[Closed] Have I done the right thing - freak out content

Bike ride

Sounds like you need proper counselling, not meds from an indifferent GP.

Boat ride.

Is it just a fear of flying? Remember loads of people are shit scared of flying so it's nothing odd. To be honest maybe you just have to accept it and not fly. If your wife really loves you then she will deal with it. Do you have to go to the carabean on holiday (which is meant to be a relaxing time). Yes certainly get help and definitely take your wife to the doctors.

Maybe just make it clear to work that you can not fly. I can see the problem though that you fly on holiday but won't with work. I don't think you have been stupid and I don't think you should MTFU, life is to short.

I have a friend who won't fly (used to be a frequent flyer too). He's just organised his life so he doesn't have to.

If I was your employer I'd certainly be asking questions about your ability to fly off for holidays though.

Why do you have a job that involves flying? Is your poor sale performance due to this fear, having worked for US company (and knowing their general lack of intolerance) I would suggest you start looking for alternative employment without aeroplanes

My sister recently cancelled a nine week family holiday to Paraguay and Brazil due to getting overwhelmed by her phobia of flying..

They lost a £3k deposit but she just couldn't get her head around it.. Her phobia seems to be worsening as she gets older if I'm honest

ask the mods to delete this thread before it turns nasty on you, youve been a little bit to honest on a public forum, an d while wanting help and reassurance sometimes best to ask in a private place.

I sincerely hope you get help with your problems both from work and your family.

No manly hug emogi available, but im sure lots of us would be posting them if they exixted.

Why do you have a job that involves flying?

I don't, I have UK based job, but this is a global one off kick off event in the US where this years go to market strategy and expectation is communicated to all of us. We are expected to attend.

ask the mods to delete this thread before it turns nasty on you, youve been a little bit to honest on a public forum,

There's nothing in my OP my employer doesn't know, and if its STW character assassination or pisstake your concerned about - thanks for the concern but I'm able to disregard that,

I can't help on the phobia thing, but from the employer perspective, how did the interview go?
Did they tell you at interview and you'd be expected to fly to USA? And how did you respond? This will form their next moves.

hypnosis or counselling? to not be able to fly in this era i think is a real set back in terms of what you can see and do. and as is this case here career related.

i think if you have good will power and optimistic mind you should be able to get over the fear.

how did the interview go?
Did they tell you at interview and you'd be expected to fly to USA?

There was no interview. I was migrated from a UK bid management role into a direct sales role through re-organisatio. It could be argued that I knew about the annual event as I assumed the role. As this was performed without HR, I wasn't formerly consulted or offered alternatives e.g. redundancy I merely told by my manager of my new role, and this was a pre-existing condition. To fire me because i can't take a trip everyone knows would be an issue for me would be on pretty thin ground IMO.

I volunteered to try to make this trip because I know it would be helpful to me. The flip side is I just have to make more effort to catch up with everyone else upon their return which I'm happy to do. I didn't anticipate this mornings events.

I should add that I've been here via acquisition for 23 years, so the 2001 event which involved 6 weeks off work and "light duties" for 6 months due to the initial incident should be in the company records.

Could you have a Skype presence?

Don't worry about work, that will sort itself out. Good for you for making the brace decision and doing what is right for you.

You can still go...

My cousin is the same. He just will not get on a plane. Full stop. Its not open to debate. Not a chance. He's a very senior manager in a software company, and everyone knows that he won't fly. Think he may have had it in his contract

Whats even more bonkers is that his brother and his dad were both in the RAF and spent their lives flying in stuff a lot less comfortable than Boing 757's.

brace decision

Best typo 🙂

Is it definitely just a fear of flying, or general anxiety about other things too? Just wondering if you need a broader approach than therapies aimed specifically about flying?

It's not uncommon. I'm really bothered by flying now. I used to fly a lot but over the years my fears have built.
Strangely flying short haul for holidays affects me less. I think flying on business is more stressful as you're not as relaxed in general.

I think I'm better now because a flight to Innsbruck had two aborted landings due to blizzard conditions. We eventually got diverted to Germany and I didn't soil myself!! Never been so relieved to be on the ground.

Sorry I can't offer any help but you're not alone. My career has been limited by my reluctance to fly to the US frequently but I'm happier and I accept it. Having said that I need to go to California in the spring and I'm already getting slightly worried. If there was a tablet that could knock you out for the flight duration, I'd take it.

Whose choice are the holidays? Surely it would be more comfortable for you (and by extension your family) if you avoided planes for those as well? Plus it would look better for your employer. If they're your choice then yeah that looks a bit curious, but if you're under pressure from elsewhere then perhaps more education for them (as well as more pro therapy for yourself) might help?

I do cope with...on the odd occasion longer (Caribbean) flights with the family once in a while

If you're able to fly long-haul on holiday, but not for work, then is it worth considering that it's not just a flying phobia that prevented you taking that business trip? Maybe that work causes you some anxiety too?

As folk pointed out in the previous thread, these things can get gradually or suddenly worse so there's no guarantee that the next holiday flight will be manageable. I'd be booking something short-haul before planning an expensive family trip.

Of course, knowing the personal financial cost of cancellation may just be enough encouragement and incentive to get round the fear factor.

I'm bloody awful about getting on a plane but its not really the actual flying its the fact I'm not in control , when jonny the drunken pilot and his team of sex starved trolley dollys strap me in and take over my brain goes into panic mode .

I hate flying to the point it ruins holidays if I fly so I avoid it. It started when I flew into Germany in a military transport plane in a thunderstorm which is one of the few times in my life I've wondered if that was the end, and the only time I've been unable to do anything about it. I will fly (though I didn't for a few years) but it brings all the worst aspects of my character to the fore.

I try to treat it like a visit to the dentists and keep telling myself "it'll all be over in a hour and then I'll be walking along in the sun looking out at the mountains". Then I go through the procedure going "baaaa" like a sheep and making quips to all and sundry to keep my mind occupied (I realise this would be a very bad idea in the US).

Edit: the main problem is stress before take off, once the plane is imoving I feel resigned to my fate, so I don't worry about causing any trouble on the flight - if I did I wouldn't fly at all.

A biy of devils advocate here
As an employer I would certainley be questioning why and how you are able to fly on long haul holidays (with the help of some narcotics), yet you are unable for bussiness trips which in their mind are surely far more important. There must be more of an underlying problem than just a fear of flying that needs to be addressed, perhaps it has more to do with what is at the end of that flight? if you are not meeting your targets in work then perhaps the fear of being called out on this at the head office/main meeting of the year is the underlying problem?
Also, why are you flying to the carribean for your holidays if you have had melt downs in airports before and put on meds for 6 months afterwards? There are meny great holiday destinations for families a lot closer that can be travelled to by boat, train or a short flight. Does your family not think about this before deciding on these holidays? or are you a keeping up with the jonses in a vague attempt to live a better life?

or are you a keeping up with the jonses in a vague attempt to live a better life?

No, my wife and therefore her extended family are Bajan. And fwiw seeing as we now have two children to pay for those trips are less frequent due to the cost. Plus, I love it there.

The last 2 holidays have been Ibiza and Menorca FWIW.

perhaps it has more to do with what is at the end of that flight?

I do think there's an element of truth about this.

From the last thread...

I STILL maintain that knowledge is power. I'm not sure if airlines will do this (post 9/11 security), but if you can talk to the pilot and crew before take off would that help?

Since the last thread have you taken anyone up on their offers of actually helming something that flies?

Doctors will give you pills and to my (simple) mind, that's not the answer. I'm sceptical about shrinks too. I go to the engineering side of things and that convinces me I'll be fine. The weak link is the humans, so if you can talk to the crew pre-take off, then surely that's the way forward?

Speaking as a pilot, if I have passengers that are nervous I tell them that if I start to look worried then so should they, but if I'm alright then so are they! I try to pay them special attention as a panicking passenger could put themselves, the other passengers and more importantly ME in danger. By talking and explaining things to them, such as my decision making and what's going on, it helps them to relax. I've had nervous passengers but none that have gone full blown mental and made a "pathetic scene"!!! (only joking!)

Knowledge IS power. You are putting your life into someone else's hands - if you can trust them, surely that would help?

Can you work sattelitte from barbados? your a lot closer to the US for bussiness trips, you get to see your family and live in paradise?

No one here can attest to if it was the right thing to do or not because it is a fear you have. People wouldn't drag you up a ladder if you had a fear of heights.

You do need to see a doctor or the like to get some paper saying you have a genuine fear but you will also need to either knock the personal flights on the head otherwise it looks bad. Still I have worked with people who have just picked. Up their bag and said no I am going home from the airport because of a bad feeling. More famously there is Dennis Bergkamp the only international football star to take the bus!

As for the conference you should be able to dial in to a video show. Personally I would say that no company flys people across the world to tell a them sale strategy, that the event is about team building, networking and an informal assessment. Depends on your managers but where I work you would need to have either a medical cert or be hot shit not toe the line at a late stage.

Honest and frank discussions with a doctor then with HR and manager.

I agree with Andy's context idea. I had no hesitation or fear getting into a two-seater plane with a stunt pilot for a display over brands Hatch. Just like getting in a car as a rally co-driver. It's the procedure of being herded onto the plane manu militari and then being forced to sit strapped down... . Nothing rational because objectively sitting in a plane falling backwards that's about to put 4g on its flimsy airframe is far more dangerous. Have you thought of having a flying lesson, Kryton? For me it was very therapeutic.

I'm in a bit of confused place,

Me too, mainly by this bit...

is that I do cope with short (Spain) or on the odd occasion longer (Caribbean) flights with the family once in a while

Sorry I'm no help but if you can go on your jollidays you can go to work.

[i]If I was your employer I'd certainly be asking questions about your ability to fly off for holidays though. [/I]

FWIW I do feel your pain in that for +20 years I flew regularly around the world, often 3-4 flights per week. Many US and Far East flights where I was there-and-back within the week. And I hate flying (I was in the US when 9-11 occurred, due to fly back later in the week, and have had many other incidents that makes me feel I've already used up my 'lives'.

But, if you can fly for pleasure but not for business... Then if I was your Manager I'd have you on 'performance review', especially if you've also not been delivering on your actual job too.

Sorry.

Seems hugely unlikely that this conference wasn't available via ConfCall/VidConf portal. Did you seek that out first, or just fancy a trip abroad ?

From now on, I'd seek professional help.

On here you'll get first hand piss takes, great advice, stories and tales, best and worst wishes. Professional advice will be direct and tailored to suit You.

And, sorry.. but you've cancelled the trip right at the last minute meaning your employer has already footed the bill. Knowing what you do about yourself and this situation I think an apology is the least you can do towards paying back some good will.

People wouldn't drag you up a ladder if you had a fear of heights.

Probably wouldn't expect him to holiday at the top of the ladder either.

The conversation with your employer is definitely going to be an awkward one, especially as you volunteered to go then left it so late that there wasn't a chance to send someone else. Hope they don't ask the holiday question. It would be sensible to co e to an agreement that means you don't have to fly on business in future

The think is esselgruntfuttock, even the holidays are a very traumatic experience supplemented with high levels of benzodiazipines.

Who wants to put themselves through that? And just to give you an indicator, when I started having palpitations this morning which hasn't happened since 2001, together with the rest of the symptoms it was enough to have said no. Last time that happened I passed out on the concourse and ended up being seen - on oxygen - by a United Airlines medic.

I haven't had that to date on the hols - FWIW we of on the same airlines, seats, routes & destinations so I think familiarity and past contextual reliability helps psycholigcally also.

And fwiw lets remember its and irrational process.

Well FWIW my BIL is baaad but not as bad as you sound, & my mrs was bad but not for the flying bit. It was the claustrophobic/in a can with loads of people thing. She had hypnotherapy which definately helped.
Try that maybe.

Kryton I'm probably going to overstep the mark here, but it's well-meant.

I don't think you're really posting about a paralysing fear of flying. You are able to fly when you've paid for the ticket yourself. It does sound, however, like you feel under some considerable pressure, and it is manifesting itself in the symptoms you describe.

I'm already under pressure for my unsuccessful 1st year Sales performance.

To be honest, my wife is pissed of with my trauma driven indecision today and rather pathetic - her words - scene

I only know you from a handful of posts on an internet forum, but it does sound like you feel obliged to fund a millionaire's lifestyle via a high-pressure and insecure career.

I'm not sure your wife is helping. If my girlfriend called me "pathetic" because I was emotionally exhausted, I would consider that a very serious signal about our relationship. Contempt is a very destructive emotion. It may be some work is required there.

I hope that missing this trip is going to allow you some breathing space to consider how you are going to get yourself well for the long term, and maybe make some changes that will allow you to wind down the financial/work/wife pressure, and give some time to the things that make us truly happy. Ie, having fun with people we love 🙂

Good luck skipper. I mean it.

but it does sound like you feel obliged to fund a millionaire's lifestyle via a high-pressure and insecure career.

In the past I have been materialistic I admit, these days though, not so much. The mid life crisis RS4 project won't make an appearance for the reasons above - the very deals which slipped into 2017 and ruined my prior year would have funded it by overachieving my 2016 numbers. FWIW I'm a person that have lots of ideas that don't come to fruition - we are very much a typical 2.4 family in a medium sized semi with a Samsung TV.

The Mac - yes we got it, with money I saved from last years bonus and to replace a defunct XP PC thats been sitting unused on the desk for 4 years, so it was needed rather than desired. Ok we could have got a cheaper PC, but we like Macs, wanted treat ourselves and Jnr uses them at school also.

I hope that missing this trip is going to allow you some breathing space to consider how you are going to get yourself well for the long term, and maybe make some changes that will allow you to wind down the financial/work/wife pressure, and give some time to the things that make us truly happy. Ie, having fun with people we love

Yes, this is at the forefront of my mind also, before I have some kind of breakdown. I intend to go for a long slow ride tomorrow to clear my head regards this - can't go today I'm full of drugs. Before today, I thought I had a pretty good handle on things recently.

Good luck skipper. I mean it.

Thanks, appreciated.

Well I wouldn't be as harsh as him - but this does sounds broader than just the fear of flying.

Things come to a head sometimes. You're open about being a generally anxious chap. I believe your mind is telling you it's had enough right now.

Get yourself to see that GP, be honest about the breakdown you've just had and keep an open mind about the options.

Work wise, can you dodge the bullet by being honest about the stress? Perhaps admit it's partly caused by being in a role that you're perhaps not suited to? Can they find another job for you without targets?

I wouldn't presume to lecture you not to covet material goods, but I know it can be tempting to seek happiness in a new bike or whatever.

I genuinely feel for you and wish you the best. Keep pedaling (but maybe take a break if you need one).

Sounds like a crap situation all around Kryton. Go see the GP, have a serious conversation with your wife and get in touch with your employer to apologise. They're the first steps I'd take if I were in a similar situation.

.

esselgruntfuttock - Member

Sorry I'm no help but if you can go on your jollidays you can go to work.

"Can" isn't the problem. You can choose to put yourself through things for your own reasons, that are unreasonable for a company to ask of you. The company also has a duty of care to its employees that as a civilian you don't have to yourself.

And at the end of the day, these things are irrational- expecting irrational things to outfold in a rational way is irrational.

OP- you do have more than a fear of flying here, the level of anxiety and inability to make a decision beforehand shows that imo, I recognise that very well from myself. Do seek proper help, not for your employer or your job but for you. Anxiety is a complete bastard of a thing, it doesn't sound it to people who've not experienced it but in its own way I've found it worse than depression or physical injury, in the way it just jams my brain in ways I can't anticipate or rationalise.

Wise words from Northwind

Panic and anxiety sufferer here, and also flying-disliker.

I'd be completely frank with your employer about your reasons for not taking the flight. Just because you've been able to fly long-haul previously doesn't mean you were able to do it today.

That's the thing about mental illness; you can't just decide to not let it affect you, in the same way you can't decide to stop having a broken leg. Sure, you can learn techniques to manage anxiety, but ultimately it's not just a case of telling yourself to MTFU and crack on with it.

Not sure if it's appropriate in your situation, but if I were in your position I'd give my line manager a call as soon as possible, regardless of the fact it's the weekend, just to explain what has gone on. That would give them a bit of time to disburse any anger that might be felt when you walk into work on Monday morning, when they're expecting you to be in the US.

As an aside, I think I have a two hour flight coming up in April that I'm not supposed to know about (note to partners: when organising a surprise birthday trip for your other half's 40th, don't name the Whatsapp group you're using to arrange it with other attendees '[PARTNER'S NAME] [LOCATION] SURPRISE' and then leave your phone lying around where they'll accidentally see it). I'm quite excited about visiting the place, but already feel the growing fear in anticipation of getting in a metal pipe and going airborne. Like others have said, it's not the plane falling out of the sky that's the fear for me, it's lack of control and knowing that I can't just say, "Can you pull over here and drop me off, please? I don't like this."

There is an obvious difference with family holiday flights.

He is surrounded by the distraction and support/pressure (take your pick) of family.

Travelling to the airport, checking in, waiting in departures on your own with no distractions to take your mind off your fears and anxieties is quite different.

I'm not an especially anxious flyer but I'd much rather have some company and distraction in the run up to a flight. If I were Kryton (mega anxious) then that might be a huge factor in going or not.

Just wondering how you're doing Kryton? Hope you are feeling calmer and looking forward to the ride tomorrow. Should help clear your head.

On a slightly different tack from the other comments, has the job change from delivery to sales triggered this? Sounds like the trip you binned is the usual sales kick-off bollocks that most large organisations go through the at this time of year. You mentioned sales performance last year was not great but in your original post you were doing training. Find a role you enjoy doing and everything else will fall into place, but I know this is easier said than done.

As I said in your previous thread I share your fear of flying but as I often have to do it for work/play I just grit my teeth and get on.
As mentioned earlier I kinda adopt a fatalistic attitude which seems to work.

I was in a similar position, would start getting stressed weeks before flying and dreading flying home as soon as we landed. For me hypnosis worked really well, think I had 3 or 4 sessions at first then go back for a top before each holiday.

Happy yo chat about it here or email if you think it will help.

Thanks all. It got a bit worse yesterday as for no apparent reason I blacked out for a few seconds yesterday while building lego with my 4yo daughter, enough to collapse and to remember her shaking me saying "Daddy wake up". This very thing put me in tears this morning at the thought of a lilttle 4yo girl and the trauma for her.

As probably expected I was exhausted last night. Hence no response, I've just slept for 12hrs. I'm thinking of the above advice to write a short apology to my boss (who'll be in the states). However, my inclination is to make it brief, see the doc tomorrow and on thier return ask for a face to face meeting including HR to explain the outcomes. I just feel its better to do this, get it all out on record and not hide behind "Kryton shit himself over flying" jibes that I imagine will be happening in a bar this evening.

shinton - Member
On a slightly different tack from the other comments, has the job change from delivery to sales triggered this? Sounds like the trip you binned is the usual sales kick-off bollocks that most large organisations go through the at this time of year. You mentioned sales performance last year was not great but in your original post you were doing training. Find a role you enjoy doing and everything else will fall into place, but I know this is easier said than done.

That is the event yes. Not training but my probationary year in Sales yes, hence I'm still here despite the numbers I brought in - this time next year I'd be looking for another Job. I appreciate Sales is principally measured on target alone, but I've demonstrably excelled in the activity effort and growth of capability in year one, to the point that my first quarter this year has the potential to meet 3/4 of my current (unofficial) 2017 target - vis a vis I've built my business and pipeline to that point. Its probably worthing pointing out that not many established people made thier number this year, I'm not alone, but I am the only newbie.

The whole end of year pressure, "owning" a number, the ups and then downs off the movement into 2017 of my big opportunities for 2016, the fact I'm for the first time in 10 years on basic salary alone etc are all probably contributory factors in anything stress related, and unfortunately for me that culminated in the most stressful activity I could consider.

Thanks for the offers, in the last 10 years I have had CBT, Hypno 3 times, TFT and some councilling. Fear of flying courses don't make sense for me becuase im not scared of noises (flaps/wheels etc) its just turbulence and "fear of falling" that lives with me throughout the flight. Rationally I read - many times - and viewed there videos of why this can't happen and shouldnt be a worry. I do feel I should go on the Course (Virgin have one 5th March) just to wave the certificate at work and prove I'm trying, I'm not sure. I also think I need councilling for my general anxiety.

Anyway, despite the face its wet and cold I should probably go and turn a few pedal strokes. Cheers.

Get a new job. Screw the money, your health and family ain't worth it.

for no apparent reason I blacked out for a few seconds yesterday

This changes things.

This is not a thread about fear of flying, nor is it (primarily) a thread about work.

You are ill. You should go to the doctor's first thing in the morning.

Entirely missing the source of troubles here maybe, but a thought for further long haul trips.
If short trips are manageable, you could island hop as such. Northern airport to Iceland, stop over (because Reykjavik is a nice place, so why not? Blue Lagoon close to airport) and then Iceland to Canada followed by rail or internal flight if you can handle it.

It doesn't solve the problem, but is a different approach to travel.

Get a new job. Screw the money, your health and family ain't worth it.

You are ill. You should go to the doctor's first thing in the morning.

Agreed - mention the blackout and don't downplay things. You should be signed off work for at least a week or two IMO.

No doubt you're still in a bad place now, but use this as an opportunity to tackle the roots of your anxiety instead of keep trying to cope. It will get better.

🙂

PS. No flying for you in future. It's not that big a deal.

I'm sorry man, you sound like you're having a tough time. It'll get better.

For what it's worth, I agree with those that speculate it's more work related than not.

I too was in a job that I had been in for a fair while and got to a senior-ish level like you. And then new management (american - but oddly they were not the problem) and the nature of my role 'evolved' from operational to sales based.....it happens. Well, I was still responsible for ops too.... 🙂 (Of course)

And it became unbearable, but not so unbearable that I couldn't do it day to day but it was taking it's toll. I don't suffer from anxiety, but it made me feel bad. I found a way out eventually.

Sorry for the ramble, but what I'm trying to say is what you are doing now is maybe not what you want to do, even though the money is good. And it sucks when you work somewhere and you feel 'trapped' maybe?

Good luck though.
It'll be ok.

🙂

You are ill.

Call in sick, seek help.

Lay off the bike, lay off the training, hug your wife.

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if I'm repeating anything.

Just wanted to say I sympathise with being able to fly with family and not work. I'm sure there are plenty of things I would do so that my wife could see her family that I wouldn't do for my employer.

The odd thing about this, is that don't despise my job. I've rather enjoyed learning the new skills and the busy-ness that goes with it - I hate being bored. On the flip side I can't keep up with the politics and materialism that goes with it, so tend to avoid those.

I did a 60k easy ride today for some head space, during which I came to the conclusion things have been bubbling up. One of my 2015 appraisal comments was to work on "emotional outbursts" in that I should remain cool calm and collected at all times at work, which I have done. The other issue is that I've had two relatives die recently - uncle and aunt - which although I'm not close to them has to affect me in some way. Maybe then this has been a mental anguish letting in disguise.

Physically I'm in good shape, low BP, HR etc and I don't "feel" stressed, and normally any stresses I have are relieved on the bike, turbo or not. But maybe I've been holding back and there was something bubbling under the surface.

Re expectation & materialism - the thing about these types of jobs which I am realising, more than any other is that there are those few who have smashed targets, been promoted and will be wandering around with new suits, shiny cars and big watches and planning extensions to their already large house. They'll be others like me having worked very hard yet on basic pay looking for a cheap family holiday this year and satisfying themselves with a beer & pizza at the weekend at best. I guess thems the brakes, I'll be happy I have my family around me and bikes to enjoy a ride on and a job that pays a wage.

Interesting times.

Be even more interesting if you were to loose your job..

Hug the Wife.

satisfying themselves with a beer & pizza at the weekend at best. I guess thems the brakes, I'll be happy I have my family around me and bikes to enjoy a ride on and a job that pays a wage.

Unwinding your position isn't easy, but you sound like you have no choice.

I'd have emailed a brief apology straight away, and I'd be offering to reimburse the company for their considerable spend that they incurred unnecessarily.

I'd be explaining that there's a bigger issue that you're going to seek help to understand,starting on Monday, before asking for a meeting to discuss it all with them (almost certainly discussing an exit strategy that works for both of you).

Good luck.

Unwinding your position isn't easy, but you sound like you have no choice.

exit strategy

Eh?

There is NO suggestion that the OP's job is at risk because he was too ill to go on a trip.

Well, I don't he'll be thought of highly because of it but that's not my point.

All of the OP's posts suggest he doesn't see a future in the new role, and I don't know why you'd want to stay there longer than you need to if hats the case... Better to get on with it in a controlled way, surely?

Regarding re-imbursement, I'd imagine the company have travel insurance and will be able to (though might not bother) claim back costs if the OP is able to provide a letter from his GP saying that he was too ill to travel.

Better to get on with it in a controlled way, surely?

Krexit 🙂

Regarding re-imbursement, I'd imagine the company have travel insurance and will be able to (though might not bother) claim back costs if the OP is able to provide a letter from his GP saying that he was too ill to travel.

Agree completely, but I'd still be offering.

I hadn't checked in for the return flight so BA's 24hr policy applies - no charge for cancellation. I also informed the event manager to cancel my hotel asap. Yes the medical note will help potential reimbursement of the flight out, but in my view the company and my manager took a risk in encouraging and booking travel arrangements for an employee with known issues, and who has made alternative arrangements in recent history (Scotland, Germany in 2016) to avoid flying.

I also turned down the same opportunity last year becuase it was made clear it was optional then - this year it's been described as "in my interest" to go.

They took the risk, they now assume the risk for the cost and any time off im told i will have - although tbh I don't feel I need time off

As others have said, it sounds to me that you're ill. If you'd had to cancel the trip due to a broken leg, glandular fever, etc, that would be just something for your employers to accept; it's no different when a bit of your brain (the bit that rationalises risk?) is broken.

From you last post it sounds like you accept that you're ill, so go with it. Good luck.

OP, any update from work on this?

No.

I've not had a reply from my boss within the 24hrs I sent an email. Still waiting to get a docs appt as well. I don't really want to self sign myself off from work any longer than today.

Woke up with a thumping headache and weak legs, but read the first chapter Damon Hills autobiography, which is a revelation as far as this episode is concerned as anyone who's read it will understand.

Kryton57 - How's your head?

Isn't there a question as to why work would compel people to fly to the states when a lot of stuff can be done through video links ups. I no there's not the networking but it sounds as though this was a strategy meeting and not one where a lot of discussions were happening.

I am not sure how the ads work on here but half way down this thread I have an advert for military air tattoo!

(Good luck by the way Kryton57).

Any more news Kryton? Hope you're doing okay.