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Changed my name as we haven't told anyone yet as it is still very early, but yesterday we found out we are expecting our first baby! We are both excited and scared, due to be married this year and we want kids, but it is a bit of a shock and I'm not sure how to feel about it all.
How did others feel, specifically from the guys point of view, when they found out about their first child?
Same as you - a combination of excited and WTF have we done?
It's completely normal to feel like that.
Yeah ours was a 'bit of a shock' and "just happened" not long after were married - I don't think I blinked for 3 months after I got the news, sort of go used to it as the Wife got bigger and bigger but nothing prepares you for the moment they arrive though - floored me, I cried, and cried some more - brilliant.
Felt sick to my stomach. Was working full time and doing a part time degree to try and restart a career, not what I'd planned or when, dragged all sorts of other issues to the fore. Really was a feeling of being terrifyingly out of control. Wanted to run away and hide, didn't want to he that kind of shit dad.
12 years on, and now two kids,undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to me. No career, never enough money or time for what I want, but now I properly understand what I need. They are an ongoing mix of joy, amusement, delight, frustration and worry.
There was a good thread a couple of months ago about problems bonding with kids, really interesting and honest accounts from the dads on here. It will be ok in the end.
I was really excited when I found out. Like P-Jay says, it's nothing like the moment they actually arrive. Spontaneous tears, happened both times. Brilliant.
We are both excited and scared
Yip. That about sums it up. I can't remember who said it, but the best description I've heard of having your first kid arrive was:
"Its like being hit in the face with a mallet........
but in a good way"
Oh, congratulations btw 🙂
Nothing really... it's just one of them things that happens and you deal with. I don't think you necessarily have to feel anything when you find out other than "oh...right..."
I shitted it for about a week after getting that news, but it wore off. Congratulations!
As a bloke I think we generally tend to have a bit of a moment, where the glaringly obvious cystalises in your mind...
"Christ! I'm not even capable of looking after myself!"
Congrats mate . Just enjoy it . Best to start getting all the sleep you can while you can because until the littleun is about 5 years old you won't be getting any . 😆
Everyone will be offering you advice - both on there and (more pervasively) elsewhere. Ignore it. Or don't. But it's your kid - you get to do what you want. And cngratulations!
Oh, and if you speak to dads who wax lyrical about how they immediately felt a massive bond with the kid, and you see yours initially as an insomniac wailing crap-machine, don't feel like a poor father - sometimes it takes time, but it will happen 🙂
Over the moon, she's now 22, we have a fantastic father/daughter relationship, the bestest thing that ever happened, ever. 😀 I'm welling up just writing this. 😕
All the best.
Another excited and scared one here.
Re crapjumpers's comment - I'm 2.5 years in and sleep is still an issue.
Good news though - bravo.
Congratulations!
We'd been trying for so long for our first that pregnancy was just moving on to another phase of worry and stress! The mallet in the face thing didn't really happen until I was holding our boy in the delivery suite.
Two kids now having had no 2 in Feb. No free time, no sleep, tired all the time. Still the best thing ever 🙂
a combination of excited and WTF have we done?
"Christ! I'm not even capable of looking after myself!"
That's good to know as I think these sum up my feelings at the moment. My parents have always said you are never ready for kids, they just happen and you deal with it.
The first thing I said yesterday, other than "Errrr wtf?" was "Im never going to finish building my bike now" 😉
We'd been trying for so long for our first that pregnancy was just moving on to another phase of worry and stress!
This is something that is playing on both our minds, although we want kids, this one wasn't exactly planned and happened due to a "once" moment. But we have close friends and family who have been trying for a couple of years without success and we are now worried about celebrating in case we offend them. Dont want to feel like we are rubbing it in their face.
"Christ! I'm not even capable of looking after myself!"^^ this for the first one!
15 years later and the feeling was totally different for the 2nd one (2nd Mrs Carbon), overjoyed but really scared at the same time following multiple misscarriages.
Found out at the weekend that the 3rd is due, we were told there was no possibility of further children, so we just thought that was that and were thankful for what we have. Now I feel nervous as hell again, worried whether this one will make it full term and arrive safely, but so happy that there is a possibility of another one and two of them can grow up together.
And congratulations! 😀
Immediately crapping yourself (figuratively) is pretty much the correct response. Any man who doesn't either hasn't fully grasped the seriousness of what he's just been told or is a ****less weasel doesn't intend to hang around to see this through.
Got 2 now, they're pretty tough for the 6 months or so but then the personality starts to emerge and then they get funny and from then on they just get better and better.
Hang on in there, congratulations and good luck.
Oh... and congratulations. It really is the bestest thing ever. Kids are absolutely bloody ace*
And as far as the actual birth itself is concerned... like watching your favourite pub burn down 😉
* Disclaimer: apart from when they're not, and you'd happily kill them with your bare hands
Terrified, confused, not ready for this, really not up for it, meh.
This continued to....errm present day (I took him back to University yesterday where he's in his second year). I'm still amazed they let me have kids.
I just thought - "It had better be a boy!" 🙂
Dont want to feel like we are rubbing it in their face.
johndoh to the [url= http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/at-what-age-should-i-stop-being-naked-in-front-of-my-kids ]thread[/url] please!
Anyway, perfectly normal OP - it's a bloody massive, life changing event. If you didn't feel worried or unsure etc etc, you'd be some kind of emotionless freak!
Congrats and good luck!
A friend of mine was all positive and happy when his missus told him, then he got into his car, drove to a field and sat there screaming 'why me!!' And wishing it happened to one of us instead.
he wouldn't have it any other way now.
Like an arcade game showing " Game Over " .
Fourteen years on & he's the best thing that's ever happened in my life though , bar none .
Congrats
Having been there (failed IVF and ended up adopting) we never resented anyone - well except for the friend who complained that looking after children was so difficult the day we got our last failed result .....Dont want to feel like we are rubbing it in their face.
Awesome news, your life is now officially over 🙂
Nothing really... it's just one of them things that happens and you deal with. I don't think you necessarily have to feel anything when you find out other than "oh...right..."
This, pretty much. I used it as an excuse to get pissed 🙂
All became a bit more real as time went on, of course, but the initial reaction? Not a lot.
Mate, congratulations. Found out myself over Christmas - just changed profile for similar reasons.
For us it was very much hoped for, so am stoked. That being said its a pretty rocky road so far - she has been much more emotional and irritable - due to feeling sick and tired, as you would expect. You've just got to roll with it.
One thing I've noticed is that it has given me a deadline to put my house in order - pay off debts, lose a bit of weight, work harder at the job.
From now on copping-out isn't an option.
First reaction was 'oh, right. So what's for tea?'
Got a bit more real after the first scan. I cried like a baby at the second scan when I saw the heartbeat and from then on its been a while roller coaster of emotions. He's 5 on Friday. How on earth did that happen?
Oh, and you know that thing where you and the missus are on roughly equal footing? That just ended.
Here's a list of importance in the house now.
1. Baby
2. Wife
3. Dog
4. Cat
5. Goldfish
6. You
And it's really unlikely that at any point anyone will ask you if you're ok throughout the pregnancy/birth. Nobody cares. Even your mum will ring up and the first words out her mouth will be an enquiry as to the wellbeing of your partner.
And it's really unlikely that at any point anyone will ask you if you're ok throughout the pregnancy/birth. Nobody cares. Even your mum will ring up and the first words out her mouth will be an enquiry as to the wellbeing of your partner.
This happened to me yesterday.
yeah... you could now start dressing as an 19th century European arch duke, and only travelling anywhere by walking on your hands. Nobody would notice. You are now officially irrelevant 😉
We were never relevant. We just thought we were. . .
"IT WORKS" were the first things out of my mouth.
I tell people how I feel, so pretty accurate.
It now needs to come out the right colour. I live in fear of a "Me, Myself and Irene" scenario.
My mums reaction to being told was "Oh,........err, congratulations" as it dawned on her that I was probably going to be staying with the daughter in law she didn't want!
+good metaphor binners! 🙂
+good metaphor binners!
Correction - simile.
I found out while sharing a B&B room with a lad who'd spend the journey from Mach down to Merthyr telling me how he and his wife couldn't conceive.
I had a hunch why the other half called at 0730. I took the call in the bathroom.
How did I feel? What everyone else has said - amazed, confused, excited, nervous, scared.
We're 18 months into being parents now. She's effing ace (even she means I ride less than I used to). 🙂
stunned is how I felt. lost for words, not in either a good way or a bad way, just speechless.
it took time to truly sink in properly, it sort of happened by the osmosis process. slowly sinking in. everybody else gets way more excited when you tell them and you look at them and wonder why. over time you will begin to 'get it' and accept it as a good thing. It is, it just can take time to hit.
Then when the little one arrives youre expected to immediately bond with them. Sure you may cry and your heart will miss a beat but lots of guys it takes a while to come to terms with what has just happened. In fact some mums are the same.
But... after it seeps into yer brain what it means, however long that takes, it is THE best thing on the planet. Its fundamentally what we were born to do.
Oh and yes, sure read everything on here, online, then do it your way. A healthy pinch of salt whenever you read anything. you'll muddle through don't worry.
Totally elated. I was at the Core Bike Show and had a missed call from el Wifo. Called her back from the wheelie bins, *drunk* outside the dining room.
Went to the bar totally spaced out and quite dizzy, then got smashed.
A year on, the show is on in a couple of weeks and I look forward to toasting my little widget with friends now she is 13 weeks old. She is an absolute belter and has become, very quickly, my whole world. Just thinking about her whilst typing this makes me want to cry.
It's true about the sleep thing, but meh, it's just sleep. The payback is well worth it. You will be nervous and scared and worried and everything else over the next few months but it's all good. You are meant to feel like that, it's the by-product of hormones and 'manning up'. You will be fine. Things just happen and you need to go with it, wee ones thrive despite your involvement and it should all just click. Don't give yourself worry on top of things, i.e. my garden wall can fall the f*c* down if it wants, I'll get round to rebuilding it right after I get a gap in being a dad. No issue.
Before, it was all WALL WALL PAINT GARAGE TILE KITCHEN FIX TOILET FIX ROOF BUY CARPET HOOVER HALLWAY.
Now it's JUNGLE PLAY MAT AND CUDDLES TIME YAYYY!!!
Best of luck. You won't need it. I am assuming a lot of you - being that I have no idea who you are, but you won't.
Always fun at the first scan when they casually drop the fact that it's twins.......it'll destroy you but you'll love it.
I was in shock. I remember at the time saying to binners 'I thought it'd take ages after the amount of booze etc I'd ingested to date'. Nope it was almost instant 😯
Similar for me. Don't let anyone tell you how you are "supposed" to think/feel, you think/feel however you want. Everyone has different ways of coping with news good or bad, some of those ways do not always fit the "norm" or what is "expected". Best thing to do is chill and go with the flow, afterall it;s an event that is (hopefully) happening that you have little control over, so accepting it, is the first hurdle, everything else will fall into line.
sui - dad of 2.
Here's a list of importance in the house now.1. Baby
2. Wife
3. Dog
4. Cat
5. Goldfish
6. You
Lol @ Samurai, but true.
As others, at first scared, then after KJ01 was born like a rabbit in the headlights, then it becomes a lot of fun. Its a constantly changing cycle of fun, tiredness, anguish, difficulty, what now? and more fun.
But I do think its the best preparation for a 24hr solo (bar the lack of cycling)you'll ever get - after you've had a baby staying up all night cycling is both easier and a massive opportunity to get out on your bike without interruption.
Oh an +1 on the financial drain, but its a weird feeling of being skint for ALL the right reasons.
Congratulations!
Surprised I presumed I fired blanks after years of over doing it.
It all came at a pretty inconvenient time but I always said if it happens we will deal with it.
Nearly 4 years now. I probably wouldn't be where we are now, that had its posies and negatives.
Not much you can do though one they are born. Not like you can set them free back to the wild
Shocked and very very happy..
Wife expecting our first in May. We'd struggled for years with an early miscarriage and no further success conceiving. We were about to start first round of IVF and really wasn't looking forward to the stain it was going to put on us, when we realised we'd managed naturally..
Jeff
"IT WORKS" were the first things out of my mouth
This was shouted a lot during the following hour 😀
ajt - Congratulations as well! It certainly is a weird feeling knowing that I am going to be responsible for someone other than myself. That is a scary but also amazing feeling. I really cant wait for all the happy times to come. The biggest feeling at the moment has to be apprehension as need to get through the first 12 week scan so things are "safe" and we can tell other people. I want to shout from the roof tops!
Loving the "hit in the face with a mallet" analogy, its exactly how it felt, but in a really really good way
OP get your sex in now. From a few friends apparently frequency of sex drops right off post birth onwards. 😯
OP get your sex in now. From a few friends apparently frequency of sex drops right off post birth onwards.
Agreed.
😥
Above all, I felt reassured that all the hassle over the years with contraception had not in fact been a waste of effort and, speaking as yorkshireman, money.
Binners is spot on.
with our first my reaction made me look like i'd been knocked for 6...wifey not pleased
with the second one we were both over the moon.
with the third we were both in a state of shock.
wouldn't have it any other way though.
enjoy parenthood OP its awesome...but forget about sleep, lie-ins, and your own personal time...that dont exist no more! 😉
Congratulations.
Best, and toughest thing you will ever do. #sciencefact
First reaction from me was 'oh eh, not now...' Since I came to realise there is no right time, other then when it happens.
A word of warning - we went in for a penny, in for a pound. Three kids in four and a smudge years. 😯 Once you pop, you can't stop... 😉
Not at all happy truth be told 😐 Not all women are 'earth mother' types.
Oops, they may have come across as crass. Didn't think I'd be able to have any children so it was a shock. All turned out OK in the end. 🙂
Can't wait until someone invents a male contraceptive pill.
Screw having kids until I'm 35.
Well our first is due in two months. It was planned and when she became pregnant I was pleased but it didn't really feel real at that stage and in all honesty there was so much to go through before I wanted to be overly excited - it's only now with two months to go, a wife with big boobs, a big belly, baby clothes, baby related stuff, over excited parents that it absolutely feels real and the excitement/fear/nerves are well and truly here.
Good luck OP. Hope all goes well for you both.
We'd had one or two issues conceiving, so we were very wary at first. So when we got past twenty weeks I guess that was when we allowed ourselves to get excited. As many have said above, it was a heady mix of joy and apprehension.
I just couldn't get past the feeling that I'm not a grown up (still don't fell like one - I'm 37).
When we got our daughter home (six and a half years ago now), we just looked at each other and said "bloody hell, what do we do now?"
We've got two great kids now and wouldn't change anything about them.
Slightly more serious answer is a bit unreal. "That's not a line is it?" "Nah, nah, erm then again..., ooer." And then I had to go off to work and tell no one for 11 weeks. That was many years and three kids ago. Just another of those things that's no big deal when it's someone else, centre of everything when it happens to you. Like getting smacked in the bollocks.
Ms Jimmy is 17 weeks gone, we've been trying for 2/3 years and found out after a holiday-of-a-lifetime. Came back from it thinking ok, if we can't have kids I know where I'm going every year of my life from now on. And then the blue line appeared on a test. The test stick - along with a whole packet of them - were out of date bit showed the same result. As did a fresh new pack, so that was that. Excitement was tempered by caution and disbelief for a couple of months, then full blown excitement, now a dawning realisation of what's to come. I AM excited, but at this stage my thought process is "but I like my life of zero responsibility and doing stuff I want when I want... Or not". I know that will change and the new focus will be totally rewarding. My biggest hope is just for a healthy 'normal' child to pop out. Or by some miracle a puppy.