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Boxing day at the in-laws, out comes a giant sack of presents each for the kids, New year's Day they take them out to the park while we cook, somehow come back we another 3 present each. This happens all year round e.g second child gets presents on her brothers birthday (to not miss out)
Extra presents are normally given with "check with daddy if you can keep it" so I end up looking like a Grinch.
What can I do ?
Tell them to stop? Is it really that difficult?
Get them drunk and sign all their stuff over to you.
give them to charity or sell them on ebay and spend the profits on coke and hookers.
Or chalk it down to the benefits of having grandparents - spoiling their grandchildren is what they're built for.
Babybgoode doesn't have any (well he has one but she's essentially non-functioning) so he'll never know the joys of being spoiled by grandma or grandpa.
In our family it is the other way around - grandparents wringing their hands and the excesses of the kids parents (my sister and sister-in-law).
Just point them to [url= http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/12/05/many-toys-bad-children-study-suggests/ ]this (quick search - it was all over the news so there should be some non torygraph links to the research somewhere).[/url]
What's the real issue here?
They're "out-doing" you or "spoiling" the kids?
Hope the grandparents are as generous when it comes to financing an education, a start-up, a house deposit, and thank them for their generosity.
Similar situation here. Lovely, generous people BUT STOP BUYING SHIT!
The birthday thing is a big problem IMHO. Birthdays are for the birthday person only. We seem to have also adopted some sort of weird system where loads of other kids get to blow out the candle / spit on the cake "in case they feel left out". What? The? ****?
Anyway, my latest wheeze is to insist that all presents bought by them stay at their house. This has meant smaller pressies, but still large quantities. Focus for next year is to point out that the amount of presents NOT from santa far, far outweighed those that were. So much so that I bet the kids couldn't tell you what they got from whom. And that's a problem.
Also gonna work on the wife and her friends who seem to think it's a good idea to swap pressies even though we see them rarely. I mean, why? Come round, play with stuff. Go out for a meal.
Guess who's taking the Christmas decorations down today 😉
Let them my parents and wife’s mother spoil ours all the time.
Guess who's taking the Christmas decorations down today
Not me did it yesterday.
As a suggestion, set up a child ISA and try and get them to give to that instead of presents, that's what we do - small pressie and money to ISA
What's the real issue here?They're "out-doing" you or "spoiling" the kids?
Spoiling the kids and filling our house with utter rubbish.
What exactly is the problem? If the kids enjoy it, and the grandparents enjoy it, and it's only on special occasions....maybe just let them enjoy it?
Spoiling the kids and filling our house with utter rubbish.
If it is 'utter rubbish' shouldn't be any problem throwing it away quite quickly when the kids get bored of it?
As a suggestion, set up a child ISA and try and get them to give to that instead of presents, that's what we do - small pressie and money to ISA
+1
A bit of money being regularly tucked away in an ISA, to use towards a house deposit.
What exactly is the problem? If the kids enjoy it, and the grandparents enjoy it, and it's only on special occasions....maybe just let them enjoy it?
As someone in a similar situation, those are my thoughts too. We don't tend to buy our kids "big" presents at Christmas or birthdays, because we know that my parents will want to. On the other hand, if junior needs a new bike, I don't wait until the next birthday.
Feel much the same and we had a joint Christmas with both sets of grandparents. Despite agreement on getting a joint gift for grandson one set also turn up with a big bag of extra stuff making the others feel bad. But what can you do
utter rubbish was not fair and not really the point, obviously we can't just throw it away as feelings would be hurt - plus what sort of example is that to show the kids?
utter rubbish was not fair and not really the point, obviously we can't just throw it away as feelings would be hurt - plus what sort of example is that to show the kids?
I think I know what you mean. It's the presents they won't even open, remember or play with. The 'little' extras. Environmentally it's a disgrace. And yeah, I am sitting here in my polyester dressing gown on my lithium powered phone. We have rewrapped some of 2017's birthday presents into Xmas ones just so there's a chance they'll get used.
I did try a one in one out suggestion but was accused of being unfestive.
Edit: not the children. 🙂
I was going to say first world problem, but unless you have an infinitely sized house, it isn't.
Maybe ask the grandparents if they could put money in an account for them or something?
utter rubbish was not fair and not really the point, obviously we can't just throw it away as feelings would be hurt - plus what sort of example is that to show the kids?
What example do you think it is setting? Personally, it's not very high on my list of priorities. If it really bothered me, I suppose I could grow a pair and talk to my in-laws.
I also am aware of what you mean... my resolution would be to tell the wife to speak to her parents. Lot easier than going the in-law route!
It is a minor irritation receiving silly "crap" for Christmas and it's also a shame to let people waste their money buying this stuff, so best all round if a compromise can be found.
Give them a bollocking. Our eldest is 8 and after gentle chats after every Christmas up until 2016 they just didn't get it. 2016 ended with me telling them in no uncertain terms that half the presents they'd bought would be going to the charity shop and that they needed to reign it in. Its not about buying as much shit as possible. Anyway, it sunk in as they (almost) got this year perfect.
tell the wife to speak to her parents
tried this, walked in hearing her thanking them for the extra presents.
Surprised more people think this is not a problem! I want my children to appreciate what they have.
[i]walked in hearing her thanking them for the extra presents.[/i]
HAha! You're scared of the missus 😉
Why not just send some of the old toys that are no longer used to the charity shop?
They obviously enjoy buying the kids stuff and I'm sure the children don't get stroppy about it so why let it worry you so much?
obviously we can't just throw it away as feelings would be hurt
Ask them not to buy crap. If they persist in buying crap, throw it away. They're ignoring your feelings, why care about theirs?
IANAParent.
Kids - happy
Grandparents - happy
You - not happy about others happiness.
So you're not going to spoil your grandchildren.....they'll be calling you Grumpy Grampy before you know it!
Unwanted gifts can easily be donated to charity where they can reach children who dont get presents thus making other kids happy too. You're the only person in the equation not feeling the happiness, why you trying to make others unhappy too?
If grandparents can afford to buy the gifts why spoil their pleasure of giving? Yes, mentioning savings account a good idea for value of some gifts but kids dont stay young for long, why take away their pleasure of opening presents.
The one I could never understand as a kid was Easter Eggs. I used to get one from my parents but my friends would get multiples of them, sometimes 10 or 15 of them. What on earth was going on there? I still only get one and I’m a massive chocoholic.
Kids - happy
Grandparents - happy
You - not happy about others happiness.
true, but there a many things that make people happy that are not good for them.
I just can't stand the sheer excess of it all, desperately tying to cram another ****ing cuddly toy into a drawer never to be seen again.
Kids - happy
Grandparents - happy
You - not happy about others happiness.So you're not going to spoil your grandchildren.....they'll be calling you Grumpy Grampy before you know it!
Unwanted gifts can easily be donated to charity where they can reach children who dont get presents thus making other kids happy too. You're the only person in the equation not feeling the happiness, why you trying to make others unhappy too?
If grandparents can afford to buy the gifts why spoil their pleasure of giving? Yes, mentioning savings account a good idea for value of some gifts but kids dont stay young for long, why take away their pleasure of opening presents.
That's consumerism explained right there! I don't think the OP had an issue with the Grandparents giving gifts, it was the excessive number that was the issue. When did a grand parent become considered grumpy because they only gave one or a small handful of well chosen gifts? When did spoiling have to equate to excess? When did the right thing become to give so much that there is such an excess that unwanted became a thing and just passing it on to charity made it acceptable?
The world is *******.
There is limited pleasure in giving in such excess that gifts are not loved and cherished. Few memories are made for life (for child or grand parent) from a another bit of tat to be stashed in the corner.
The best thing grandparents can do is give the gift of time, not the gift of plastic.
Perhaps try to steer them away from excessive amounts of stuff that the kids will never play with and towards funding bike purchases for the kids from the likes of Islabikes - at least that way they can spend excessive amounts of money on the "pro" series if they must, and the kids will get something that will potentially be really good for them in the long term!
I don't think having an excess of presents makes kids happier in the long term. They just stop appreciating presents and expect to get anything they want whenever they want. My in laws are doing "un birthday presents" for my kids when it's a sibling's birthday. I think I may have to have words with them about it. I think it's a much better life lesson for kids to learn to be happy for their siblings when the siblings get presents and they don't. I can still vividly remember getting my head around this as a child and I think it was a good experience that helped me not try to make my own pleasure the most important thing all the time.
"Unwanted gifts can easily be donated to charity " you have a noble child , my would fight tooth and nail to keep any toy for ever.
We have a real problem with space in a small house with no attic or cellar. Our house and garden rapidly fill to bursting with the gifts foisted upon us by doting grandparents and aunts and uncles who not only give gifts but also hand on stuff from their own offspring. If people had given in to my proposal 2 years ago that any gift to my son had to be matched by a breeze block for me i'd have been able to build an extension to house the tat long ago.
Grandprents have got a right to spoil their grandchildren if they can with presents, love, affection and time, fact! None of these have got to be given in excess to amount to spoiling.
Would giving the unwanted tatt/gifts to charity not make g5604 happy and recipients happy too? Win win all round, spread the love (gifts)
I have a nephew, now older, grew up with a single Mum didn't get massive presents and millions, always grateful for anything given.
I have a younger niece, gets spoiled rotten by her mother who has more income (and more debt than her sister, mother of the nephew), gets much appreciates little.
Personally I'd rather have one thing I wanted or of quality than 10 cheaper things and I think kids do just get too much these days to know what to do it, it's nor even their fault!
It's good to have the Grandparents involved and would be a pain to fall out with them, perhaps they could take them on a holiday once a year giving you time off and still treating the kids?
Grandprents have got a right to spoil their grandchildren
Why?
My brother won't allow his kids to have sweets. Whether you agree with it or not that is his and his wifes wishes, so why give a grandparent the right to waltz in and do what the hell she pleases even if that means disrespecting my brothers wishes?
I'm with the OP. I don't want family wasting money on tat that is never used; we have experience of a lower level of the same going on.
The tat is either
a) not wanted by our boys
b) broken within minutes
c) down the charity shop first available opportunity
or some combination of the above
it also prevents
d) kids actually appreciating their gifts
and to be honest d) is the big one, its got knacker all to do with being a scrooge or denying them fun its about preventing them becoming spoiled tossers
Maybe this will help explain why this winds me up so much.
My son gets £1 pocket money a week (from said grandparents) he wanted a lego technic set, I said no. So he cut out the picture from the Argos book and waited for 25 weeks until he handed over all his cash to a bemused shop assistant.
Two days later grandparents arrive with two much larger sets. So the set he's been thinking on for months gets left half finished.
Maybe this will help explain why this winds me up so much.My son gets £1 pocket money a week (from said grandparents) he wanted a lego technic set, I said no. So he cut out the picture from the Argos book and waited for 25 weeks until he handed over all his cash to a bemused shop assistant.
Two days later grandparents arrive with two much larger sets. So the set he's been thinking on for months gets left half finished.
Is the larger lego set the 'rubbish' you described earlier? Seems like a pretty good present to me. Can't he have both - Grandparents will buy him presents (good ones too, by the sounds of things), and he can save up for additional stuff. Kids don't usually run out of things to want, and he may well return to the smaller set.
How long will grandparents be around, and how long will he be a kid? Lots of other ways to make him a balanced person without denying him this imo. Is this really about what is best for the kid, and not some other issue that you should deal with in another way?
Interesting topic .... from the other side of the fence.
My wife's son has two kids ... and because of divorce etc 3 sets of grand parents. The kids get excessive presents ... birthdays and Christmas. It comes from friends, family and grandparents. I am convinced very few ever make the cut ... and we have never seen anything that we have bought!
Before making purchases we always ask the parents .... and end up with 50 - 100 GBP suggestions for each child.... mainly form from their mum, as she thinks it fits in with the lifestyle.
Christmas is about the giving ... but after last year, when the normal process happened ... except we got "token" presents as they were on an economy drive ....
This year with was reigned in, at the suggestion of my wife ... 25 quid max on the parents and 40 quid on the kids ....
TBH, you should be able to talk to them about it ... the GP may well feel they are expected to stump up loads.
When the children were born, we were talking about setting up something for the kids as a savings account. Stepson suggested that "paying for their school fees would suffice". I am assuming he was joking ... but not really convinced ...
I can relate to the op somewhat. When we had our kids my mum went a bit crazy, to the point where the children started to expect everyone coming in to the house should bring presents and questioned those who didn't.
This was particularly funny/embarrassing when people actually would bring them gifts, they would ask why the gifts were so small, and where the real presents were 😕
I had a word with her last Christmas because we knew what the kids actually wanted and I knew she would buy something ridiculous and upstage "Santa".