[Closed] H E L P!!! Upset woman content

Smokey - my big grey tomcat who is very lovely and affectionate and also a merciless brutal killer - brought in a fledgling pigeon, I made him drop it in the kitchen and shooed him out

I turned around to find the bird stood up looking surprised with a very large hole in his back where the cat had attacked but not punctured the lungs, so I got the biggest gardening gloves, chucked an old tshirt over it and took it into the field

guess who came back half an hour later???

ever seen a cat drag a squirrel in through the flap with him??

Has nobody complimented the poster who said you are lucky it is not more than one crow or it could be a murder?

That is solid gold genius and gets my vote for post of the year so far!

Is it still there?

I was just wondering, do you know any men?

petrol.

Dance round it naked?

Two old forks, the blades hammered into the ground, about 26" apart. Loop an old inner tube round the sticking up bits. Wearing rubber gloves stretch the inner tube, making a catapult, then launch the corpse so it can fly back to rook heaven. Or through a neighbour's bathroom window: this would be best done when they are in the shower.

Hang it from the porch upside-down and draw a semi-circle out of salt on the floor, paint a pentagram on the door. This should keep out any evil forces that the sacrifice might have attracted in the first place. Turn any glasses upside down and turn all mirrors towards the wall.

[IMG] [/IMG]

Flashy - you're on top form.

Okay, so has anybody actually heard from cg recently?

I'm working myself in a frenzy! Blood pressure going sky high so resorted to cracking open a beer to unwind. 😀

OK, after dinner I *wondered* whether as it was dark it might be easier to dispose of. Hmm, no! Refuse needed emptying and there was no bloody way I was going out the back door. 😯 So, yes, I did catch sight of it and it was still lying there on the ground, close to my back door.

There will be shenanigans overnight, I can feel it in my bones. It will be messy but as long as the head has gone I may be able to cope.

I've seen plenty of dead animals, human bodies too, but dead birds just freak me out!

So ... thanks for entertaining me and, yes Cap'n, you're a very naughty man. 😆

*whispers* Ok, so here I am in cg's garden staring at a dead bird. Shall I make a mobile out it and have it dangling in front of her bedroom window ready for the mornings wake up?
I can muster a few extra dead birds for good effect.

Or I can make up a trebuchet and place the bird on one end and a weighted object on her window cill, then leave a note explaining that opening the window, will dislodge the weight, and the bird will get jettisoned away. Unless I get the measurements wrong.....
CG. Just kidding.
If you're lucky something will come and grab it in the night.
If not, the saga will continue.

You bet there'll be shenanigans overnight; that's when the zombie ravens come out to play!

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cinnamon_girl - Member

OK, after dinner I *wondered* whether as it was dark it might be easier to dispose of.

I find the best time to deal with anything terrifying is always after dark.

Well, just a little update from a pathetic woman - had the most awful sleep and I'm blaming you lot for those distressing pics. 😉

I steeled myself for a peep and the darn thing is still there, intact. Local foxes are obviously rubbish!

Will ask a neighbour to help, not easy when everyone avoids you cos you're the local weirdo. 🙂

Oh if the foxes won't touch it, that must mean that it's infected or something.....

stear well clear 😈

Are you sure its the same bird?

Sorry about the bad night's sleep CG, no doubt partially caused by my photos of dead animals. 🙁

I hope the dead crow boggers off from your patio and here's some photos of some living things to help cheer you up....

[url= http://farm2.staticflickr.com/1238/5118935788_f06a520c46.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm2.staticflickr.com/1238/5118935788_f06a520c46.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/8308384@N06/5118935788/ ]297/265 - Bread Related Squabble @ Bodiam Castle....[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/8308384@N06/ ]Slugwash[/url], on Flickr

[url= http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3054/4564046018_e481c319ea.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3054/4564046018_e481c319ea.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/8308384@N06/4564046018/ ]118/365 - Hereford Bullock[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/8308384@N06/ ]Slugwash[/url], on Flickr

[url= http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4013/4573640569_72bbc33403.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4013/4573640569_72bbc33403.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/8308384@N06/4573640569/ ]123/365 - Cat Near the Lewes Arms[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/8308384@N06/ ]Slugwash[/url], on Flickr

[url= http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5063/5609579826_dafc9af5ba.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5063/5609579826_dafc9af5ba.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/8308384@N06/5609579826/ ]097/365 - Primroses by Night[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/8308384@N06/ ]Slugwash[/url], on Flickr

[url= http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2756/5740502853_837451fa88.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2756/5740502853_837451fa88.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/8308384@N06/5740502853/ ]140/365 - Blackawton Churchyard Sheep[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/8308384@N06/ ]Slugwash[/url], on Flickr

[url= http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5061/5690641535_baaf76dab9.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5061/5690641535_baaf76dab9.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/8308384@N06/5690641535/ ]124/365 - Concussed Corvid Encounter on Commute[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/8308384@N06/ ]Slugwash[/url], on Flickr

Yeah, but they'll all be dead soon too.

I suppose this is a stupid question but do you not live near any other weirdo's/cyclists who can do the job for you?

Put it in a jiffy bag and post it to someone you don't like.

[i]do you not live near any other weirdo's/cyclists who can do the job for you? [/i]

Hora's got experience shifting birds;

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Can we have a crowgress update please?

Hang on, there's a G-clamp on the bottom of that door on the right. Did they have to bodge it open extra wide?

It should be gone soon c_g, once it starts to smell a fox will get interested.

Fortunately, nature will sort this out for you, just give it time

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man the F up - its dead ffs! just get a shovel and stick it in the bin

properbikeco - Member
man the F up - its dead ffs! just get a shovel and stick it in [s]the bin[/s] a pie

FTFY

Oh binners, come on, do it properly

[img][url= http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8381/8519975844_034beb4082.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8381/8519975844_034beb4082.jp g"/> [/img][/url] [url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/78747112@N04/8519975844/ ]napalm strike[/url]

bearnecessities - Member
Can we have a crowgress update please?

[IMG] [/IMG]

Zombie crow, that must be why the zombie ravens left it alone, mutual respect...

OP - Stan's makes both the Crow and Raven tires. 🙂

Both are black. The center tread is the same. The Raven has side knobs that are twice as tall as the Crow. ❗

So you just need to pick it up and look at it real close to tell if it is a Raven or a Crow. 😡

Crow (top) and Raven (bottom)
[img] [/img] [img] [/img]

HTH!

FCOL, it's taken a sinister turn and my blood pressure is rocketing.

It's moved!!! Dead bird is now on the grass, about 2 foot away from its original resting place on the patio. 😯

I can see it from the kitchen window so have closed the blind. Will be asking bloke across the road if he can help.

Clearly it isn't dead.
Best thing to do is finish the job with a spade.

Spooky, do you have Ghosts as well??

"Shudders"

I'd call an Estate Agent if I were you.

Have you tested it for traces of horse DNA?

Just woken up and read this thread. Top Bombing. There are now tears rolling down my cheeks.

This is why Mother Nature invented 8 year old boys. They'll poke it with sticks then spend the day throwing increasingly large stones/bricks at it. By the time their Mum calls them in for tea you will just have to wait for the rain to wash the liquified mess away. Sorted!

Ideal opportunity to make a feather boa...

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[i]Best thing to do is finish the job with a spade. [/i]

Immediately after calling the bloke round so he comes round to see you hitting a long dead bird with a shovel. 😉

i know what jonny wilkinson would do,T it up and go for a conversion..

well maybe not

foxes round your way not so good are they.. it be gone soon

samuri

Immediately after calling the bloke round so he comes round to see you hitting a long dead bird with a shovel.

It's normally us blokes that get caught doing that...........

I once pulled the head off a bird in front of the kids by accident 😉

A little update...

Calm has been restored. 😀 I asked the bloke across the road and he happily retrieved and disposed of in some trees. Relieved that it won't be sitting in the dustbin for the next two weeks!

Thanks for entertaining me, and mocking me, but I expected no less! 😉 Thank goodness that trauma has ended.

'Disposed of in some trees' makes me think he's nailed it to a branch or something

I asked the bloke across the road and he happily retrieved and disposed of in some trees. Relieved that it won't be sitting in the dustbin for the next two weeks!

Well it might not be sitting in your dustbin for the next two weeks, but its rotting and putrid corpse might fall out of a tree onto you.

TopTip : Keep away from trees near you for the next month or so.

Perhaps all it needs is some tasty frozen dessert comestible...

If something starts tapping at your window tonight, whatever you do, [b]dont open the curtains![/b] 😯