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Honda’s new Civic Type R won’t just boast a critically acclaimed chassis and turbocharged VTEC engine; it will also be the first car in the world to feature a gauge that tells you how much of a bellend you’re being.
‘The Civic Type R core market has always been bellends,’ explained Honda worker Wanda Herker. ‘Now, thanks to the new Type R’s bellend-o-meter, the driver will be able to keep an accurate watch on how bellendic he is being.’
The new system uses data from the ABS, traction control, accelerometers and driver monitoring cameras to give a real time score of bellendness. Actions such as performing a needlessly smokey start away from the traffic lights or getting into a race with a **** in an M3 around the bypass will be accurately and immediately shown on the bellend gauge so that the Type R driver has reassurance that he really is acting like a bellend.
Thanks to advanced in-built connectivity, the bellend gauge can also record bellendish events even when the car is off, such as going on the internet and making idiotic claims about your Civic Type R then getting into an argument with someone who doesn’t agree that it is the best car in the world.
The Honda bellend-o-meter will be standard on all Civic Type Rs, giving the new car a definite boost over the rival SEAT Leon Cupra which only offers an optional fool gauge.
There's more than a grain of truth in some of that based on some of the Type R drivers I've observed. Saying all that, they still don't tailgate like an Audi driver. Maybe the options list on the new A4 could include some sort of tail gate enhancer. Not unlike a reverse parking sensor but mounted in the front bumper and designed to let the driver know he can get even closer to the car in front.
The early models from the early 2000s are now well under £4k so the chavs in Bristol are buying them up. Previously they bought knackered Imprezas and raced them up the ring road having fitted the obligatory whoooosh dump valve. I cant say I blame them to be honest, close ratio six speed box, 190-200 bhp (most will be down on power now but Honda make good engines), must be fun to rag around the roads without a care in the world until ambition exceeds talent or the engine goes bang
Nicely follows on from [url= http://sniffpetrol.com/?s=Total+Prick+From+An+Internet+Forum ]previous Sniff articles[/url]
Slightly ironically, exactly that functionality has been fitted to every Jaguar product since 10.5MY (except the driver can't actually see their score as standard!)
The driving dynamics function averages the aggressiveness of your driving, and sets the chassis systems appropriately. Hence, if you press "sport" and then drive like a granny, the system actually reverts back into comfort, unless you start driving hard again!
In dev cars, with ECU access, you can monitor the dynamics aggression value, and you'd often find test engineers comparing how "cockish" they'd driven in various dev cars that day....... (kinda like strava for cockish drivers 😉
Never been tailgate by a Type R...
Normally it's the middle aged, middle management brigade in their 3-series, A4s, faux-by-fours etc...
I miss my type R.... !!
DrP
Mr.Porter is quite the genius on these things. I think he was also responsible for [i]that[/i] fake second hand Aston advert.