You're no longer the most ****tish drivers in the UK when it comes to close passes. A new entry in the chart this week means the crown goes to drivers of the new Land Rover Defender.
Bonus points awarded for personalised 3D number plates and an overweight angry balding driver.
Boxes on the side of the rear quarter. Huh?
These are the trucks that have overtly masculine names on them that sound like condoms ; Trojan, Ninja, Warrior All that horseshit? Speaks about the folk who drive them fo'shure
I though we had adopted
Walloper as the generic term for these douche wagons?
I don't think "All that horseshit" would be a good name for a condom tbh. Walloper though...
My 75 year old dad is after a new motor at the moment, he joked that he might get a "Playboy builder's truck"
Walloper as the generic term for these douche wagons?
One of my favourite insults, partly because I'm unsure its widely known.
A new entry in the chart this week means the crown goes to drivers of the new Land Rover Defender.
Quite surprised that the Titanic Teutonic Triumvirate of massive Merc, BMW and Audi SUVs doesn't make the cut.
I'd merrily fire every Q7 into the Sun, but i don't think we have rockets powerful enough to get those honking monstrosities into space.
I see a lot of Merc Pimpvans (AMG G Class) around town on my commute. It seems that, for extra douche points, one must buy the Brabas version, put on big wheels and super-thin tyres and drive like a total dick in traffic.
Given the cost of the damn things to buy, I am amazed anyone can afford them. Hell, the wheels they put on cost more than my Passat.
I bet he was a dog owner too and drives on singletrack roads.
3D number plates
These are the mark of a pua ****. You know who had these as well? Hitler, that's who.
H1TLR
Saw a new Defender the other week with what appeared to be a full on Dakar expedition kit fastened to the rear quarters, sand ladders and perhaps a snorkel. It was in Bury and being driven by a beetroot in a rather natty polo shirt.
If he was trying to make a statement that statement would be “I’m a bit sad, but I’ve got access to finance”.
I was following a new Landy just now (In my Navara 😉 ), and I was thinking to myself it looks like it barely has ground clearance to get over a speed bump, let alone off road. Definitely a new Chelsea tractor.
nickc
Full Member
These are the trucks that have overtly masculine names on them that sound like condoms ; Trojan, Ninja, Warrior All that horseshit? Speaks about the folk who drive them fo’shure
I like to imagine the gruff-voiced tough guy driver of such a vehicle being told by his wife to go and pick up their kid from nursery - "Sure... I'll take the BARBARIAN"
What I can’t understand is why, if a land rover is designed to go off road, the cxxxxx that drive them are so reluctant to put a wheel on the grass verge when meeting a oncoming cyclist on a narrow country lane.
Uh oh, am I now a scumbag with my Merc? It even has AMG branded 19" wheels with stupidly thin tyres.
I was following a new Landy just now (In my Navara 😉 ), and I was thinking to myself it looks like it barely has ground clearance to get over a speed bump, let alone off road. Definitely a new Chelsea tractor.
In fairness it might have adjustable ride height. Or it might've been specced with a 'sport' lowered option or something daft.
I thought this thread was going to be something about a new penis extension technology.
I have a "Triton". It has three bike racks, two anti-close pass stickers and a Maydena bike park sticker on it. When I head out to work with a bike on the back at 5.30am virtually all the other vehicles are similar but being driven by 'tradies'. It must really mess with their minds.
Surprises me how wide they are, I thought the Tesla Cybertruck would be an issue in the UK due to width but it's not much fatter than the new Defender
The Navara is about the only one with a 'normal' name. That's one of the reasons why I got one ...
Regarding the Defender, I saw a second-hand one, SWB, for £62,000! You could buy a Santa Cruz ebike for that!
The new Defender looks so plastic, it looks they have made it in Lego first, then decided to make the full size version with as much plastic.
It takes for me what was a tool for a job, i've driven a Defender around many a desert and the length of Africa, and you cannot be scared to scratch or bump it. The new one you'd need a degree in computing and a laptop to fix, and would be scared to properly take it off road due to the likely repair costs
next time you see one parked, or waiting in a traffic jam, look at the height of the bonnet and consider whether a pedestrian child has a hope in hell in the event of an accident.
one of those horrendous US style pickups went past me this morning as I'm walking the kids to school, the bonnet was the same height as my eldest (10yo) childs head, same as my shoulder... the idea that anyone needs a vehicle like that in the UK is mad.
molgrips
Full Member
Uh oh, am I now a scumbag with my Merc? It even has AMG branded 19″ wheels with stupidly thin tyres.
Is ok molgrips, you don't have a fully pimped chelsea tractor with side exhausts and a twin turbo V8 for driving to the local corner shop from your apartment in the middle of town.
I have a “Triton”
I have one of those too, I stand under mine and get wet.
Bonus points awarded for personalised 3D number plates and an overweight angry balding driver.
Double bonus points for B16 or BO55 number plates. Always the calling card of a prize throbber.
one of those horrendous US style pickups went past me this morning
Given they do about 8mpg (really) I think they are kept as novelty vehicles usually, like classics or military vehicles and the like.
the bonnet was the same height as my eldest (10yo) childs head
As a school governor once we took one of these giant things and lined up random primary school kids in front it until the driver* could see a child...There were 5 kids in the line.
*regular sized person just sat in the driver's seat looking over the bonnet.
Given they do about 8mpg (really) I think they are kept as novelty vehicles usually, like classics or military vehicles and the like.
Or they are converted to LPG and driven. Or people just drive them.
Hell, Sweden has a whole sub-culture of people driving shit, uneconomical, old, knackered, shit American cars with huge engines. It's a way to spot the mildly racist people, so I guess a win?
Given they do about 8mpg (really) I think they are kept as novelty vehicles usually, like classics or military vehicles and the like.
Reminds me of a lad that lived in flat below ours in Brixton years ago (when Garage music was big), he lived with his mum but drove a Cadillac Escalade, only drove it friday and saturday nights, couldn't afford the petrol, was uninsured and would park outside clubs and lean against it as he couldn't afford the entry in! He eventually reversed it into a shop, and replaced it with an Audi TT
Double bonus points for .... BO55 number plates. Always the calling card of a prize throbber.
I too used to think that, then I saw one heading up to Glasgow with ACK as the suffix and my faith in humanity was restored.
But yes, apart from that 1 example, BO55 plates are the mark of the throbber.
DO55 on the other hand .....;-)
Walloper as the generic term for these douche wagons?
I've heard w**kpanzer used as well, although I'm not sure if that's just the German variants.
Double bonus points for B16 or BO55 number plates. Always the calling card of a prize throbber
Used to deal with a bloke through work who drove a Jeep, he had private plate B16 RF on it, he was about 5'2.
The owner of my local pub (Old House at Home) has the reg plate BO55 OHH on his Lamborghini Urus.
The Old House at Home; if that's the one near Hook, I used to eat there twice a week when I worked in the area.
Recommended.
Urus/Uranus/Anus - sorry the words just all merge into each other
****ing tragic cars
Love the Cadillac Escalade story up there ^^
Real world economy of a loaded Transporter camper van about 30mpg? Not much different to most pickup trucks or a defender. Strange that so many stereo types are not accepted on here but drive a 4x4 and you are fair game. Each to their own.
What I can’t understand is why, if a land rover is designed to go off road, the cxxxxx that drive them are so reluctant to put a wheel on the grass verge when meeting a oncoming cyclist on a narrow country lane.
Well, driving as I do along fairly narrow country lanes fairly often, I’d be a bit reluctant to keep driving up onto grass verges, especially in the wet, to avoid chewing them up and inadvertently creating yet another ’passing place’.
next time you see one parked, or waiting in a traffic jam, look at the height of the bonnet and consider whether a pedestrian child has a hope in hell in the event of an accident.
Yeah, next time you see a converted T3/4/5, or Transit, or a high-top LWB Sprinter, look at the height of the bonnet and consider the exact same point, then consider how many on here wax lyrical about owning one, but will happily slag off owners of Rangers, HiLux, or the new Defender.
Double bonus points for B16 or BO55 number plates. Always the calling card of a prize throbber.
🤣
Good work all, had a proper giggle at this thread, thank you!
There’s one of those B16 BO55 walloper-wagons parks outside our building at work but I’m yet to spot the owner. Has a lot of the hallmarks noted above but some extras as well.. a winch or two, about a dozen additional lights pointing all over the shop, various buckles and bits of metal which are all colour coded to match various other additions, big plastic stick on wheel arches and many many stickers, my favourite of which is a an angry looking piston that says ‘life’s too short for a hybrid’ written under it. Goodness knows what he must think of all the BEVs at our place that people (including me) get cheap thru the work scheme. Oh and it looks like it’s been lifted so even higher and ALWAYS immaculately clean.
Anyway, what are those boxes on the rear quarter of the new defender?!
Tissues and hand lotion for when they stop at a secluded place to "admire" their off road capability
Love a good bit of stereotyping.
I'm sure over on the Q7/Range rover/Mega swag 4x4 forums the same insults are being thrown back at us "tax dodging own the road cyclists"
Real world economy of a loaded Transporter camper van about 30mpg? Not much different to most pickup trucks or a defender. Strange that so many stereo types are not accepted on here but drive a 4×4 and you are fair game. Each to their own.
Show me a similarly sized 4x4 that you can cook a meal in, keep beer cold and meat fresh for days, carry 4 mtbs and two kids , sleep 4 people at minus 9, happily cruise at 90mph, pay car rates on the peage etc etc
Strange that so many stereo types are not accepted on here but drive a 4×4 and you are fair game. Each to their own.
People generally have a free choice as to the type of vehicle they drive. In the majority of cases its driven by fashion rather than utility. When those choices result in vehicles that are more deleterious to the environment and less safe for everyone else then a bit of negative stereotyping is fair game.
Its social pressure that leads people to buy these vehicles in the first place. If that social pressure can be used to make people consider better alternatives instead then I'm all for it.
I spotted this beaut near me. I think it ticks every box
[url= https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51084547216_ae7c5073dc_h.jp g" target="_blank">https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51084547216_ae7c5073dc_h.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/2kQaE8s ]160030109_10157902242523388_4697909578509243667_n[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/25846484@N04/ ]TandemJeremy[/url], on Flickr
Who needs decent tyres when you can fit murder bars instead?
Then there is this, which really made me ask what's the point?...
https://newatlas.com/automotive/brabus-900-rocket-edition-worlds-fastest-suv/
Show me a similarly sized 4×4 that you can cook a meal in, keep beer cold and meat fresh for days, carry 4 mtbs and two kids , sleep 4 people at minus 9, happily cruise at 90mph, pay car rates on the peage etc etc
LC200. And it’ll go anywhere, seemingly forever.
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happily cruise at 90mph
I can't say I have ever considered this an important issue when buying a vehicle.
However I don't live in Germany.
I can’t say I have ever considered this an important issue when buying a vehicle.
However I don’t live in Germany.
Seens that is soon going to be a thing of the past.
Edit: Cruising at 90mph that is.
Yeah, next time you see a converted T3/4/5, or Transit, or a high-top LWB Sprinter, look at the height of the bonnet and consider the exact same point, then consider how many on here wax lyrical about owning one, but will happily slag off owners of Rangers, HiLux, or the new Defender.
You piqued my curiosity with this comment.
I spent 15 minutes playing around with a couple of profile views of a T6 vs a Ford Raptor pick-up truck in Paint.NET, and drew out the sight-lines. In the T6, an 8-year-old boy (height 130cm) is easily visible to the driver even when standing against the bumper.
In the Raptor, the child is invisible as the height of the bonnet (137cm) is taller than their head. In fact, they don't become visible until about 2.5m away from the front of the car if my trigonometry is to be trusted.
Perhaps it's you that needs to consider the difference the next time you see one of these vehicles.
LC200. And it’ll go anywhere, seemingly forever.
Opps, lost my reply.
Tldr; that thing fulfils almost none of my criteria.
But you knew that already.
Have to admit, when I was doing highways inspection, all the vehicles we used for the coarse visual inspection stuff were vans _specifically- because it gave the best view of the road directly ahead and as close to the vehicle as possible.
I wanted to use a 4x4 for some sections of West Berks, but the bonnet on the Disco made seeing the road in front a bit of a nightmare, so I had to take a Vivaro instead.
Was it Not the Nine O’clock news called Jap 4x4s, something like, the Bitsubatsu Roadhogger ?
You piqued my curiosity with this comment.
There are two parts to the bonnet height issue though.
First is general visibility and the second is what happens if the pedestrian is hit with the best chance being if you are taller than the bonnet and hence go over it whereas if the bonnet is higher than you a)you get it in the head and b)you will probably be pushed under.
I think they are talking more about the latter.
Then there is this, which really made me ask what’s the point?…
https://newatlas.com/automotive/brabus-900-rocket-edition-worlds-fastest-suv//blockquote >The "Coupe SUV" has to be the dumbest trend in cars for the last 30 years
Aye, the coupe SUV trend is absolutely preposterous. I mean just look at that Merc up there ^^^! It’s horrific, and that’s before you get to all the red bits inside 🤮 But they’re everywhere so someone must like them.
I categorically hate SUVs I really do, but even I had to admit recently that in a very small % of use cases they are actually pretty useful/good. My mate drove me and him on a 700 mile round trip to Goodwood this summer in his X5M and apart from the hideous fuel consumption (low 20s mpg) it was a great tool for the job. Basically a 600hp luxury van with the seats down and 2 up front. But the coupe X6 version chops out about half the boot! Madness
On first glance that one that TJ has posted a picture of looks a bit like Homer Simpson designed a station wagon
Years back we were sitting at Tarr Steps and mr adventure 4 wheel drive turns up ,surveys the river then boldly drives through to the gasps of his adoring public.
Then... an AA van turns up on the other side of the river ,drives through ,hitches up a broken down car on our side and then drives back the way he came.
Mr Adventurer must have been puzzled why we didn't all want his autograph on his return trip.
As an aside , is stick on mud an actual thing? We have a lime green land rover go through the village every day that is covered in it. Even after the heaviest of downpours ,it's still muddy while my bike gets washed clean.
There is a 4 wheel drive that goes through that amuses me. It has a sticker on it saying..'one wife, livid"
Someone at work had to explain to me who the owner of the Q7 with the B16 OMAR plate was. I wasn't aware of his work in gentlemens specialist films.
There's a few big vehicles round here with BO55 plates.
Flaperon, Is it possible you had the US raptor not the rest of the world one? They are quite different in scale. The Rest of the world Raptor is a beefed up one so may be higher that a stock Ranger.
19.5 mpg for my F150.
And that’s US gallons.
that thing fulfils almost none of my criteria.
Think it does. Honestly, these things will go away further, for longer, than most vans, in absolute comfort. There is a massive mod industry in Australia which is akin to the van conversion industry in Europe. These are fitted out with most mod cons (inc pull out kitchens and bbqs).
The trump card is of course the camper sprinter 4x4 - all the best bits of both types of vehicle.
Honestly, these things will go away further, for longer, than most vans
Yes indeed, quite possibly.
Think it does.
No. It's quite obvious from the picture that you couldnt fit 4 people and bikes in there.
You cant cook for 4 inside.
Ypu cant sleep 4 inside, and certainly not get them warm and toasty in the morning by blasting the heater for 10 minutes.
Dont get me wrong, as i've said on numerous threads, small campervans are hugely limited. But seeing that thing males me realise how good even a small proper campervan is in comparison.
Massive new white Volvo SUVs are the darling of the entitled road user round here.
No. It’s quite obvious from the picture that you couldnt fit 4 people and bikes in there.
You cant cook for 4 inside.
Ypu cant sleep 4 inside, and certainly not get them warm and toasty in the morning by blasting the heater for 10 minutes.
See, I don’t think you can with a van either. Bikes go on the outside and you’ll probably need a pop top for the extra sleeping space. Which is like a decent roof tent. And your guests will need to hang around outside when you cook too.
https://www.t6forum.com/threads/4-berth-4-bikes-–-possible.22197/
The only concession I’ll give you is the heater 😄
This is in a village near me.
They've got a Bentley in the drive next to it done in the same....'style'.
See, I don’t think you can with a van either.
I've done it for 12 of the last 16 years. ( well OK, only 10 of them were with 2 kids)
Bikes go on the outside
Nope, for the vast majority of that time we drove around with the bikes inside.
and you’ll probably need a pop top for the extra sleeping space. Which is like a decent roof tent.
No. It's nothing like a decent roof tent. In fact I'd go as far as to say that ( as far as the UK is concerned) there is no such thing as a decent roof tent.
You try sticking a 7 year old in a roof tent and then trying to comfort it in the middle of the night.
You try putting a cot in a roof tent for your 8 month old.
You try breastfeeding your 6 week old in a roof tent at zero Celsius.
You try persuading a 5 year old to get up and put his freezing cold ski gear on in a roof tent at -9
Try sleeping 4 people in a stupid roof tent without you all getting seasick every time someone rolls over.
And your guests will need to hang around outside when you cook too.
Indeed, if I invited 3 extra people as well as the family of four then we wouldn't fit in as we cooked. But that is such an edge case as to be irrelevant.
We've had the four of us in the van so many times whilst cooking/eating and it's been an absolute win when it's either pissing it down, midgie hell or freezing cold outside.
Don't get me wrong, the van categorically doesn't work any more for our family. It's too small. But it did work brilliantly for years, and comparing that ridiculous two person pseudo outbackmobile heap of nonsense just doesn't wash.
Talking of which, where's the sink in that thing?
Where's the shower... 😉
Kayak's Range Rover has been deliberately styled so it looks its best parked on the zigzags.
