[Closed] Had my dad's funeral yesterday

Sorry to hear of your loss
I wont even know when my dad dies and wont be going
I know it hurts but trust me you were the lucky one as I wont bat an eyelid when mine dies
AT least you knew yours and you cared

Chin up fell chin up

Healing vibes

Sorry to hear that. Condolences, its a v tough thing to go through.

THM

Lung cancer got my Dad at 68, you have my sympathy.
Remember him and smile.

Thank you . It's been just family for the last few weeks round the clock so just needed to vent to somebody else .

F##K CANCER. F##k it to the far side of f##k. Then back again.

So sorry to hear that, CJ. My father has been going through, and hopefully getting over, cancer these last couple of years and it's been awful, so I feel I understand very much what you've been through on this.

For what little it helps, my thoughts are with you and your family. If you can, try and keep your focus on who he is, not who he was. As in, what he still means to you and yours, the influences, the memories. Those things ARE, not were. And they will always be.

Condolences on the loss of your father.

Look after yourself and if you've got the capacity for it keep an eye out for those around you. Tough times.

I feel your pain, mine went in front of me
13 years ago in The Lakes.
Aged 63.
Retired in the June, died in the July.
Thankfully not of Cancer.
All the best with it, and stay well.

Awful. My best advice is to talk about how you feel about it. My Dad died 17 years ago, aged 50 and it has got easier - the happiness of his life beforehand generally outweighs the pain of our loss nowadays. I was 20 and my brother was 16 and he bottled up his feelings and threw himself into working even harder than before - I worry about the internalised problems that rear their head occasionally.

Condolences to you and your loved ones

it's easily said, but "celebrate the life" is how I'd like to be remembered

For what it's worth matey, it's better than watching them die from Alzheimers like everyone seems to in my family.

Cancer is terrible though, all the best to you and your family.

Lost my father 18 years ago to bone cancer when he was 61 my mother is going through round 3 of chemo @ 73 following breast cancer & lymph node surgery.

I just feel like a ticking clock 🙁

F##K CANCER

Can't help but think that this is one case where the swear filter can get f......

🙁

Dear Crapjumper,

Really sorry to read your news and my condolences.

I lost my father, and then 5+ more family members to cancer over the next two years and yes it hurt, yes it's a *****r and more but think of the good memories, think of the years you had and reflect on those.

The short term pain lessons over time but longer term the things father share, the things you recall become even more poignant and special. You enjoyed all those good years before you lost him :/

Best wishes and good vibes,

James

Condolences to you and your family.

You're right. Cancer is a massively shitty disease. Went to a friend's funeral last week. Diagnosed with bowel cancer 10 months ago. She was 34

Not been in your shoes but hope your staying positive and lots of good thoughts about good times

Thank you all and please stay strong to all the people still suffering from this awful disease .

I sat with my dad as he took his final breath. For about a week I had this empty feeling.
Then as I sat on a hill looking out to sea he came back to me. I can't really explain what happened but the void inside was filled and I was happy again.

Tough times, our thoughts are with you and your family.

Crapjumper. Very sorry to hear that. I lost my dad to a long-term illness 4.5 years ago. It is very tough but things do get easier. I have found that I am able to remember him more with a smile than tears as time has gone on.

You are not on your own in hating cancer too. **** it several times over!

Jay

Sorry about your loss.
fwiw , I think I was at my lowest point the day after my dad's funeral.
The finality of it all , and the stress leading up to it.. it's when the proper mourning starts...and slowly,over time, becomes easier to live with.

Condolences crapjumper

Got a 19yr old boy fighting leukemia in Sweden. #****cancer

You have my deepest sympathies. My dad died two years ago now from liver cancer at 70. Far too young for someone who worked right up until the end.

It gets easier over time. Trust me on that.

All the best to you crapjumper.
My Dad died just over a year ago, was thinking of him on the way home yesterday actually. Would be cool to bump my "Dad appreciation thread", but I think its probably closed now.

Very sorry to read that OP. Deepest sympathies. You're right - too young.

😥

Crapjumper - condolences on your loss. It can be a tough time, look after yourself and your loved ones.

I lost my dad a couple of years ago after he'd fought head and neck cancer very bravely for 4.5 years.

Cancer is a complete arsehole.

Hope you are getting through it ok. My step dad died of a brain tumour last year, was an awful time. My father died of lung cancer when I was 2 in 1976. Cancer ****ing sucks. Take care of yourself.

sorry to hear that.
My dad died 8 years ago; still miss him a lot. Thankfully he had a good life and a happy retirement - and simply passed away, slowly (from a stroke, so wasn't that great). But at least I was there to help him in the final couple of years and with him when he died.

I guess because of the nature of his passing, how he became a shadow of his former self latterly, I felt empty for sure after he died, but went for a bike ride the next day...

I do wish had spent more time with him and allowed him to chat about his life, his family and the hills...

Last month my mum collapsed at home and never made it to the hospital (she had signed a DNR order). She had lymphoma, been through one course of chemo, had six months clear then it returned. She started a second course but it proved too aggressive and she had it cancelled after the first dose. After that it was just steroids for management. I can't honestly recall her complaining about anything related. When asked she always answered straight away 'I'm fine'... I was especially close to her and I miss her.

#****cancer

12 days later my dad died. He had heart issues, hypertension and inoperable lung cancer. Fortunately my dad died peacefully in his sleep. I guess he couldn't manage on his own and mercifully he was spared dying of cancer. And 'independent' living after 57 years of married life. The evening before he died most of the close family were round, he had perked up a little, especially when all three of his granddaughters turned up. I should have been mountain biking that evening but had sacked off as I wasn't in the mood for it. I hugged him before I left (like always really). Someone else was staying in the house when he passed. he wasn't 'alone'.

#****cancer

Last Friday we were scattering their ashes, it was pretty sombre as you can imagine. My SIL had brought helium filled balloons for her kids to release. The youngest had written a letter to her grandparents and tied it to the balloon before release. Which proceeded to get caught in the branches of the tree we selected for the scatter. Me and my brother had various attempts to retrieve said balloon but we only made it worse. Not even my brother getting his brolly from the car worked and we ended up with my sisters partner (the lightest adult there) perched on the shoulders of my brother and using me for stability before we finally managed to remove it. My niece (yup the balloon releaser) had her iphone out and was 'videoing' us... we all dissolved into laughter, we reckoned my mum would be pissing herself with laughter at us but my dad would be going 'Edith, its not funny, stop laughing...'

#laughter-after-tears

OP, you have my heartfelt sympathy.

#****cancer

Sorry to hear about your father CJ. Not much one can say to help. My mother died of melanoma in June after a rapid decline despite initial PD-1 treatment. My almost twin sister died of the same in January after four years of BRAF/MEK therapy. This is the first August we are not the same age 🙁 .

Ride your bike and think of him. Hold onto the good times.

The combined age of my parents will always be exactly 100.

*manhugs*.

{hug}

Rachel

So sad for you, stuff happens, my mum died at 63 Heart attack, dad died at 86, prostrate cancer and mrsa, along with a broken leg.........

Mate, it really is s***, lost my Mum to cancer 5 years ago and still hurts now.

Remember, it's OK to feel angry and sad. Riding bikes helps lots.

On the #laughteraftertears front, we scattered Mum's ashes at the local golf course (it's what she would have wanted), was a very windy afternoon and all I could think of was the scene at the end of The Big Lebowski where The Dude ends up with Steve Buscemi's ashes all over his face - didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Pint of beer afterwards in the clubhouse helped.

+1 manhug from me

Lost my father in march this year as well - take it very easy for a few weeks. Then his sister (my aunt) passed away 3 weeks after.

It gets easier over time, remember the good times.

lost mine to skin cancer march 2013, Chemo and radio therapy, 10 hrs of surgery left his face a mess and half his thigh gone (though that healed quite quickly) he had weeping neck wounds from the surgery till he died and loss of control one side of his face. Got a really upbeat phone call from him in early febuary he sounded better than he had in ages. he was dead 3 weeks later the cancer returned even more virulent, still miss him.

#****cancer

My mother died 3.5 years ago - bowel cancer that she left too late to be treatable, and the last week or so was not a time I want to remember. In comparison, the funeral almost seemed to arrange itself, and was the start of things getting easier for me.
When we scattered the ashes, I got a distinct feeling she was shoving her oar in...
Half of the ashes were scattered at sea in Devon by my dad & brother, and I never quite got the full story, but they apparently weren't sorry to be offered a tow back in by the local lifeboat, which had been called out to them to check they were ok.
The other half, my dad & I scattered off the coast near their home, and just as we took the lid off the urn, we noticed that the centreplate cover was leaking gently - the mainsail cleat attaches to it, and the main was pulling the screws out and letting the sea in... Thankfully, no lifeboat needed, but definitely her kind of chaos, somehow!

Sorry for your loss. It's not easy and only you will deal with what is happening to you so peoples advice although intended as helpful can be a bit pointless/unhelpful.

For me everything leading up to the funeral was surreal as I was in shock and going through the motions. After that the grieving started. Still fairly affected one year on. Not at the stage where I can think happily about happy memories. I go from between sadness and anger about what happened. But smile and get through it. Just care and support those around.

What I am getting at is no one can tell you how its going to be and how you should feel.

A lot of sadness in here.