[Closed] Girlfriend Problems

Look I'm highly sexed. You'll be lucky to find someone who you both get on with, love and really care for AND have the same sexdrive.

If I met someone as highly sexed as me I wouldn't have time to type, ride, think or drink.

I know it's not my performance that's to blame. There are too many women who can vouch for that in the past

YOU SHOULD TELL HER THIS, I THINK IT WILL HELP!

A real real shame because in most other ways she's great and I will miss her loads

Wow you really sound in love !

I hope my misses is describing me as "in some ways he's great" and "I do occasionally miss him" on some other forum.

[i]Yeah but they might yet be compatible; it'd be a shame to miss out on a great relationship because of miscommunication, wouldn't it?[/i]

No doubt about it Molgrips.
You're sharp.
🙂

Let me give you an example of my point of view.

One night, a woman behind the bar makes it very clear, I'm in the hunt, much to the subsequent rib diggin from my mates.
Later that evening I see that she smokes.
I do not smoke, don't want to or go with anyone who does.

Do I hook up with her then nag her to quit smoking ?.

No. Let her find someone else who'll have her as she is.
I'll go do the same.
😉

If I met someone as highly sexed as me I wouldn't have time to type, ride, think or drink.

8)

[i]Not entirely sure how being forced into being single when I want to be in a relationship with someone I love is meeting my needs, but I do sort of get your point[/i]

Ok, I don't know the details.
But did you need to keep someone chained to you, if that made them unhappy ?.
I don't think any decent person would do that to another, yet alone one they profess to love.

Its not my intention to Diss your past relationship.
If you're not happy at the moment, I hope you will be.
🙂

Do I hook up with her then nag her to quit smoking ?.

No, but you do hook up with her! 'swhats chewing gum is for! Blimey...

v8ninety.

Missing the point mate.

Be patient, know what is what.

And with a kind eye and a following wind.
You will meet someone who, just as they are, blows you away.

When that happens, you see some of the truest, deepest beauty the human condition can convey.
It transends sex, looks, it is its own thing, a tidal wave of euphoria.

Or as some might say.

[b]Love.[/b]
😉

TBF Solo I think you missed v*ninety's point 😉

There is at least one of those things that you rarely do now anyway.

I can think of a few of these that aren't a regular option anymore 😆

Never look a gift horse in the mouth*, I say. Still, that was a most lovely and touching post, solo...

*Even if it does stink of fags

V8

No offence intended.

I knew what you were getting at.

But taking every opportunity at goal, is no longer..... the goal.

😉

Right ladies....there's no such thing as "the one"....you'll meet dozens of girls in your life that match your personality well. If you aren't getting enough sex then dump her. I was going out with a girl where I'd get it barely once a month, she then dumped me and I found a nymphomaniac two weeks later who is better looking, more fun, more intelligent and kinder. Now I live with her.

Have fun, you'll find the perfect match when you aren't looking.

Before PTR Junior came along, we were at it like wabbits, ever since we met... since PTR Junior not so much, which in fairness I can understand, but doesn't make it any easier.. I'm now stuck in a sexless relationship (admittedly hopefully not forever), you have the option to get out before its too late and get someone who does like bedroom antics... Seeing as she has been like it since day one, I can't see anything to talk about.

The really annoying thing though is that once you are getting lots of sex....other women seem to notice you more. Life suddenly becomes like being a child in a candy store again.

But taking every opportunity at goal, is no longer..... the goal.

I never said it was, and for what it's worth, (and to stretch the analogy to breaking point) I scored the winning goal several years ago and am enjoying a happy retirement as a pundit.

What I am lightheartedly suggesting is that a little bit of heads and volleys in the park never hurt anyonea d probably increases your chances of putting the ball in the back of the net come the cup final!

TWANG! (sound of over stretched analogy snapping painfully)

No. Let her find someone else who'll have her as she is.

Maybe she needed an incentive to quit?

Here is an article written in The Times a few years ago by the journalist Minette Marin. I thought it was so good that I cut it out and kept it, electronically, on my computer. Sorry it's so long but I think it will give you an insight even though you are not married and don't have kids. Keep reading right to the bottom because it gets better and better.

[b]The good wife is an old fashioned realist[/b]

Minette Marrin

How to be a perfect wife is not, you might have thought, a very contemporary question. Decades of feminism have been much more concerned with how to be a perfect career woman, exotic lover, fully fledged fashionista, alpha female and, latterly, yummy mummy; being a wife has been somewhat incidental, even for those who get married or stay married.
Gloomy research appears from time to time, suggesting that when women who try to have it all find they can’t, the first thing they give up on is their husbands, not least on sex with their husbands. That may be partly why two marriages out of three end in divorce and most people don’t marry at all; marriage rates are at their lowest since records began.
So was rather quaint to read in The Times last week an article entitled “In search of the good wife”, complete with a questionnaire from 1958. “Do you renew your nail varnish as soon as it chips?” it demands. “Do you go through his clothes every month or so to check on minor repairs? And then do you make them? Would you stay on at a party when you knew he was tired and wanted to go home? Do you use table napkins? Do you know the cheapest cuts of meat? Do you clean your handbag as often as you clean your shoes? Do you resent it when he has a night out with the boys?”
A familiar picture soon emerges of a carefully groomed woman with primped hair and a wasp waist who calms down the children and touches up her lipstick when her husband comes home from work, listens charmingly to his day’s debriefing, and then offers him a well cooked but thrifty dinner.
There was a time not so long ago when that would have been simply ridiculous. This traditional vision of matrimonial labour was considered not just laughable but repressive: a woman’s abilities and ambitions were sacrificed to her husband’s, without any security other than his goodwill.
Now, though, it seems that this vision is being revisited, and not only by Stepford wives, or those alarming “surrendered wives” of the American religious right. Ordinary women are at last beginning to realise that feminists, in their passionate rejection of traditional marriage, may have thrown out the man with the bathwater, and that they rather wish they hadn’t. A man, like a woman, needs an incentive to get married and stay married; feminism forgot that, and forgot too that marriage is more in women’s interests than in men’s.
So the old fashioned question has become interesting again, at least for women who want to find and keep a husband and realise, increasingly, how difficult that is: what makes a good wife? I think women should start by facing some awkward facts.
It’s a mistake in any relationship to insist too much on egalitarian principles. Feminism, understandably, has concentrated too much on women's rights and, by extension, too much on husbands’ duties. Why, on top of working long hours and forsaking all others, would a man put out the garbage and change the nappies for a woman who is too busy with her own career and too tired by her own schedule to bother much about him? Or, to be blunt, to have sex with him?
It may be his duty to put up and shut up and keep on doing the late night feeds and the early morning commuting, but it’s hardly very appealing. Nor is insisting on these duties a very clever way of trying to hold on to a husband, if that is what a woman wants.
One hard fact a would-be wife has to face — and I was absolutely horrified to realise this myself — is that it’s not possible for a married couple to have two demanding jobs and children and a good relationship. Something has to give. If the relationship has to be neglected, then the marriage will fail, which will be very bad for the children. If the children are neglected, then the marriage is worthless anyway.
So something must give on the work front and this is probably, for many women, the price of being a good wife and having a good marriage. Unless a couple are extremely well paid, and have plenty of domestic help, her brilliant career will have to be less brilliant for a while; she will have to spend some time in the Mummy lane.
It could, of course, be the other way round. But another harsh truth is that alpha males won't stay at home in the Daddy lane and nor will plenty of other males of all descriptions; they refuse to be ersatz housewives. They would rather not get married, and as the figures show, increasingly they aren’t, and increasingly, if they are, they move out. So rule number one for a wife is to forget about equal rights and entitlements. Think instead about motivation.
When you want to please your child, or your lover, you think hard about what might make them happy and then do it. It’s not a chore, or even if it is that hardly matters; it’s an act of love or of loyalty. Yet strangely, in marriage this obvious motivational technique seems to wither away with the wedding flowers. Women are convinced it is their right not to have sex when they don’t feel like it, and it is a man’s duty to wash up, though he hates it — and so it is, of course. But that’s not the point. Granny was right; never say no, and never nag.
I think that my generation, and later ones even more so, have been led astray by romantic 1960s notions of sincerity and authenticity; it began to be believed that in the name of existential good faith and psychological well being individuals ought always to act and speak in accordance with their feelings — telling it like is and letting it all hang out. So sex without passionate desire — the boffe de politesse of a kindly marriage — is inauthentic.
Similarly, talking without expressing all one’s resentments and expectations and anxieties is a kind of insincerity, or dishonesty even. But this rather adolescent attitude is entirely at odds with the tolerance, discretion and generosity of body and spirit needed in a good marriage.
Husbands are mostly quite simple. Generally, what they want is unlimited, enthusiastic sex, constant reassurance, good food and plenty of freedom, of at least three of these four. Some can be trained to be very helpful domestically and some even enjoy it; but most are not bred for it. But they have many excellent and endearing qualities; the rewards of living with a well-motivated husband, if not quite above rubies, are very considerable, high though the price may be.

That Times article is satire, right?

yup that times article sounds about what id expect from the times

a load of bollox

I assume so Mrs Toast

since PTR Junior not so much, which in fairness I can understand, but doesn't make it any easier.. I'm now stuck in a sexless relationship (admittedly hopefully not forever)

How long for? I'd recommend at least discussing the issue at an early stage rather than hoping things will change as I did. The feelings of rejection have resulted in me finding it almost impossible to do anything to resolve it now...

Though I agree with your point about the OP - we did at least have a far better sex life before children than he has. If it's not going to improve, time to get out.

To dismiss that article as satire or rubbish simply proves you didn't read it to the end or take the trouble to understand her point. As someone trapped in an unsatisfactory marriage I can tell you that it's very true indeed, especially in the final paragraph.

globalti - Member
As someone trapped in an unsatisfactory marriage I can tell you that it's very true indeed

So, it's true [u]for you[/u], and not necessarily all those in unsatisfactory marriages...something none of us wants to be in?

That Times article is satire, right?

In what sense? Do you believe that a man will hang around indefinitely with no sex?

So, it's true for you, and not necessarily all those in unsatisfactory marriages...something none of us wants to be in?

Or maybe it's true for most in unsatisfactory marriages, and those who haven't experienced that wouldn't know.

To dismiss that article as satire or rubbish simply proves you didn't read it to the end or take the trouble to understand her point. As someone trapped in an unsatisfactory marriage I can tell you that it's very true indeed, especially in the final paragraph.

Her point? From what I gather, it seemed to me as if she was saying a woman has to sacrifice her own ambitions, career and control over her body in order to to have a happy marriage, whereas men are entitled to regular sex, food on the table and 'freedom'. That's not marriage. That's slavery. "Granny was right; never say no, and never nag" [i]Seriously?![/i]

How can a thread like this still be going after 4 hours? Surely if this forum was any cop it wuold have been closed by the mods by now!

If its just lack of sex, a quick one off the wrist will help things quite a bit. You cant force someone to want to have sex. If everything else is good (and it sounds like it is) then I'd learn to deal with it.

In what sense? Do you believe that a man will hang around indefinitely with no sex?

Is it 1950 again already?

straights = messed up.

She's talking about realism, mrs toast - women are fully entitled to do what they want, but they can't expect to sacrifice marital sex whilst maintaining a happy marriage and keeping their man.

especially in the final paragraph

Husbands are mostly quite simple. Generally, what they want is unlimited, enthusiastic sex, constant reassurance, good food and plenty of freedom, of at least three of these four. Some can be trained to be very helpful domestically and some even enjoy it; but most are not bred for it. But they have many excellent and endearing qualities; the rewards of living with a well-motivated husband, if not quite above rubies, are very considerable, high though the price may be.

really? id say that was a patronising to women and insulting to men

crikey - Member

Is it 1950 again already?

apparantly

Interesting point there emsz, of course this is a massive generalisation, but I wonder if the stress or whatever of coming out makes gay people a bit more introspective/accepting/sorted-out etc in these areas?

[i]keeping their man[/i]

Brace y'self Sheila, it's for your own good..

bigyinn and crikey - I presume you've experienced such a situation in order to be able to dismiss the problem so lightly?

anothergit - Member
since PTR Junior not so much, which in fairness I can understand, but doesn't make it any easier.. I'm now stuck in a sexless relationship (admittedly hopefully not forever)
How long for? I'd recommend at least discussing the issue at an early stage rather than hoping things will change as I did. The feelings of rejection have resulted in me finding it almost impossible to do anything to resolve it now...

Though I agree with your point about the OP - we did at least have a far better sex life before children than he has. If it's not going to improve, time to get out.

nice to hear its not just me to be honest! 🙂

It's been 3 times in the 8 months since he was born and probably twice during the pregnancy so 5 times in 17 odd months

We have discussed it, it goes no where, she feels fat although she's not and even if she was I'd still would and do find her seriously attractive. I love her to bits the attraction goes way beyond how she looks. I on the other hand feel like she no longer fancies me etc... not a nice position to be in (I can think of hundreds of positions that would be far more pleasing)

The last thing I want to do is stress her out about it, that'll lead no where good.

It's been 3 times in the 8 months since he was born and probably twice during the pregnancy so 5 times in 17 odd months

Whoah - that's a glut from where I'm sitting.

Yes, I've experienced that kind of post war misogynism and the concept of 'conjugal rights' before.

emsz - Member
straights = messed up.

this made me chuckle... all my Gay mates are seriously sorted mentally.... Hmmmm... problem is I really don't fancy blokes though! 🙁 and also 😉

twohunnner!

Having an active sex life is an important part of any relationship, its a natural part of being close feeling loved and desired, having a sexless relationship can be miserable and lonley and should not be dismissed or nor should you be for having the lack of sex being an issue, this us just going to manifest and it sounds like its driving a wedge between you and cannot be ignored. I'd really do some soul searching and ask myself if she means more to me without regular sex or I need more out of the relationship than she's able to give. I think once you know the answer to that then you will know what to do.

anothergit - Member
It's been 3 times in the 8 months since he was born and probably twice during the pregnancy so 5 times in 17 odd months
Whoah - that's a glut from where I'm sitting.

sorry mate brummie here... whats a glut? not a good thing from the context.

The downside though is that the bedroom action has not been what I'd call regular, [b]even from the start[/b].

Here is your problem!

Ok. Before you do anything, the question you need to ask yourself is, am I good in the sack? (can you make her orgasm the majority of time and does she scream the house down?) If the answer is no, then maybe that is something you need to look at.

On the other hand if the sex was rubbish to start with and she just isn't into it, then move on. 13 weeks? Jesus! I would have left after week two!

Yes, I've experienced that kind of post war misogynism and the concept of 'conjugal rights' before.

Feeling so rejected and lonely that the only options you can see are to get out (one way or another) is misogynistic? You have no idea what you're talking about - though thanks for the attempt to cheer me up.

Having an active sex life is an important part of any relationship

Is it? Why? Because you require sex to make your relationship feel whole, it doesn't mean that every other person on the planet feels the same way.

The wonderful thing about people is that we all like, want and need different things in life.

I'm talking about the attitudes expressed in the article which you seem to admire; the whole business about women shouldn't expect to have any say in the whole thing...

This appears to be less about relationships and rather more about [i]what men want[/i]; the two are not the same...

Give her the 15min orgasm treatment as described in the 4 hour body book... It works (I know...)

...and the whole 'sex is so important' thing... hope your other halves never ever become unable to have sex, or you'll be packing their bags, right?

I'm talking about the attitudes expressed in the article which you seem to admire; the whole business about women shouldn't expect to have any say in the whole thing...

Try rereading it - it suggests women have lots of say in the matter, but the choices they make affect the outcome they get. We're talking realism here.

hope your other halves never ever become unable to have sex, or you'll be packing their bags, right?

Which is a completely different situation to you partner rejecting you. It seems you're the one looking at sex from the more basic perspective...

Have any experience in these matters, or just being a keyboard warrior?

[i]...and the whole 'sex is so important' thing... hope your other halves never ever become unable to have sex, or you'll be packing their bags, right?[/i]

Diametric opposite of the OP.

OP isn't dealing with what might be.
They are dealing with what is.

anothergit - that article is saying women should compromise everything to keep their men and absolves men of all need to compromise or modify their behaviour in any way.

I believe in a partnership of equals.

Meanwhile in a parallel thread on Mumsnet....

"Help. I [s]want[/s] need a baby but my partner doesn't. I've tried talking about it but every time I do he just clams up. Is it time to move on or should I give up my [s]wants[/s] needs for the sake of our relationship?"

[i]Have any experience in these matters[/i]

Do I need to show my love CV to comment?

[i]it suggests women have lots of say in the matter, but the choices they make affect the outcome they get. We're talking realism here.[/i]

Try this instead;

it should suggest people have lots of say in the matter, but the choices they make affect the outcome they get. We're talking about equality, not some odd old fashioned patriarchal idealism here.

If she's holding out on you, why dont you try holding out on her? Seems like a simple enough method to see if she ever wants any.... Might encourage her a bit, or calm you down.

Tags:No tags yet.

amazed

If she's holding out on you, why dont you try holding out on her?

Tried that for a while but the result was even less sex than before (in other words - zero, nothing). Basically it seems that unless I make the first move then it's never going to happen. Even if I do make the first move these days then there's only a very slim chance of success. So I tend not to bother as much anymore.

the question you need to ask yourself is, am I good in the sack?

Yes always very good . . . errrrrr . . . or well I used to think I was until we got together. Trouble is the feedback from her is pretty minimal. Very quick to tell you what she does not like but not willing to say what she does like in return. Pretty difficult to remain good in the sack in this situation. Feel like Stevie Wonder trying his best to replicate the Mona Lisa.

Anyway thanks for the great advice all. Decision is made and unless something very drastic happens between now and the time I get to talk to her then it's time to move on I think. Already spent far too much time and effort trying to make this work but without any success.

At the end of the day if she's not willing to work at it too then it's pointless. If she continues to see it as 'my problem' rather than as 'our problem' then it's dead in the water really.

OP don't take this the wrong way but are you a good lover?

We've all had girls that can orgasm massively very quickly. Others take a lot of oral stimulation as penetrative sex does nothing for them- I.e no real feeling.

We all like to think we are sexual Tyrannosaurus's but its listening, adapting and patience that works for some ladies.

Try giving her a lot of oral pleasure- say it doesn't have to lead to sex. I bet she'd want to do it more.

Dude if you do not use it, it will get smaller and may cease to function all together.

Find a woman that enjoys your loving or buy a fleshlight an mp3 and some beer 😉

Sex tips from hora. I've not even had me tea yet, and now I have to eat it with the thought of his sweaty face betwixt someone's thighs.

Thank you STW, thanks a lot.

Sex tips from hora.

I was going to suggest he could have his own thread entitled that, and it should be made a sticky....

Xvideos FTW!!!!!!! 😯

Sticky sex tips from hora?

it should be made a sticky....

😆

troubleandstrife - tell her that for men a sexual need is an emotional need not just physical. Many women (and men) don't realise this - it can make a huge difference if she learns this.

All the best - oh btw, if things don't change please don't marry her or have children.

[i]if she learns this.[/i]

Jesus wept... Yes, make sure you teach her real good...

IT'S THE SAME FOR EVERYBODY, BOY OR GIRL, YOU MUPPETS!

To be fair on Hora, he's probably not all that far off the mark....

He was well off the mark here:

hora - Member
We've all had girls that can orgasm massively very quickly.

I think a lot of people are missing something.

Sex is important in a relationship. Not because you get off, you can manage that on your own; but because of the intimacy. Without intimacy, what you've got there is a flatmate.

Yeh but come on, I wouldn't be impressed if I woke up with his beady eyes staring up from my vegetable patch...

Nom nom nom nom 😆

He was well off the mark here:

Some take a lot less work that others that's for sure. Some are screamers, some are quiet.

I've tried Hora's technique of listening, being patient, offering my 'services' , I don't get angry never raise my voice or argue about it and talk sensitively about the subject, but it's made no difference. sorry for threadjack.

is it about time this thread was put to bed?

[i]Sex is important in a relationship. Not because you get off, you can manage that on your own; but because of the intimacy.[/i]

You're making the same mistake as previously.

I appreciate that in boyworld intimacy = sex, but in the real world this is not always the case. Sex is not as important as you seem to think, which is why relationships can continue long after sex is no longer an issue, which is why relationships where people cannot or can no longer have sex can be successful.

Tj, I concur.

Thread reported for being over-long.

TandemJeremy - Member
is it about time this thread was put to bed?

Post reported for god awful pun. 😉

A girl needs to feel comfortable, flattered, unpressured and woo'd.

Us blokes think 'buy some wine, get her razzed' as we are always up for it/we are like ho****er on demand from a combi boiler.

When a girl feels unpressured, relaxed and no issues she'll want it. if you argue over lack of sex it becomes a cycle/elephant in the room. Kiss, cuddle THEN stop yourself. A few of these and she'll be in the mood. Argue a lot in general and sex will be the last thing on her mind.

Saying all this you could simply keep your partner locked in the cellar and tell her the world is flat and the air poisonous outside 😀

At the end of the day if she's not willing to work at it too then it's pointless. If she continues to see it as 'my problem' rather than as 'our problem' then it's dead in the water really.

Yep, that appears to be the crux of the matter. Maybe don't put it as her not being willing to work at it though - if she doesn't want sex [b]at all[/b] then she has compromised her feelings significantly for your benefit. She obviously just couldn't carry on like that, as you can't. If everything else is great, then I hope you can remain good friends as it would be a shame to lose her completely.

hora - Member

If I met someone as highly sexed as me I wouldn't have time to type

How much do those filthy dating sites cost? If we had a whip round I reckon we could sort him out...