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My brother has been treated digustingly by his wife - it makes me angry to the core just thinkingbabout it. Anyway, he lives abroad with his foreign wife and daughter. He knew what was coming but three days ago she said the marriage was over. He is in absolute bits and in the flat on his own with no immediate support. I want to put an arm round his shoulder but all I can offer is words over the phone. The problem is I just dont know what to say. I dont know whether im being too harsh by saying look to the future and not dwell on the past. Can anyone offer any advice on how to deal with this and offer him the right support.
Don't say; just listen.
I dont know whether im being too harsh by saying look to the future and not dwell on the past.
Also, at the minute I doubt he'll be able to beyond his front door.
Listen. Listen a lot. Tell him you are there for him - because even if it's over the phone, you are. He most likely won't be in the place yet where he can see into the future much, so probably leave that for later on.
The problem is I just dont know what to say.
This is a good thing. You [i]shouldn't[/i] know what to say!
Worse is when people 'help' friends/family in similar situations by thinking they [u]do[/u] know what so say and drowning said friends in all sorts of unhelpful personal opinions.
My advice (irony) to you would be along the lines of what David said. Listen, be supportive but allow him some space too to just chew things over without feeling he must reply to calls/texts (this all depends on the type of character your bro' is of course). I'm a believer in when dealing with things like this, folk are best left to allowing their own brains go through the various emotions, coming to acceptance & moving on, when they're good and ready.
Were pretty good at dealing with things by ourselves, generally.
Blimey, bit serious for 5:45am.
My brother is in the same situation as in been dumped in an ugly way . I don't think a single word I have said has been the correct thing but I know the fact I have been there to talk at and helped with the practical stuff has been of great value to him.
Don't worry about what to say listen and be sympathetic .
Also try not to be judgemental about his ex he may not be receptive to that .
Listen is the best advice
As above, just listen, and most importantly in my experience, don't be tempted to try and make him feel better by being negative about his (soon to be) ex. It won't make him feel better in the immediate future, and will have ramifications if the split doesn't happen!
Some really good advice here. Listening is the key.
I'd just add, don't try to sort him out or sort his problems out. So many people try to do that and it's totally the wrong approach.
Also well done for asking on here for advice. None of us know what to do or say in these situations but so few people stop to think how they can best help the other person and just rush in and often do more harm than good. So good on you.
Like others said... Just be as supportive as possible and listen...if possible, only give advice when asked for it...
Can you offer him a place to stay if he wants to come home to give him and his wife some space and time to think? It can be awful lonely in a foreign country with family and friends far away.