[Closed] Gofundme page for dad whose divorce means he's broke

I'm thinking there could be a whole lot more to this/him/his divorce/his finances/his culpability than we know about, so no way would I be contributing without knowing more.

I think that Jim can GoFundHimself.

Well, if you don't ask, you don't get I suppose. Intrigued* about his benefactors & their motivation as there are some large donations there. Are they friends/colleagues or just randoms? Still, he's doing very well so it's obviously been a successful strategy for him!

*mildly; I will have forgotten all about it by tomorrow

If it's genuine, which as you back it up as you know him it does look like it is, I can't see a problem with it.

Until you're faced with the prospect of not seeing your kids much, despite your best efforts, I doubt you can imagine the situation he is in. Good on him for trying.

Interesting method of getting the page ranked on Google by adding it to STW.

Clever.

You are Jim and I won't be giving you my $5

I've seen one or two similar things on the Facebook... Really not at all comfortable with it, and even less comfortable with it on a forum like this - he doesn't even live in the same country as me!

Pages like Justgiving etc raise a lot of money for good causes - I think this is a bit of an abuse of the format.

I guess the internet allows people to plumb new depths.

You are Jim and I won't be giving you my $5

Yeah, funny but I'm not (and glad of it). He's a nice guy but he's more lacking in focus, direction and commitment than anyone I've ever met. I think this is about the third or maybe even the fourth time he's been 'laid off'.

Intrigued* about his benefactors & their motivation as there are some large donations there.

Yeah me also - this is what I meant by wondering if perhaps he'd made those to himself in order to give his campaign credibility.

I think that Jim can GoFundHimself.

Well sure, but you could be nice about it. He's exactly the kind of (man) the world really doesn't care for right now.

Well sure, but you could be nice about it.

I was nice about it. No profanities were used.

He's exactly the kind of (man) the world really doesn't care for right now.

A white male in his 50's, presumably in good health, living in one of the richest countries in the world , who has the freedom to make his own life choices but , apparently, not to shoulder the responsibilty of the consequences, if they don't work out?.

He is oppressed indeed and deserves our pity.

However if no funding sources are discovered quickly, I will be forced to move several miles away and see them on a much more limited basis

So, in summary, he is still friends with his ex-wife and will still get to see his kids who are only a few miles away. He also has $12,000 of other peoples money to soothe him.

Maybe you're right. Perhaps I was too harsh.

Fair play to him, if you want to help out do so, if you don't, don't. I know how much divorce costs both financially and emotionally and can thank my lucky stars that I have managed to emerge relatively unscathed (thus far anyway), albeit the stress and financial cost have been considerable. I'll probably bung him a few quid in a "What goes around comes around" kind of fashion..

He's a nice guy but he's more lacking in focus, direction and commitment than anyone I've ever met.

Perhaps he needs to get some focus then, before asking for hand-outs.

I'll probably bung him a few quid in a "What goes around comes around" kind of fashion..

Seriously?? A middle-class guy who has decided to leave his kids but wants your free money so he doesn't have to move a few miles???

And you can't think of more deserving causes for your money?

Yup you could give it to one of those tourists who haven't got health insurance gofund me pages

perchypanther - Member
I think that Jim can GoFundHimself.

I had similar thoughts, but was thinking a different "F" word.

If I knew and liked him, I'd be perfectly happy to lend him a bike for a while to go the several miles from his new place to his kids, until he got back on his feet financially.

watching breaking bad on Netflix recently, not sure why this story made me think of that 😉

Well it's certainly been more successful than trying to raise money to see [url= https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/3009513/mum-abandon-crowdfunding-disneyworld-trip/ ]Mickey Mouse[/url]

I don't mind hearing about people and sometimes donating to them if they are long-standing members on here.
But we can't be expected to give money to everybody in the world.

Seriously?? A middle-class guy who has decided to leave his kids but wants your free money so he doesn't have to move a few miles???

You're being terribly ignorant. That's not what happened.

So a bloke has 2 teenage kids and gets a divorce. Then people are asked to give him money so he doesn't have to drive quite as far to go and see them?

He's taking the piss!

I think that Jim can GoFundHimself.

^This + 100.

Lol...I do love Americans..

Wow, while I am not saying that his asking for money is reasonable, the level of ignorance and deliberate misrepresentation being shown on this thread is astounding.

He's out of work having been laid off.
He's spent all of his severance and savings keeping up his maintenance payments to his ex-wife and children.
She left him and kept the house but he was the one required to move out.
He's a chronically average man in his 50s in a country that doesn't ever look favourably on late middle age low achievers even if they are white and male.
He sees being a good father as the most important aspect of this life and is where his entire sense of value and purpose in society is located (and good on him for putting that above career achievement) and losing his apartment is going to make that even harder.

And yet so many of you want to burn him for being, what, white, middle class and male?

No wonder Trump (who is a knob head in my view) got elected. Well done, keep it up and we'll have Farage as out next PM.

Surely if your income changes you apply to vary your alimony and child support payments?

You're being terribly ignorant. That's not what happened.

Really? If he'd stayed with his wife, he'd have a roof over his head, be able to see his kids ad nauseum, and be in a far better position to weather his financial storm.

There are virtually no circumstances I can think of where I'd prefer to see a man leave his family than honour his commitment, for better or for worse.

What we have here is a self-absorbed dreamer who has squandered security because the grass is greener. He's moved on from his wife (for whatever reason) and he's pissballed about with various business ventures that he's clearly not got the minerals to make a success of.

And now, he's [s]begging[/s], [s]scrounging[/s], appealing, cap-in-hand for money handouts from complete strangers so he doesn't have to drive as far on weekends so he can see his kids!

And why do you keep referring to fact that he's white?? I find that quite offensive!

Something tells me we are looking at a 10-pager thread here.

council, you appear to have reading difficulties. Have another try.

Really? If he'd stayed with his wife, he'd have a roof over his head, be able to see his kids ad nauseum, and be in a far better position to weather his financial storm.

OK for the last time, she asked for the divorce and he moved out because he thought he was doing the right thing.

And why do you keep referring to fact that he's white?? I find that quite offensive!

Er, because he is?

What we have here is a self-absorbed dreamer who has squandered security because the grass is greener.

Sorry do you know him as well?

Council unless you have been in that position - i.e. identical to his you know absolutely sweet FA about " no circumstances I can think of where I'd prefer to see a man leave his family than honour his commitment, for better or for worse."

I did what he did, if i hadn't i would have broken - i get to see my girl when her mum decides it's appropriate which is shite! This si 3 years down the line, but on the flip side i now have a wife who actually loves me rather than a woman who i just lived alongside. Sometimes nothing yoyu do can keep a dead relationship going. Sorry if thats rude but thats life!!

I didn't think I'd need biscuits.

Back in a mo'. Just popping to the shops. Let me know your preference.

I'm thinking there could be a whole lot more to this/him/his divorce/his finances/his culpability than we know about, so no way would I be contributing without knowing more.

[quote=councilof10 ]I guess the internet allows people to plumb new depths.

Well you're on it...

My immediate thought after reading his appeal is that if he is still so friendly with his ex-wife then maybe they should suck it up and live together and raise their kids until he gets back on his feet.

There are virtually no circumstances I can think of where I'd prefer to see a man leave his family than honour his commitment, for better or for worse.

You're either a troll, an idiot, a fourteen year old, lacking in any empathy whatsoever, have never been in a relationship or grown apart from somebody. Either that or you are seriously naive and / or lucky to be in a stable and loving relationship. Not everyone is that lucky.

If the divorce was so amicable, how come he has been completely shafted by it?

Ask any man that's been divorced whether they feel their treatment is fair and I'm sure you will get the answer. But I don't think that it's at all relevant to this story. He's done what he thought was the right thing and now he's left with debts, the threat of eviction and being forced to move away from the one thing that helps him still valued, worthwhile and loved.

The fact that he's white bears no relevance to his situation. Citing it as a reason for some sort of perceived persecution is frankly, ridiculous and offensive!

I'm going to assume he's putting a rather positive spin on his begging letter, so let's carry on reading between the lines.
• He wasted his savings when laid off from work rather than getting a job, any job.
• He mucked about trying to set up his own business... rather than getting a job - any job
• He's now scrounging off strangers... rather than getting a job!

He can clearly afford to rent in a cheaper part of town, but he doesn't want to as he'd rather not waste time driving over to see them!

So he's begging for money so he can afford a nice apartment in a nice neighbourhood.

Go fundyourself Jim!

[quote=lucky7500 ]If the divorce was so amicable, how come he has been completely shafted by it?

Maybe that's why it was amicable - it certainly appears to be one possibility.

FWIW I'm where iamanobody was 3 years ago (or maybe a bit more, still living alongside) and TBH posts like his give me a bit of hope and maybe courage to move on. I'm not sure some of those posting have ever been here. Not that I'm suggesting I'm going to be sending him money (I was tempted to suggest that he hasn't met me in response to geetee's second post), but I reckon it's one of the hardest things to understand if you've never been there - if it was that easy we wouldn't end up here.

TBH posts like his give me a bit of hope and maybe courage to move on

We all need a little encouragement and courage sometimes buddy. I can empathsie with you; while still solid, marriage hasn't been easy. I can't think of many things that will test your mettle than having to deal with severe bouts of persistent PND over many years and being the punch bag for that condition.

So come on Geetee, if his relationship with his ex-wife is so amicable, why have they separated? Iz it coz he iz white?

think some of the answers on here are a little harsh, if not patronising, i can quite believe his marriage has broken down through no fault of his. but, (and i havent read the begging page), it doesnt quite sit well with me what hes doing.

if there was a valid reason, then it may sound better saying " i need x amount of dollars per week to travel and see my children, please help me reach that", whereas am i correct in thinking theres no limit to how much he may get? so he may end up better off than before? if it went viral he could make a million?

as they say, only in america......

So come on Geetee, if his relationship with his ex-wife is so amicable, why have they separated? Iz it coz he iz white?

Hey you know what, it's none of your business.

If you have a look at the page, this thing has been going on for 10 months!

Surely enough time to get a job? Any job if you're as desperate as he says he is.

Hey you know what, it's none of your business.

It is if he wants to explain why he wants our money.

Just had a look at his facebook page - lots of pictures of foreign holidays, golfing, trips to ice hockey games... Sounds like he just wants people to keep him in the manner to which he's become accustomed!

Hey you know what, it's none of your business.

Ah, sounds like there's even more to it than meets the eye... Has he been putting his puck in the away goal? Why did he lose his job?

A white male in his 50's, presumably in good health

Physical health maybe. If he can't hold down a job, then he has some kind of problem doesn't he? One with which he needs help.

Perhaps he needs to get some focus

Where does one get that? Walmart?

[quote=councilof10 ]So come on Geetee, if his relationship with his ex-wife is so amicable, why have they separated?

You know what, "amicable" is one of the few positive words I can think of to use for my "relationship" - have a think about it. Or maybe don't, I'm not sure you're capable.

It is if he wants to explain why he wants our money.

He's not asking you for money. He was asking me. I shared this because I didn't know how to feel about it - a mixture of sympathy and apathy. But I thought it was interesting and I couldn't see it doing any harm to share is(other than potentially cause a heated debate, but that's a good thing I think).

Surely enough time to get a job? Any job if you're as desperate as he says he is.

People are very quick to judge you harshly. It only needs things to go wrong a few times and even if it wasn't your fault, you get judged very harshly for it.

aracer - Member
lucky7500 » If the divorce was so amicable, how come he has been completely shafted by it?
Maybe that's why it was amicable - it certainly appears to be one possibility.

I am genuinely amazed people have donated so much / at all...

[quote=lucky7500 ]I had, probably naively, jumped straight to thinking of 'amicable' as getting on well and not wanting to screw each other over.

I'm not sure it doesn't, but from where I'm sitting it certainly appears possible to be "shafted" by a divorce even if you don't want to screw each other over - assuming you have kids and want the best for them.

I am genuinely amazed people have donated so much / at all...

I am also. I'm even more amazed at how nastily some people are behaving on this thread.

I'm also surprised by the former, but not at all by the latter - saddened maybe, but I've been here long enough. Unless I'm mistaken I don't think the point of this thread was "give my mate your money" in case some are confused by that.

Though actually I'm reminded that I "loaned" a mate (somebody I genuinely consider to be a mate and I did see in person regularly at the time - less so now, but that's because other circumstances have changed) a significant amount of money which I never expect to see back. Enough that it would make a difference to me now, but it made more of a difference to him at the time and I'm confident he would do the same for me if roles were reversed.

I'm not sure it doesn't, but from where I'm sitting it certainly appears possible to be "shafted" by a divorce even if you don't want to screw each other over - assuming you have kids and want the best for them.

My best friend has just concluded a divorce hearing at the High Court. The other party refused point blank to agree any settlement offered, even when this included a £2m house, £500k in saving and an income of £60k a year for the next 15 years. This represented 80% of the value of the estate.

Instead, it's been to court and £600,000 of cash has been spent on hearing the case.

but I've been here long enough.

Yeah me also. Unsurprisingly one of the posters here looks to be very new.

how nastily some people are behaving

So telling someone to go and find a job rather than begging for money is nasty?

It's not like he's some homeless guy who's caught in a spiral.

He's a car owning, golf playing middle aged bloke who needs to get a basic that pays about $1000 a month,so he doesn't have to post begging messages on the internet.

My best friend has just concluded a divorce hearing at the High Court.

It's not nastiness Geetee, you asked for our opinion!

Look, if he was a single dad who couldn't afford to feed his kids (as was one of these begging posts I've seen on facebook recently) that would be one thing. But he's not.

He's just expecting people to give him free money so he can lead a more comfortable life.

I'm sorry, but having been through a divorce, having lost a home, having had to build myself back up from scratch without even so much as a state handout, I can only judge this guy by my standards.

Begging for money, to me, is completely anathema. I can't even begin to imagine how low I'd had to fall before I started doing something like this... And from what I can see, he's not exactly reached rock bottom, he's just finding life a bit tougher since he made the decisions he made!

[quote=geetee1972 ]I am genuinely amazed people have donated so much / at all...
I am also. I'm even more amazed at how nastily some people are behaving on this thread.

I saw a gofundme for someone who want to travel the world doing shakra healing or similar. She'd raised a considerable amount of money from people PAYING to post insults at her. It was quite thought provoking in a way...

There are virtually no circumstances I can think of where I'd prefer to see a man leave his family than honour his commitment, for better or for worse.

I'll give you fair warning that this type of thing is only going to get worse amongst the commoners... what with the industrialisation of cotton production, and the associated loosening of morals! And your going to be mortified by the promiscuity ushered in after the first world war...

[img] [/img]

What do you guys think?

two things.

1. He hasn't done a very good sales pitch
2. British cynicism will always trump American optimism.

molgrips - Member

Where does one get that? Walmart?

No, B&Q.

😉

Should your best friend be discussing such things openly with third parties?

It's been heard in the high court - it's a matter of public record.

It's not nastiness Geetee, you asked for our opinion!

OK, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I am sure you don't need it, but you came across as being pretty spiteful. Reading your background and experience in your last post explains things and gives them context.

FWIW, I agree that begging for money is anathema to me also, but I don't agree that he's doing it just because he wants a comfortable life. He is genuinley in the poop.

But being broke is not his biggest problem. That is, as I said, the fact that he lacks drive, motivation, direction and focus.

[quote=councilof10 ]I'm sorry, but having been through a divorce

What unthinkable circumstances caused that?

But being broke is not his biggest problem. That is, as I said, the fact that he lacks drive, motivation, direction and focus.

Reading your background and experience in your last post explains things and gives them context.

Getting out of the relationship I was in was the best thing that ever happened to me... There were no kids involved, but if there had been, I'd still be there.

Getting out of the relationship I was in was the best thing that ever happened to me... There were no kids involved, but if there had been, I'd still be there.

Here is my hand buddy. Happy to shake yours.

What do you guys think?

That he has the eyes of a man who will shortly be appearing on a local water tower.

British cynicism will always trump American optimism.

chuckles

Geez this escalated fast...

I've learnt not to judge other people as you never know their circumstances. However, no one is forcing anybody to donate just one of those things in life you can choose to be indifferent about I suppose.

Getting out of the relationship I was in was the best thing that ever happened to me... There were no kids involved, but if there had been, I'd still be there.

Yeah... great idea! They'd really thank you for that. Sounds like that'd have been a right old barrel of laughs for everyone involved.

Keeps therapists in work, I suppose....

Good on him for having the inginuity and front to try it. Anonymous handouts of $500 $1000 etc for his trouble. Amazing.
I would've been in a similar situation, though probably having to live in a bedsit rather than further away from my kid, if I hadn't received a decent redundancy payout. Probably would've just wallowed in self pity rather than begging on the internet. But only cos I wouldn't have thought it would work 😆

geetee, for someone who is not sure how you feel about it, you are awfully defensive.

Three things struck me:
- It would seem from what he has written that he hasn't worked at all whilst hanging on for higher paid work
- It seems that his main complaint is the prospect of moving a few miles away. Big deal (its not like his kids are tiny toddlers
If he's that firnedly with his ex then they should sort it out between them

For those reasons,

[img] [/img]

Yeah... great idea! They'd really thank you for that. Sounds like that'd have been a right old barrel of laughs for everyone involved.

Well, given that Jim is a shining beacon of happiness since he decided to leave his kids, I think I'll stick to my own morals on this one Binners!

Well, given that Jim is a shining beacon of happiness since he decided to leave his kids, I think I'll stick to my own morals on this one Binners!

And I'm sure the victorians thank the good lord somebody is still upholding them. Well done you!

You're not big on nuance are you? Must be nice in your black and white world. No shades of grey allowed to intrude

But being broke is not his biggest problem. That is, as I said, the fact that he lacks drive, motivation, direction and focus.

So instead if finding some drive, motivation, direction and focus to sort himself out, he is asking for handouts.

Getting out of the relationship I was in was the best thing that ever happened to me... There were no kids involved, but if there had been, I'd still be there.

My friends parents stayed together for the kids. It's a ridiculous idea to do so. They both ended up as resentful, hate filled alcoholics. He's emotionally stunted and finds it difficult to form long term relationships. I'm just thankful that you don't have kids to be honest. Sounds like you'd have them sweeping chimneys or cleaning the underside of looms, what with you appearing to be posting from Victorian times.

You're not big on nuance are you? Must be nice in your black and white world

I have my values and I stick to them... That might come across as rather binary, but it's not done me any harm.

I've seen far more families completely destroyed - and children completely damaged - by parents who've decided that "they deserve more" and move on with barely a second thought.

Moving briefly back to my own circumstances, I made a decision that the marriage I was in was not a good place to raise a family and called it a day at the 11th hour (the day before the second round of IVF if the truth be known).

Now, almost a decade later, I'm several years into a solid relationship and planning a family. Older, wiser, but I'm still sticking to my guns - if I'm lucky enough to have kids, I'll be sticking around for the duration.

Forget American dad - what about this one from[url= https://www.gofundme.com/spiritual-journey-to-asda ] Asda shopper[/url]....

It's just occured to me that I lack the drive, focus, motivation and ambition to pedal up steep hills.

I am also broke, having spent virtually all of my income on my wife and kids.

Please send me money so that I can buy an e-bike and get home to see my kids more quickly and without being, like, all sweaty and that.

Five grand ought to cover it.

Ta.

I could be doing with a power kite as well.

I have my values and I stick to them... That might come across as rather binary, but it's not done me any harm.

Sought any external opinion on that? Or is that something else you just instinctively trust your own judgement on? You appear to think you know best about pretty much everything.

I got divorced when my kids were young, and you're right about one thing they have never had a happy home life.

They've had two.

I've also got a mate, like funkmasterp, who's parents stayed together 'for the sake of the kids'. Worked out well. he despises them both for inflicting ten years of misery on him, and the horrendous childhood he endured, surrounded by bitterness, resentment and mistrust, instead of love

Best stick to some random assortment of words arranged into vows, instead of reasoned judgement, though eh?

I've got a poppy here you can have if that helps

geetee, for someone who is not sure how you feel about it, you are awfully defensive.

Well I know how I feel about Jim. I'm just not sure how I feel about what he's doing. If I came across as defensive then it was in defence of what I know to be a good person and people suggesting (indirectly or otherwise) that he can 'go f*** himself'.

I've got a poppy here you can have if that helps

Is it one of them Tower of London ones? 😉