQ on Sunday, and the boy got aggressive and started calling my lad names. He then came round to me and said my lad was being horrible to him...at which point I relent and invite him to the BBQ.

"He’s just a little boy, don’t demonise him for having rubbish parents"

this. He clearly prefers to be at yours not his , this in my experience is cyclical and depends on interests and wider circle. When I was a kid my parents safe garden and unsafe shed were a magnet to all my friends in summer, someone else's massive but tatty house with easily accessed roof voids and frankly negligent parent's for winter . Many of my friends spent all day every day at my house as teenagers including one who would turn up sit in the front room and try and bond with my dad by smoking a pipe of Tabaco.

Also friendship as children can be weird, an overheard row does not mean your son is being bullied they could be best mates within minutes.

Having said that If your son does not want the kid round back him up and be firm.