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100% - they needed to place him, we agreed to a weekend so we could get to understand the system, events happened (ie his mum dying) and we felt we couldn’t move him on. The more we tried to help, the more we felt we were taken advantage of. ☹️ from early spring we were asking for respite but it’s only the last few months when we have told them of our intentions and that he needs to be moved on, that they have actually tried to do something that meant we may keep him longer and avoid the massive fees of paying independent carers.
Do foster parents get paid in England? I think they do up here.
SW are to some extent firefighting - I saw a newspaper article about shortage of foster parents but that does not excuse what they did to you. IMO you were taken advantage of in your enthusiasm and inexperience.
Mate,
I'm not one to call a spade a manually-operated air-cooled earth relocation device so please believe me when I say,
You have done an astonishing job here. I cannot imagine how someone would even begin, let alone carry it through with the patience, kindness and humility you've demonstrated time and again.
So don't you $%^&ing [color=red]dare [/color]beat yourself up about it. Or I will find you.
😁
We get paid for the cost of the child ( food, clothes, travelling allowance etc) and a small carers allowance, but not a wage as such (my wife still has to work and we are really no better off than we were). When we first told them of our intention to end the placement, they offered to pay us as specialist carers (as that would cost them significantly less than using independent carers) but it was never about the money. Hopefully, he’ll end up somewhere safe, he’ll still want us to be involved with him to an extent and he’ll grow to understand that we tried.
That will be why they are short of foster parents. I had a look at the scottish website and its not quite what I thought it was - sounds similar to what you got. Looks like some full time fosterers thru agencies get a lot more. Very confusing.
Ditto TJ. You have been, and will in future be, doing great work, but you're part of a larger team (as far as the individual is concerned, the most important part) and you can't be expected to make up for gaps elsewhere.
It's good that you've set a closing date. Think about how long a gap you'll want/need before the next one.
I’m not entirely sure if it was us that weren’t good enough and we took on way too much for our first placement or is he just such a tragic case in need of support that most would find it hard to provide.
A bit of both, minus the you not being 'good enough'. What you might currently lack in skills and experience you have more than made up for with courage and love.
I have a saying I use with folk who are caring for elderly relatives - I think it also applies here
Everyone has their limits, These limits vary between individuals. When you have reached your limit you have done all you can and can do no more. You have to be happy that you have done all you can and done your best. if its not enough then its not your fault. You have done all you can, Going beyond your limits leads to burnout, stress and resentment
Yes - when we first applied, we understood we wouldn’t get anything at all, our LA changed it to offer a small allowance, but it’s about 1/10th of what independent companies (not the carers being paid by the companies) get.