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How do you say, "It's not me, its you?"
But in a nice way?
you say
"it's not you, its me"
and take it on the chin
you can't.
from your posts on the romance thread I think it's time you were honest with her about how you feel.
That sounds nice enough to me, no point beating around the bush (pun intended).
Just explain that you're not engaged with it, not into it or whatever.
assuming you don't work with her or have lots of mutual friends, just tell her straight and never see her again.
Tell her that you think the two of you need a break. Then when she starts getting all excited about where you might go, tell her that you didn't mean that kind of break.
[url=
ways to leave your lover[/url]
Say "This is not a spoon, but (insert fellatio reference here) or (insert go away instruction here)".
honesty always wins, it may hurt but it's the best way
Buy some hair grips, leave one on the shelf in your bathroom, one in your bed. You wont need to say anything... she'll not it's not her!
Dude, sounds like you have to man up and tell her the truth. If you love her give her the chance to do something about your issues. Failing that it is time to walk away. You struck me as a decent sort of chap when we went riding last summer so do the right thing.
Mutual friends are prety much my only circle of female friends (they intorduced us), so would probably rather burn this bridge rather than carpet bomb my entire social life.
At only 4 months your entitled to opt-out. Easily said, but with the benefit of my own experiences of nut-jobs.
The longer you leave it the more difficult it gets.
I know of 2 blokes who've just tolerated their girlfriend ...just fell into moving-in together ...eventually reluctantly agreed to marriage after years (sort-of-being)together, tried to ignore it and then called it all off less than 3 months before the massively-extravagant wedding.
You can imagine the fall-out....
On a serious note, just MTFU and be honest with her. It's definitely the best way and you won't come out of it looking like a sh1tbag.
The cowards option of just slowly being a worse and worse BF might seem easier but is for pu55ies.
That old conundrumI dont feel bad about letting you go I just feel bad about letting you know
MTFU - or text her because you are a coward
I don't see why its so hard to say really, unless they're completely besotted with you, just start with "can we have a talk" - it'll set the tone and you can offload and work from there.
Stop washing.
'I think we should go out somewhere for a quiet drink'.. in a serious tone and your work is half done.
We do love each other, just sometimes she makes it so bloomin difficult (and usualy manages to blame whatever the problem is on me)!
Just asked her if she wants to come with me to my parents house for a weekend rather than go on the sun £9.50 holiday, hopefully that's enough of a comprimise, if not it's time for a talk.
Does she have a nice friend or sister? Hit on them.
We do love each other, just sometimes she makes it so bloomin difficult (and usualy manages to blame whatever the problem is on me)!
Hmmm... Believe me, I've been in similar situations and it can be much better than that. I'm now married to a great woman.
As a matter of interest how old are you both?
Is that a holiday from [i]The Sun[/i]? That would be an instant disqualification from me.
Stop washing.
Good call. Just start acting like an asshole until she dumps you.
Given his posts on the romance thread I'd say he needs to grow some.
Temporarily relocate any pets around a friends house while you tell her.
IF you want to work on it, perhaps write a letter explaining the issues and ask for a letter back, don't discuss it until you have the letter back, it stops the confrontation. If you don't, just come out with it and see where it goes.
I'm 23, she's 32
Yup, Sun holliday, when you look at what's included in you'r £9.50 its actualy pretty crap value , you have to pay for a minimum of 4 people, and it's like Ryanair, everything is an extra (4 x £9.50 + 4 x 'service charge' + 'club room fee' if you want to go and sit next to a pool full of screeming kids + ..........) I could go on lastminute.com and get a cheep hotel for less!
Just tell her you only started to see her so you could closer to her Mother.
I'm 23, she's 32
You sound like a decent bloke with plenty of time to find a decent woman .....after travelling the world, buying fast cars and doing a lot of biking.
Yup, Sun holliday, when you look at what's included in you'r £9.50 its actualy pretty crap value
Quelle surprise!
Once the novelty of pulling an older, real woman, has worn off -which it obviously has-, your basic values are different to hers and she's got you making all the compromises and sounds to be taking advantage of you.
It sounds harsh, but do not waste your time with her.
23? ok still on the learning curve then
Once the novelty of pulling an older, real woman, has worn off
not the oldest I've dated :-p
not the oldest I've dated :-p
You've got a mother-complex?
Seriously, live a bit and don't waster time on someone you've nothing in common with.
kah!
that nothing. my mate is 21 and knocking off his landlady who is 38 and an underwear model. she also has an estranged husband with a history of mental illness (the bad kind) and violence.
somehow i don't thik he wants to give up what he's got....
Oedipus, ring your mother!
thisisnotaspoon - MemberWe do love each other, just sometimes she makes it so bloomin difficult (and usualy manages to blame whatever the problem is on me)!
You might think you love her (but I'm not sure you can after only 4 months) but she certainly doesn't sound like she loves you.
Time to cut and run. Either be honest and tell her it's not working out or make her pissed off so she dumps you. Forget to call, turn up late for everything or even not show up at all and ring her with some excuse. She'll soon get fed up.
make her pissed off so she dumps you
Second recommendation for this! Don't do it! It's a really bad way to treat people and remember what goes around comes around. I've had it done to me, and it's a cowards way out of a situation you don't want to be in.
Telling someone you don't want to be with them is never easy, but if you really do want to end it, just be honest and say it's not working for you anymore. That way, you can both leave with more of your self respect intact than if you treat her so badly she's forced to end it.
alpin - Memberkah!
that nothing. my mate is 21 and knocking off his landlady who is 38 and an underwear model. she also has an estranged husband with a history of mental illness (the bad kind) and violence.
somehow i don't thik he wants to give up what he's got....
You[s]'re mate[/s] [i]still[/i] seeing her then? 😉
I think the 'I'm just not that into you' phrase/approach (eg there's nothing wrong with you but it's just not clicking) is best since that's essentially the truth and most women seem to know about the phrase since it was in S3x and the City a while back and was portrayed as being acceptable...
Is that a holiday from The Sun? That would be an instant disqualification from me.
she reads the sun? or just buys it for the pictures?
Semi-tried the "treat her badly and see what happens approach"
for example;
The moment I don't show any affection she get's all upset and starts cuddlig up, the moment I give in and return the affection she's back to bored indifference.
Just asked if she want's to come away with me this weekend, apparently not, she's on call which means she has to cary a mobile phone and note book with her, which apparently percludes her from doing anything at all.
At 23 you shouldn't be dealing with a relationship with this sort of hassle. If it's not right, get out. And be honest with her - if you lie and try to sugar coat it she'll think there's still a chance for the two of you.
Finish it and get out there and have some fun. That's what I did, had my fun and then met my dream bloke at 27 🙂
Just asked if she want's to come away with me this weekend, apparently not, she's on call which means she has to cary a mobile phone and note book with her, which apparently percludes her from doing anything at all.
After reading this, it sounds like she might be losing interest in the relationship as much as you are. Sit down and talk it out.
Then it's time for spectacularly dirty break-up sex 😉
If yo' havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you son...
Then it's time for spectacularly dirty break-up sex
Her ex was a porn star!
Few people have commented on her chavieness, with the exception of the holliday (and dubious ex mentioned above) she's not chavy in the slightest.
If yo' havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you son...
I was planning on starting a new thread if we broke up allong those lines :-p
If she's a chav or not, it still sounds like things aren't working for either of you.
And blokes in porn are usually ugly and oily...not attractive 😕
Ah!
"The moment I don't show any affection she get's all upset and starts cuddlig up, the moment I give in and return the affection she's back to bored indifference."
This is nothing to do with love...it's all about power! Time for a sharp exit!
Sounds like you know what the situation really is? It's hard breaking up, whether you are the "dumper" or "dumpee". But just remember, the vast majority of the time, a few months (or maybe a bit longer...) makes you realise it was the right decision.
Exit stage left
Was in a relationship like this once...it only gets worse (and in my case involved a pricey divorce).
I'm just surprised no-one has mentioned Bomber-based ownage or a shoe-wee interface event yet. 🙂
Bestmate once went out with a serious chav. Big hoop earings the lot when he was down mentally and at the bottom for a while. Her friend called round once when I was staying over- a bottle of Smirnoff ice, fag in hand and 8months pregnant.
He told me it was great sex but everything else was 'wrong'. Hes with a proper/great girl now 😀
Get out on one of these singletons STW meets! See life in a different way with folk with a common interest. Girls go too by the sounds of it and your social life may just be redirected.
You just have to make the break, feel the fear and do it anyway!
I'm single teagirl. 8)
Try doing all the sick and disgusting sexual stuff that you've spared her from up until now. She'll either feel utterly repulsed and dump you, or you may be pleasently surprised by her kinkyness and warm to her again.
Either way it's Win Win for you
Hora, Good! Get out with notspoon on a Singletons meet! I'll just hang out with the Nidderdale ride crew. Picnics R Us by the sounds of it! Nomnom...
Get single quick, don't even consider getting serious with anyone until your at least 30.
Enjoy life!
2ND enfht, I waited 'til after we'd split up though, amazing what a girl will do when she's trying to get you back!
if mrshora is reading this I missed typed/left out 'not' 😆
GaryLake - Member
If yo' havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you son...
I got ninety nine problems but saying 'its not you, it's me' ain't one...
😉
Just point out that you're young and she's OLD. That should do it.
don't do anything, just ignore her; don't answer phonecalls / texts / whatever.
Eventually her dignity will kick in and she'll get the message.
leaving one more emotionally scarred woman for the rest of us to deal with...
To preserve some dignity for both of you just tell her that it's not working out, the relationship isn't what you're looking for and you think it better that you split up. Relatively painless for you both - that 'it's not you it's me' or whatever is just dishonest and suitable for a 14 year old. Sad, but every relationship ends sooner or later. So get out of it, and then the two of you can start a new one and move on.
Aye well son...next time go for the nice ones rather than the glam' ones; they're usually not so up themselves!
MTFU and split up, you sound like you need to be told right.
I've been there done that, like most blokes on here, i'm now married to my amazing wife, i didn't think women like her existed till i met her.
Marrige and love should feel easy with the right partner, not stressful.
If you dont want to be with her, tell her straight but in a considerate way ie tell her how you feel and do it in private, not in the middle of a pub or suchlike. If you want support, ask a friend to be there with the 2 of you.
If you string her along or treat her badly, people who know you and/or her will disrespect you for being mean and gutless. Its not easy to live that kind of image down, its always there in the back of peoples minds, as well as your own!
From her point of view, its better to be told it is going wrong than to find out months along the line that someone has been stringing her along like a fool, while bitching about her to anyone who will listen (how would you feel?). It would be even worse if you string her along as a handy lay while looking for something better, though realise this may not be what you are doing at all.
Whatever you do, leave her some self esteem and pride. It won't really cost you anything and you will be a better person for it.
Even if your situation is difficult (and these things can be truly painful for all) deal with things in the most decent way you can. Treat her how you would wish to be treated yourself in the same situation.
OP has she made any noises about children/future/settling down/mortgage together?
I'm guessing but if she has- I suggest ending it asap and letting her move on/find someone who is ready to do this. Don't keep her hanging.
I'm guessing of course based on the age difference.
I have just broke up with someone the same age and i'm as old as you, She realised after 5 years when i started going out with my mates coming home drunk and spending less nights with her something was up. I hung on for 4 months thinking about it and hoping things would change but they didnt so told her how i felt and called it quits before Christmas!
Spent more time with my mates than i ever have, which i've enjoyed a lot as i missed out on my drinking and shaging around years, Now met a new girl and TBH she is awesome in every way i need 🙂 She gets on with my mates as i do with hers which is a big bonus for me.
at the right moment shout out the name of her best friend/mother pretend it means nothing
giant spider costume. thats all I'm saying.
...sheesh! You're 23 and she's 32????
Erm, yeah. I'd give it a miss that one. Maybe good for the temporary interest/experience value for a bit, but sheesh, you've got the whole of your 20's ahead of you and loads of yummy girlies in their 20's to... erm, yes... well..
1) Don't ever let a relationship stress you out, or get you down
2) Don't ever let your partner play stupid emotional games with you or ever try to control you
3) Don't ever date someone who reads The Sun
If any of the above apply - a quick "Sorry, I don't think this is going anywhere" will do. Then don't ever speak to, or contact her again. Life's harsh sometimes, but it's generally easier for everyone involved that way.
You'll find someone you really love and get along with soon enough 🙂
If you dont love her but care for her. Let her go now, that is if you care about her. Shes entering those years where conceiving will be harder plus she will have to find the right person first before she can start trying. Let her go I say.
Or.....stay. When you are 30 you could have MILF sex.
Just to add (personally)- I ended it with my an ex. Hardest thing I ever did. An absolutely stunning girl, just not working from my side.
Cripes, this site is an education! The male psychie amazes me!
Good words tho' Hora
good words though Hora...
[i]Or.....stay. When you are 30 you could have MILF sex.[/i]
Really ?
must be joking surely...
I've heard from various sources Hora is actually an ok bloke in the flesh.
nice walk in the deep woods, to that spot where you left the spade and quicklime, sorted
Sounds like she is missing what her ex porn star boyfriend has to offer, so perhaps your not satisfying her in the bedroom department, she is lying if she says size does not matter. I reckon you should get out now before you become totally screwed up, besides if she come away to your parents for the weekend she may prefer your dad.
Just tell her straight. Say you're very sorry, but it isn't what you want, and rather than waste her time and yours, you are ending it. Sit tight through the ensuing storm. It is the best way in the long run.
Is she violent? Maybe wear a stab vest...
Ah, I retract my comments, Hora. I thought you'd recovered but further medication is required.
😆
MrNutt: easily the funniest post I've read all week!
You're a great girl, beautiful, fun and intelligent, i however just can't see this relationship going anywhere and it's for the best we don't do this anymore.
I'd still love to remain friends if at all possible but i love you too much to hurt you anymore than i am now and must end it.
If you go to Swinley this sunday there's alot of single men there gaggig for it, all the best, i'll see you there. x
Just show her this thread 🙂