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Obviously, one could write for pages on a subject, but ill keep it brief.
My Mums mum died last year, and she and her brother (my uncle) are doing the probate stuff etc.
Uncle is a widow, just sold his own business to retire so not only is likey to recieve a most of "the estate", but is also sat on a number with 6 zeros between the number and the decimal point. Apparently this is all going to the cats home, as he has no one else to give it to which is fine. (Geuninely, its his money, to do with what he likes). Point is, he should be good for care in his old age, but he has no kids to come and look after him, or visit him.
Hes got pretty clear signs of dementia coming on too, permentantly flustered and doesnt know whether hes coming or going, so as ever my mum is handling all of the probate, solicitors stuff.
But it turns out, that Uncle has appointed another solicitor to act on his behalf.... Ok.
And these three friends of his have turned up. Old blokes in their 70s+, financially secure etc. but weve never seen nor heard from them before. We're not a close family by any stretch, but we know names and faces of the blokes he talks about, and these guy are not them.
Apparently hes appointed this seperate solicitor on their advice, has bought a new phone and blocked my mums number (from a phone number she doesnt have?) at their advice. bit weird?
His business was centered around cars, he has a whole fleet of cars in his sheds, but these chaps now drive him around. (we suspect hes been told he cant drive) and have sold his cars for him.
Uncle is the kind of guy who just goes along with what he told, but it seems like these blokes are turning him against us for some reason. He has been checked for dementia, and is certified clear for now, but it doesnt seem that way from where we are sitting.
In the past 10 yrs my mum's husband died of the big C, and shes dealt with that process, then shes been the sole carer of her mum (as Uncle was pretty useless), so shes currently going with "meh, i dont want to have to nurse my brother to death too"
but its all a bit weird, if these blokes (who could be all above board!) are ner'do'ells could they leave Uncle with nothing and jolly off over the horizon, leaving her to look after him (and pay for him)?
hes got a piece of paper that says hes of "sound body and mind", so i think that means there is little we can do to take measures to ensure his new (?) friends dont take him for a ride?
Whats my question? errm. Any advice as to what can or cant be done? or just walk away from the whole situation?
There may be something you can do. anything of use from here? Sounds like he is in that grey area of some cognitive impairment but still has capacity. One of the things with the law on this is that an seemingly irrational decision may be competent. If the person understands the consequences of their decision it is competent ( to simplify)<br /><br /> https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/safeguarding-policy-protecting-vulnerable-adults
Your mum has no requirement to look after him, so leave him to it. So long as she receives a fair share of her mother's estate, then fine. Her brother can do what he likes. It's not her responsibility. If he blows his cash, the state would look after him in a care home, if not, he'll have to pay. You've also got the stages in-between needing a care home. Tell her to step back. He's blocked her anyway.
Your mum has no requirement to look after him, so leave him to it. So long as she receives a fair share of her mother’s estate, then fine. Her brother can do what he likes. It’s not her responsibility. If he blows his cash, the state would look after him in a care home, if not, he’ll have to pay. You’ve also got the stages in-between needing a care home. Tell her to step back. He’s blocked her anyway.
Seems a bit harsh.
"Someone's possibly trying to fleece my brother for a million plus. Meh, who cares, so long as they don't get mine too. He can go to a state care home, he'll be fine. I'm not my brother's keeper."
I don't have a good solution, but surely it's not that.
Unfortunately that's pretty much the reality though, without having evidence that he's mentally impaired and/or he's being taken advantage then the police can't act and nor will other government bodies etc. Short of trying to force your way more into the situation and dealing with it as a private matter (which will likely just make things worse) I don't see what options there are.
Sort out the estate first then contact him to try to discuss the situation. No joy then inform the police. You can't really help people who don't want help.
My family are pretty cold. not maliciously or aggresively, but there isnt much more than a Christmas card because youre supposed to. I guess a pretty old school Victorian family dynamic.
Your mum has no requirement to look after him, so leave him to it. So long as she receives a fair share of her mother’s estate, then fine. Her brother can do what he likes. It’s not her responsibility. If he blows his cash, the state would look after him in a care home, if not, he’ll have to pay. You’ve also got the stages in-between needing a care home. Tell her to step back. He’s blocked her anyway.
Unfortunatly, thats pretty much it, because it shes been painted as the wicked sister. I think the disconnect comes where he has no appreciation of the admin component of life (despite owning and running a 6 fig business, apparently), where as she cant let the details go and plans this stuff to death. Shes seen as interfereing, when actually she justs want to make sure its RIGHT.
Theres a middle ground, for most normal people.
Shes already stepped back with a "you just cant help some people", and i think thats fine.
If he was being funny on his own then it wouldnt bother me tbh, im just really suspicisous of these three blokes who have appeared out of nowhere. I just hate to think theres a possibility (though we dont know, to be fair) that hes being taken for a ride.
I think the two approaches can only be, totally hands off walk away.
Or get stuck in a prepare for a battle (which she doesnt have the energy for anymore)
My mum says theyre old school divorcees, so reckons they just dont trust or like women. and Uncle is just going along with it because he cant deal with any level of conflict.
Ill take a look at those links, thanks TJ.
The first issue is to make sure probate and executor stuff isn't sent in the wrong direction. If the will is clear, and your mum is happy with the solicitor who she (and the uncle) initially instructed, then crack on.
Maybe check with the first solicitor about what communication, if any, there has been with the new one - which may help guide you/her as to what the uncle's angle is.
Sorry it sounded harsh, but there isn't much you can do if he won't listen, and you've no diagnosis of any illness. These guys might be drinking buddies, or fellow car nuts, who knows, but, unfortunately, you aren't 'close enough' to see what's really going on, and of course, it raises suspicion. He's unlikely to listen to any worries you have.
Sort out the current Estate first, then monitor his situation.
Try and keep the lines of communication open. If he won't then let him know that the door is always open. Not much else you can do.
another thing to remember is capacity is case dependent ie you can be in a situation where you have capacity to make small decisions but not large ones. Want to spend £50 a week on birdfood for the herring gulls - thats fine. Want to spend £50 000 on shoes - thats not if its all your money but if you have a million it might be.
Has your mum got her own solicitor involved (or at least one acting on the sale of a house in the estate?). A quiet off the record word with them will usually identify if this solicitor is known to be a bit dodgy / deal in the darker parts of society / etc. or they may say “no, well known, widely regarded and trusted” or “never heard of them but they seem to usually deal with commercial contracts and haven’t a clue on probate” etc.
is it possible he actually owes them money and they are waiting for the estate to settle it?
Establishing lack of capacity in this case will, I suspect, be very difficult indeed. Being flustered etc doesn't really cut it, neither does taking advice of friends that may or may not be in your best interests.
As they aren't close, it's going to be very hard to demonstrate that these 'new' friends are taking advantage financially, ie draining accounts. And the word of a sister who does not see him day to day and has, on the face of the evidence, just fallen out with him, will not carry much weight.
Until the uncle is ready to acknowledge that he is being done over, if indeed he is, there is sadly not much to be done. The best she can do is to keep trying to get some contact with him.
I'm confused. He's sat on a fortune of which he has "no-one to give it to" yet he has a sister and a nephew who is worried enough to post on here asking questions...?
Anyway. Power of Attorney?