[Closed] Fostering, if you've done any would you recommend it?

making our lives considerably less stressful

I think you will find this is not the case, gf's neighbour is foster carer.

Really depends on quality of your local social services, case workers etc really worth speaking to other local foster carers to see what the local ones are like & even then the kids will always be an unknown

Be very careful, I work with kids who are in care; make sure you get young people who are in mainstream education and not special units otherwise you are likely to have a very stressful life. The YP's can be very frustrated,violent, cause damage to property when boundaries are put in place - I could go on but I'm sure you get the picture!

I would not want the lads I deal with in my house and the girls are worse!

Tread gently.

I wouldn't do it just for the money, and I wouldn't make any comments that could be construed that way on a public forum.

It will be stressful getting approved, and even more stressful when you are doing it. Your lives will not be your own. Think very carefully if you have kids of your own at home.

That said, many of those who do it find it incredibly positive and rewarding, and there is a desperate shortage of good foster carers. If you are serious about it and have specific questions, MrsMC has 20 years experience in social services/child protection, including a couple of years sitting on the approval panel for foster carers. Email in profile.

My In-laws have been doing it for 10+ years.
They've had lots of good experiences with it, and i'm sure they've made a possitve impact on some of the kids lives.

However -
Social services are generally a nightmare - they never give you the whole truth about the kids, so you never really know what you are letting yourself in for.

You'll have to have endless meetings with caseworkers/taking the kids to contact/generally running around - if you have more than one child this can be very stressful.

The contact with the 'birth families' will always be weighted to suit the family, and not you or the kids - they even had to dress one little boy up in a football kit otherwise the father wouldn't see him (and social services agreed to this)

My in-laws have had a mix of kids, from new-borns to teenagers.
They tend to do better with little kids, however every child is different, and they've generally all been through a sh*t time in order to end up in care, so it isn't difficult to give them a good experience.

It is a tough job (although it is more than a job) but sometimes very rewarding.

Me - i wouldn't do it as i couldn't deal with social services.

We used to foster, and then went through the adoption process, yes social can be a pain in the arse but then you know that before you get in to it.
Not all social workers are the same, we had a great one and several not so good.
We will foster again in a few years when our own kids are a bit older, we will either go for the under 8 year olds or maybe those with health issues, I'd not want the teenage age, yes you get more money but that tends to be for a reason.
I'd also look at emergency short term fostering, as the longer you have a child and the more you get to know them the harder it would be to hand them back, likewise the less of the history the easier it can be.

Yes the money is nice but if you look at it as a job, be careful as those I have known that treat it as a job seem to care less for the child (but that is my view from knowing several foster parents, as I had friends in foster care and also meeting other foster parents when we were fostering)

My mum and step dad have recently been approved and are fostering their first child.

From what I gather, it's rewarding but it's taken a long long time to get approval and do everything you need to qualify (if you do). I think it takes a special kind of person to foster and if i'm honest, I wouldn't want to do it.

The pay is very good, especially considering what my mum previously earned as a receptionist but there are a lot of things to consider. It's a full time job 24,7. Your home will need to change, your routines, holiday plans. They had a campervan that they had to sell because it wasn't suitable to share accommodation with a fostered child - something that you'd take for granted with your own kids.

There's also the effect on others in your immediate family. We've been lucky in the fact that the lad they've got seems really great and has just had a rough start in life with an uncaring, broken family. It's been a pleasure to spend time with him, especially when we all got together at Christmas. To see his surprise and gratitude when all the family gave him gifts was incredible and a joy for all of us.

There's heartache too though. The parents/family still may be around and will want access, along with all the let down and misery that that may bring. You'll get attached.

We all have kids in my family and it's raised the issue of protecting your own. I'm fiercely protective of my kids and I was really worried about putting them at risk or in harm's way by being around a foster child.

What if the child in care is violent or a sex offender? How will your family/friends be if you have them around. You will be the one expected to safeguard others from harm.

Be prepared to answer questions about your morals. How do you feel about race, religion, sexual orientation?

Good luck to you anyway. I think it's a brilliant thing to consider and I hope you do what's right for you.

Social services are generally a nightmare - they never give you the whole truth about the kids, so you never really know what you are letting yourself in for.

You'll have to have endless meetings with caseworkers/taking the kids to contact/generally running around - if you have more than one child this can be very stressful.

I'd agree with this

the longer you have a child and the more you get to know them the harder it would be to hand them back

I'd also agree with
this,and it's the main reason that I stopped being a foster carer

The pay is very good,

Hmmm, not sure what planet dknwhy is on, but it's a long way from Earth. The social services will often drop off children with just the clothes that they're stood in, you're expected to find pyjamas, wash kit, spare clothes, toys etc out of your allowance, so don't expect to earn a fortune.

Mrs CD is a social worker on the approvals side of fostering.
The approval can appear tough and long winded but it's for a reason, not all people want to do it for the right reason, and many do not realise what it entails and how it may effect their current family life. Many children are in care because they have been to exposed to horrible things, whilst it's an amazing thing to be prepared to help these children I would say that you need to go in to it with your eyes wide open, especially if you want foster older children or those who had a troubled background.

I don't want to sound down on it though and some amazing foster parents our society would be a much poorer place.

The pay is very good,
Hmmm, not sure what planet dknwhy is on, but it's a long way from Earth. The social services will often drop off children with just the clothes that they're stood in, you're expected to find pyjamas, wash kit, spare clothes, toys etc out of your allowance, so don't expect to earn a fortune.

This is very true.
My In-laws have had a few like this - one of which arrived in the middle of the night with nothing but the Pyjamas they were wearing.
You will end up spending some of your 'wages' on bits and pieces for each child.
The total money coming in if you have 2/3 kids is pretty good, but you'll have quite a lot to spend it on, so don't be blinded by the headline figure.

@natrix. I'm on Earth 😀
My folks do it through a fostering agency so it may be different.
Salary is all relative though to where you live and what you think is reasonable. My mum seems really pleased with what they've been offered.
I know that they've been offered additional funds for clothing, educational support etc too.

thanks guys, are you able to specify then what ages kids you can take?
&
Do you have to pay tax on the money you receive, is it treated as a wage?

Went just about all the way through the process, I backed out at the end not because of the usual concerns that have been well covered here but I realised I would not be able to cope with returning a child back to a s**t environment and if any subsequent harm was done to them I was not sure I would cope "appropriately" no one should do this for money no matter how hard up you are - I take my hat off to anyone who does this successfully they are a better person than I will ever be.

thanks guys, are you able to specify then what ages kids you can take?
&
Do you have to pay tax on the money you receive, is it treated as a wage?

We were approved to take a certain age range, but when the social services get desperate (most of the time) they'll give you kids of all sorts of ages.

We didn't pay tax, it was treated as an allowance rather than a wage.

If you apply to start the training they normally put you in touch with some other foster carers so that you can visit and have a chat.