The utter boredom of lockdown has reached a zenith with us watching the programme about the Billion Dollar cruise ship. We’ve always said to ourselves that this is a holiday we’d hate. But something is almost compelling us to go once to confirm it (like driving a Capri). So has anyone been on a cruise that was actually good? It is it just old people being ripped off in a confined space?
Mrs kilo did The Hebridean Princess around the Scottish islands with her granny years ago, says it was one of her favourite trips. Not the most commercial of cruises though.
I went on a Cunard cruise with my (then)wife's parents. The people were awful. the staff and the food was wonderful.
My main issue was that, for each city you went to (we did the Baltic sea), they drop you off at 7am (nothing open) and you need to be back on the boat by 3pm. I would have preferred to see the cities at night - have drinks and dinner etc?
Oban to Tiree. 4 and a bit hours. More of a ferry crossing than a cruise but I rather enjoy it, done it many times and still love seeing the locals in the bar at 8am on the whisky singing songs.
Stockholm to Helsinki and back was quite a lot of fun in a liver destroying stylee
We did a Cunard 2 week med cruise, sailing from Southampton about 9 or 10 years ago for our 25th anniversary. It was something my wife wanted to do and I was convinced I'd hate it. I didn't, it was great. Not to the extent I'd ever become a serial cruiser, but we would consider going again.
Food etc is brilliant, loads to do on board. We opted to go to the gym every day and always use the stairs instead of lifts to offset the food and booze! 2 weeks was good as it allowed a couple of 2 day stops (Istanbul and Venice) as well as loads of 1 day trips.
I was equally sceptical when the MIL suggested a cruise with all the family. But went with it because I'd never been on one before.
Went with P&O from Southampton and did Spain, Canaries etc and it was one of the most relaxing holidays I've had. Drove to Southampton, someone takes the luggage and parks the car, it's a deli-counter style check in so we cat in comfy seats rather than standing in line and there was an entertainer to keep the kids amused.
Got on board and we were on holiday without any stress at all, the bags were already in our cabin so we unpacked and had a look round.
Entertainment was great, food fabulous and the cruise credit meant all our drinks for the week only cost £30. There's always something going on or nothing if that's what you'd rather. Don't go thinking the swimming pool is for more than a splash about. The kids absolutely loved it and they didn't even go to the kids club.
Different stop ashore every day and we booked something to do on most of them so that was good, with the kids we weren't overly bothered about sampling the nightlife of the towns we stopped at but sharing out the childcare between the family meant we all had a few nights on the cocktails.
Was it fun - yes. Was it more than I'd usually spend - yes, did everyone have a good time - definitely. Would we go again - that was a yes, we were due to go last summer, not fancying it that much at the moment! Maybe when COVID's under control.
My inlaws love cruise ships. In normal times would go on between 3 - 5 a year sorta love.
They spend their time eating, drinking, meeting loads of people
/collecting friends, the odd quiz and highlight of having dinner at the captains table once a cruise. Sounds terribly dull to me.
My wife & I on the other hand go for a two cruise on our own wee boat through the Hebrides each year. Big landscapes, wilderness, empty anchorages, gazillions of stars, and getting away from 'society' with a couple of trips to some island pubs. Absolutely glorious. My inlaws think what we do quite boring.
Horses for courses.
Met my now wife on a Carrick DC NALGO booze cruise between Truro, the Pandora, St Mawes and Falmouth. I like a short picturesque cruise but one of those advertised multi-day ones looks like hell on water to me.
Not been on one. Don't think I ever will either. Friend worked for Carnival head office until made redundant during Covid. Carnival own a bunch of other brands and she used to get last minute deals ludicrously cheaply. She said there were cruises and there were cruises and some of them she would would have to be paid to go on. I was on her list of friends not allowed to use her friends and family deal - for my own good as she knew I'd hate it so much. Or was it that I might embarrass her?!?
What I will say having spent a few weeks in Norway in popular cruise destination land is they seem to bring the worst out in places. The tat and commercialism in the areas around a cruise stop off points was so unlike the rest of the country - if you went on a cruise to Norway you'd get a very warped opinion of the place. And the pollution they generated was pretty horrible too - imagine a small city run completely on marine diesel (even when at anchor for all the leccy) with funnels not high enough to clear the fjords - cruise visitors must think Norway is a very smoggy place! They are still horrible polluting things but being surrounded by so obviously is a very fjords specific problem I guess.
My folks did it a few times, then bought a static caravan on the same site we are on. Best thing they did for them, my folks love it.
A cruise would kill me, I can't do staying in, lockdown hasn't helped....
I get the impression that cruise ships are essentially the seaborne equivalent of vanlifers... Drive into lovely spots, spoil the view, bring everything with them and buy nothing local, contribute little to the local communities, leave a big shitty polluted mess them swan off to the next stopover...
https://www.theguardian.com/business/2019/sep/16/a-rising-tide-overtourism-and-the-curse-of-the-cruise-ships
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/environment/2016/may/21/the-worlds-largest-cruise-ship-and-its-supersized-pollution-problem
Oh, and shocking employee rights
I’ve often wondered why anybody would want to be stuck on a floating Blackpool but after chatting to a work colleague who was a time served cruiser I thought different.
Sailing of an evening with a different destination in the morning sounded cool.
After researching I found a bloke who does the cruise ship malarkey on a shoe string by paying for vacant cabins on commercial ships, no all inclusive indulgence, more a proper adventure.
Wish I could find the bookmark 😠
My dad is pretty keen on cruises. The mrs & I joined him for one ages ago when we were early 20’s. It was an American ship, carnival iirc, majority American passengers round the Med. we had a brilliant time. Certainly wasn’t an ancient crowd, no formal dress code or any of that nonsense. Great vibe with all these yanks buzzing about being in Europe. Loved it in the casino late at night playing craps with all these whooping and hollerin folks!!
Fast forward 15 years we went on another, a royal Caribbean not dissimilar to the billion pound one. This was an all expenses paid all inclusive jolly for the old mans 60th birthday. Med again. The ship was unreal, brand new, all the fancy amenities but there was a big group of us, 2 brothers and their families, step brother and wife etc so we were just going for it every day. Not even sure which ports we stopped at because the ship was so much fun.
We enjoyed it so much we booked another the following year. Med again, royal Caribbean again but a much older boat. Seemed tatty and dated compared to the previous one, we had a shitty internal cabin with no windows. the entertainment wasn’t as good, the weather wasn’t great so didn’t get much use of the pools ( when the weather did pick up the pool area was too hammered to use) Ports of call not that interesting... quickly decided this would be our last cruise for a while.
All in all. I’d recommend everyone try it once if they can. That program does make it look a bit grotesque, all that food they go through!! The worst part for me is the ports. Don’t enjoy being one of this 10k man invasion at every destination where the locals are just waiting to extract money from you. Feel awkward being herded off this floating block of flats with the camera pointing socks n sandal brigade. We learnt to let the crowds disperse, wander off at our leisure later in the day. Happy to just mooch round the immediate area and find a bar or a beach to sit at for a bit or just stay onboard and enjoy the ship while it’s a bit more peaceful.
Closest I have been is a river cruise down the Nile. Stopping off once or twice a day to visit sites and then relaxing watching the scenery go by in-between.
Some friends went to the artic (or maybe antartic) on a smallish boat focussing on wildlife and sounded it did sound interesting.
The floating oversized hotels are a different story. I guess though if you just want to sit by the beach for a week then a cruise ship could be a fun alternative.
I did a Royal Caribbean Baltic sea cruise once to suit my disabled MIL.
It felt like a floating shopping mall dropping people off a cities where you needed much more time, while extracting as much money from you as possible, and all the time feeding you maximum calories.
Disgusting overconsumption, I'd rather sh1te in my hands and clap than go on another one.
Two night cruse to Bruges on the P&O Britannia with 12 other blokes, brilliant but perhaps not the cruse you were looking for...
A week around the Clyde on a naval fleet tender, crewed by alcoholics. After ramming a pier (the captain was drunk), we went to Gourock. The boat was then boarded by local neds, who chased us round the ship. Couldn't understand a word of what was being said by anyone. Great days.
We went to Norway on a Cunard ship for our 25th a few years back. It was incredible.
The towns we went to were amazing, we went hiking at one point, and I even got to go sea kayaking for a day.
I would do it again in a heartbeat, and that’s from someone who used to make fun of the very idea of a cruise!
The only one that would interest me is the Clyde Puffer up the West Coast:
Clyde Puffer holiday
But, last time I looked, it was out of my price range by a long way.
We had a good day on the Manchester Ship Canal a few years ago on a Mersey Ferry.
Around a 6 hour journey, was far better than expected. We did from Salford to Liverpool, it appears they arent offering that one now, but do have a round trip from Liverpool:
Mersey Ferry
We did a couple of Carnival cruises back in the days before kids, both around the Caribbean. Go with a healthy amount of cynicism and you'll be fine.
We enjoyed them immensely and would like to take the kids one day. You are a captive market. You are sold to continuously. Americans are a weird bunch. It's quite easy to dissociate yourself enough to have your own fun - you don't have to join in. You can take yourself off on your own expeditions if you like (but there are plenty of warnings about that).
Carnival are best described as Butlins on acid. Everything is gold and tacky. But it's a great insight into the world. We were told that Royal Caribbean is a step up (everything's chrome), then P&O then Cunard.
Food is great. I had stuff I've never had before or since. Don't get an internal cabin; they're horrible.
Some hippy surfer guy tried to chat up my girlfriend and ended up giving us 500 bucks each to put on a roulette wheel. We lost the lot in 20 seconds flat. The people mix is fascinating.
Weird but amazing experience. I would like to go on a smaller cruise one day.
Cruise with COVID !
Cruise with COVID !
It is a factor, especially with new variants popping up. It's like your perfect melting pot between different nations.
I also think psychologically it's going to take a lot of people a while to be in that close contact with other people again.
Having never considered doing a cruise, we were invited along on a family+friends (20+ of us) one a few years ago. This sailed from Vancouver, along the Alaskan "Inside Passage", then after a week at sea we travelled inland to Denali National Park.
The scenery was spectacular, and the food, drink and entertainment were plentiful. The ship stopped most days at coastal towns that felt as though they existed purely to sell tat to tourists, but a short walk would take you through that and into a more normal environment.
I suspect I enjoyed it more as we had such a large group of friends and family with us, rather than having to mingle with others. If I were to do it again, I think it would be better in reverse - travel across the land first (fairly tiring) then a relaxing cruise at the end.
Yeah! Done Hull Zeebrugge a few times on bikes, overnight, spring classics related. You've got bars, including the classy piano bar, a show, a disco, the casino, bars, hen parties, the not always calm North sea... I've no idea why people think cruising is in any way relaxing?
I've done two. First time out was with a small ship of adults only (quiet at the back) and despite having been a life long sceptic Mrs Scape persuaded me to try it for a week. We cruised the Med, with stops in Venice, Trieste, Pula, Zadar and Split.
Firstly the ship was on one of its last cruises. The crew were fantastic, with stewards that were really attentive, great food and premium type drinks for a modest upgrade. We installed ourselves in the cocktail and piano bar most evenings, which had some great musicians and interesting company to chat with. At two in the morning I discovered that the crew were in the habit of putting on a buffet supper, which as often as not included some great far eastern cuisine.
The daytime stopovers were brilliant, with a full day ashore. All of the cities we visited were steeped in some fantastic political history, especially Slovenia and Croatia..... and the Roman influences in Pula, Zadar and Split meant some superb city wandering. That they were all ports meant that the time spent ashore meant you could explore plenty and it was all generally relaxed. I enjoyed the whole thing far more than I had expected, and I'm determined to return for a land based holiday on the Dalmatian coast.
So with my guard down I let her book another one. This time the other side of the Med. Spain, Corsica, Sicily, Italy. Never again.
The ship was huge and packed with families on an all-inclusive bender. The food was no better than canteen standard, the drinks were shite and you had to queue for them. The entertainment was the only reasonable thing about it, with five or six different bands or duos in different bars. The "Broadway Show Lounge" was Butlins on downers with woeful interpretations of "All the shows" by gap-year infants. The stewards were nowhere near as attentive and I ended up trying to find a quiet corner to enjoy a few drinks whilst avoiding the several combined extended families determined to drink the ship dry and shout about it.
The day trips were sort of OK, but the highlights that should have been (Pompei, Rome, Barcelona) all involved several hours of coach trip there and back. Three hours to Barcelona and three hours back meant we had time to queue for and visit the Gaudi House and then try and find our way back to the coach.
Never again.
I got the boat back from Bilbao once, does that count? It was shit.
Had the good fortune to go on a schools cruise when I was 16. That was awesome, even though it was fitted out like a prison barge...
A massive cruise liner packed with my fellow humans coughing on the buffet would be my vision of hell right now. The ones I've seen on the telly still seem to have the ambience of a tarted up ferry.
The ship was huge and packed with families on an all-inclusive bender. The food was no better than canteen standard, the drinks were shite and you had to queue for them. The entertainment was the only reasonable thing about it, with five or six different bands or duos in different bars. The “Broadway Show Lounge” was Butlins on downers with woeful interpretations of “All the shows” by gap-year infants. The stewards were nowhere near as attentive and I ended up trying to find a quiet corner to enjoy a few drinks whilst avoiding the several combined extended families determined to drink the ship dry and shout about it.
The day trips were sort of OK, but the highlights that should have been (Pompei, Rome, Barcelona) all involved several hours of coach trip there and back. Three hours to Barcelona and three hours back meant we had time to queue for and visit the Gaudi House and then try and find our way back to the coach.
Enjoyable rant, would book again. a+++
Those motorboats you can hire on Ullswater. Absolutely brilliant.
They mostly sound like hell on waves.
Horses for courses.
I always quite liked the look of 70000tons.com not sure whether that fits many people's idea of a cruise though.
Not so much a cruise as such, but I have done the Newcastle > Bergen ferry a few times as short breaks and it's beautiful, especially when going through the fjords. Last time I was on it I spent an evening drinking with the cabaret singer - Scott Fitzgerald, the runner-up to Celine %^*$ing Dion in the Eurovision Song Contest back in the 70s. Which was nice.
My idea of hell, and that’s not even taking into account the how polluting and un-environmentally friendly they are
Being in an oversized Petri dish with hundreds of other peeps frightens the life out of me. Food poisoning and illness on boats is a regular news story. And if one gets ill or someone forgets to put the salmon mouse back in the fridge, everyone's likely to go down with it!
And that Covid thing is here to stay apparently 🤣
My aunt loves them - in normal times she does 2 or 3 a year.
She's fairly old now, on her own and not 100% mobile so to her it's like a massive all-inclusive spa and restaurant with better weather. She's one of those people who have a knack of just striking up conversation though so she loves the social aspect and always has tales of these weird and wonderful people she's met - seems a fair few are regulars so they all finish one cruise saying "see you on the next one!" and sure enough they'll bump into each other again a few months later.
She's had one or two slightly tatty ships but she generally knows now the areas to go to which gets more of the sedate older folk and less of the loud chavvy families.
My Dad worked in an orchestra for a while that was regularly booked on cruises, he's been on the QE2. However he came back after one trip - last one before a major refit - and said it was just awful. Everything was on its last legs, tatty towels and bedlinen, dirty carpets and so on. The final leg, coming back across the Atlantic, the crew were just chucking shit overboard - deckchairs, loungers, broken fittings. He was absolutely horrified - the crew just said it was cheaper doing that than paying for it all be to disposed of in port. He wrote a very strong letter of complaint about that one.
I was in the Azores back in 2019 (road cycling), sadly I only missed her cruise ship calling in there by a few days, she was on her way back from the Caribbean.
Once in Gran Canaria I cycled down to the port and out onto the headland. Looking back at the city, there was a cruise liner docked outside and it was VAST. It dwarfed all the hotels on land. Personally, not my idea of fun.
As a life long hater of organised "things" we went on a cruise (Queen Victoria - Med) solely because Mrs Chaz's daughter was a dancer on board and it was her penultimate trip. We got it relatively cheap as an almost last minute booking. Helped by brilliant weather in November/December we did a string of port calls in Spain and did our own thing - hired a scooter in Valencia, train to Jerez, bus tour of Barcelona. The dinner tables thing is hideous but the buffet dining is brilliant. Only down side is Cunard bill in USD and we got a stiff charge from the Credit Card for the conversion (upside, we got staff rates on drinks....). Would I do it again? 95% probably not. But, pick your cruise and company and it could be great. FWIW I want to do a Hurtigruten cruise up the coast of Norway.
anyone been on a cruise with youngish kids? it seems like the kind of thing that could work well if lots of childcare thrown in, or could be a nightmare if there's nothing for them and you're trapped in a small room for a week..
put the salmon mouse back in the fridge
😲
I went on one with my Dad soon after my Mum died. It was actually pretty good waking up in a new place every day to go and explore. The crucial thing is it was a small ship though (and you paid for the privilege). Enormous floating 'Vegas on Sea' things would be a very different story.
Hateful experience, went on one to placate the outlaws brrrr never again
A big plus for the Cunard cruise we did was there were hardly any kids on it, so all the entertainment, food etc. was aimed at adults.
There were loads of different classes, activities, lectures and stuff every day. We had a really good military historian on ours who spoke about many of the areas we visited just before we docked, the Sicilian campaign and Monte Casino, Gallipoli etc. I went to those whilst my wife laid by the pool or watched a film before we met for lunch or afternoon tea.
I don't think kids were excluded at all, just that Cunard didn't seem to focus on that market.
Not wishing to be a miserable bastard (though accepting that I am), but at my age a ship full of young kids wouldn't have been fun. When our kids were younger I would have loved that of course. So I suppose the message is, choose your cruise line, type of ship and itinerary carefully. It's not for everyone but I've met loads of people like me who despised the whole concept, up until they tried it.
anyone been on a cruise with youngish kids? it seems like the kind of thing that could work well if lots of childcare thrown in, or could be a nightmare if there’s nothing for them and you’re trapped in a small room for a week..
We went on one with our 4 year old as he would have been then. This was P & O. The kids club was great - he wanted to go all the time. We went out exploring lots of places with him and had a really good time exploring various places in Italy. There was a kids tea between 5 and 6 which he liked going to as he could go with his friends from kids club and then go and play some games in the evening before watching a film with them. This gave my wife and I some time to chill in the evening having a few drinks and some dinner before picking him up and taking him to a shortish west end type show (20mins ish) and going back to the cabin to watch a film. It was real adventure for him. But other cruise companies might not be as good.
In the morning we would get some fruit delivered to the room and head straight to the pool for an hour or so before getting a second breakfast so he loved doing that as well and in the morning it wasn't generally that busy!
It was interesting getting a perspective from the other side.
North Sea cruises that advertise Scotland and Inverness as a destination. You actually end up in Invergordon, moored with all the old oil rigs.
You are then bussed to Urquhart Castle on Loch Ness where your coach will have a 30 minute slot to park, unload, load and get out. But you'll have seen a castle and Loch Ness
You'll be driven to a whisky distillery.
Evening entertainment will be a piper and some Highland dancers.
You sleep surrounded by the lit-up rigs.
But hey, you've "done" Scotland.
Meanwhile, the local shops stock up. Not for the passengers - they get whipped past to a woolen mill or shortbread shop - but for the underpaid crew. Coke, Crisps and chocolate bars are stacked up high as the crew can't afford on-ship prices on their subsistence wages. The local charity shops get boxes of stuff from other nearby towns (there's actually a charity shop warehouse if you can imagine such a thing). Baby/kids clothes are in particularly high demand apparently.
When I was living in Nassau we’d get the regular long weekend boats over from Florida. They basically seem to be an excuse to leave the kids with your parents and have 4 or 5 nights away partying. I’ll liked them. Never went in one but knew a few girls who worked them.
My only experience of cruising was 3 nights split into two parts on the Nile. A bit down to Luxor and then a night down around Aswan. Flew between them and then back to the coast. I was fine but GF was very ill with food poisoning.
Yeah! Done Hull Zeebrugge a few times on bikes, overnight, spring classics related.
FYI. P&O have binned that route off now. Gutted. We've done the same and it's a bit of a giggle. Plenty Leffe Brun and taking the p*ss out of the cabaret singer is part of the Spring Classics for me. Then a fry up in the morning cooked by Filipino crew (who were constantly brilliant at their jobs) before rolling into Zeebrugge.
As for a proper cruise: We stayed in Dubrovnik and the best time of day to visit the old city was after the cruise ships went. Locals came out, the bars were full but not crazy and it was much more chilled than during the daytime - when all the GoT loving cruisers were ticking off the famous photo opportunities like a 10 year old collects Panini stickers (showing my age there).
Several all taxpayer funded mainly 6 to 8 month duration best highlight 10 days in the Seychelles, pissing off rich brits in the Hotel casino who had lashed out 10 grand for the holiday. Downside, couldn't choose who you went with and had to share my room with 45 other hairy arsed blokes who liked to drink and fart.
There are cruises, cruises and cruises. My folks have done loads, generally been great but a few they've found were the wrong line for them and learned for next time. E.g. Some are very family orientated with loads of kids around, some have an average passenger age north of 80, some still have horrid sounding class systems, some have strict dress codes, some are filled with folk taking up all the tables playing dominoes all day, and some are filled with folk who seem mostly normal. Various cruise websites around to help work out what is most suited to you (thats the royal "you" for anyone thinking about it)
We went on a Med cruise with Celebrity for my Mum's 60th, it was great. Started in Venice, day in Dubrovnik, trip to Olympia, day in Santorini, day in Corfu (where we just hired a car and did our own thing), good trip to Ephesus and finished with an overnight in Instabul (which is quite unusual for the ships to do I'm told). Food was brilliant, dress-code was basically no swimwear in the main dining areas, one formal night was nice to mix things up. It was just like being at a nice hotel that conveniently changed location every evening.
OTOH of course it is massively wasteful, and you could eat yourself into a coma if you really wanted to. And if i was going to do another I'd be very careful when picking the ship and itinerary
pissing off rich brits in the Hotel casino who had lashed out 10 grand for the holiday.
Yep. 👍🏼
Several all taxpayer funded mainly 6 to 8 month duration best highlight 10 days in the Seychelles, pissing off rich brits in the Hotel casino who had lashed out 10 grand for the holiday. Downside, couldn’t choose who you went with and had to share my room with 45 other hairy arsed blokes who liked to drink and fart.
😂Yep exactly the same as me highlights were global tour back in 2000 and FIGS back in 98 which had station leave in Barbados,probably one of my favourite place.
Been on a few, luckily got to spend a few very late nights out. Hong Kong, Hamburg, Buenos Aires and Santos were highlights. Busan, Rio, Barbers Cut and Rochester were not.
Okay, not a trad liner, but a box boat is damn near the same thing barring a general lack of (available) female company. We also went to the same crappy ports as the floating resorts.
Would I go on a proper cruise? Shit no, it was bad enough trying to fit shore visits around work when you were being paid to be there but when the money is going the other way? Forget about it.
The 70000 tons thing does seem worth a look, I could do that. Travelling on a box boat? Hmm maybe, if you don't mind the days/weeks of nothing between continents. Would I **** get back on a tanker though. Over a month of travel and I got 6 hours ashore before we turned round and sodded off again. Banks Line do cabins on general cargo ships, seemingly that's a lot more sedate and you see some obscure places but it was eye wateringly expensive last I checked.
@scruffy - are we married? Your life (and in laws) sound remarkably familiar!
We did the princess cruises Alaska cruise:
https://www.princess.com/learn/cruise-destinations/alaska-cruises/
We went with my in-laws and first child when he was 9 months old. It was amazing. It was the last but one run of the season and so a little quieter on the ship. Its a more casual cruise with the average age on the older side but the sites and places we went to were stunning. I'm guessing some of the Norwegian Fjord cruises are similar.
Like mentioned above, the small town we went to were a nice experience, once you waked that bit further from the ship.
I don't think we'd ever do a Caribbean or med cruise as the vibe isn't what we would be after, but the wife really wants to do the Japanese cruise:
https://www.princess.com/cruise-search/details?voyageCode=M131
Again, like someone said, there are cruises, cruises and cruises
Yeah! Done Hull Zeebrugge a few times on bikes, overnight, spring classics related.
FYI. P&O have binned that route off now. Gutted. We’ve done the same and it’s a bit of a giggle. Plenty Leffe Brun and taking the p*ss out of the cabaret singer is part of the Spring Classics for me. Then a fry up in the morning cooked by Filipino crew (who were constantly brilliant at their jobs) before rolling into Zeebrugge.
That's a real shame! Was a few years ago I guess. Filipino crew meant some good food choices I very vaguely remember, and as many tubs of haagendaz as you wanted...