[Closed] H E L P!!! Upset woman content

Shovel?

Neighbours?

Run out into the street screaming. This should attract a local good Samaritan who will dispose of the bird.

buy a Cat?

stick an old towel over it - A fox will more than likely take it overnight..

A fox will probably come and take it away overnight tonight. Shut the curtains so you can't see it, it's too cold to sit out on the patio anyway.

Otherwise get your neighbour to help. Is the boy still watching you? He probably already knows it's there - EEEK he might have put it there (only joking). Ask a neighbour.

HTH
x

Neighbour's shovel?

I misread that as 'think its a cow'. I feel strangely disappointed now.

WTFU - it is an ex-bird, it isn't going to bite you.*

* Disclaimer: unless of course it is a vampire zombie dead crow.

Get a spade.
Dig a hole.
Put organic waste in hole (you can use the spade for this, precious).
Fill hole.

It might not be dead. Patio = patio doors/glass = stunned?

Or it could be disemboweled, in which case ignore me.

Neighbours?

I'm not sure how watching a day time Aussie soap is going to help the situation.

It might just be pining for the fjords.

I can totally sympathise with you, cinnamon_girl. Even with a shovel, I would not be able to pick it up. There is something about the dead weight of a critter like that that just freaks me out.

I'm fine around either a lot smaller things or a lot bigger, strangely enough.

[img] ?bdfdce[/img]

Are you sure its dead and not just sleeping?

Ignore it.

Just go inside, switch on the telly and take your mind of the whole thing with a good film.

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I always feel really sad when I see dead birds and wild animals. Unless they've been savaged they're perfect little creatures in every way. But dead.

Awwwwwwwwwww

Time to fire up the barbie!

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A similar effect can be obtained with a can of WD40 and a lighter

I'm fine with other dead animals, remember my dead badger thread from yonks ago? 😉

Birds and flappy feathers. 😐

Would cats bother with it? Not sure if there's a local fox. Oh this is so horrible!

POIDH!!!

probably make a nice lasagna or something, perhaps sell it to Findus.

Eat it

Careful, it could just be faking it and as soon as you get close enough it will leap up and perform a tracheotomy on you with a single stab of it's beak.

Cats might have a go but they'll leave a mess as they don't like feathers or guts or bones, so imagine it now then imagine it with feathers all over the patio plus blood, guts and bones and then think carefully if you want to leave it out :p

This sort of situation is why the emergency services exist. Dial 999 and let them sort it out.

😀 Vampire Zombie Crows!

Hitchcock would be proud!

Just pretend it's a rook and you'll be fine.

if your issue is birds and flappy feathers then this should be fine, doesnt sound like its doing much flapping.

Stick it to your head and go to a fancy dress party as Tippi Hedren

😆

Quick question - if a cat was interested, would it eat the head? I might possibly be able to cope with feathers if there's no head.

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Hand inside plastic bag, pick up carcass, invert bag, tie top.

Of course that implies you don't mind picking up a bird with an extremely thin layer of plastic between you and it. Freaked me out when I had to do it! 👿

Edit:

Quick question - if a cat was interested, would it eat the head? I might possibly be able to cope with feathers if there's no head.

Cats wont touch it they're near the top of the food chain & only eat fresh meat.

Either the shovel or pick it up with a carrier bag like dog owners pick up dog turds and put it in the bin

dead birds are always much heavier than they look... you might need a good strong man to help you out 😉

throw a towel over it, approach slowly whilst wimperring and squeeling, grab it in a wrap-the-towel-around-it-so-you-dont-have-to-look-at-it fashion, throw it (feebly, like a girl remember) over the back garden. pick it up off the floor next to the fence where you weren't strong enough to throw it high enough (remember, i warned you they were heavy!), wrap the towel back around it to stop it from staring at you through its cold dead piercing eyes, drop it again, squeel all the way back inside and lock the doors until a man can come and help.

HTH x

We had a bluetit impale itself on a cactus once, it also caused one upset woman.
Was amazed at how well it had managed to impale itself, had to wear thick gloves to pull it off.

throw a towel over it, approach slowly whilst wimperring and squeeling, grab it in a wrap-the-towel-around-it-so-you-dont-have-to-look-at-it fashion, throw it (feebly, like a girl remember) over the back garden. pick it up off the floor next to the fence where you weren't strong enough to throw it high enough (remember, i warned you they were heavy!), wrap the towel back around it to stop it from staring at you through its cold dead piercing eyes, drop it again, squeel all the way back inside and lock the doors until a man can come and help.

That is [i]exactly[/i] how I was imagining how I'd deal with it. 😳

RM.

I bet its just a baby robin or something, you know what women are like 😉

Sure it's not a warning? Live near any mafioso?

Just so you know:
[i]Wild birds cannot be stuffed or mounted for display without a permit.[/i]

(ps. this is Indiana State Law and may or may not apply in the UK)

use it as bait to catch your sunday dinner?

Tie balloons to it and let it float away.

You'll need about 100 or so, after a quick google.

Here's my handy dead bird flow-chart-key thingy to help you ID your patio fauna....

Jackdaw....

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Pigeon.....

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Dunno...

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Fish....

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It might just be pining for the fjords.

😆

Not helpful at all. Funny though.

Sell it - there's a good market in jewellery made from dead bird's (feet mostly)...

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=bird+foot+jewelry&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=E7k&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=XGgvUYiuOcSa1AXB4ICwDg&ved=0CEQQsAQ&biw=1136&bih=831

You could have a nice new pair of earrings 😆

Have it stuffed and used as a match holder?

[img] ?w=500[/img]

Not helpful at all. Funny though.

That's what I was aiming for. 🙂

WTFU

Dead crow? Pfft.
A couple of weeks ago a crow dropped a dead rat onto my head. Thankfully I was wearing a hat.
(To be fair, this was in India)
Do you want pictures?

[i]To be fair, this was in India[/i]

well that explains it. Possibly.

I say take off and nuke it from space. Only way to be sure.

Just do what everyone else does - flick it into next door's garden. Some would eat it.

Lucky there aren't more of them or you'd have to call the police because then it would be a murder.

OK not a crow but this episode always makes me laugh

Leave it where it is, it'll take no more than a week for the head to be replaced with a half-decomposed maggot-ridden ball of slime.

Oh I've had to remove a decomposing duck that I guess a fox threw up. Ended up putting it into the green cone food recycling thing as stunk so much..

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I think this one might be a Female Blackbird

edit or possibly an old Starling

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cinnamon_girl - Member
remember my dead badger thread

Count yourself lucky it's not a proper bird, live a raven. Got one of them embedded in the radiator grill while driving across Ireland a couple of years ago.

Took ages to pull all the bits out.

I was riding my motorbike last summer and a little fluffy bird flew right at me in an insane version of Chicken.

I won

It's head went right through it's own a&$€

I think this one might be a Female Blackbird

edit or possibly an old Starling

My money's on Greenfinch

Make a hat.

We used to worship cats. The cats have not forgotten that. - [i]Terry Pratchet.[/i]

OK not a crow but this episode always makes me laugh

Thanx Fuzzy .....made me laugh too

My money's on Greenfinch

Could be, it's hard to get relative size without something to compare it with. 🙂

Slugwash next time you take some more bird snuff photos can you put a coin in for comparison.

It's threads like this that make me realise the male of the species is not yet fully redundant! 😉

Jeez, what distressing pics. Hovers over 'report post' button as I can't cope with all this upset. 🙁

I'm frightened to look outside due to my delicate disposition 😐

Learn necromancy and raise it as an undead familiar.

This thread has proper cheered up my afternoon.

Learn necromancy and raise it as an undead familiar.

Sounds like a winner?

Have we eliminated

"Pining for the Fjords"

or "kipping on it back"

for reasons why its not moving?

cinnamon_girl - Member
Jeez, what distressing pics. Hovers over 'report post' button as I can't cope with all this upset.

I'm frightened to look outside due to my delicate disposition

You need wine. Lots of wine.

Sorry C_G but you seem to be getting a lot of Man Sympathy* here, just to bring the Male Race back into its correct state, may I suggest you are making:

[img][url= http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8383/8516560574_46fa60c471.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8383/8516560574_46fa60c471.jp g"/> [/img][/url] [url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/65239715@N05/8516560574/ ]image[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/65239715@N05/ ]artaylor910[/url], on Flickr[/img]

* taking the piss

Are you sure it didn't just fly into a window and stun itself?
They'll be a bigger crow along in a moment, they'll eat any roadkill.

Assmemble the following things immediately and without delay:

2 length of houshold wiring
a couple of metal knitting needles
a car battery
some tin foil
A large syringe

Now, use the wire, needles and car battery to jury rig a defibulator, wrap the tin foil over your face to prevent electrical burns in the event the bird bursts, use the syringe to perform artifical respiration.

Keep that going for at least 30mins and the bird will magically spring back to life. (or, if not, you probably will have some tastey cooked bird for dinner........)

You could probably make a half decent burger out of it

Ignore it.

Just go inside, switch on the telly and take your mind of the whole thing with a good film.

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So, and I have been following this all day, what is the current update on this...

have you managed to lure more of its friends round and made a nice pie, using an old nursery rhyme as guidance?

Just go inside, switch on the telly and take your mind of the whole thing with a good film.

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I'm so, so, sorry, CG! 🙂

Someone mentioned a hat? There's a precedence:

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He's Long Otter, of the Apsaroke (Crow) Indians, BTW. Johnny Depp has taken some fashion tips for playing Tonto as well:

[img] [/img]

There you are c_g, an idea for your next fancy-dress party... 😀

I'd wear gardening gloves and go for the plastic bag technique. Then come back on here after carrion it away and crow about it....