Here's one I like:
There was a bohemian monk
Who went to sleep on a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was stroking his elbow
And woke up covered in perspiration
😄
There once was a man from Nantucket...
There was once a young lady from Leeds...
There once was a girl from Devizes
....
....
....
but the other was big and won prizes.
There was a young man from Japan
whose Limericks just wouldn't scan
he'd stay up all night
but try as he might
he couldn't get the last line to fit in with the others.
... and as for the bucket, Nan took it.
(dunno what you lot where thinking?)
It's not a great limerick but was taught to me by my late grandfather and that makes it a favourite.
The was a boy called Willy Fraser,
Who found his dad's electric razor.
All the rugs and mats that were once hairy,
Now are bald,
And so is the canary.
May not be a true limerick
There once was a man from Nantucket…
There once was a woman called Truss...
There was a young woman from Bude, who went for a swim in a lake, a man in a punt, stuck his pole in her ear, & said you can't swim in here it's private so sod off.
There was a young man from Darjeeling
Who got on a bus going to Ealing
It said on the door
Do not spit on the floor
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.
There once was a woman called Truss,
Who's policies caused a big fuss
The pound it did tank
The economy shrank
And the voters did swear, cry and cuss...
my favourite is one of my own
There was a mystic from bristol
who wounded herself with a pistol
she revived the lead
in the back of her head
when it ricocheted off of crystal
There was a young man called Dean
Who invented a wa##ing machine
On the 99th stroke, the f###ing thing broke
And whipped his balls to cream
There was a young cat from Penzance
Who was stung on the nose by a wasp
When asked if it hurt
She said "no it didn't
it can do it again if it wants"
There was a young man from Kilbride
Who fell in a shit Bin and died
His heartbroken brother fell into another
And now they’re interred side by side
There once was a man from Brazil
Who took a dynamite pill
His eyes backfired, his heart retired
And hid c0ck shot over the hill
Whilst Titian was grinding rose madder
His model was posed on a ladder.
Her position, to Titian,
Suggested coition,
So he nipped up the ladder and 'ad 'er!
Alison.
There was a young man from Limerick,
Who was completely unaware of the short, often humorous, poems frequently associated with the place of his birth
.
There once was a man from Australia
Who painted his bum as a dahlia
The colour was fine
And so's the design
But the aroma was rather a failure
There was a priest, a dirty beast.
His name was Ebenezer.
He had a prick three inches thick, my god it was a beazer.
One night he met a gypsy girl, her eyes were dark as charcoal.
And in the dark he missed his mark, and shoved it up her a-hole.
There once was a woman called Truss…
Who caused such a terrible fuss...
She came for a day
In a terrible way.
and now the economy's fked
There was a mad woman called Truss,
Who’s friend had a big Brexit bus,
The sides of it lied,
So the economy has died,
And now we’re all totally ****ed
There was a young man from belgrave
Who found some old pies in a cave
He said it isn’t disgusting, they just needs a dusting
And think of the money I’ll save
There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks just wouldn't scan
The content was witty
His themes could be gritty
But he just tried to cram too many syllables into the last line which meant they didn't quite go to plan.
There was a whore from the Azores
Who was covered in spots, pox and sores
The dogs on the street
Wouldn't eat the green meat
Which hung in festoons from her drawers.
Sorry. That'll never happen again.
