[Closed] Found in the woods- whats the weirdest thing you've seen?

2 miles from any water,a huge dead salmon.

Bloody Ospreys

A powder fire extinguisher, on a solo night ride.

Pin out.

I had to try the handle didn't I?

Noise like a 747 taking off, huge cloud of powder, head and bike lights flashing all over the place and the reflections blinding me.

Me riding off. Fast.

God knows what anyone seeing it from a distance would have thought. Alien landings?

Not weird so much - considering it was Northern Canada - as haunting, but a half-decomposed moose carcass.

There was something about the empty eye sockets that had me KOM-ing before Strava.

dead person whilst walking dog. calling non emergency number apprently isn't the thing to do. I explained that he wasn't going anywhere.

Scuba diving fin, miles from the sea

Not so much found as observed...... a couple on one of the bridges between the Glyncorrwg ponds and the Afan trailhead. I could see them from miles away and although i couldn't see what they were doing, I could see something looked a little odd.

As i got closer, it was her face that wasn't normal, like she had really heavy white pan stick make up on

When i got close enough i could see he was taking photos of her, she had a long coat on but underneath quite clearly was in 'glamourwear' shall we say - and the pan stick wasn't but instead was one of those plain white face masks

She / they made no attempt to hide what they were doing and stood in silence as I passed, which combined with the mask was vaguely unsettling.

big  ol'  tortoise

I also found a man choking, on the railway climb on Tunnel Hill. Fortunately another man had got there before me and was doing the Heimlich manoeuver on him. So vigorously that their trousers seemed to have fallen down as a result. It clearly worked because when they heard me approach, he'd recovered well enough to leap up and run off into the bushes.

Opportunity to park your bike ?

edit .... Oh ... that was for theother... but guess it'll work for the above too !! lol

I wonder how many more ?

I’ll dig out a pic of the Rainford Road of Teeth later.

in a forest in France - official signs ( in English) saying that if you hear a loud whooshing noise leave the area quicky and don’t look back.

A fox pushing a wheelbarrow ...miles from anywhere by the side of the trail..

I'm guessing a porn shoot isn't particularly weird then? (she had less on than it sounds like jon's did, but I didn't look too closely

A DofE group....

Zipping along ‘Dogger Dodging’ a few summers ago trying to get back to the car before the sun set, I suppose you could argue we were as late as they were early, but it certainly lived up to its name.

I also found a man choking, on the railway climb on Tunnel Hill. Fortunately another man had got there before me and was doing the Heimlich manoeuver on him. So vigorously that their trousers seemed to have fallen down as a result. It clearly worked because when they heard me approach, he’d recovered well enough to leap up and run off into the bushes.

Chuckled at this 😆

I was searching out new trails and found a path leading into some woods.  I followed it and there was a path around the woods but no exit.  somewhat confusing - then I spotted all the condom and lube packs!  Ermmm - I don't think it was a MTB trail I found

Another glamour shoot -  in Wharncliffe Woods.  They seemed a bit surprised that there were other people about.

Nice rack 🙂

I rode through a halloween costume party and got chased by a werewolf.

pushing the bike up a steep bridleway along a quarry, riding distance from Bakewell. Pages from a really dirty 80s pron mag were ripped out and in the hedgerow along the bridleway. There was a page every 10m or so. It was like i was following a trail of pron, featuring very hairy ladies.

When we got to the top, a group of young girls (DofE group) passed us, to walk down the trail. They will have got an education!

At the top, of the bridleway we found a big mound of stuff, about a metre high. As we got closer, it turned out to be a pile of nylon knickers, bras and stockings.

We checked on google later. It was a prime dogging site and we had found the "marked trail"! Who goes dogging in a quarry??!!

We have a "singing ringing fairy tree" on the Hamble, it's a bit weird because its covered in stuffed toys, dolls, trinkets and all manner of brightly coloured toys..

I'll try a post a pic later.

Amateur close up photograph of a ladies left boob found in a bush

Sex of all sorts including a very amateur porn shoot which consisted of a couple of young women, a crate of beer, not much clothing and middle aged fella with a fancy looking camera. The only oddity of this one was that it was on the canal in a relatively urban area that I wouldn't have described as secluded, I doubt I would have been the only person to pass them.

Glue sniffers (this was a long time ago), that jumped out of the trees like some demented version of Peter Pan's lost boys.

A collection of gurkhas lying in a ditch all pointing their weapons across the path I was riding on.

People having a sexy time has only ever been amusing but the Gurkhas was the one that felt the most unsettling.

Sadly not sexytimes, but round by us there's a small ravine in some woods which has artillery shells dumped in it. Presumably was formerly covered, now I suppose they've been uncovered by erosion/whatever. There was a large munitions store nearby which was decommissioned so looks like they just unloaded the shells and dumped them a couple of hundred yards away in the woods. When I Googled the codes stamped on the shells it suggested they were WW1...

I found a couple of binbags full of old bikinis,bras and panties, near a beach/campsite. Someone must have been 'collecting' them for years

Weirdest ... I just got to the top of a climb and literally nearly rode into a woman squatting and having a slash. All I could muster was a "maaarning" and a little chuckle.

Most memorable .... Found a suicide victim hanging from a tree a couple of  years ago now.  Better ways to start the day if honest.

Sex swing. Not surprisingly on Cannock chase.

Here it is..

Not in the woods but on top of a hill (Werneth Low) riding towards the war memorial up there last summer and came across a lady on her knees who appeared to blowing up a man shaped balloon, she appeared to be having some trouble with it as every now and then she would have to give the hose she was blowing into a couple of shakes(like Bez playing his maraccas).

Funny once she spotted me she and the balloon man appeared to fall down.

I have a few good ones...

in a remote part of my local woods a small hidden garden, with patio set and BBQ, even has a small lawn area, creeped me out so I've not been back but still ride by...should see if it's still there.

Also come across a bunch of people dressed up as wizards and orks and the like, took me a while to work it out

and on a night ride some sicko had dressed a tree up like the Blair witch project.  I was solo too.

Weirdest thing by far, was what I didn't see once,  in the middle of the woods quite a way from any entrance an entire metal bridge had been nicked!

Transvestite with a broken leg...

I've seen a horse fly

2 "stags" with locked horns.  My mate and I cycled past, almost close enough to have touched them (or be gored to death)

(They were actual boy-deer; the quotation marks are there because this was in the new forest so they're only small deer.  Drew quite a crowd of does though, who also ignored us and stood watching the fight)

Knacker boxing ring Inc benches for spectators.

two are memorable

1. being shot at, well not really but some idiots were shooting at rooks in a field next to a road junction and the shotgun pellets were bouncing off our helmets as we stood and worked out which way to go...

2. saw some knickers in a tree...not so surprising...followed by another pair and another and another. But as Hansrey up there has suggested, it was probably a dogging trail (didn't know at the time)

My fair share of doggers of every persuasion, longleat mostly but also browns folly and stourhead

But a lady dressed as a pony with rains and blinkers  stands out.

But nothing at all for a few years. Maybe I’m riding less maybe people have become shy round here

Exploring some woods when I was a teenager, I came across a couple of abandoned train carriages.  There was an old railway line decommissioned by Beeching so they would have been there all that time.  Didn't seem to be much of a trail in and they hadn't seen much vandalism so I suspect they are largely forgotten.

Another..not too long ago ( January ) we were on the Keelmans Way ( river Tyne near to Ryton )  when we passed half a dozen very attractive bikini clad young lasses ( late teens / early twenties ) in a jacuzzi ..enjoying some bubbly ..this in the backyard of only one of four houses  yards from the river.

Don't know who got the biggest shock !

This after passing a ' dummy tree' just prior . why ?...and also spotting my first sighting of otters ( 3) in the wild ..in a well used "country park" totally un-fazed by the amount folks who were around ..all on the same ride ..

Having lived in the country for most of my life it was a bit unreal seeing them in such an urban setting  .

Funny stick thing sticking out of a patch of recently disturbed ground in a clearing in Coltness woods in Wishaw(Perchy will know the area) ......As a diligent Countryside Ranger for the council I investigated, wiggled it a few times before I realised it was the decomposed remains of a dogs leg. I threw up.

A Cougar, no not one of those,  a cougar!  In the mountains in Colorado. Jumped out onto the trail about 100 metres away. Saw me and legged back into the forest.

Also heard a Tiger growl when riding through a forest in southern india. Was really loud and sounded quite close. The most chilling sound I have ever heard.

Near where I grew up there was a condom tree.

Was walking in some oak woods just outside of (if memory serves me well) La Rochelle, and we happened across a couple of old buildings (WW2-looking hangar-type constructions), half over-grown.  Couldnt resist a peep and so went inside one.  Was dark, but a few chinks of light through the holed roof showed that it was full of old rusty iron beds and literally mountains of paper documents full of names.  My French was poor so I never got to the bottom of the mystery.  Not so strange in retrospect.

Also, nr Royan/Saint George, I was camping near some woodland.  One evening I went to the edge of the woods to take a wizz, and saw some brown crickets nearby.  There were hundreds of them, and they all began hopping into the woods when I approached.  I followed the crickets and it was just light enough to see a little path through the trees.  Eventually the little way was so overgrown that I was picking my way, and the crickets had long gone.  But I saw something distinctly un-woody looming amidst the trees and ivy.  It was a really old school bus.  A yellow school bus.  Now mostly rust and moss.  It was broken almost in half and mangled as one might expect from a terrible collision. The smaller trees were at least forty or fifty years old, some of which had grown through the roof of the bus.  It was a strange thing to find in the woods.

A bloke giving his dog a hand shandy....Urgh!  Oh, and the usual Sherwood Forest doggers.  A couple of my pals have renamed a stretch of singletrack ‘Cockermouth Corner’ after a near collision with a fella playing a tune on his friends blue vein flute....while an old fat bloke looked on chocking his chicken (Prompted me to ask “what tyres for sp*nk”)

Another dead person here.

Chap had a rope tied around a tree, through the back of his van and round his neck. Seems he then drove away.

Near Delamere (Primrose to be exact).

That was 20 years ago and it still gives me the creeps whenever I'm up there.

Christ! I'm trying not to imagine that.

On a lighter note....maybe.....Andy's tiger

The most chilling sound I have ever heard.

The man choking on the railway climb - not exactly chilling, but absolutely memorable. Very 'guttural'. Bad case of the willies, I don't mind saying.

Driver’s side rear lamp from a 2003 Peugeot Boxer minibus.

A bloke sat slumped in his car. I think he had a leak because a kind lady was trying to blow him back up.

He was very friendly and waved at us when we rode past.

A pair of ladies shoes screwed to a tree stump on a  horrible muddy sludgy trail about 3 km from the nearest solid ground.

Came across this in the middle of the woods about a mile from any road  

On my adventures in the woods behind Nationwide:

Didn't quite see a tarantula being attacked by a hawk wasp.  Saw the spider move as I went by but it was right by the edge of the trail in the shade & didn't see what else was going on (the spiders are pretty common so I didn't stop)
Met a guy a bit further up who'd sat & watched the wasp dragging it across the open trail - "ossum sight, dood" and I suspect he was right

... and I once bunnyhopped a rattlesnake (that I thought was just a stick 'til it moved)

Oh, and once I found a jeep on a dirt road with a tyre blown off its rim, containing 4 young ladies in bikini tops & shorts.  They didn't know how to change a wheel.  Boy, were they glad to see me ! (err, no, not that glad)

Relatively common in the local woods to see nuns riding bikes.

Doggers / BJs / filming lewd acts also fairly regular.

Weirdest though was a group ride a few years ago. We all rode out of some singletrack onto a fire road to be greeted by the sight of a naked guy riding a proper old school MTB. He turned round and rode in the opposite direction. A little later we had stopped for a chat and saw the same rider in the distance. He stopped and this time got dressed before he silently rode past us again. His chosen outfit to protect his modesty? Cut-off denim daisy dukes and a skimpy pink crop top...

As a kid, was exploring some new singletrack I'd spotted and found it led to a fairly large scale amount of gorilla gardening.

More recently found my way blocked by a small band of people doing some kind of medieval battle re-enactment.

I once saw a larger lady squatting down having a piss under a bridge on the canal. It took me quite by surprise and thinking I should say something to make her feel better and let her know I wasn't a perv I shouted "WAHEYY" and rode off.

I've ridden through Cannock shit loads at night and never happened upon any aliens, werewolfs, black eyed girls or doggers. Shame really.

as mentioned further up the thread - the road of teeth. Its not a whole road of teeth mind you - they were only used to fill the potholes

http://dairyofanineptmountainbiker.blogspot.co.uk/2010/05/my-eyes-my-eyes-rinse-them-in-bleach.html

Last paragraph.

also...

A Ford sierra in a pretty remote place on the Blackdown hills while out night riding, must have been stolen and dumped and looked like it had been there a few years but whoever got it there had some good offroad driving skills.

And a couple up on the Quantocks in the Triscombe dh area.

1st was a hippie looking guy sat on the floor cross legged reading a book next to a jump on one of the dh runs. He didn't even flinch from his book as I sailed past inches from his head!

2nd was late one evening just as it was starting to get dark, I was riding up the fireroad and an oldish guy dressed all in black was coming out of the trees with a spade in his hand.

At first I thought he must have been just digging some trails but he just looked really out of place and there was definatly something not right about him. He looked like the sort of person who had just buried somebody!!

Nothing dodgy, (un?)fortunately.  On a group ride through the FOD many years ago we were all flying down a bit of singletrack that was quite narrow and little overgrown, and just before it popped out onto a forest road there was a lady just off the side of the track, squatting, troos round her ankles.  She must've been looking for a nice private spot to have a quick wee and spotted what looked like a little-used track...  next minute there's a dozen blokes whizzing past about 3 feet away  🙂

Cycling home from work through the woods with a dimming light, rode over something. Stopped to see what it was - an anti-personel mine! Presumably a dummy and part of some night time army exercise, gave me a momentary shock though. ☠️

At 10am one bright and warm Saturday morning, I came belting round a bridleway path corner to be greeted by the sight of a ned squatting by the path, grey traccies round his ankles.  To his credit, he greeted me with a cheery "morning!" but he was apparently oblivious to the public convenience a hundred yards away.

I found a Mepps No2 fishing lure and 12" wire trace on the fells where I live, at least 3 miles in any direction from any water.

On another occasion, a 27"x1&1/4" inner tube, a red plastic belt, a sock and a pair of glasses on a very rarely used footpath.

A portable tv, lodged in the branches of a tree.

A wallet stuffed with money in a crack on a wall, the thing is, I'd noticed this for month or more, when out on my bike and I thought it was a piece of wood.

The best one, was, one night, I was shooting rabbits on a night and heard some yodelling (No, it wasn't someone making a delivery), but, guy in a Baby Doll nightdress dancing and prancing. As I crept closer and very quietly, I noticed who it was, I've never said a thing to him, but if he ever upsets me, I will be saying something!!!

metal band in full corpse paint filming for a musicvideo

I felt sorry for the dude who had to haul the drumkit all the way into the woods

Part of the Berlin Wall, in woods just outside Newbury.

An army backpack, obviously left by a squaddie hoping to cheat some run/march.

skeleton in a burnt out car on a hill just outside cambridge, was a bit like lukes aunt & uncle in star wars ;-(

on a night ride, a guy drinking a can of cider while another guy gave him a bj, a 3rd guy was holding his can for him

they scrabbled to stand up and gave me a cheery hello as I passed

ohh, Stewart- where abouts?

For me, old WW2 airbase completed with abandoned military, civi cars and other military paraphernalia. Also a few air raid shelters and amo stores with old pots, pans and beds. Don't want to start digging around in the area though. Completely open with no fences or signs. This is all in the woods and very overgrown.

Other things include an old farm shutdown in the foot-and-mouth crisis. Everything unlocked and open. Office is just abandoned with paperwork everywhere. Still some feed in the silos. Animals where burnt and buried round the back. Really dark place. All overgrown and wel hidden in the woods.

A man waving his "angry" penis at me.

A lady having her photo taken whilst doing naked yoga.

Evidence of devil worshippery , pentangles,feathers and wot-not.

Once whilst being 'reinflated' by a kindly woman, I saw a load of grown men on pushbikes covered in mud 😯

old WW2 airbase

Now that sounds interesting, whereabouts is it????

The Rubber Johnny Tree just outside Andover is a landmark on one of my road loops. I'm assuming this is like scent marking or something.

First time I noticed it I was more concerned about the littering of foil packets on the road side. Then I looked up a bit.

Eurgh.

old WW2 airbase

Now that sounds interesting, whereabouts is it????

It was called RAF Hampstead Norris.
Some info on WIKI and some photos from an explorer. There's more there than those photos. He's missed all the vehicles and other buildings. If you ride through the woods, you'll notice that the paths/trails are all muddy but very squishy year rounds, that's because they are actually all roads. You can scoop about 6+inches of organic rotting matter to reveal the concrete. You could spend days up there.

I've been out solo night riding and ridden past circles of a dozen or so Druids a few times as I've climbed up into Mine Woods at the Back of Bridge of Allan. Always try to give them a cheery 'Hello Pagans' as I pass. A few years ago, in the same area, a bunch of us dropped down a wee chute into a scene from a medieval battle. Seriously, two guys in full armour, beating each other up with swords. Apparently they were filming a scene for a movie.....yeah right. Last summer a couple of mates were with me when we rounded a corner right into the middle of a 'glamour' shoot. The photographer panicked and tried to throw the very nice young lady her robe, but she didn't seem to fazed. She just laughed and waved as we went past. Thing is we were on the road at the time, in the middle of the afternoon. We'd just ridden along the Skiddaw House to Mosedale bridleway and were starting the road descent down to the cake shop when we nearly ran the photographer over!

<div class="bbp-reply-content">

At first I thought he must have been just digging some trails but he just looked really out of place and there was definatly something not right about him. He looked like the sort of person who had just buried somebody!!

</div>
One time up at Bonaly I found 2 policemen, looking suspiciously at a grave-shaped hole. Borrow pit for a jump someone had built, I explained. So they stopped looking suspiciously at the grave-shaped hole and started looking suspiciously at me

In the woods at the back of Bath university, a full scale battle of orcs, elves, wizards ect. I nearly fell off the bike laughing when one guy shouted "get these spells off me so I can fight"

Still, no odder than riding down the muddy hill on a bicycle!

blimey cokie - that's good. Where's the vehicles and amo stores?

I've got to take the FiL for a walk on saturday; i was just going to the taproom at west berks, have a quick 30 sec pootle then a couple of pints. But the old base sounds better - he'd enjoy that

I'm often cycling up Thorn Hill or between Ashamptead and Yattendon. Just try and avoid the main road I guess.

https://binged.it/2psvgLQ

RAF Hampstead Norris.

Thanks Cokie, looks like an interesting place to visit

Petec, I'm local too!

Best access is to park on Water Street (red cross) and then take Scotals Lane- you'll pop out the end into a field. Straight over the field and up the hill (could be a little steep forFiL?). It's flat once you're at the top. From there it's wooded section pictured. It's a case of walking up the footpaths and then walking off when you spot something. Not much growth this time of year so should spot the buildings and cars. I've never correlated my findings with a map as it can be quite disorientating. Some of the cars are about 20ft into the woods on the West tree line (top pic shows how close the cars are to the field).

[IMG] [/IMG]

This map is also good

[IMG] [/IMG]

[IMG] [/IMG]

Anyway, back to condom trees..

excellent - cheers Cokie. Does sound slightly more exciting then strolling through the Pang Valley pointing out royal residents (and Tarrant) again

FiL should be able to cope (he's the man who once invited me for a walk to the pub. Twenty miles later we finally got there).

i think that's the walk sorted!

Petec, yeah- best time of year to go and explore.
If you want a pub- The White Hart is in the village.

Other option is to actually start at the The Bell Inn (proper old pub- I'm sure you've been) and walk to/from there.
There's a few footpaths across the fields that take you almost in a straight line to the woods. No hills and not therefore not the best views.

Oh I've been to the Bell so many times. We often cycle up from Streatley on a Friday night, have a few too many, then cycle back down the ridgeway at whatever time they've kicked us out. Crashed slightly too many times.

Never tried the White Hart;  always used to go to the Pot Kiln when over that way, but now the Taproom is there, with all 15 Westberks/Renegade beers on tap, we spend too much time in there. Even the kids'll do a 40km round trip cycle for it

This after passing a ‘ dummy tree’ just prior . why ?

What is a dummy tree?