[Closed] Feeling pretty down at the moment ...

[img] [/img]

Out of the gloom a voice said unto me
Smile and be happy things could be worse
So I smiled and was happy and behold
Things did get worse.

Sounds a bit of a nightmare at work. But sounds like you are being positive, realistic and proactive. What more can you do!

I'm trying to stay upbeat myself as I am stuck in a strange land, exposed to expats with a lack of cultural awareness and away from my family.

Some days are better than others, and sometime we just have to go through the motions.

Hope things get better. Got anything to look forward to?

nasty stuff with the grievance. Want some support / help with that feel free to email me. I am sure you know the drill. Write down and report everything and so on.

Joke? How do you get down off an elephant?
.
.
..
.You don't - you get down off a duck

tough times - I've been lucky in work not to have to deal with this before, but can relate to being down recently. email in profile if you want to vent.

Jimbo

Why don't you see many elephants hiding in trees?

Because they're really good at it!!

Hope things straighten themselves out for you soon.

Had a shit year myself, but, when your going through hell Sue, just keep on going.

Its a job when all said and done. You have your health (cept the flu... bummer) and a lot a good mates on here as well as in RL. Hard at times like this but thats the perspective you need to hold onto.

Sounds like a pretty crappy time Sue

You're doing the right thing in standing up for yourself. it will be worth the pain and frustration now when you get the result you are hoping for, and you will feel justifiably proud of yourself for having stood up to the bullying and getting it sorted out.

Well done for having the strength to start down this road, that strength will see you through it all too 🙂

good work standing up to the guy, plenty of bullies get away with it too easily, not sure i have the balls to stand up to people when i should

whatever happens you are doing the right thing]
7

And now they want me to write a statement of how it 'made me feel' being 'victimised'. I am not a 'victim', have always refused to be one, no matter what challenges life throws up. Bizarely, the thought of having to write this 'statement' has left me feeling particularly upset.

I'm crap at jokes, so will save you from any extra pain.

In time, all this will pass.
Focus on the good stuff.
Hope you get some resolution soon.

Just remember why you have had to do this, its not your fault he's a ****er.

By doing it you are stopping others, who are weaker than you, being horribly affected by this man and his ego.

The statement sounds like a tough assignment to write, but I bet you've faced harder challenges in your life, and I bet you came through them too.

Shoulders back, head up and crack on

q. What do you call an italian with a rubber toe?

a. Roberto

i would suggest going outside - finding something beautiful to look at - something simple like a lone rose left in someones garden etc - and hold that image in your heart instead of this prick from work. everytime you feel the pinch of it all being too much pull the image of the beautiful thing forward in your mind

in 13 days is the midwinter solstice, from then on the day get longer and rather then dreading xmas we can all be looking forward to spring.

You are obviously going through a tough time and under the circumstances are handling it well. A bout of flu or tiredness always makes things feel a whole lot worse as well.

From a professional perspective you need to follow this through in the manner that you are, try as hard as you can to detach the emotional side of the events and focus on it as a project. Think about the end game and how proud so many people are going to be for standing up on this issue.

From a personal perspective concentrate on your wellbeing both physically and mentally. If that is strong and secure, your professional side will follow suit. For me, when things are tough or I just need to blow of some steam, I go for a long trail run with the dog and "take it to the mountain". Concentrate on that one thing that relaxs you and provides relief from tension and make time in your calendar to focus on it.

I will refrain from depressing you with how bad my jokes are!!

Dreadful people at work are always a nightmare however you seem to be taking the upper hand in this situation and your firm seem to be taking it seriously. If you're feeling blue right now I suppose all you can do is remind yourself that you're a better person than him and do things you enjoy to distract yourself. I find that having the time to think increases bad feelings. Maybe that's why the bike is a good thing, no time to dwell on anything but staying upright.

[b]YOU CAN DO IT!!!![/b] 😀
We're all behind you.

And now they want me to write a statement of how it 'made me feel' being 'victimised'. I am not a 'victim', have always refused to be one, no matter what challenges life throws up. Bizarely, the thought of having to write this 'statement' has left me feeling particularly upset.

Write the statement as YOU want to write it. Being harassed doesn't necessarily make you a 'victim', does it? I'd say 'victimised' is a pretty emotive word to be using. So avoid the word completely. Consider how exactly do you feel? Isolated? Undermined? Not respected? How has it impacted your workload and your interpersonal relationships? Corporate speak should do the trick IMO.

Try to write it when you're feeling calm... It doesn't have to be long. Make it short, pointed and fact-orientated.

Just my 2p worth...

Hope all goes well, Sue.

When it's over you'll feel way better and you have Christmas to take stock.

Oh...

How do you annoy Lady Gaga?

Poker Face

(courtesy of my son, that one. Comedy gold)

Not surprised you feel a bit down, most people would in that situation.

1. Try and focus on positive thoughts

2. Imagine u are 10 years in the future looking back at this. It really doesn’t matter what this other guy thinks about you. Ignore him and if that doesn’t work, tell him to * off. Really just say to him, “I don’t care what you think, just * off and stop harassing me or I’ll just add this to the existing grievance against you”.

3. Keep a diary of everything he does but don’t get upset.

4. Best idea is to remove this guy from your life. Maybe get another job. When it comes down to it, it is the people that make or break jobs. If you do leave, make sure you make the reason clear.

5. If he’s done it to other people that you know, tell them you have brought a case against him, they may do similar or offer support.

Chin up and stay strong as you must know you are one of the few with the strengths of character to do the right thing and stand up to this bully
Union rep if you think want some imaprtial advice /help/support

My jokes would get me banned

Sue

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila!

Boom boom.

If you're in MAnc area and fancy a pedal drop us a mail. New trails are always cheery, especially if there's cake after. And a brew. Sounds dreadful but best of luck with it.

Paul

Sue - keep at it - you're really doing a good thing by challenging this person.

Knock KnockWhos there?
Bully!
Bully who?
Bully Jean is not my lover!

And on a more serious note

- What did the school bully get for his birthday?
- Beaten by his alcoholic father.

Maybe seeing this person for what he likely is will help you deal with it in a less emotional way which can reduce the stress of the situation. I know a couple of people for whom this has worked - rather than getting upset by the nastiness they were able to see it more as behaviour to feel pity towards the bully. (just to be clear, I'm not condoning the nasty behaviour, just suggesting a way of practically dealing with it)

An appropriate joke perhaps.....

- knock knock
- who's there
- control freak, now you say control freak who

On a more mature note, how we feel about a situation is usually how we feel about our opinion of the situation....

Flu you say? Well just thank your lucky stars you're not man 😀

Chin up Sue!

Yeah but Sue, think about all the people here on this forum and even in Real Life, what think you're absolutely wonderful! Well I do anyway and as everybody knows, I'm always right so it must be true! 😀

You have the genuine love and respect of many people, even though you're too humble and selfless to see this!

And you're always there for others, so why shoon't others be there for you? In fact it's their [i]duty[/i] to show you the kindness you've shown them.

So don't worry about using others as a shoulder to lean on, you've earned it!

X

I am not a 'victim', have always refused to be one, no matter what challenges life throws up. Bizarely, the thought of having to write this 'statement' has left me feeling particularly upset.

There is your opening line right there.

scuzz - Member

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
We're all behind you.

[panto mode] he's behind you[/panto mode]

Sue
In the past I've been a victim of one such, though he was not as good at it as your example. These people leave a trail of victims behind them. Thanks for what you're doing for yourself and the others around you.

You think you've got it bad. Yesterday, I was diagnosed with sausagephobia. I fear the wurst.

Cougar

go collect your coat

Sounds to me like your strategy is correct. Just keep going with it, but on YOUR terms (I'm not a victim etc.)

"We hear the voice of the beast as it shouts at us and tries to frighten us and we know that the way is long,

but the end is near."

Carrying that sort of burden is s--t. Been there (not this context). You can hold it together.

It may ultimately end your work there, but sometimes doing what is right is that important. And you are doing what is right. Don't forget that.

We - and your colleagues - should be proud of you.

And we're all here to help and support. Lean on us.

Thank you guys (non-gender / sexuality specific reference before I get hoist on my own petard of misogymithingie 😳 )

You're all great - have made me laugh and cry at the same time. Thanks for the support, advice, pictures of cuddly mammels, and bad jokes 😆

Do folks as nice as you lot actually exist in 'RL' - or are you all just a figment of the virtual world?

Right, time to 'gird my loins'* and get that bl**dy statement written.

*what does that actually mean???

Cougar

go collect your coat

You've pulled!

Right, time to 'gird my loins'* and get that bl**dy statement written.

*what does that actually mean???

Google image search, safe search off!

shall i send some boys from the welsh mafia round to sort him out? they will make him an offer he cant understand

I am not a 'victim', have always refused to be one, no matter what challenges life throws up. Bizarely, the thought of having to write this 'statement' has left me feeling particularly upset.

There is your opening line right there.

plus 1 for that

Chin up lass!!

I was in a similar position with a former boss and wish I'd had the courage to stand up to him then. Alas, I didn't for various reasons, but that's in the pas now.

Anyway, to cheer you up here's a picture of a squirrel playing a banjo.

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Can't offer much solid professional support or advice, Sue, but from your posts on here you seem like one of the good guys/gals. Hope you get a good outcome and karma gives the bully a good kicking.

Here's my favourite ever joke to keep you ticking over.

Man walks into a Glasgow branch of Greggs, points at the cake display counter and says, "Is that a pavlova or a meringue?"

Girl behind the counter says, "Naw, yer quite right, it's a pavlova."

take it from me depression isnt easy, but one thing that i learnt is that it was the people around me who helped and supported me, and now at this stage of my life I only surround myself with those who care.

I spent many a lonely night just reading through the crap on here and you know what it actually helped, just to take your mind of things for a while

The other and most important piece of advice I can offer is to ask for help, you'll be suprised by who is on hand and says yes

(my email is in profile if you do need to rant, in a not so public forum)

ps i know it isnt actually depression but, it is good to vent every now and then

Sue, have a think about what you want to achieve from this. Get it down on paper, even if it's just a basic list of bullet points. Elaborate where you want to.

This can give you focus on what you want to 'move toward' instead of 'away from'. Can often provide better (and more positive) clarity in your thoughts AND actions.

It might also give you some pointers for what to include in your statement.

I'll see your squirrel playing a banjo, and raise you the legend that is Oolong

[img] [/img]

This forum has been sadly lacking in bunnies with pancakes on their head for a while now 😀

Hey Sue,

That sounds like the perfect storm of events, so no apologies for being down, it only takes one extra thing (that'll be the flu, which you probably got cause of the stress at work) to make it all feel too much. Plus it is that time of year; lots of annoying tinsel and artificial happiness being thrown at you - when it ain't your bag. Having replied to your 'should I go to London' thread, I can now see the motivation behind that. By standing up to this bloke (sadly plenty like him around) you are doing what everyone else wishes they had the courage to do. Write it as you see it, from a solid, professional perspective. Treat it like any report, with evidence, facts, analysis, summary of key points etc. Put the (upset) emotion to one side and look forward to the better feeling that will come when you've done it. Everyone should be entitled to do their job to the best of their ability without being undermined by people like him. CCW HR will, I hope, be concerned about the future and well being of their best employees (given the pending upheavals etc) and want to sort this out.

In the meantime, suggestions for getting out and connecting to the good stuff up there ^^ are all good, 😀 and I can't top the Lady Gaga joke, sorry. 😉

Edit... Gaga, topped by classic Binners class there 8)

Bear in mind he is probably feeling under stress too. Crank it up a bit and try to look impervious to him.

Good luck.

Reading your first post, you obviously *are* the victim because this situation has caused you distress.

Nothing to be ashamed of, it doesn't make you a weaker person to admit that you've been upset by the actions of an individual. You also say you've always had the courage to stand up to bullies, so keep up the good work!

Far better to admit you've been victimised, address the problem and get something done about it than put on a brave face and let it wash over you. Sounds like too many people have done that before with this character which is why he's been able to get away with it.

Good luck! :o)

I've just found out that my girlfriend doesn't have tourettes.

How does she smell?

epicyclo - Member

Bear in mind he is probably feeling under stress too. Crank it up a bit and try to look impervious to him.

Good luck.

Good point

How does she smell?

Badly. She had a knock on the head just before I met her. Luckily it only affected her sense of smell.

I myself had a bang on the head and then lost my sense of smell, but they're not connected.

What do we want?
A cure for Tourettes!
When do we want it?

****!

😉

My dog smells awful.

What do we want?
To lose weight!
When do we want it?
After lunch!

Ear, Clubber; did you just call me a ****?

[img] [/img]

She doesn't really... she just thinks I'm a ****.

Elfin - I didn't call you a *. I called you a * 😉

No mention of weeing in shoes or ownership of bombers. Dear me this forum is slipping. Time for a flounce.

[i]We're all behind you. [/i]

Definitely. I'm looking at your bum.

Dirty bastid. 😡

Punch 'im in the marf, Sue!

Sue. It sounds like your superiors are taking you seriously but I don't think it would help your cause to argue with their terminology.
When you are having a hard time, try thinking of the hard times you've had in the past. Then remind yourself that you are still here, you got through those times and that sooner or later these hard times will be just memories like the others. Think about the things in your life outside work that the person giving you grief cannot affect. Unless you are also homeless, going through a marriage breakup and unemployed, all of which happened to me more or less simultaneously about 20 years ago there's probably plenty in your life to be positive about. They were bad times to be sure but I now like to think they have given me a better perspective on life.

Don't tell IHN, but I'm behind him, looking at [i]his[/i] bum

See. Not so clever now, is he?

"weeing in shoes" is a bit harder if you're a girl - directional control issues and all that 🙂

Statement drafted with a more rational, professional head on - one of the advantages of the type of work I do is that I'm at least well-used to putting forward a coherent, evidence based case. I have some concerns about having some input into what happens next - it would appear that decsions about my future position might be determined without consultation, which I'm not particularly happy with.

And yes, in some ways I can see some of the reasons behind his behaviour - most bullying is driven by insecurity. If he had expressed it as that, rather than doing what he did, he would have had my full sympathy and support.

As a few of you have said, it is partly timing - it been combined with illness, winter weather, the bombardment of OTT xmas 'festivities', and having one of those periodic 'dealing with getting over seperation' moments (usually fine, raises it's head at Xmas / birthday times etc).

But I have dealt with far, far worse than this and got through / over it, so i know that this situation will pass as well. And in the meantime, if it would just stop being so blooming windy!, I have a dog to walk and a bike to ride 🙂

Once again everybody, many thanks. You are all absolutely AWESOME 🙂

it would appear that decsions about my future position might be determined without consultation, which I'm not particularly happy with.

Not acceptable. Dare I say Union? You must not be disadvantaged for whistleblowing. Your organisation will have a series of policies on how to deal with these sorts of situations

The one thing that you need to remember is that nothing that they think, say or do matters in any way shape or form. Why would it matter?

TJ - Union involved already, situation rather complicated. Will e-mail you off-forum later, if that's OK?

Hang in there Sue, it'll get better. Was in a similar situation for a long period of time, which resulted in being signed off for 5 months and a lot of impact on my health. Feel free to email if you want help /advice (in similar line of work).

Make time for you and do things you enjoy.

Sue aren't you in Cardiff? Or was that only occasionally?

Sue only goes to Cardiff when she has to sort out Wales. 🙂

[i]Don't tell IHN, but I'm behind him, looking at his bum[/i]

More than I like to watch, I like to [i]be[/i] watched. Mmmm...

DGOAB - thanks. (did you get your cx bike choice sorted?)

molgrips - I don't live in Cardiff - usually down there every couple of weeks, or alternatively heading for London or sometimes Edinburgh.

Uncle Jezza to the rescue 😀

[img] http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTdS9RM86lyzwUc0UbNDtKwf-hN4qdt3D2FuPDG2iw6zJMTxpIfBgAHUx0dKQ [/img]

More than I like to watch, I like to be watched. Mmmm...

You're on a win/win at the moment. Give us a wiggle 😉

[i]Give us a wiggle [/i]

Ask me nicely and I'll give you a stroke 🙂

Errrr, yes. I'm going for a custom build! Between that and the new xc race mtb i want, i'm looking to sell my kidneys to fund it all! 😆 I've just got too many requirements for an off the shelf frame and any which do meet all my requirements are too big...somehow i survived all of October touring round Portugal and Spain on my tripster but in far too much pain to ride it here. Hmm...maybe i should keep the tripster and move abroad.

I was given and read this a few years ago

[img] [/img]

I found it very reassuring to read, at a time when I had been made to doubt my ability to do anything right by a workplace bully. It gives a useful insight into the psychology of bullies and how to deal with them.

[url= http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fighting-Back-Fight-Bullying-Workplace/dp/0077099516 ]Fighting Back[/url]

I have a dog called Minton. He steals shuttlecocks, and when he does, I say to him "Bad Minton!"

Has anyone made a joke about times of the month yet?

"weeing in shoes" is a bit harder if you're a girl - directional control issues and all that

Don't allow anatomical concerns get in the way of vengeance! Get a [url= http://www.shewee.com/ ]She Wee![/url]

In all seriousness, I hope it gets sorted for you. Sounds like you've got good colleagues and the company are taking it seriously, so focus on that. I was on a nightmare project a couple of years ago and it nearly caused me to pack in my job, particularly as the guy running the team was a complete dictator and a bully. Fortunately he was elbowed out of the company a few months after the project had finished, but I have to admit, the whole situation still affects me now. :/

Sue, sounds dreadful.

As I have no HR advice to give, some truly appalling jokes:

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "Hey, I might have been on telly, but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran, even he's a witch.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here".

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything".

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..

Two Eskimos were sitting in their canoe and got a bit chilly. So they hey lit a fire in the craft, which sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

Our ice cream man was found lying dead on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Soor fella had topped himself.

Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

"Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"

TSY

times of the month

Plural? you have more than one per month? 😆

nickf - PMSL! Thank you

Pretty much all the time Sue.

TSY - ah, that explains a lot 😉

Good luck Sue. I hope that you have a good HR department and a strong CEO. I have yet to see this kind of case reach a positive conclusion, so I hope you can prove me wrong. Too often the HR monkeys simply close ranks and look for the easy rather than the best solution.

Only one piece of advice - do burden your friends, that is why they are friends. Don't do this on your own and internet support can only go so far. Use the real shoulders to "cry-on", your time will come to pay them back. Real friends know that.

Yeah, don't it :raging hormonal simley: