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Those of you who are happily married or are happy with their long term girl/boyfriend, how close is your other half to your 'ideal'?
ie: if your ideal was: I fancy the @rse off her, she's my best friend, shared values, intelligent, sporty and has a good job, do you think they tick all 6 boxes or just some.
My mates basically tell me I'm picky. My point is that all the successful relationships I see, both parties believe in each other 100% and you won't survive long term if you don't...
[i]if your ideal was: I fancy the @rse off her, she's my best friend, shared values, intelligent, sporty and has a good job, do you think they tick all 6 boxes or just some.[/i]
I'm not bothered about the 'good job' one. So yeah, from that ideal, I suppose I was willing to compromise.
My wife met my stringent criteria:
- girl
- pulse
- prepared to let me put my thing in her.
🙂
I have just, literally, spat coffee all over my screen.
My chap compromised on the fact that he didn't like or want children and I have two of them. Not sure how grateful to feel as I'm not sure how otherwise perfect he considers me... I get the feeling that being 'soiled goods' is quite a deal breaker with the chaps.
My german teacher (a wise man in some ways) said "in the end, everyone goes out with the least repulsive person who's prepared to go out with them".
I think this involves a degree of compromise.
Never had any women throwing themselves at me but found a good one in the end - perfection is in the mind not in reality!
Lol @ GrahamS.
After a certain age a female is going to be carrying some baggage. So there will have to be a compromise somewhere.
I personally feel that when you click with 'The One' all the list will go out of the window.
mr. b.h. hit my criteria = own teeth and hair.
Beauty, wealth and intelligence.
Pick two.
Intelligence is overrated.
Most girls are like guys- they act like dicks and can be needy. However some girls are sensitive and more importantly caring. They have a gentle and caring personality- those are the ones that are keepers.
I dont know how near or far I am from my gf's ideal to be honest. Never asked her. I imagine she'd like me to be a better cook and look similar to Brad Pitt but thats silliness.
OP you gotta be happy with yer partner - I suspect you will meet someone who is "good enough" and that's when you will learn what you are prepared to comprimise.
As for dating etc I think you need to have reasonably high standards but you have to allow it to be a bit random - it's all about chemistry.
GrahamS - MemberMy wife met my stringent criteria:
- girl
- pulse
- prepared to let me put my thing in her.
You must make her feel so special 😉
Over 30 - single, mentally stable, attractive, pick any 2 from 3. 😀
There's no such thing as "ideal", it's just a romantic notion fuelled by chick-lit and lifestyle magazines. Ideal implies "I want no hassle", but ALL relationships involve "hassle" and "compromise".
Attractive, good personality, Loyal
Pick 2
mr. b.h. hit my criteria = own teeth and hair.
a play:
Bunnyhop: [grabs future Mr. BH by the forelock (to make sure it's real) and pulls his mouth open to check teeth] You're pulled!
curtains
I was very lucky, I found a 29 year old woman with very little baggage so I knocked her up quick.
Most girls who are great looking tend to have seen more action than a Vietnam Vet.
[i]I was very lucky, I found a 29 year old woman with very little baggage so I knocked her up quick. [/i]
Who said romance was dead?
Most girls who are great looking tend to have seen more action than a Vietnam Vet.
unlike [b]hora[/b] who has cobwebs down there and a bad smell...
cobwebs? Its got a sign across saying 'danger/condemned'
don't know about my ideal, but I really know what I don't want ( overweight, smoker, lazy,thick,etc...)
A bit of both. My Mrs is mostly my ideal woman but also a bit of a compromise. Still, 5 out of 6 ain't bad, in my book... Good enough to for me to want to marry her, anyway!
@ Blingbling: too true!
wife ticks all those boxes 'cept job !
a kept woman - LOL
of course, one should NEVER compromise (on anything) - just means no-one gets what they want 😉
just give in - it'll be your turn next ..
(is that "compromising" then, now that I think about it ?)
[i]I dont know how near or far I am from my gf's ideal to be honest. Never asked her. [/i]
This has to be the best policy. 🙂
Ideal would be a girl who isnt greedy with her fella'. Pity 🙄
BD- true though. It might wake her up/realise how long she has punched below her belt!
The french don't compromise.
Mrs Mugsy is French.
I must be perfect....
A true test of whether you are 'good' or not for your missus is her friends. If they are your friends- sorted. If they avoid you- then theres a prob. They think she has compromised.
There seems to be alot of pressure to find someone...anyone these days..
Where this pressure comes from i don't know, but alot of people appear to really want to be with someone, almost as an necessity.
From experience the more i want the less i get or the less suitable i get.
And the moment i stop wanting i find someone suitable..
Then i'm a **** and do something to lose her...usually i get to confident...
When i'm confident i become irresistible to the ladies..
I'm doomed!
Aye the fear of looking like you are left on the shelf when you could be really happy where you are right now.
[i]A true test of whether you are 'good' or not for your missus is her friends. [/i]
What if you aren't friends with your missus' friends because they are idiots?
I'm with the sad stockbroker character from "Notting Hill" -
"Must be great to get [i]anyone[/i] to go out with you, really..." 😥
What if you aren't friends with your missus' friends because they are idiots?
Know what you mean but I love my GF's friends. Quite fond of them and I can see why she likes them 🙂
What if you aren't friends with your missus' friends because they are idiots?
Well presumably your missus would have to be an idiot too then, no? And on that basis, if you married/are going out with an idiot, you must be an idiot too so you should then also get on with her friends since you have so much in common 😉
My GF is pretty, funny, intelligent, has a good sense of homour, isn't needy or possesive, but she does hang the toilet roll the wrong way round
I wonder what Fatsimons take/side is on our gf's?
Is he like Father Christmas, visiting the house calling out 'ho ho ho' when us menfolk are out?
>but she does hang the toilet roll the wrong way round
dealbreaker.
TBH dont compromise - it all ends up in tears..Im just packing my bags to come back to the UK after a year living in the US with my ex g/f. We ended up drifting apart because we were doing different things: out here I love the lifestyle, loads of sun, great riding, a real emphasis on outdoor living. My g/f on the other hand (& I loved her to bits, so much so I took her back once after she cheated on me) doesnt share my enthusiasm for those things. In London we had so many other things to share - museums, bars, eating out, shows etc..Here in San Francisco there isnt the same amount of variety. So we ended up going out less & less, she stayed in & became a bit of a suburban soccer mom & I turned into a bit of a bike bum. Now we have broken up & Ive lost a friend who I cared very deeply for..But still la la la plenty more fish in the sea etc etc etc..
Bottom line: dont compromise, its just not worth it.
There seems to be alot of pressure to find someone...anyone these days..
I would say it was more of a biological imperative. The sort of people who didn't try to pair up died out since we were fishes. Thankfully we have the choice to obey these instincts now, but the pull is always there...
[i]ie: if your ideal was: I fancy the @rse off her, she's my best friend, shared values, intelligent, sporty and has a good job, do you think they tick all 6 boxes or just some.[/i]
Yes,
yes,
yes,
yes,
Not really, but cycles to work, and occasionally with her mate on a Monday night
yes, we work together...
We've been together 20+ years, I can remember about 4, maybe 5 serious arguments in that time, we're not married, we have two children whom other people tell us are lovely (they must take after her) I consider myself very very lucky.
if they're fat and/or ugly i won't go there
likewise if they've never traveled (or want to) much beyond the UK
other than that, it's all good......
I met my ideal girl, but she didn't love me back.
My wife is my silver medal.
Nothing so funny as men talking about the women 'they' chose, or would choose.
I've worked with women for 20 years and you lot really haven't got a clue!
Let me put it simply; [u]it's not up to you.[/u]
I met my ideal girl, but she didn't love me back.
My wife is my silver medal.
Disagree. What made her your ideal girl? My ex was amazing looking and a killer-body. I dumped her. Now the male attention shes received turned her into a right nut-job.
I personally think my gf is perfect compared to that veneer.
Took me till i was 40 to meet my ideal partner, now wife, i knew as soon as i met her she was the one.
If you have to think about it, or you hesitate, she ain't the one.
>i knew as soon as i met her she was the one.
A pulse AND carrying a pint! You are indeed blessed 🙂
allthepies you are a wise man 8)
come on then crikey, pearls & swine lets hear them..
I'm not sure if there is an 'ideal' - but I don't think I could compromise on: well, you have to fancy them, obviously, things like honesty/decency, similar intelligence, similar values, OK with money
My 'ideal' man had all those things the OP mentioned (okay, he was at uni, but he's likely to get a decent job from it, and I didn't note 'sporty' as a necessity). I probably made concessions on a few things - like him being 'too' into biking, forgetting things, etc. but it was all very small and crucially, none of it felt like like I was giving up anything - I didn't secretly resent him; I accepted it was part of who he is.
My mum's friend has had a number of boyfriends in the past, but she says she was too picky and feels 'it's too late now'. I think that's very sad.
Don't dismiss someone because they aren't sporty btw - I certainly wasn't. But I realised that if I was going to stay with my then OH, I would probably have to take up biking, (it was more because I didn't understand what he was talking about most of the time!) and I happily did.
As far as job goes - it's far more important to me that that person has some sort of (though not too much) ambition/drive - as long as he isn't a lazy sod then I don't really mind what kind of job he has, as long as he can support himself.
One other crucial thing you need to look for in a partner though, is make damn well sure they fancy you!
I think I'd be wasting my time....
Whoah! some of you are deep thinkers, if you think they are hot and they feel likewise 💡 Surely all the things mentioned can be filed under hot!
Hows your art degree going miaowing kat?
Isn't this one of life's eternal questions?
If she's a stunner today what will she be like in 10 years time? What if she puts on a load of weight and gives up taking care of herself? What if she leaves that good job? What do you do then?
On the other hand if you don't fancy her now or she's not sporty now...
In my experience (3rd serious relationship, once married, once divorced) you will always have to make some kind of compromise. I mean in a perfect world I'd be married to Cameron Diaz, she'd encourage me to go riding every day, to watch endless hours of sport, to mindlessly surf the web and to spend hours alone in the garage fettling with my bikes whilst bringing me numerous refreshments and hearty meals. She'd also happily engage in lesbian activities and perform sex acts at my command. Surely anything less than that is a compromise...
Isn't it more about accepting people for who they are and having someone to share the journey with. Or am I getting old?
when i met my mrs she was hot(still is) wealthy classy clever and salt of the earth.
opposites it seems do atract. 😯
What I want to know is why are the best shags always mental?
crikey your full of it then.
i dont remember meeting my far better half and whipping out the checklist, i remember thinking 'christ she's fit' then later, 'she's pretty funny and smart too'
5 years later she's just paid my tuition fees on top of owing her a few grand 😀
****ing result!
Meat, gristle and hatred.
Pick 3.
Whatever..
Do you compromise when you buy your new bike?
Yes ? Then in a few years time those compromises are just too much for you. You're off demoing new models and that once shiny bike you adored is up for sale on Ebay 'cos it's not quite what you want.
You're now looking at that top of the range, titanium, custom built dream machine that you know you want but just can't afford. So you compromise and the whole cycle begins again......
If she's a stunner today what will she be like in 10 years time?
Yeah so you're meant to check out her Mum to see how she'll develop - never marry anyone who's Mum you don't fancy.
[url= http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8325579.stm ]The secret to a happy marriage is choosing a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than you[/url]
If you care about a woman and stay with her long enough, they become your ideal woman.
If you happen to meet the 'ideal woman' on the very first date you probably were very drunk or she was.
Even instant 'love' has to be worked at long term.
I am 34yrs with same woman, she is my ideal, but I dont ask her if I am her ideal cos I know I cannot match her.
Yeah so you're meant to check out her Mum to see how she'll develop - never marry anyone who's Mum you don't fancy.
Or save up for plastic surgery later in life .....
[url= http://www.****/femail/article-1170348/The-50-year-old-mother-spent-10-000-surgery-look-like-daughter.html ]The 50-year-old mother who has spent £10,000 on surgery to look like her daughter[/url]
mudshark speaks the good truth! if there was no compromise then it would only be keira knightly, BUT, that's impossible! So, compromise and adapt.
Think its a compromise on both sides
Thought idea was never to date a woman with an iq bigger than her bra size.
Messed up there big time but been with Mrs B for 16 years happy next month.
I know that I still feel lucky to be dating her and she passed a similar comment the other day about me. Think that may be the secret.
She is one of the least sporty people I know but doesn't mind me doing my thing and I try to make sure I do not over do the events. Inevitably compromises on both sides but I hope we grow old(er) together.
Can I throw in good pension provision as a requirement? Mrs B has a final salary pension;-)
crikey are you Vicky Pollard?
"whateverrrr..."
my wife ticks all; but remember the word you used; compromise?
shared values - for the majority, yes; but when combined with enough intelligence, doesn't have to be every sinlge value as you can discuss and agree to disagree and move on if needs be
job; she does now if by that you mean well paid and she is happy doing it; not necessarily so when we met (both in retail at that point!)
There is a lot of growing you do together and these ticks probably become more emphasised as this happens, compared to when you first meet.
Personally, though, smart, hot with [u]shared ambition/interest[/u] would be the criteria I'd use to evaluate if, God forbid, I had to do so again!!!
I found Ms Right.
I just didn't realise that her first name was "Always"
"The secret to a happy marriage is choosing a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than you"
So women should pick a man who's five years older and a bit dim - shouldn't be too hard! 😆
My husband is lovely, (very) tall, dark and handsome, awesome sense of humour, smart, and six months younger than me. We get on just fine. 😉
I did have to compromise on the fact he likes Nine Inch Nails instead of proper metal though, and doesn't like Star Wars.
Intelligent, fit, wealthy, cooks brilliantly, ski's like a goddess, but a bit crazy. That'll do nicely, now married with 2 kids.
chap here at work has been through a hundred girls but each one gets dumped eventually because they're 'not perfect'. He's a nice enough chap but his attitude is a bit pathetic in this respect. He's been with one girl now for about 18 months, she made the suggestion that they get engaged, even from his point of view it was 'just a suggestion'. She was out within a couple of days. When we asked him how close to perfect she was he said 'oooh, about 95%'. Dickhead.
It's all a compromise. If you even start to consider not accepting some level of compromise to find happiness in a relationship, take a good look in the mirror. You're not so ****ing great either.
oh for me.... My wife is a great cook, good sense of humour, good looking, seems loyal enough but as nutty as a fruitcake and seriously hard work sometimes. Ho hum.
chap here at work has been through a hundred girls but each one gets dumped eventually because they're 'not perfect'. He's a nice enough chap but his attitude is a bit pathetic in this respect. He's been with one girl now for about 18 months, she made the suggestion that they get engaged, even from his point of view it was 'just a suggestion'. She was out within a couple of days. When we asked him how close to perfect she was he said 'oooh, about 95%'. Dickhead.
Is he an only child? Or possibly he needs to see a Psychologist. That is quite sad 🙁
ex-pat I WEAR the trousers in my house. My Gf tells me which ones to wear and when.
The worse thing in the world is to look back and see what you let slip through your fingers
"The worse thing in the world is to look back and see what you let slip through your fingers" - HOW THE HELL DO YOU QUOTE ANOTHER POST?
Completely agree with you hora. I had it all and through it all away. In someways it wasn't my fault - long story but the crux of it is that I had a bipolar episode and whilst completely manic I left my wife for someone else...
I've been lucky enough to get a second chance with another great girl, but I can't help but occassionally think "What if?".
[i] hora - Member
I met my ideal girl, but she didn't love me back.
My wife is my silver medal.
Disagree.[/i]
Hora, even for someone who spouts as much crap as you do, disagreeing with someone's thoughts on their own personal situation really is spectacular.
Nope. He has a brother. I always assumed this sort of behaviour was down to being mollycoddled and comparing all their girlfriends to their mothers but I'm not sure in this case, other than this he seems a well rounded, sensible individual. He could of course just not fancy getting married, that'd explain everything, and be perfectly acceptable. He certainly seems to have a lot of fun with all the girls he's seeing (I think he has two on the go at the moment, weeks after ditching his ex, who are in his own words, 'one is fat and ugly but a great laugh and amazing in bed, the other is georgeous but a bit thick.'
samuri now you elaborate I feel alittle jealous 😐
I love the fact that all you men think it was your decision on who to marry/accept etc.
As Lady Astor put it
[b]I married beneath me, all women do [/b]
My chap compromised on the fact that he didn't like or want children and I have two of them. Not sure how grateful to feel as I'm not sure how otherwise perfect he considers me... I get the feeling that being 'soiled goods' is quite a deal breaker with the chaps.
To be honest there are a lot of nice normal mature guys out there who really enjoy spending time with nice kids and doing some, or a lot of, parenting given the opportunity, but who (for one reason or another) do not have kids of their own. So no, it depends on the individual but it can actually be a plus point. Happily :O)
When you realise that you, yourself are not perfect, why would you expect others to be.