[Closed] Getting married and asking for cash instead of a present

It is ok, but mention what you are putting it towards, I.e. a holiday. Bikes don't count

If you're a gormless chav, then yes, go for it.

Most of us have the majority of items we need these days, I'd be asking for the money to help pay for the cost of the marriage!

Fair enough. It seems the done thing is to write a little ditty in the invite; something along the lines of;

Getting four toasters is gash,
Just hand over the cash...

Would do the job. Maybe add some frilly bits...

We asked for b and q vouchers so we could buy a wooden floor. It seemed better to give people a point to the request. We had been living together for ages and had enough t towels and mismatched plates.

yes, the more cash the better, bikes [b]do[/b] count.

Maybe ask for some wipe clean bathroom floor covering. 😉

You will piss someone off : possibly someone who wants to pass on their gash presents from when they got married.

No matter what you do though - you'll piss someone off. Dont sweat it.

We asked for a contribution to our honeymoon. So basically cash dressed as something slightly different.

Lad I work with just got married and got a LOT of cash and hardly any presents. I think most people who will be attending your wedding will know you well enough to figure out that you're a big boy and will already have a toaster/set of pans/disgusting silver plate picture frame.

We asked for B&Q and M&S vouchers at our wedding and no one batted an eyelid.

You can eat like royalty for months on M&S vouchers

lunge - Member
We asked for a contribution to our honeymoon. So basically cash dressed as something slightly different.
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We set up a honeymoon account at our local travel agents, most people have just gave us cash/cheques so far though.

Just bang a poem in the invite, plenty to get inspiration from the the net.

I would absolutely hate being asked for cash. Modern weddings can be a ridiculous waste of good money. It's about two people in love ( hopefully) in my book....

... Yes..... I can be a bit Victor Meldrew ..... 🙂

If you want to piss people off ask for cash
If you want to really piss people off do it in badly rhymed poem
If you want to disassociate yourself from evryone you know have a'wishing well' for people to drop their cash donations into

Or just ask for Argos or Travel Agent vouchers ftw

My brother in law Is a composer and he has been saving for a new piano for literally years. When they got married they put all their savings on a sizeable down payment and all the guests were asked if they would like to contribute to it. Personally I think that was a great idea.

If you're a gormless chav, then yes, go for it.

nice

Or perhaps Greek, or Cuban

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I think it's a brilliant idea. With folks getting married later already with a load of stuff it makes great sense. Close relatives can be allowed to get you what they want but everyone else can chip in. A good solution is often to get the best man/bridemaid to handle telling people as it usually goes down better. Personally I love the idea

Bikes don't count

Wrong - we got loads of contributions to a tandem. Brilliant gift we would probably never have got ourselves and it is still going strong

It seems to be a modern phenomenon which I think is really tacky and pretty vulgar and it pissed me off even more that the only wedding I have ever been to where they asked for cash as a present there was no follow on letter of thanks and it just felt as though the couple had pocketed the money with no idea of who had given and how much they had given . I am a pretty miserable , over 50 year old git though , so perhaps my comments are slightly out of touch

We asked for cash but our original choice of venue burnt down 5 weeks before the wedding and we had to spend our honeymoon cash arranging a replacement.

I figure if someone can afford/wants to spunk upwards of 10k on "the best day of our lives" then they don't need fifty quid from me.

**** em.

Last wedding I attended I gave 20€ and asked for it to be given to a charity both the bride and groom had worked for in Uganda.

The two before that I gave nothing. As I says, it they're spunking 10-35(!)k on a wedding I assume that they've got enough cash to afford a holiday or Wedgwood set without me having to chip in. If they haven't, then more fool them.

If you know some one well enough to go to their wedding you should be able to come up with a good present.

I hate giving cash.

I don't think it's any worse than a wedding list tbh. Though having said that I'm on the fence about the wedding list, as grim a thing as it is, it saves a lot of thought.

Mate of mine had a cunning plan- instead of gifts, they asked for donations to a favourite charity. The cunning part is, after the wedding he said "Right, that's my karma account well in the black, I'm never donating to charity again".

Really poor etiquette and very cheap.

Cash is a complete no-no. Ask for vouchers instead as suggested above.

I find it hard to believe people get so worked up about it either way.

I'd question that, I firstly want to know what type of laminate you will be using in the toilet and if the rest of the money was going towards the removal of glass crystals and dream catcher wind chimes.

😆

We did, but that's beacuse we were moving to Australia in a month's time and it's a damned sight easier to carry than a 48 piece crockery set. Our friends who were soon to move off Guernsey had the same motivation at their wedding.

Basically something along the lines of "we don't want presents because of xyz, however if you feel you want to provide a gift, money towards abc would be very appreciated"

I have no problem with giving cash. However I hate wedding lists, I always get the cheapest/most horrid thing on it. This in the past has been a toilet brush. Kitchen roll holder etc

I got pissed off when wedding list are from John Lewis etc etc. Would much prefer to give cash than buy a shitty over priced toaster, just because its on JL's wedding list when they have a perfectly good Argos one at home.

I have a bit of an issue with Wedding lists, mostly because people just put thoughtless tat on them (had a list a few years back that had a kitchen bin on it)

However I also think asking for cash is slightly taking the p*ss.

I also think giving people a free reign can be scary, as you'll end up with a load of sh*t you don't even like.

When we got married we asked people to send donations to the local kids hospice, or to donate to a charity of their choice. No idea how much it raised, but it meant we didn't end up with loads of vases and toasters we didn't want/like.

Is it ok to ask for cash as opposed to getting clocks ,tea sets and george forman grills.

In my opinion no. If you can afford a fancy wedding you shouldn't be asking for cash and if you can't afford a fancy wedding, you certainly shouldn't be having one.

The only exception would be if the couple are very young and just starting out, in which case I wouldn't mind helping them out with setting up a home etc as long as the wedding was appropriately modest....

We went to wedding recently where the B&G had spent £30k on a very posh set up and were asking for cash for the honeymoon. We didn't give any as it just seemed ridiculous, they could have just spent less and funded their own honeymoon.

I'm not sure on this one. I think vouchers is better - if people are not buying "a thing" then they tend to want to know how the money they are putting in is going to benefit the couple, and not just get spunked in the pub.

Last couple of weddings I went to the couples asked for cash towards their honeymoon. OH and I didn't put anything in, simply because it cost us to travel to attend these weddings, stay over in a hotel etc, we couldn't afford to fork out on top of that. We explained it to the bride and groom and they were fine with it. The last wedding we went to OH was an usher, had been on the expensive overseas stag do, paid for his own suit hire, we'd paid for the travel, hotel room etc, so we just couldn't afford to spend any more on it. So if you are going to ask for cash, be prepared that some people may not be able to afford to contribute in that way.

We didn't give any as it just seemed ridiculous, they could have just spent less and funded their own honeymoon.

but you would have been happy to give them something that they didn't want instead..?

but you would have been happy to give them something that they didn't want instead..?

As is the STW way

A voucher's just a faulty £10 note.

A voucher's what?

I wonder if it would be acceptable to ask for bike shop vouchers as a wedding present.....

Pedantry fail Zokes. Voucher's -> Voucher is. It's a contraction, not a misappropriated apostrophe.

oooooooof! Nothing hurt's more than a pedantry fail

With many B&G's desperately trying to get a deposit together for a house I can thoroughly understand asking for cash but I do feel that it should clearly stated as 'for something' serious and not just beer tokens.

I also think that it's good form to offer the alternative of a charitable donation so that conscientious objectors to 'funding your lifestyle' have an option, it also makes you look less grasping.

Please note that this doesn't include couples who spunk £30K on getting married in a castle in the back of beyond that costs everyone a fortune in flights and hotels, for them your presence is enough of a gift and expecting cash on top is taking the piss a bit.

D'oh 😳

just put on the wedding invite "no boxed gifts please"
i've seen many invites like this...
TBH all the weddings i go to are asian ones and nowadays no-one gives boxed gifts...i think there is an unwritten rule that cash in an envelope is acceptable...i always prefer to give cash...let the new couple decide what they want to do spend it on...when i got hitched 7 years ago the total cash gifts we got was about £6k...
i expect my invite in the post OP 😀

but you would have been happy to give them something that they didn't want instead..?

As they can afford to blow £30k on a wedding, I don't think they should be asking for anything.

We get married in 10 days time, and our invite has a list of our favourite charities and said 'if you're feeling generous, please make a donation'.

I think as long as you explain what it's for it's fine. Last 3 weddings I have been to all had a honeymoon fund. People are renting for longer and getting married later, I'd rather have/give money towards a house or the honeymoon rather than a new toaster or silver plated gravy jug.

As they can afford to blow £30k on a wedding, I don't think they should be asking for anything.

We get married in 10 days time, and our invite has a list of our favourite charities

Well that's very noble and I salute you and all that.. Congratulations! (who's making your cake hmmm..!?)

Working in the wedding industry as I have done now for the last few years has opened my eyes a lot..

For some people this really is the biggest event of their life, and some folk pour [i]everything[/i] into it.. whether it's a shoestring registry office wedding with a reception at the local boozer or a weekend long bells and whistles do at a fancy venue..

It's people's big day to celebrate their love and throw a party for their loved ones, let them do it however they like..

Are there really people who would accept a Wedding invitation without any intention of bringing a gift?

If you are happy to give something, what difference does it make if it's a George Foreman or cash to the same value?

It's immensely noble to donate all the gift money to charity. However, I imagine that for the majority, a Wedding has been funded from life savings of either the B&G, the parents or both. Must be lovely to have sufficient cash to pay for all the major expenses in life without any help from friends or family!

People are renting for longer and getting married later, I'd rather have/give money towards a house or the honeymoon rather than a new toaster or silver plated gravy jug.

To me that seems just mad. If you can't afford a deposit on a house, you certainly shouldn't spend anything on a wedding and just get married in a registry office.

It's people's big day to celebrate their love and throw a party for their loved ones, let them do it however they like..

I'm not saying don't do it, but if they're borrowing money to throw it, I reserve the right to think of them as 'stupid'.

Are there really people who would accept a Wedding invitation without any intention of bringing a gift?

Yes, if you don't have a lot of money and it's going to cost you a lot of money to attend said wedding, I don't think that's unreasonable. I'd rather have my friends come and be part of my day and if they can't afford a gift, so be it.

However, when we went to a wedding locally that didn't cost us for the travel and overnight accommodation, we contributed to the honeymoon pot. But still the couple in question would never have dreamed of making attendance conditional upon a gift.

If it's compulsory then it's not really a gift....

Nothing wrong with asking for cash, but it is very difficult to do so in a way that won't grate some people. My wife and I did this some years back and whilst I think it was the right thing to do (ours was for honeymoon) it still upsets me that some probably found it offensive.

The whole tradition of a wedding is out-dated and this is just one change that shouldn't be frowned upon. Personally I think the whole shebang could go one step further and ask people to pay for their own food and drink. A vast proportion of wedding budget is on feeding people, so if guests paid their own way instead of buying unwanted gifts or giving cash, everyone's a winner. Better that than the newly weds going home with a load of tat they don't want or need...and I'm not talking about their new spouse 🙂

Yes, if you don't have a lot of money and it's going to cost you a lot of money to attend said wedding, I don't think that's unreasonable. I'd rather have my friends come and be part of my day and if they can't afford a gift, so be it.

However, when we went to a wedding locally that didn't cost us for the travel and overnight accommodation, we contributed to the honeymoon pot. But still the couple in question would never have dreamed of making attendance conditional upon a gift.

i agree with this. my family made a point of specifically stating on the invite for guests not to give any boxed gifts...simply being there to share in the occasion was more than enough...the cash gifts were a nice bonus...we still ended up with loads of electrical items such as toasters and irons and quite a few dinner sets...
personally i'd feel more comfortable giving cash rather than a gift that the b&g might not like which then becomes a waste of money

Surely if you did do a wedding list it would be stuff you actually wanted? Do people really create a list of stuff they don't actually want?

Surely if you did do a wedding list it would be stuff you actually wanted? Do people really create a list of stuff they don't actually want?

You'd be surprised! Especially if it's a John Lewis type present list - very easy to end up putting tat down (or the matching salt and pepper set to the plates you do actually want) just to give options. JL would make a killing if they worked out how to allow people to put contributions to, say, a washing machine or fridge freezer.

I'm kinda on the side of if you have to ask for money then your wedding is costing too much brigade. Maybe a halfway house is asking for gift receipts for the presents you get 😛

Are these [url= http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/new-gf-and-carpet-in-her-toilet-along-with-white-shag-pile-everywhere ]threads[/url] related?

Most seem to be assuming that said wedding would cost tens of thousands of pounds? I don't see the harm in asking for cash, as already said though it would be polite to say what it was for. If the guests actually know you I'm sure they won't mind.

Two weddings in recent years that spring to mind, the first was a fairly well off couple who were just setting up a new B&B business. The wedding list contained everything they'd need to kit out the B&B which I thought was a bit off so we bought them a couple of trees to plant in the garden and mark the occasion, they understood and appreciated the gesture. The second was an average couple on average wages who get by, they asked for cash towards the honeymoon so we gave them more than we'd have spent on a present.

We haven't got married yet as we can't afford it (together 9 years with two kids, trying to buy a house) and we're thinking that when we finally do do it we'll go for a registry office with close friends and family, then throw a big party for everyone with a free bar and no gifts. If we can stretch to it we'll also include cheap hotel rooms for those that need them. Seems like a better way to spend what money we have as what we really want is everyone there with us, bells and whistles would be nice but not a requirement.

Actually, reading this again, I think that cash if it is for something specific is a good thing (e.g. flights for a trip or something they are unlikely to get otherwise). Cash for the sake of cash is a bit dodgier. But if friends wanted cash just to help cover the cost of the party and make it bigger and more fun I'd be up for that as well.

they asked for cash towards the honeymoon

Brilliant. i'd go for that as well. I'd rather contribute towards great memories than a house full of tat that I chose

Don't get me started on second weddings! FFS. I turned down an invite, having been to the groom's first one and just think it's all a bit silly when you're middle-aged and shouldn't be wanting to be prince/princess for the day. 😐

We had a wine list. So now there's a cellar stuffed with vintage champagne, claret and port ready to be opened on anniversaries and birthdays.

Pip pip!

Personally I think the whole shebang could go one step further and ask people to pay for their own food and drink

Sounds like:"Hi, I'm having a big party, which you are under a certain amount of pressure to attend, please could you pay for it (ps. and we're having it at some ridiculous hotel where a pretty poor 3 course meal will cost £70 a head, and beer is £5 a pint)".

I guess people who have a pub or nice restaurant meal, without extra wedding tax, and if they're the sort of people you'd go out for a meal with them anyway, it doesn't sound so bad, but for most 'wedding venue' type places it would be taking the piss (and I bet loads of people wouldn't bother coming if you did).

We asked for B&Q vouchers.

We had plenty of stuff to put in the house, but the house itself was a bit defective in a number of areas. Everyone was cool about it. I guess it just depends on how you do it. Plus its just a bit awkward for guests to giftwrap a 3m section of kitchen worktop or a concrete lintel.

Asking for money is unbelievably tacky and thoroughly naff.

The only way it would be acceptable would be if you were totally broke then maybe. And by that I mean keeping the wolves from the door, not 'can't afford a nice car/bathroom suite/bike holiday this year'.

If anyone asks me for money, they're getting sod all.

When it comes to weddings normally reasonable people end up acting like spoilt, entitled brats.

Asking for money is unbelievably tacky and thoroughly naff.

Unless you happen to be asking for it for any number of reasons, as detailed by many above.

Reading FAIL

I had been with my Missus 15 years before we finally got round to tying the knot last September.

We made no mention of cash or gifts on the invite and left it to people to make up their own mind as to what kind of gift we would receive ( if any).

As it turns out some of them clubbed together to buy us a family (got 2 kids,already) weekend in a tree house on the outskirts of Snowdonia, I can honestly say had I been given the money I couldn't have spent it better myself, we had a fantastic time and the memories will live on a lot longer than any of the other items we brought with cash received. Though to be fair, it was nice to go shopping without looking at prices with the cash gifts!.

How well do your friends know you? They might surprise you if you leave them to it.

JL would make a killing if they worked out how to allow people to put contributions to, say, a washing machine or fridge freezer.

They do, they are called vouchers, or faulty tenners if you prefer 😉

Asking for cash is pretty naff and would not appeal to me. Personally, I am not so keen on honeymoon contributions, but understand it and have made gifts that way if that is what the couple want. Always better to ask for something tangible and concrete.

Most weddings I have been at, including my own, have stated being there is a gift enough. This shows an appreciation of the time and effort people spend on attending. I equally think that some form of gift shows an appreciation of being fed and watered. This is all within reason and is dependent of course, on your circumstances and relationship to the couple which they will equally understand.

However, some people still wish to give gifts so better to tell them what you want, or direct it where you want it.

Interesting thread in that it's clear some people fundamentally object to giving cash, or are they objecting to being [i]asked[/i] to give cash? It's a shame, since for every wedding guest who can think of a fab present, there are 10 who will buy tat*

*ratio invented to make point 🙂

The whole point of wedding presents is, or at least it used to be, that you would be helping a couple set up a home hence the wedding list. That way everyone gets to buy something that the bride and groom actually want, they don't get four toasters and it avoids the rather tacky (to my mind) approach of asking for money. If you've already set up a home before you get married, then why on earth would you ask for presents? If I ever get married, there is no way that I'd have the cheek to ask for presents.

john lewis vouchers are good - furniture, electronics, kitchen goods and failing that buy nice food and drink at Waitrose.

MY friends did a good idea a few years back. They were going heli skiing so they used a website that lets you buy certain experiences for them while on their honeymoon - Xft of altitude in the helicopter, spa, romantic meal, husky ride etc. They had lived together for a few years and had everything else they needed.

Why not just charge an admission fee instead?

we asked for money towards a NZ honeymoon, we had some v generous family and are now going in December 🙂 #HolidayOfALifetime

Why not just charge an admission fee instead?

We scraped together £2500 (not including honeymoon) for our wedding and had close family and friends only totalling 30 people. We didn't want presents but said to people that if they desperately wanted to give us something then a donation towards our honeymoon fund would be hugely appreciated. Whats wrong with that? Any good family and friends will understand, and anyone that doesn't (or thinks its cheap or chavvy) don't count

we had this discussion.

registrars and a free bar/decent quality buffet for all involved, no gifts.

Probably be a better night than a crap sit down meal.

only been to one wedding where the meal was good and it was food from the kilberry inn ..... i believe that wedding was 10s of thousands..... lovely though.

but we were never normal.

i suspect we will be thwarted by the powers that be (both sets of parents.....)

^

Whats wrong with that?

Absolutely nothing in my opinion.

I'm .. flying .. to a wedding over the weekend (others are there for a full week).

Stag was 3 days in Amsterdam
Wedding is in another country
There'll be a second bash back at home for those that couldn't/wouldn't travel to the main event.

But they're asking for cash for a honeymoon.

no way.

They're close relatives of mine. My 'wedding' cost £150 and no one was invited! 🙂 We just told them afterwards.

Admittedly we were in Vegas already, and had already co-habited for 6 years!

If I ever get married, there is no way that I'd have the cheek to ask for presents.

That was our thinking.....

4 weeks left until my wedding, I don't want anything from any of my guests except their attendance on the day. We have paid for everything ourselves including the honeymoon but are still being asked what gifts we would like.

A page has been set up so people can pay for massages, meals, excursions etc on the honeymoon but personally I hope no one goes for it as it would seriously eat into piña colada o'clock!

piña colada o'clock!

😆

I'm a Margarita man myself