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Monumental Crouton.
Dildo
🙂 🙂 right back to middle school "y' dil!"
"toilet" works, pronounced slowly with three syllables in a cockernee accent: "you toilet..."
Shit for brains...
Hadaway and shite... both an insult and a Newcastle Law Firm
Always had a soft spot for Moon Unit.. sums up many of my acquaintances.
No plonkers, nob (head), or ****?
Boris
I did once read an article online which referred to Boris as a hoof*ing bungle* and that then became a new favourite term of abuse. 🙂
Ya Floop!
Cockwomble.
Just reading a book by an American author. "Cockwomble" has been used in the correct context. I thought it was very much a British thing.
Fool is a good one if used in the right tone.
Bivalve.
Any mollusk, as the oyster, clam, scallop, or mussel, of the class Bivalvia. Also called lamellibranch. Also Nadine Dorries.
Unit (no moon)
Cockwomble
Butt monkey
Weapons grade bell end.
bampot
****
Thing is, in Glasgow, as the film director Ken Loach pointed out, "'You wee ****' is often a term of endearment,"
"Weapons-grade bellend" is my personal favourite, ya' fanny.
Cock eared **** monkey. As stolen from the Daily Mash.
Or Sleeve, as in Wizards Sleeve.
hoof*ing bungle*
Wasn't he the actor in Sherlock Holmes?
Throbber
Walloper
Shitwit
Spunktrumpet
Knobjockey
Pox-ridden gape if I'm feeling especially vituperative.
If I'm in polite(ish) company, I may use "onanist" or "un fin du cloche"
Thing is, in Glasgow, as the film director Ken Loach pointed out, “‘You wee *’ is often a term of endearment,”
Calling someone a c is pretty bad, but calling them a good c is a term of endearment.
I like:
fnugget,
numpty,
Out of 20 million sperms, you were the successful one,
You take delight in celebrating your own stupidity.
to someone who has been a pain
" I hope the rest of your day is as nice as you are"
When I lived in South Wales a popular abusive term was to call someone a Sian or if being really mean a big fat Sian.
Don't know why Sian's got it in the neck but then Tracey and Sharon have been similarly used in England.
a waste of skin ...
Lower than a snakes belly...
Usually preceded by 'That c...s'
surprised nobody mentioned asshat yet. and if somethings unsatisfactory, it could be called total arsegravy.
he/she/you look like the north end of a southbound cow
an old friend of mine once called me a bladder juice drinker. he wasnt referring to my camelbak.
i’ve had reasonable success with the term “nobcheese”
Custard, but substitute the 's'.
Thing is, in Glasgow, as the film director Ken Loach pointed out, “‘You wee ****’ is often a term of endearment,”
Not just Glasgow. Eg refering to
someone as a "right clever ****" is definitely a compliment in London.
And yeah adding "little" takes the sting out of the word ****, as in a "you cheeky little ****". or "come here you little ****" before embracing a person/dog/cat.
Prannock
Slack-jawed knuckle-dragging thundertwunt
Dick wad
Pranny. What a prize pranny Boris is, for example.
Quite often call my dog a dingbat.
‘Hapless oaf’
‘Cock-knocker’
‘Big fanny’
"Scaffie plamph"
As in you're a scaffie plamph.
Means "you're a street sweeper who derives sexual satisfaction from smelling dirty women's underwear".
My wife and myself use this one in all sorts of situations. Scaffie is a Glaswegian word, plamph will be in your Oxford dictionary I imagine.
Bunghole
Degenerate
Plank
Always like Gonk as a non sweary insult
Dunder heed
Whalloper
Nipple
****
Tosser
**** bag
Sh1t kicker
Baw jawz
I also like “he/she has a face like an auld woman bursting for a pish”, or “he is a waste oh a gid pair oh bits”
A Face like a melted welly,
A face like a bulldog lacking pish off a nettle.
One from school,
No offence, but....
Drongo
a waste of skin
An obnoxious fat lad I used to work with once called me "a waste of DNA."
I replied "yes Carl, but you're wasting so much more of it than I am."
i’ve had reasonable success with the term “nobcheese”
I used to play an online game with someone whose account name was Chelmet Header.
Heard one recently when back in Liverpool that cracked me up as I’d not heard it since I was a kid - Meff (Tramp / Scruff). It was also prefixed by the word bad for extra emphasis.
‘He’s a bad meff, him’.
Also Joe Anderson the wrong un’ ex mayor’s nickname Chippy Tits seems to be extending into a more general insult
Doofus
Or if they've done something really daft then dunderhead
Ass hat
Absolute d!ck
Tool
Pleb
Omni shambles
Chopper
Utter cretin
Wazzock
Pissworm
Wanger
Dumbass works for me. Coat though has distinct possibilities.
Mine wasn't even sweary!
Muppet and bawbag get my vote
Or I remember from school calling people Texans
@binners I remember calling people Texans at school, thought it was just our school as haven’t heard it since, until now. I wonder where it came from?
"You dipstick" in the voice of Sheriff Roscoe P Coltrane works in our family.
"You dipstick Enos" in the voice of Sheriff Rosco P Coltrane works in our family.
Edited, mainly for spelling
**** is my standard response to most things .
****.
Flange.
Tool.
Spanner.
Asswipe.
Bellend.
And my favourite Dickdragger.
****tmaggot
I think the rest of the Scots contingent have presented most of the more common ones.
F***stick and shit nozzle are a couple I personally keep handy.
Bawbag and bawjaws tend to be terms of endearment but as with anything context is king.
Weapons grade belter
Effing pelmet
Air-stealing meat sack
bawjaws
My 14 year old daughter is often known as bawjaws, as you say, term of endearment.
Oh I forgot ****, like the opposite of good guy.
Ya ****.
Jeez, rhymes with tank. Like the Tommy.
Doughball.
As in Shunsuki Nakamura ya ****in’ doughball 😂
You gormless goopie
Regularly used by my much missed nanna. I now continue the family tradition
Dangleberry
Or
Hairy love egg as well....
TBh I've loads of insults I'm a very angry man at times
Jeremy Kyle reject.