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I have a mate that seems to be constantly off doing fun stuff:
he's just back from a three day cycle across the Hebrides; he has recently taken up paramotoring; and bought himself a boat; he (road) rides regularly and takes part in sportives, he plays golf, does proper man-DIY etc etc. He even finds time to film the fun things and produce entertaining videos of them on YouTube.
Meantime I'm married with a 13 month old and we barely seem to have the time to wipe our arses. Pretty much all hobbies and non-essential tasks are on hold (plus a couple of "fairly-essential-but-not-life-threatening" ones).
Yet somehow he manages all this and has two pre-school sons (ages 3 and 4).
When I ask him how he has time he says [i]"I just make time, if you dont, it will never get done"[/i]
My question is: how???????????????????
Does anyone else feel as swamped as I do? Or have any handy life-coach style tips that will give me some time back?
How do those with kids make time to go for an all-day ride?
do you watch tv?
does your mate?
You need a supportive partner. My wife is fine for me to go for days out in the hills etc.
The thing that stops me mainly is guilt at not being with the family!
Do both he and his wife work... do you?
How do those with kids make time to go for an all-day ride?
I put him in nursery and take a day off, or I leave him with his grandparents.
do you watch tv?
Yep, pre-recorded stuff so we can FF through all the crap and adverts. Rarely live. Probably an hour or two between putting our daughter to bed and going up ourselves. And usually combined with eating dinner.
does your mate?
Yep, if anything he seems to be more up on current TV than I am.
don't have kids. ah too late.
I dont have children, but I have found it hard to find the time to do 'stuff'....so only recently I am making & finding the time to do the things I want to do....mostly riding related, but I really enjoy it...
Rides at the top of my list:
Great Glen Way
c2c
2/3 day bivvy trip somewhere...
It does help to have someone supportive and who will encourage you to do something.
cocaine?
You need a supportive partner. My wife is fine for me to go for days out in the hills etc.
Mine would be too, but I'd rather spend time with my family. So I guess guilt might be stopping me too.
Do both he and his wife work... do you?
Yep. Both blokes work full-time, both wives are part-time.
My wife works 3 days a week plus the odd weekend on-call.
I put him in nursery and take a day off, or I leave him with his grandparents.
Hmmm... our nursery is shut at weekends and our parents are a couple of hundred miles away 😕 I know his kids do spend time at the grandparents every so often - I guess that helps.
I seem to have less time now my other half has moved in, but she watches a lot more TV than me. I also have less space for maintenance and the like.
We are moving asap.
My extensive household staff and enormous trust fund ensure i have as much free time as i could possibly desire.
I suggest you acquire yourself both forthwith. How on earth do you manage without?
I suggest you acquire yourself both forthwith. How on earth do you manage without?
It is hard, but my previous butler was a thief and we (myself and the mistress) can't find another replacement.
Which reminds me - if you see a lewd gentleman of the baser sort in tails, on an Orange Five and with my (soon to be ex) wife in tow, please feel free set the dogs on or shoot him. Cad - damn his eyes.
I know his kids do spend time at the grandparents every so often - I guess that helps.
I should add that even with (very) occasional nursery+day-off days and grandparent help, there's not a snowball in hell's chance of me being allowed to bugger off round the Outer Hebrides on a bike, for example. I'm lucky to get three or four hours riding in one go, maybe once or twice a month, and the rest is short ambles close to home in the evenings. I don't really have time for any other hobbies, don't go out much, don't watch telly, etc.
So I have no idea how your mate does it. Perhaps he's pulling off an elaborate scam with a secret identical twin brother or something.
Perhaps he's pulling off an elaborate scam...
... or his Mrs is?
my two are 1 1/2 and 3 1/2 and for me weekends is my time with them. Albeit I have got a LOCT saddle so my boy comes on my sat morning rides (he loves them), sun morning is swimming (with both of them) at 9am and then 90mins 2hours on turbo while they have lunch and i cycle to work every day - may not sound a lot but its enough to keep me in the top 15 of the vets cat of the local race series (normally over 100 entrants). They normally are in bed between 715/745 and then its guitar practice (at home), band practice (studio), pub maybe once a week or spending time with other half...
At first your mate's hobbies/ activities sound envious but how much time does he spend with his kids or other half? I work all week when Im not there I want to be with my kids/ other half, I dont want to be a dad they see the back of as I walk out the door.
Witht he OP here - wife and two 2 yr olds - the only time I see my bikes any more is when I get something out of the shed to repair something in the house (and I struggle to find time to do that).
Normally find myself with an hour late of an evening when I can sit down with a beer before crawling to bed around 10.30...
Many of these people who cram tons of stuff into their lives have limitless energy all the time. Personally I *need* to stop and relax quite a bit in my life. Gives my brain time to mull over things, have a bit of a think and a daydream. I find things very difficult if I don't get this time.
Other people hate sitting around and always want to be busy busy, which is how they get this stuff done.
Why does having a kid take up all your time tho? You could perhaps look at your daily schedule and work out what can be trimmed? Me and Mrs Grips for example do hardly any cleaning.
You can work out how to do things as a family. Here in Munich for example I can't disappear off to the Alps for a ride cos it'll take all day and that's not fair on the fam. So our plan is to take the caravan out to a site in the mountains and I can grab 2-3 hours whilst they are relaxing at the site, resulting in a fun weekend for all of us.
Your mate - when he goes parabikesurfclimbing in the outer bing bongs, what is is wife doing and where are the kids?
Why does having a kid take up all your time tho?
For me - up at 7am, get girls up, bottles, nappies dressed whilst my wife showers. Then have breakfast and out to work.
Work all day.
Home from work at 5.45pm, 30 minutes with the girls playing then bath, dressed for bed, milk. They normally go down at 7.15-ish so I clean the bath then wash the daily bottles, general tidy up the kitchen and start cooking dinner around 7.45. Eat dinner at 8.30, wash up, tidy etc and sit down at 9.30.
Weekends are similar but replace work with chores/going out. I really don't feel able to go out on my bike on a weekend (although my wife is happy for me to) as I want to see my children.
I work all week when Im not there I want to be with my kids/ other half, I dont want to be a dad they see the back of as I walk out the door.
I definitely agree with that. In fact my (divorced) dad explicitly warned me not to make the same mistakes he made and to spend as much time as possible with my wife and kid. 😐
But having said that, my mate seems to have a great relationship with his boys, so I don't think I can deflect the blame there.
Many of these people who cram tons of stuff into their lives have limitless energy all the time.
Aahh you've met him 😀 He is completely unable to sit still.
You could perhaps look at your daily schedule and work out what can be trimmed?
Yeah I was thinking about that. Weekdays are pretty much just a grind:
- up at 6ish. Play with daughter, get her dressed and fed. Shower.
- 7:30 Leave. Drop her at nursery. Go to work
- 6:30/7ish come home, entertain and feed daughter. Get her bathed and ready for bed.
- 8:30/9ish Daughter (hopefully) settled in bed. Cook and eat our dinner.
- hour or two to relax, have a glass of plonk and talk to each other (if we're not doing extra work or catching up on essential laundry, washing up etc)
- 10:30 go to bed.
- repeat till Saturday.
At weekends we are either away visiting someone, they are visiting us, or we're all out as a family somewhere.
Me and Mrs Grips for example do hardly any cleaning.
Yeah we trimmed that long ago!
Surely your wife can look after the baby for one day on her own whilst you go out riding, then you do the same for her another weekend?
We do it all the time, eg I usually go to Le Mans for a week with mates - Mrs George does the kids, another time Mrs George goes away with some of her mates for a break eg Las Vegas, New York, Spain etc and I look after the kids.
Means we can go during School term and its much cheaper.
Then come school holidays and other weekends do family stuff together.
Cheers
PS If you're going to bed (to sleep) an hour or two after your daughter, either shes going to bed too late or your going to bed too early IMO. 😀
Mine would be too, but I'd rather spend time with my family
You've answered your own question really. Why are you moaning about not being able to do stuff when by your own admission you don't try to as you'd sooner be home with your wife & baby?
Bottles? Wtf? Meg generates less washing up than I do. Sod making separate meals for the kids and the grownups!
For us:
Wake up 7-7.30 ish, start making breakfast, when Meg wakes up change nappy and put on clothes (this takes 5 mins). Tidy up a bit, have breakfast together, go to work about 8.30-9.00 by bike
Come home 6-7, put on some simple food (or have leftovers) eat together, watch tv/play a bit/go on computer, bed for Meg 8.30 or so. Meg only costs me about 30 mins of direct time out of my day really.
Different for Mrs Grips, she spends a good few hours a day entertaining and watching her of course.
Why not have another 6 or 7 kids then jack your job in and become a 'dole scrounger'. Not only will you be able to spend more time with your kids, you'll be able to make it quality time! Watching Sky Sports on your ****ing huge Plasma together? Necking E's and drinking together down the local very night
Its a win/win 😀
Your mate - when he goes parabikesurfclimbing in the outer bing bongs, what is is wife doing and where are the kids?
She is looking after the kids.
But then he repays that. The Hebrides trip cost him a pamper day at the spa.
up at 6ish
Whoah!
Right - eat the same food together, saves a load of time.
And don't bath your kid every day. Waste of time!
But then he repays that.
Hmm, still sounds like he is having the lion's share of the fun time...
mastiles, I have a very similar schedule to you, but manage to get some time to go out on the bike. Its give and take with the Wife. I give her notice that I'd like to go out 1 Sat/Sun morning or afternoon and she'll usually be ok with it. I must be prepared to allow her to visit her friends or do something she enjoys on other days. Occasionally I get a whole or most of the day away, or maybe a w/e but I have to be careful not to upset her and my son.
Weekday evenings are also good to get out on the bike, once little'un is asleep or its wifes turn to put him to bed.
What I try to do now is go away during the week for short biking hols - a couple of days in Wales during the week and wife isnt put under too much pressure as she'll be at work anyway. I temd to build up loads of holiday time from work, now that I have a family as we dont get to go on many family holidays anymore due to cost and lack of holiday the wife gets now.
At weekends we are either away visiting someone, they are visiting us, or we're all out as a family somewhere.
That's the problem. Your mate is obviously far less social than you.
I've got friends who are amazed at how much riding I get in (not that much by STW standards probably). They spend all their weekends at the in-laws or whatever though.
Bottles? Wtf? Meg generates less washing up than I do. Sod making separate meals for the kids and the grownups!
Two girls, morning, afternoon nap and night bottles of milk plus the occasional nocturnal bottle still. (They are not quite 2 so still have lots of milk) so that is 6 or 7 bottles a day to wash and make up.
And don't bath your kid every day. Waste of time!
Agreed - we only do it if they are going anywhere or are filthy.
Right - eat the same food together, saves a load of time.And don't bath your kid every day. Waste of time!
This is so true...
If you're going to bed (to sleep) an hour or two after your daughter, either shes going to bed too late or your going to bed too early IMO
Her bedtime is 7:30ish - though it can take a while: getting changed, reading a story, brushing teeth etc so she's often not down till 8:30).
We're trying to bring it forward a bit, but we only pick up from nursery around 6ish and we need to fit in her dinner and a bath.
Our bedtime is 10:30. Any later and the missus just falls asleep on the couch.
You've answered your own question really. Why are you moaning about not being able to do stuff when by your own admission you don't try to as you'd sooner be home with your wife & baby?
Because I'm a member of the "we can have it all" generation? 😆
Do you eat together during the week? Our girls have dinner at 4.30pm-ish so we TRY to at the weekends. Impossible during the week as I am stiill at work.
I'd say eating at different times and eating different meals was a silly thing to do - meals are the best time to sit around and have family time. And saves you doubling up.
I'm not the best coach though, I've no kids and still never get anything done.
so that is 6 or 7 bottles a day to wash and make up
2 year olds can drink and eat whatever you do. Fancy formula is not required and a waste of time and money imo.
Secondly, use the same bottle! Meg has one that she gets refilled all day. She only gets (or asks for) milk last thing at night and that's cow's milk. In the day she likes apple juice which is 25% strength.
Do you eat together during the week?
Mostly, but if I am home later or they are extra hungry they eat first.
What happens when both parents are into riding?
(They are not quite 2 so still have lots of milk) so that is 6 or 7 bottles a day to wash and make up.
Blimey. Our 13 month old only takes milk for her feed before bed. And even then we just give her normal whole (cows) milk. The rest of the time she just gets water.
2 year olds can drink and eat whatever you do. Fancy formula is not required and a waste of time and money imo
They get cow's milk, not formula. And it IS a habit we are trying to break, but they just like their milk still.
Meg stopped having mummy milk at about 14mo.
Nothing wrong with milk, just don't use a clean cup each time!
I'd say eating at different times and eating different meals was a silly thing to do - meals are the best time to sit around and have family time. And saves you doubling up.
We do eat together on Tuesday and Wednesday when the wife is at home and can prepare a meal ready for all of us for when I come in - but it is harder to manage on the days that we are both working.
they are still on teated bottles ( 😥 ) and that is what we are trying to break. Our mistake letting them get this old but they went through a long period of illnesses between them and there was never a good time to switch.
[i]What happens when both parents are into riding? [/i]
you buy two of these....
if youve got two kids of course...
Just give them a sippy cup. Explain carefully and patiently why for as long as it takes. If they want the milk they'll take the cup.
All sounds too familiar, 6am start (if the youngest is not up at 5) shower shave and teeth with the boys in tow. Wake wife up with a cup of tea, empty the dishwasher. 1 hour commute, 9 hour day, 1 hour commute, 30 mins with the boys, bath, bed, dinner, mindless american b*ll*cks on telly, bed. Repeat until Saturday when the wife goes and works in A and E putting MTBers back together after goosing them selves while I have the kids. Try and swap 2 nights of telly for night riding. Have not ridden properly in the daylight for nearly 2 years. did 60 miles last week tho 😀
They are being given sip cups at every sitting (apart from bed) now and they are both tentatively trying then wanting teats. I think we have left it way too late but we were victims of circumstance.
We shall persevere though...
MF, you want one of these:
[img] 
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the eating thing I found quite easy - my other half works 3 days, she'll pickthem up from pre school / nursery and I get home around 6ish and start cooking - normally something quite small/light, otherwise the other two days dinner is normally ready at 6 when I get home - the one thing we always do though is sit down together to eat - breakfast too...
My daughter (1 1/2) only has a bottle before bed (which sometimes she doesnt actually want), but within the next couple of months she'll lose that - during the day she drinks out of a cup whatever her brother drinks (orange juice all day if it was down to her..).
At the end ofthe day your friend is not spending that much time with his family. Not sure I quite see the point of getting married having kids and then trying to carry on as though theyre not there.. I know a couple who do a similar thing, they spend most of their time planning their next getaway in opposite directions. Not to say you shouldnt do it ocasionally, but these guys are every weekend, I feel a bit strange arranging things to do for all of us!
This is why god invented night riding. Just head out once the kids are in bed. What are the options? Holby City? **** that!!
Like Netdonkey I reckon I didn't ride in daylight for a couple of years. I used to get some serious miles in though. All in darkness
Our routine is similar:
- Up at 6.30ish
- Play with little fella while gulping down scalding tea
- Leave for work at 7 for 75min ish commute including up to an hour's run or ride.
- Home 6.15 for half an hour's playtime
- Bath and bed 6.45-7.30ish
- Dinner 8.15ish
- Bed 10.30ish
He's not yet 2 and is having good naps over lunchtime so I get a 2 hour run/ ride during naptime at weekends if we're home.
Oh and he tends to eat our leftovers from previous night's dinner.
Get yourself a FunPlanner©!
My gf and I started one about 5 years ago. A year planner on excel so we could send it to each other and keep it updated - just upgraded to Googledocs spreadsheet for enhanced version control. 8)
Small benefits are that we can both accept invites from friends and family without saying "I'll have to ask her/him if we're free" and I don't have to keep asking her the same things (when are her exams, when are her work travel dates) again and again and again!
But, most importantly, when you've got the next 6 months in a few boxes on a spreadsheet with all your committments: weddings, family visits, work trips, birthdays, Christmas... you realise that there's on;y a certain amount of free time left, and if you want some Fun, you're going to have to decide when it's going to happen, and get it in there, before something else sneaks in.
And if its a matter of squaring things with the other half, looking at a year view and talking about how to make arrangements for a weekend in 4, 8, 12 weeks is a lot easier than saying "I want to got the Hebrides next weekend" Then you can talk about Planning Fun stuff for her, and Fun stuff for the two of you at the same time. Maybe even write in "bike ride, 8-10pm" every Wednesday and see if she notices...
What are the options? Holby City? **** that!!
Dont knock it, it keeps the other half busy while I am riding/ fixing bikes
I now work part time and my day consists of going to work on Thursday and Friday or dropping the wee one off at School and playing on my bike for a few hours then house work. Oh the stress of it all.!
Get yourself a FunPlanner©!
My gf and I started one about 5 years ago. A year planner on excel...
We use [url= https://www.google.com/calendar/ ]Google Calendar[/url] - well four calendars actually (Me, Her, Both Of Us and "Other Stuff") - set up to sync over-the-air with both our phones so we always have it handy. Trouble is that it is always full 🙂
Reading this is reassuring, it's good to know that not that many people with kids are having too much of a life outside of the family!
We both work full time, I have an hour's commute each way via nursery so leave house before 8 get home at 6. Better half works from home.
Son is 28 months, eats breakfast at nursery, in evenings he eats what we eat, when we eat, has a bath when he looks grubby. bed at 8:30pm, up at 7am.
We are both into biking so once a week we get a baby sitter from nursery (money very well spent as it keeps us sane) and pop out for a couple of hours followed by a quick pint. It helps that the biking is from the front door.
Also, we make use of in laws when they come and visit or vice versa and leave our son with them for a few hours to get out. Plus the odd weekend away either with friends where we share the childcare and take it in turns to go biking or leave son with in laws for the weekend or go separately. I think we manage the balance between home family life and our former life quite well but I think you have to be a bit selfish and decide that you are going to allow yourself time away from the family and not feel guilty about it if you are working full time.
If you can afford it, get a cleaner and do your food shopping on line. Cook 2- 3 times what you need and freeze the rest. Don't do any ironing unless absolutley essential.
We don't watch any telly, don't have time.
Does your mate also surf singletrack forum, or not?
He does occasionally, yes.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm? Now feeling I spend alot of time wasting my time doing nothing.... I've no kids and STILL don't 'do' much. I used to be very busy all the time constantly, full time job, evening job few nights a week and also in a band, hiking and massive social life.... thing was I was escaping from what would happen if I sat still and when I did I realised my marriage was crap & I hated my job(s).
Its great being 'busy' but sometimes people who never stay still are avoiding what will happen if they sit still and contemplate?
Or he could just be making the most of his life instead of wasting it like I do *feels guilty and vows to 'get out more'*
I have 2 year old twins and in the last year I've taken up fell running and made time to do a couple of races (I live in London, so not the most practical pass-time!) that take the whole day out and spend a weekend climbing with a mate. Long hilly training sessions are taking up half a morning every other weekend now, but I get up at 5 and am back by 10.
I offer the same 'time off' parent duty to the Mrs in return. I tend to plan out what I want to do when well in advance and ensure that there is a reciprocal agreement in place for my wife to benefit from.
Got the kids off packing to the grandparents for the weekend in a few weeks whilst we go to the Drunken Duck in the Lakes. Mrs will be off in the spa whilst I'm fell running.
Like most things in life its all in the planning, bet your mate is really good at planning 🙂
Like most things in life its all in the planning, bet your mate is really good at planning
This is true, he is. Whereas I'm great at "having plans" but never quite finding the time to do any of them 😳
Having an extremely understanding/accomodating wife helps, I expect he did quite well in that respect. My commiserations to you.
Try getting insomnia. While I've always slept little, once our son was born I found the slightest noise would wake me up, and has done ever since....16 years later. Which means I get loads more time than everyone else on the planet.... as long as you understand a lot of that time is spent in a zombie-like state just staring at the wall.