[Closed] Gender is definitely the most important thing for me .

That's your choice, and as long as you accept others are free to make theirs then all is good

In simplistic terms, if you are talking relationships, partners, love then gender really isn't the most important thing. If you are talking physical sex then for recreational sex, gender isn't necessarily important, but for procreation then I guess it really is.

It means that you aren't Miley Cyrus
And that gender is the most important thing for you (in a relationship)

Miley is whatever will be slightly controversial and get her the most publicity. I would say she is probably more of a serial attention seeker than pansexual. Celebrity status is all she has known in her life, so no matter how much publicity she gets, she'll always be trying to reinvented herself for more attention. Its her job.

No.

There that’s that answered.

Gender and sex have to match. Oh, and nice jugs.

Like the whole 'same sex marriage' argument, one person saying that they're pansexual does not suddenly make it mandatory for everyone else. You're perfectly at liberty to continue your heterosexual and passively homophobic existence just as you were before you read that article.

HTH.

Hey rene59, we're in the 21st century now.

Hey rene59, we’re in the 21st century now.

And yet... oh so modern Miley.. is married. Odd.

Just to be clear, I object to rene59's use of the word "jugs" in a post. That type of 70's attitude does not encourage women to post here and goodness knows we're in short enough supply on the Forum. So, rene59, sort yerself out and don't be a d!ck.

HTH

Cougar- are you saying specifically that the OP is homophobic, or that being heterosexual is passively homophobic?

The wording of the article is deliberately inflammatory- not clear if that was her intention or the veneer of the journalist. It describes her ‘modern relationship’ rather implying that if you do not feel the same as her you are somehow old fashion or out of date. There’s a sort of superiority to it.

Pansexual - are you actually pansexual if you have only had relationships with people identifying as a man or a woman or are you ‘just’ a bisexual in that case? It feels a little try hard.

I assume that pansexual includes all non-binary options.

Or it is something to do with screwing in the kitchen.

"Pansexual – are you actually pansexual if you have only had relationships with people identifying as a man or a woman or are you ‘just’ a bisexual in that case? "

Can you be a heterosexual if you've never had any relationships? What counts is the potential I reckon

I’m not sure I understand all of what she is saying
“the couple are "redefining" what it looks like for a "queer person" to be in a heterosexual relationship.” Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Just to be clear, I object to rene59’s use of the word “jugs” in a post. That type of 70’s attitude does not encourage women to post here and goodness knows we’re in short enough supply on the Forum. So, rene59, sort yerself out and don’t be a d!ck.

You are quite correct, and I apologise. I should have used the word breasts instead.

Surely she's in a pansexual relationship and her husband is in a heterosexual one (unless he's pan too?), otherwise it suggests a hierarchy. Not that I'm bothered - glad they're happy. Several of my 14 yr old's friends claim to be bisexual. Maybe time to get them up to speed and introduce the pan thing. Got to have our labels shipshape.
Oh, and well said Cinnamon_girl.

My understanding is that pansexuals find personalities attractive, regardless of sex, gender or orientation. I can see why some have to lower their standards on here though 😂
Well said Cinnamon-girl

Just to be clear, I object to rene59’s use of the word “jugs” in a post. That type of 70’s attitude does not encourage women to post here and goodness knows we’re in short enough supply on the Forum. So, rene59, sort yerself out and don’t be a d!ck.

+1 👏🏼

If you’re attracted to someone then you’re attracted to someone, gender and how that person identifies with theirs can be completely irrelevant.

Didn't we just used to use the term Bisexual?

vickypea

Member

“the couple are “redefining” what it looks like for a “queer person” to be in a heterosexual relationship.” Isn’t that an oxymoron?

No, why? Your sexuality isn't defined by the relationship you're currently in.

What I mean is, on the one hand she is saying that sexuality and gender aren’t important in a relationship but then makes a point of saying she is pansexual in a heterosexual relationship? If sexuality and gender don’t matter, why all this terminology and labelling?

Just to be clear, I have no problem with anyone’s choices and preferences. I just don’t see why people have to label everything if what they stand for is about no one being labelled. And that is an oxymoron to me.

They seem to be having difficulty keeping gender and sex in the correct use. You could be pan sexual and still prefer a gender. You could be pan gender and prefer a single sex.

Also in the spirit of inclusiveness should that be "sort yourself out and stop being a non-gender, non-sex specific reproductive part"?

imo, clear evidence that humankind in the "West" is at its zenith if gender identity is its most pressing concern.

Isn't she trisexual?

I just don’t see why people have to label everything

I don't get it either. Surely it would be better to just get on with whatever relationship suits you and chances are most people won't even care.

I think some people just label themselves in an attempt to be different and gain attention, like Miley!

Or just a person that is attracted to either sex? It seriously bores me to death all this over analyzing, re-categorization and self-defining. Its perfectly fine to like both sexes - we don't need all these stupid new definitions 🙂

#firstWorldProblem

vickypea

Member

What I mean is, on the one hand she is saying that sexuality and gender aren’t important in a relationship but then makes a point of saying she is pansexual in a heterosexual relationship? If sexuality and gender don’t matter, why all this terminology and labelling?

Because labelling and terminology is kind of essential when you explain stuff to people. It's not important what a tool's called when I'm using it but if I want to get another one I need to know the name.

But I think I kind of get what you're saying, sometimes definitions are about putting things into boxes. But done right they're about understanding what the boxes are.

I object* to someone being called a “dick”

Stop oppressing us with your phallocentric gender labels.

*not really. He is a dick

Isn't the real question: how long will the marriage last before one of them is attracted to another person and files for divorce. #prenup

Panthersexual? 🙂

Panthersexual?

Yes. Extremely.😉

Or just a person that is attracted to either sex? It seriously bores me to death all this over analyzing, re-categorization and self-defining. Its perfectly fine to like both sexes – we don’t need all these stupid new definitions

How very 2017.

Or just a person that is attracted to either sex? It seriously bores me to death all this over analyzing, re-categorization and self-defining. Its perfectly fine to like both sexes – we don’t need all these stupid new definitions

How very 2017.

😀

This thread is a rather disappointing read IMO.

I suppose the only frame of reference anyone ever really has is their own feelings and attractions and perhaps you could just use that as the basis to try and relate to others (typically referred to as empathy).

Anyway I'm a relatively straight forward heterosexual male, living in a world that up until recently seemed to value heterosexuality above all other things. So I could try to pick fault with and mock every other variation on gender or sexual orientation that doesn't align directly with my own preference or experiences, or I could choose to accept that there is more than one way to be happy, and that we live in a world where being more accepting of difference is actually starting to become more the norm...

It's entirely up to the individual of course, but if you feel the need to mock others for their gender/sexual preference (or indeed a lack thereof) perhaps it says more about you than them...

Don't think it matters to be honest.

CookAA: Well said.

ookeaa

Subscriber
This thread is a rather disappointing read IMO.
...
It’s entirely up to the individual of course, but if you feel the need to mock others for their gender/sexual preference (or indeed a lack thereof) perhaps it says more about you than them…

Confused.
Have you read the thread? With the exception of a mis-placed attempt at schoolboy humour I can't see any mocking?

Life is so short,

Gay/pansexual/bi/unsure it's all ok.

It's all ok in my books.xx

Their is a saying 'labels are for teddy bear's

I am straight but with no feeling of identity. (Blpd/Bipolar)

Don't beat yourself up it's ok to be different, (it's ok)

Guess your ruminating about your gender??

Your your own person before or after surgery. - the same person.

My recommendation is to just to be yourself. Xx

Just looks like attention seeking revolving around something topical to me. I'm not sure why Miley and Maggie got married to men, seems incompatible with their other expressed ideas.

As for

"It's the benefit of being able to have that open communication to say yes, all bodies are beautiful," she says.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that so I'm clearly a failure because I've seen some ugly examples of all genders.

People in the limelight have being talking esoteric intellectualised nonsense to make headlines for as long as I've been reading.

I don’t think anyone is saying it’s not okay.
It’s all okay by me, I just don’t agree with all this labelling, I don’t think it’s helpful. Gender seems to matter a lot but also not matter at the same time.

I’ve never been a “typical” woman, to the point where I even wondered if there was something wrong with me because I didn’t fit the stereotype that a lot of people seem to think I should meet. That’s all because of labelling and people having fixed ideas.

In the real world people love conforming to stereotypes. It's comforting, safe, requires little effort and no imagination. I used play on it when teaching, sometimes a risky activity. Some people are self aware, others less so and I can only assume subconsciously conform to their sterotype.

The choice of car is where many people consciously reinforce their self-imposed conformity to a stereotype, whatever their gender or chosen gender.

And yes, it allows other people to stick labels on them, welcome or otherwise.

That’s all because of labelling and people having fixed ideas.

Which run deep and almost unconscious. Witness the comment earlier in the thread on gender about schoolboy humour. As if males are the only ones who do, it are supposed to, engage in purile or scatalogical jokes

sort yerself out and don’t be a d!ck.

Please tell me you were being ironic rather than hypocritical. I’m not condoning the use of the word ‘nice jugs’; even if heterosexual and bisexual men are always going to be thinking that, some things are best left unsaid.

even if heterosexual and bisexual men are always going to be thinking that,

You reckon.

“the couple are “redefining” what it looks like for a “queer person” to be in a heterosexual relationship.” Isn’t that an oxymoron?

No, as said you can be bi/pan and in what appears to be a heterosexual relationship. Sadly up until now those people were generally considered either confused or their past relationships nullified by the fact. See bi erasure. It is perfectly possible to be bi/pan in a heterosexual relationship and still be attracted to folk other than the opposite sex.

I’m not sure why Miley and Maggie got married to men, seems incompatible with their other expressed ideas.

I don't follow celebrity gossip as closely as you obviously do but as I explained above its perfectly compatible.

I find the term 'demisexual' interesting (A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships.) I've not met anyone that has identified as such but they are out there. I've met some asexual people.

People are fascinating.

@squirrelking as a Bi person you are 100% right!

what does A sexual mean?

asexual? People who are attracted to others but have no sexual urges. So you love someone but don't really want to jump on their bones.

thanks. You learn something every day. Sounds strange but each to their own.

The ultimate would be the asexual, agender, aromantic individual.

Neither identifies as a man nor a woman, no interest in sex, no romantic feelings.

My mate Neil maintains that he's trisexual, as he'll try anything 😀

Cougar- are you saying specifically that the OP is homophobic, or that being heterosexual is passively homophobic?

I'm suggesting that starting a thread merely to comment on someone else's sexuality speaks more about the person starting the thread than it does about those in the article. It's the sort of "issue" I'd have expected to have stopped being a talking point about thirty years ago.

I’ve got another mate, who bats for both teams, and thinks being exclusively straight or gay is weird because you’re volountarily reducing the amount of people you can have sex with by 50% 😂

I have to say that I couldn’t give a monkeys about anybody’s sexuality, unless you really really fancy them, of course, then it’s potentially an issue

Squirrelking- in my later post I explained a bit better what I meant- that is, she says sexuality and gender mean very little in relationships so why all the grand announcements to the media and all this labelling?

To give an example of my I hate labels: it is possible to be a woman and not be into pink, make up, high heels and all the other stuff I was told for decades that I “should” like, and was “accused” by numerous people of being “a bloke”. Because a lot of people have stereotypical ideas of what a woman is, and if you don’t match their definition they try to label you as something else.
**** labels!!

You reckon

How many men do you know, who are attracted to women but ambivalent about breasts?

Squirrelking- in my later post I explained a bit better what I meant- that is, she says sexuality and gender mean very little in relationships so why all the grand announcements to the media and all this labelling?

Probably because people will listen to her, and if somebody can look at her and listen & relate and feel "normal" it may help them navigate what's going on in their life.

How many men do you know, who are attracted to women but ambivalent about breasts?

Well I don't know anyone who refers to them as objects usually used for serving liquids, I don't know any men who make their opinion known and personally I'm more:

you work it out.

Well I don’t know anyone who refers to them as objects usually used for serving liquids, I

I do. And as a city in Bristol. And other slang. At least one of whom presents as a woman. People, eh?

[IMG] [/IMG]

This could be my type of establishment.

[IMG] [/IMG]

Cougar- are you saying specifically that the OP is homophobic, or that being heterosexual is passively homophobic?

I’m suggesting that starting a thread merely to comment on someone else’s sexuality speaks more about the person starting the thread than it does about those in the article.

Only I am not commenting on her sexuality , I am saying that for me and the vast majority of people entering into into a sexual relationship gender is the most important consideration . Personality etc all play a part but if you go out to buy a blue car then you could possibly decide on a red car , you wouldn't buy a blue boat instead , and Miley Cyrus is wrong to suggest that people fall in love with people not gender . But if you are determined to be offended then crack on .

To be fair, the OP is commenting on something a celebrity has announced to the media and which is in the BBC’s Top Stories on the website.

Just been working with a 19 year old student nurse and showed her this thread.

She is genuinely of the opinion that gender is irrelevant when choosing a partner and reckons that well over half her female mates feel the same.

Personally, I have no issues with it.

Amazing how quickly things have changed in a couple of generations.

I really can't see why people are getting worked up about it.
Why would anyone care?

If it increases the sum total of human happiness, bring it on.

She is genuinely of the opinion that gender is irrelevant when choosing a partner and reckons that well over half her female mates feel the same.

So, they're bisexual, big whoop.

Although, i'll bet that girl and most of her friends will end up in 'regular' heterosexual relations after they leave university.

All these label are just attention seeking and scream 'look at me, I'm special'

It's a genuine shift in how people are thinking and how they behave.

Although, i’ll bet that girl and most of her friends will end up in ‘regular’ heterosexual relations after they leave university.

So what? At least they'll not feel guilt, whatever happens in the future.

All these label are just attention seeking and scream ‘look at me, I’m special’

She's not putting any kind of label on herself or anyone else.
Quite the opposite in fact.

So, they’re bisexual, big whoop.

They might be but that's isn't what she said. Sex and gender are different things.

Although, i’ll bet that girl and most of her friends will end up in ‘regular’ heterosexual relations after they leave university.

Again sex and gender not the same thing. Could still have a heterosexual relationship with same gender.

Gay/pansexual/bi/unsure it’s all ok.

It’s all ok in my books.xx

I think that I found some of your books under a hedge, once!

If I asked you to describe yourself, you'd use labels such as sex, nationality, beliefs, music... Labels help others to be able to identify with you and give you a sense of belonging. They become more important when you face prejudice because of something like your skin colour or sexual orientation, leaving you ostracised from the mainstream. If we then choose to dismiss these labels because we think it's attention seeking or whatever, we're also dismissing the difficulties they have in being accepted

Could still have a heterosexual relationship with same gender.

I’m still waking up, but eh? How does that work?

Could still have a heterosexual relationship with same gender.

I’m still waking up, but eh? How does that work?

No, wait I think I have it now. Confusing though.

I’d be more impressed by the shouting to the media if she said she was pansexual in a pansexual marriage. It’s great that people are speaking out against prejudice but this particular story does feel a little bit like attention seeking.

So labels are okay as long as the individual in question uses them, but when people refer to the said individual it's not okay?

If I asked you to describe yourself, you’d use labels such as sex, nationality, beliefs, music… Labels help others to be able to identify with you and give you a sense of belonging. They become more important when you face prejudice because of something like your skin colour or sexual orientation, leaving you ostracised from the mainstream. If we then choose to dismiss these labels because we think it’s attention seeking or whatever, we’re also dismissing the difficulties they have in being accepted

 

Personality etc all play a part but if you go out to buy a blue car then you could possibly decide on a red car , you wouldn’t buy a blue boat instead ,

If the headline had been "Miley Cyrus buys a blue boat" would you have started a thread on it?

and Miley Cyrus is wrong to suggest that people fall in love with people not gender .

In most cases perhaps, but not hers evidently.

But if you are determined to be offended then crack on .

Who said I was offended? I just think it's a bit pathetic, is all.

All these label are just attention seeking and scream ‘look at me, I’m special’

Far from it. A generation is coming through that are seeking to have all these lived experiences viewed and accepted as totally normal. That's the difference between them and previous generations like mine… the language of "understanding" and "tolerance" we use is old fashioned… it's now about "normal" and "irrelevant" and battling against those who want some people to be kept apart and viewed as different or special.

I guess the irony is you're only going to get absolute attention-whores celebrities like Miley discussing such issues, all the ones who have a more solid reputation rarely discuss their private lives.

I for one don't care much for the labels and descriptions, who you find attractive is who you find attractive. More power to those who find their 'one' whatever {insert label here} human they happen to be.

Have you read the thread? With the exception of a mis-placed attempt at schoolboy humour I can’t see any mocking?

However i'm expecting some of our less tolerant forum members to turn up at any moment. I have a fresh pot of coffee on.

I’d be more impressed by the shouting to the media if she said she was pansexual in a pansexual marriage. It’s great that people are speaking out against prejudice but this particular story does feel a little bit like attention seeking.

Go and read up on bi-erasure and then form an opinion. That is the reason why this is important.

Besides, it was a bloody interview, it's not like she held a press conference to say it. You (and the BBC) have picked one small bit out of what seems to be a rather lengthy interview and made a big deal out of it.