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I don't normally start threads like this but I'm sitting in a villa in Southern Europe a couple of days after my brother's wedding. It's all been rather weird because 9 days before we flew out I got an email confirming accommodation arrangements and flight times so they could meet us, and also talking about what babysitting/childcare would be required as it's a "child free" wedding.
The thing is, we were never told anything about this until that email and we have two young children, one 2.5 years old and the other a small baby who is now 10 weeks old. I spoke to him that evening and explained that meant his sister-in-law (who he's known since he was 17 and gets on well with) couldn't come to the wedding as our 10 week old baby is too young to leave in anyone else's care. He said that if we changed our mind he'd sort out childcare but that was that. He works overseas and he told me and the other ushers he was too busy for a stag do, so I've not had much chance to chat about the details beforehand - and whenever the wedding subject came up he always said something like "she's organising it, I'm just paying for it."
He had mentioned some months ago about some friends of his bringing their parents along for the wedding/holiday to help with childcare but he never said about the 'no children on the wedding day' thing - if we'd known further in advance I know my mother-in-law would have been happy to come out and although my wife is exclusively breastfeeding that would have meant she could have escaped for a bit to come to some of the wedding day.
All the other guests were staying on the same site and bar the church bit everything was on the site (although about a mile from our villa), so my wife had to watch everyone getting ready for the transport with our daughter asking why she couldn't go to the party and then during the event I had people like the mother of the bride asking where my wife & children were.
Once we got further into the evening do it was ok from my (drunk) perspective but before then it felt really odd, especially things like the photos where we had family shots with the bride's mother, father, sisters, uncle, aunt and cousin next to her and then just me and my mum next to him (our dad is sadly dead) but not my wife, his nephew or niece nor his uncle or aunt or cousins (who were also at the wedding)!
And when I got back in the small hours, my wife who had been very stalwart beforehand was just really upset to be hearing about it all secondhand because she hadn't been there. The brunch that was arranged the next day just felt totally weird, I was a confused emotional hungover wreck, and people kept coming up to my wife commenting on not getting to chat at the wedding and her having to say she actually hadn't been there because of the no kids thing. Our mum is pretty upset about it too but neither of us wanted to rock the boat so close to the wedding day.
Everything has been paid for, it's not like we're out of pocket but it just feels really odd. Like I said, I don't normally start threads like this but I just can't get the whole weirdness of it out of my head. It is weird, isn't it?
What have they got against children?
Definitely a bit odd..
I think it's a bit odd, but people have different ideas about what weddings are all about. I think the atmosphere at most events is improved by the presence of children being children, and that includes funerals, but again, not everyone likes them.
I reckon I'd have said something like 'sorry dear brother, we won't be able to make it then', but that's not to suggest you should have.
Yes. Had someone in our immediate family dropped that kind of clanger with 9 days to go and I had a ten week old and a 2.5 year old to contend with i would have been back at the villa with the wife and kids (no criticism of you implied - a comment on my stubbornness and attitude) making a statement probably with some very choice language about my reasons. In fact I am that stubborn I might have taken the holiday and not interacted at all with them while over there.
You want a child free wedding fine but be entirely up front about it and don't expect people to travel with young children if the kids are barred from the main event. Rather than telling people after the travel is booked.
I'd not have gone along myself under those circumstances.
Firstly, yes, I think it's weird. When we got married, we didn't have any kids but plenty of our friends did. Our view was that if we wanted our friends there, then their kids were part of the package and they were welcome to bring them and have them there at all times - for me, I've always liked kids being around at weddings. It part of the fun.
Secondly, sorry, it wasn't your wedding. It was theirs. Although, not letting you know it was child free with plenty of notice was shite. We've been to plenty that are "child-free" (but not while we've had a child) and it's their prerogative.
Thirdly, and this is something I learned when going through the "wedding years" ie that few years or so when you seem to be not able to afford a holiday because of the amount of weddings you're attending. You really really have to try not to judge people by how they want to organise their wedding day. They can't please everyone and above all, have to kinda try and please themselves. I've seen otherwise normal level headed people seemingly behave like selfish arseholes because it's "their" day and then go back to being ok again (but always a little tainted 🙂 )
Lastly, yes, it is a bit weird. 🙂
The timing is a bit crap but ultimately their wedding, their rules.
A wedding without children sounds very dull.
I reckon they're shooting blanks...
Thanks guys. It's been really hard work getting out here (he was a bloody nightmare for the first eight weeks of his life - to quote a GP "the angriest baby I've ever seen" - and he's still intense though at least he smiles!) but I thought the holiday would be nice and obviously I was looking forward to the wedding (the little one would have been asleep in a sling but I think our elder one would have been so excited).
We've had the odd nice moment but mostly it's been like the tough early weeks with a v high needs baby but in weather which is too hot for him, too sunny for him and with little of our weaponry for making life more manageable - whilst watching everyone else having a lovely time on holiday as we take turns stopping him crying and trying to at least give our elder one a nice holiday.
We've both found it a bit grating that the bride has been putting a lot of effort into getting our sceptical toddler to play with her on the days children have been allowed to be present. If she hated kids it would make more sense but as it is it's just bloody confusing!
Serious question - why would you take kids to a wedding? They know not of the occasion and are generally disruptive
the little one would have been asleep in a sling but I think our elder one would have been so excited).
No it would have screamed bloody murder and the other run around like a headless chicken
I once took my 11 month old to a church service, never again
You want then at your own wedding? Go nuts
no kids (under 18s) rule at my wedding, two stepsons (16/17) and one of the bridesmaids (14, a goddaughter) excepted. I have a huge family and you have to draw the line somewhere and we would both rather the folk we wanted there, were there.
of course this was all set in stone 18months before the event.
^what you describe is a bit weird, sounds like your brother had the rules thrust upon him. i would have probably thrown a sicky in your situation.
You know your mrs hates you more than bridezilla at the moment for still going, getting pissed and leaving her in the hotel with the kids
Selfish prick 😆
given your last post chief, i woulda pulled a sicky before getting on the plane.
good luck, it'll get better.
I hate weddings.
100's of people turn up to meet a bride and groom and get ignored all day at a contrived event with shit food and cost their less wealthy pals a fortune. The most interesting sociable fun people at weddings..are the kids! I hang out with them.
The ones that get hitched by themselves and then throw a party or two down the pub much more fun.
Yes, that's very weird. I don't think we've ever had a normal wedding in our family, and seeing stuff like this go on I'm very glad of that.
I would have gone to the wedding service and not the reception. I would have also called my sibling names.
Awful. Just awful. Sounds like you were left in an impossible dilemma with no time to deal with it.
Yes there is the place for a quiet few-friends-at-the-beach thing, certainly if I get hitched again that's an option, but a family wedding without the kids, and effectively excluding his sister in law? Don't get that at all.
Serious question - why would you take kids to a wedding? They know not of the occasion and are generally disruptive
This.
A wedding without children sounds very dull.
I reckon they're shooting blanks...
No brats at ours & it was great fun. Kids at weddings are a bloody nuisance (IMO)
A bit more notice wouldv'e been good though.
(I hate kids me)
Serious question - why would you take kids to a wedding? They know not of the occasion and are generally disruptive
Exactly.
We had none at ours, but were up front about it from the point of invitation, and have been to many others that have been child free.
By comparison, the free for all weddings we have been to have generally been heavily disrupted by quite a few children.
You can see everyone rolling their eyes each time.
Sometimes, just sometimes, it's ok to do something without the children in tow.
Seems a bit strange but onto each there own ,we just invited all our friends to ours some had kids some didn't ,
actually under Scottish law your not considered legally married until a child has slid across the dance floor on their knees and been sick in the corner ...FACT
Alcopop - Member
Seems a bit strange but onto each there own ,we just invited all our friends to ours some had kids some didn't ,
actually under Scottish law your not considered legally married until a child has slid across the dance floor on their knees and been sick in the corner ...FACT
This^
Probably the bride is a complete narcissist and doesnt want anything to take attention away from her, like cute baby snaps.
Interesting reading all this. My sister did exactly the same thing, no children at the wedding or reception. We live abroad and at the time our first born was 10 months old . It meant that my wife and child couldn't travel and we missed a nice opportunity to all see each other , as I went alone. I am enjoying the theories as to why they banned them!
I understand though it's hard to say some children are allowed and some aren't, and ultimately it's their day so can do what they want. I just think that it's a day for family and close friends and kids are an important part of that
Our wedding was a child free one and we told folks up front, yes we were met with comments some of them supportive some not. BUT we both worked and saved hard for it, we paid for everything and it was not a cheap day so we had the day we wanted. I sympathise being told so late and thats not fair to be honest so I understend your wife being upset. Our evening bash was different with kids joining in which was great but by then it was a party.
Morale of our story is we were paying so we got what we wanted not what other people wanted us to have.
Is a great solutionI would have gone to the wedding service and not the reception
... but you were considerate so it worked. You could also have wanted everyone to turn up naked with a tattoo of their favourite big hitter on their arse but paying for it wouldn't have made it workMorale of our story is we were paying so we got what we wanted
chiefgrooveguru - Archie was the same - email me if you want to have a chat. No solutions, I'm afraid, but a sympathetic ear and shared experience available.
My brother's wedding was 'no children' - they wanted a sophisticated event, I think, and saw children as prejudicing that. It was in London so about an hour and half from venue to home, we had baby sitter trouble and ended up missing the speeches. Some other people had to choose between the ceremony and the do.
Now they have children I think they'd do things differently but I think some people don't realise how much effort it is to not take kids and, once you have them you also understand how much they bring to an event - for one thing it's an often rare opportunity for the extended family to see them 'grow up' by meeting them every few years at a wedding.
For my children (who are in there teens now) it seems they mostly meet their distant relatives at funerals, not weddings as my generation and our parents grow older.
We understood how difficult not having children there was for folks, but having grown up kids of our own who are now adults we are both past the having kids stage in our lives we wanted a kid free zone for the service and reception
Don't think ive been to a wedding where there were friends kids and quite frankly the parents enjoy having a rare night away. We had family children to ours, would not have minded other children, but to invite friends kids would have at the least doubled the numbers and not practical.
Op I reckon your brother was putting off telling you it's no kids because perhaps you wouldn't have travelled abroad if you'd known up front. If it was me I'd have not gone to the ceremony at all OR I'd have turned up with the kids to see what'd happen. He's your brother after all, siblings are one of the very few people you can tell to genuinely F off and be alright with again 30 mins later.
Fancy having no kids at a wedding! Who'd run & slide along the dance floor, who'd dance with grandma?
Have been to plenty of "no children" weddings where ther's been children there that were the exception to the rule - close family, too young to stay with others, old enough to act mature....
After them inviting you [b]ALL[/b] out to another country for the event, you'd have been perfectly entitled to [b]ALL[/b] turn up as a family. There's always exceptions to every rule.
It's obvious the bride's made a mistake in inviting a mother and 10 week old abroad to a "no kids" event. Most likely oversight, lack of understanding, coordination and communication or perhaps maybe bit of selfishness as well. You should have all gone, and given her the chance to rectify this.
Most likely, it would have all been cool as it's obvious a nursing mother couldn't leave her kid, so obvious it was the unwritten exception.
But if the bride then asks you to leave, you do so civilly as a family.
Feels weird 'cos you ,and your brother, did the wrong thing.
Make it up to you wife and kids.
I completely sympathise with the no kids rule, we did this at our wedding and despite a few grumbles it was definitely the right things to do. Ours was an adult event with adult company, adult entertainment and frankly come fairly adult debauchery, it was not a suitable environment for kids. In honesty, I think a good few people that did have kids enjoyed the excuse to let their hair down and leave the kids for the evening.
However, we were up front about this on the invite, were clear with our reasons and gave plenty of time for people to make plans or their excuses. Dropping it on you last minute it very, very poor form indeed. I suspect in your shoes I would have turned up with the kids in tow and waiting to be told to leave. Not the most respectful option but one that my stubborn self would have relished.
Edit,
I think some people don't realise how much effort it is to not take kids and, once you have them you also understand how much they bring to an event - for one thing it's an often rare opportunity for the extended family to see them 'grow up' by meeting them every few years at a wedding
In response, don't think people with kids realise how much disruption and annoyance kids cause to people without them. Last time I went for lunch with my brother he had his 3 year old daughter with him and so we barely spoke as he had to spend all his time entertaining her. This was a real shame as much as I love my niece, I wanted to see and talk to my brother.
It's a tricky one, especially when you're talking about breast fed babies and the like (although, i'll admit they don't bring a lot to the party themselves!)
We just had our first ever night away from our 6 month old thanks to a no kids wedding, we really enjoyed it but it did take a good few months of planning and bloody ages to express the milk needed to sustain him while we were away. If it had been sprung on us last minute there's no way we would have gone, if we'd wanted to or not!
We're just planning our wedding now though, I can't imagine not wanting my cousins and their kids there running around, laughing, getting their best clothes covered in mud and all that 😀
I think a one-to-one lunch with your brother is a totally different thing to a 'community' event like a wedding though?
Sitting and letting your kid scream through the speeches is not on but weddings are mostly about people milling about and chatting so a few kids running around really isn't that disruptive?
Have been to many weddings with and without kids
Every bride wants a perfect day all anyone can do is turn up and not ruin it. It's all history after the honeymoon
The more you dwell on stuff the more important it becomes.
I think a one-to-one lunch with your brother is a totally different thing to a 'community' event like a wedding though?
Sitting and letting your kid scream through the speeches is not on but weddings are mostly about people milling about and chatting so a few kids running around really isn't that disruptive?
Poor example on my part but but the sentiment remains. Sometimes I want to have normal conversations with my friends and for a lot of people a wedding is a place to do that, catch up with old friends, see people you've not seen for a while and talk rubbish. Some people seem incapable of doing this when their kids are around, that for me diminishes the experience and is a bit of a shame.
However, it's just different perspectives and different priorities, neither are right or wrong. What I do know is that whether you want kids there or not, you let people know early so they can make plans.
No kids at the wedding is fine in my book but that's not the issue here - its the timing. Sorry but your brother is a knob! You and your family sound like they are a bit in fear of him - I'd have given him both barrels - to him and his princess bride.
I'd have wished him an enjoyable wedding and had a nice weekend at home with the kids and missus instead. Travelling with those ages is a nightmare enough without being told that they aren't even welcome at the main event.
Certainly wouldn't be handing a very young baby over to random childcare abroad - I wouldn't be able to enjoy the event much in those circumstances anyhow.
It's personal, of course, but for me at least, a wedding is about an entire group of family and friends coming together to celebrate, not just a party for the grown-ups. If that means a bit of extra screaming and puking during the ceremony, that's part of the game.
We had kids out our wedding, wouldn't have had it any other way. Our nephews etc are part of the family.
Haha, family weddings. You can never please everyone.
TBH the only weird thing about this is the fact they didn't make it clear it was a child free wedding from the beginning. It is 100% their prerogative to exclude children as it is 100% your prerogative to decline the invitation. Surprised, as it was paid for by them you didn't just not bother going to the wedding and state the notice period meant you couldn't make alternative arrangements.
I had something a little similar recently. My brother got married (2nd time) in Italy. We were invivted and my two children (8 & 12) excluded. Fair enough I knew from the start. The sideball was that I was asked to bring his 9yr old son through with us from his first marriage, which I did. IMO that should have bought us some leeway but there ya go. I paid for us so this wasn't a freebie.
Come to the wedding I have never felt like more of a spare part. It was the girls wedding, fair enough. However being told by the wedding organiser that I couldn't sit in certain seats (2nd or 3rd row) as they were for close family was rather insulting considering the groom was my younger brother. We had a short break in Italy, took in my brothers wedding and had a good meal. No issues caused with family and we move on.
Either make a big deal of it, or don't. Either way you haven't really lost out on much
My 2p?
We had kids at our Wedding, I wouldn't have it any other way, they can be as noisy and disruptive as they want to be, they're children after all and they're great fun, but most importantly they're part of my family.
I haven't been invited to a 'child free' wedding yet, but if I am I'll politely decline the day in favour of the evening (when I'd prefer them to be at home in bed, not watching me drinking). I can understand it, some people really don't like kids, they think they're all so terribly rude and noisy and they'd rather sit in stony silence, enjoying the grandeur of the thing or whatever, but it's not me, I love noise and chaos and find most wedding boring.
As for the OP's experience? Genuinely, given the short-notice I wouldn't have gone, I'd explain that given how young Baby is that it would be unfair to leave my Wife in a hotel room all day waiting about and taken them out for the day, if that didn't suit Bridezilla's 'perfect day' I'd have stayed at home.
Oh and we took a 4yr old and 6wk old baby to a wedding in St Lucia. It was pure torture and if someone asked me to do it again I would rather set fire to £5,000 it cost me to go and stay at home.
I can understand it, some people really don't like kids, they think they're all so terribly rude and noisy and they'd rather sit in stony silence, enjoying the grandeur of the thing or whatever
Yeah because that's the [i]only[/i] alternative.
As has been said the short notice is a bit off but a lot of people need to put their egos in check when it comes to other peoples weddings. It's not about you, it's about the Bride and Groom.
Don't think ive been to a wedding where there were friends kids and quite frankly the parents enjoy having a rare night away. We had family children to ours, would not have minded other children, but to invite friends kids would have at the least doubled the numbers and not practical.
This is what we did. Our nieces and nephews (including a then 6 month year old) were there, but we did state that only immediate family children and babies on the breast were invited. A friends wedding where they did not think they had to confirm this, had friends bring their uninvited kids along, and had to be be catered for at the last minute.
I have been to many child free weddings and it is great having the night off from your own children, but immediate family children have always been there. Perfectly acceptable to tell friends that only they are invited, but I was not going to tell my sister or brother-in-law that their kids were not welcome.
So OP, yes it weird. Ultimately it is their day and their rules, but I do find it strange and that decision was not made 9 days prior to the wedding day so they had plenty of notice to let you know.
"No kids" is a fairly normal thing these days. We discussed it for our wedding right back at the start of our plans, and eventually decided that we wouldn't do it (not least of all because the chief bridesmaid has two young ones). In the end, for us, it was the right thing to do and we had four or five young but very well behaved kids in attendance. Of course, there's quality control going on here and that was instrumental in our decision; we knew that the people bringing children weren't the type of people to let their offspring run feral unchecked in the middle of a wedding ceremony.
One thing I don't think has been mentioned yet is, given the timings and how long it takes to plan a wedding, it's highly likely that you weren't even expecting back when the decision had been made. And as someone else said, your bro may well have been putting off telling you for fear of a negative reaction.
Look at this from their point of view (and you should as it's their wedding and one of the few days in someone's life where they get to be completely selfish); they really really want you there but don't want screaming kids disrupting the middle of a ceremony. Totally understandable, and puts them in an awkward position. From recent experience of planning a wedding, they probably stressed and agonised about it for months over the no-win situation they were now in. I completely agree that it's a shitty thing to do not to say anything until the last minute, they should've been up front about it (why wasn't it on the invite?), but I can completely sympathise with what must've been a difficult situation.
One other consideration is, unless they're very young, children take up a guest space and the couple will have to pay for that. I had a mate I'd have really liked to have invited to the ceremony / day do, but he's married with three kids. That's five guest places - a sixth of the entire day guest list - and due to their ages would've been thee adults and two halves we'd have had to pay for. Much as I wanted him there it just wasn't viable, but if we'd mandated 'no kids' we could have invited him.
Bear in mind also, "+1, +kids" can be a big chunk of the guest list. Our day event had a hard limit of 40 people. After the wedding party, that left us with under 30 invites between us. Splitting this into his & hers invites I'm down to 15; taking "and guest" into account for most invitations and I'm left with 7 or 8 people I can ask to my wedding with their partners. If I'd invited the aforementioned friend that would have been a third of my entire guest list just for one person. From what initially seems like a lot of people, adding kids into the mix is a suddenly a big hit.
So, yeah. Lousy that they weren't up front about it, but I can see why.
Time was when my daughter loved weddings and other large gatherings.
Now she refuses to attend if Dad dancing is likely to be involved....
Not sure if it's been said, but ISTM the issue is not only the short notice but doing it abroad with everybody having to travel out. It seems rather different to a UK wedding which is presumably what most other people's examples of kid free weddings are. I think somebody suggested that the short notice is explained by a realisation that expecting you to travel abroad with kids that age who aren't actually invited is being a bit of an arse.
It also seems a bit different to other examples when somebody very close who is directly involved in the wedding has a child that young who clearly can't just be abandoned for the whole day. If you weren't closely related and directly involved I'm sure it would have been a no brainer to decline the invitation rather than be placed in such an awkward position (I'm sorry, I agree with others that whatever your wife might say, you have pissed her off - the trick here is to whinge about your brother together so she's pissed off with him and forgets about being pissed off with you 😉 )
I dont think its weird not having kids there. What is odd, is the way you found out. I.e at the last minute and via an email.
OP, as all above, there are loads of reasons why children are not always welcome, especially when making numbers and costs work, but I have never seen this extended to immediate family.
If you have the chance, why not have a quick beer with your brother and tell him how you feel, he can reply in turn and then put it to bed. Life's too short.
[quote=Cougar ]Look at this from their point of view (and you should as it's their wedding and one of the few days in someone's life where they get to be completely selfish); they really really want you there but don't want screaming kids disrupting the middle of a ceremony. Totally understandable, and puts them in an awkward position. From recent experience of planning a wedding, they probably stressed and agonised about it for months over the no-win situation they were now in.
So the decision was to transfer the awkward no-win situation to him. I have a feeling there must have been some sort of compromise possible where nobody loses.
One other consideration is, unless they're very young, children take up a guest space and the couple will have to pay for that.
...
Bear in mind also, "+1, +kids" can be a big chunk of the guest list.
It appears that the kids' travel and accommodation is being paid for anyway in this case, and it's been mentioned a few times that it is possible to have exceptions for those who really need them which doesn't compromise the guest list. The no kids wedding I went to since I've had kids I wouldn't have been at all upset if a brother or sister had their tiny baby there because that was the only way it was going to work for them (as it was, despite our kids being plenty old enough to be left, we've still never had an overnight together away from them so I went down by myself, got drunk and slept on another mate's floor).
Best compromise I've seen was my cousins where they opened up the back bit of the church put some mats and toys down. Quiet ones stayed in the ceremony noisy ones (ours) got to go in the (cloisters?/rectory?/whatever its called) and have a play. Similar set up at the reception (village hall) main room and play room. No always possible granted but thought it was a nice touch. If i'd flown to another country to be told my kids weren't welcome I'd have the arsehole, big time.
Is this one of those arguments the OP's brother can't win because the OP will always have the fallback position of
"You don't have kids so you wouldn't understand"
Child free weddings are childless couples way of getting their own back on this mantra for one day. For one day they get to silently tell you how great it is not to have kids, get drunk responsibility free, and have conversations with family and friends that don't revolve around how someone's mini-me has made it past the stage of pooing itself every hour.
Kids are like a good fart the morning after a curry, your own surround you with warmth and happy memories, to everyone else they're noisy and stink.
I should add that although they got engaged almost two years ago, when we saw them a year ago and asked if they had any wedding plans yet, the bride to be was very noncommittal. We were finally told of the wedding date and location this April, when my wife was 6 months pregnant. And it was always presented to us that it would be a nice holiday for us and our small children (and I knew it wasn't worth trying to explain that a 2-3 month old baby isn't really compatible with a holiday mindset unless you have a nanny or team of helpful close relatives to share the workload).
I just asked my wife if she's angry with me about going and she assures me she's not because I was part of the wedding party, morning dress and all, and she thought it would look like we were making a point if I didn't show up. If we'd known about the no kids rule weeks or months earlier then I would have gone on my own, or we'd have brought the in-laws to help out.
to everyone else
Clearly not. As many have posted up there ^^^ (if you've read the thread of course), they've been more than happy to have kids at their weddings.
I think I might have gone to the wedding but started on the spirits before the meal. UNLEASH THE BEAST!!
Oh definitely...I'd have got utterly smashed...heckled the speeches...spilled red wine down my morning suit...told the bride's mother how she'd aged quite a bit since I'd last seen her...but that I bet she still had it going on (like the last time I'd seen her). 😀
Unleash the beast indeed.
Child free weddings are childless couples way of getting their own back on this mantra for one day. For one day they get to silently tell you how great it is not to have kids, get drunk responsibility free, and have conversations with family and friends that don't revolve around how someone's mini-me has made it past the stage of pooing itself every hour.Kids are like a good fart the morning after a curry, your own surround you with warmth and happy memories, to everyone else they're noisy and stink
This, thisisnotaspoon, is exactly how I feel. And the older I get, as more and more of my friends have kids, the more solidified this view becomes.
Clearly not. As many have posted up there ^^^ (if you've read the thread of course), they've been more than happy to have kids at their weddings.
Yep, but how often (in this thread or in the real world) do those with kids turn up and say "yes I see your point, my kids are unpredictable, noisy, disruptive and smell of poo"?
The point may have been exaggerated into stereotypes for effect.
The point may have been exaggerated into stereotypes [s]for effect[/s].
There, fixed it.
Btw, I can safely say, I've never been to a wedding disrupted by kids (even when I was younger and had little interest or regard for them). I'm guessing you obviously have, so I'll accept I've just been lucky. 😀
Christ people are taking wedding far to seriously with all the rules. Its meant to be a fun day. Ultimately we wanted all our friends there so if they have to bring their kids then I would rather they came than not . We just said that it would be great to see people without their kids so we could d have loads of fun. Some people couldn't get baby sitters so their kids came along. And guess what some of them acted like kids!! At least it meant it wasn't just another boring straight laced serious service
Weddings are often like new year, people put so much effort into them and over think things that they just turn out a bit crap. Just chill, relax and have fun.
Not sure how you can expect to have a wedding overseas and then tell people not to bring their kids. To me that is very odd.
Should also say we didn't have kids when we got married and didn't have any for 4rs afterwards and to be honest I never really liked kids before we had ours.
I would have gone to the wedding service and not the reception
Yep. Done the wedding, filled pockets with the free piss and headed back to help wifey out and get trousered with her.
Yep, but how often (in this thread or in the real world) do those with kids turn up and say "yes I see your point, my kids are unpredictable, noisy, disruptive and smell of poo"?
"Oh yes, others are but not mine, s/he's an angel, no, s/he's just playing, not being disruptive at all, yes, I'd love to talk but, err, s/he needs feeding/some attention/to stop crawling on the brides dress". Ahhhhhhhh.......
If you're going to ban family members because they might be a bit loud and inappropriate, then surely filtering by age isn't the best way to do it?
Perhaps have an interview stage before the wedding to vet the guests?
I just asked my wife if she's angry with me about going and she assures me she's not because I was part of the wedding party, morning dress and all, and she thought it would look like we were making a point if I didn't show up. If we'd known about the no kids rule weeks or months earlier then I would have gone on my own, or we'd have brought the in-laws to help out.
You still owe her a massive bunch of flowers. And a holiday 🙂
In response, don't think people with kids realise how much disruption and annoyance kids cause to people without them.
We had loads of kids come to our wedding, and they didn't annoy us in the slightest. We wanted all our family and friends to take part in our day.
It appears that the kids' travel and accommodation is being paid for anyway in this case, and it's been mentioned a few times that it is possible to have exceptions for those who really need them which doesn't compromise the guest list.
That's a fair point actually, it doesn't have to be black and white; could readily have been "no kids except close family". Though, depending on the reasoning that might not be a compromise they'd have been prepared to make.
I do wonder you know if it's mostly just short sighted. It may well simply not have crossed their mind that childcare wasn't an appropriate solution. Plus, you said he was really busy and she's planned everything, it doesn't sound like he's had a huge amount to do with any of it. It does seem like a ball was dropped, but I'm wondering if Hanlon's Razor applies here; that it was simply a mistake.
Again from recent experience, there's so much to sort out on the run-up to a wedding that to a degree you just have to be a little mercenary about it. We started out trying to do everything for everyone, but it's like herding cats and in the last few weeks we just had to go "look, everyone knows what the crack is now, if they can't be arsed to read the details we spent weeks preparing then they'll just have Adult for themselves because we simply haven't get the time or energy." Very, very easy for something like this to slip through the cracks, especially for a man who doesn't even have time for a stag do.
Would have had less disruption at our wedding if we hadn't invited the childless couples. A free bar and no responsibility left them
"unpredictable, noisy, disruptive and smelling of poo"
Mother in law too, tbh , but wouldn't dream of not inviting family 😉
It does seem like a ball was dropped, but I'm wondering if Hanlon's Razor applies here; that it was simply a mistake.
Exactly why you should have just turned up as a family and let them pick that ball up.
Christ people are taking wedding far to seriously with all the rules. Its meant to be a fun day.
As an aside, I couldn't agree more. I was never really all that bothered about having a wedding other than as a means to an end until I realised we could have a bit of fun with it.
As a random example; my vows included a promise never to give her up, let her down, or run around and desert her.
Having no kids is fine but stating just a few days before a wedding abroad is out of line.
We had no kids apart from our Nieces and Nephews and everyone one was happy with that as they some rare adult time. Other friends laid on childcare in an adjacent room which also worked well for their wedding.
"Oh yes, others are but not mine, s/he's an angel, no, s/he's just playing, not being disruptive at all, [b]yes, I'd love to talk but, err,[/b] s/he needs feeding/some attention/to stop crawling on the brides dress". Ahhhhhhhh.......
take the hint 😉
take the hint 😉
Fair, very fair.
Kids are like a good fart the morning after a curry, your own surround you with warmth and happy memories, to everyone else they're noisy and stink
I generally like other people's kids, assuming they're not completely insane - and the vast majority aren't. And the idea of a family event like a wedding without the close family's kids is completely alien to me. I wouldn't expect the bride and groom's friends to bring kids (at least without warning), but the happy couple's nephews and nieces? Definitely.
I've only been invited to one wedding that I can think of where kids weren't invited. It was great, gave us the perfect excuse not go. I like the idea of somewhere for the kids to go and play, that's where I'd be. Rather that than listening to a load of overblown nonsense that's all forgotten 2 years later when they're getting divorced.
I personally wouldn't have gone.
Weddings - why do they bring out the most selfish a-hollish-ness in people ? And I don't just mean the couple.
Last wedding I went to was supposed to be child-free, some of the guests just outright disobeyed and brought the kids. What can you do ?
I loved family weddings when I was a kid, I got to see all my myriad cousins and wear a pretty dress.
You should have just pretended you didn't know and taken them anyway.
I had a bouncy castle at my wedding! We wouldn't have dreamed of having our wedding without all my family and friends kids. Wedding is just a big party after all.
I've also been to a few weddings that were 'no kids' and they have been great, cos we got a night out and a break to let our hair down.
Timing was really shit for the OP and the brother needs a talking to, but it sounds like your wife is more annoyed with your bro than you, which i think is fair. Take her out for a night out and a hotel when she's done breast feeding and all will be good.
I like the idea of somewhere for the kids to go and play, that's where I'd be.
Given that we're geeks, we know a number of people with various issues around things like chronic fatigue, social anxiety or sensory overload. So we hired the games room at the venue as a quieter place for people to go and recharge, or for if they needed to do whatever it is that people do with small children. There was a pool table, dartboards, table football, and people brought books, knitting, board games.
We didn't have a typical dry, solemn wedding; it was a lot of fun and filled with laughter and joy, largely because it was attended be a number of children in their 30s and 40s. (-:
We had loads of kids come to our wedding, and they didn't annoy us in the slightest. We wanted all our family and friends to take part in our day.
this. x10000
it depends what you want. our starting point was that we wanted all our families there, and venue/food had to follow from that. Hence a hog-roast in a local community centre. It was ace, cost us less than £5K, the kids had a whale of a time and so did we.
but my colleague is planning her wedding now. She wants everything just so - it has to be THIS venue (which isn't big enough for all the family kids) and THAT food (which is too expensive to feed lots of people), with a particular colour scheme etc etc. And the guest list will have to be worked around these requirements. Personally I think that's putting the cart before the horse but who am I to judge what makes other people happy...
As a random example; my vows included a promise never to give her up, let her down, or run around and desert her.
I'm hoping to nick that... 🙂 ta.
The wedding is not just about the bride and groom, and it isn't just their day. That's part of the narcissistic self-mythologising selfie culture of today. If it was, they would just be in a registry office with two witnesses.
It is about their relationship with their friends and relatives and society. This isn't just a dinner party after a hard week where you want to avoid the sprogs. It's a celebration of their future and their place as a couple in the guests lives.
But yes, they can be as selfish as they want, but should know the harm they've done and hurt they've caused
I'm hoping to nick that... ta.
It got a very big laugh, not least of all from my bride. Fortunately for me. (-: But then, I'd have been marrying the wrong person if it didn't.
The wedding is not just about the bride and groom, and it isn't just their day. That's part of the narcissistic self-mythologising selfie culture of today.
Well, yes and no. It's a day when two people can be as selfish as they choose. Whether they actually choose to is another matter.
It was important to us that people to have a great day, and from feedback we definitely achieved that. But ultimately it was still "our day" and had to make some difficult decisions and compromises along the way.
Ie, you can put yourselves first without being a dick about it.
I said earlier that I've had to learn not to judge people by how they organise their wedding day.
Immagonna backtrack a little and concede that it does open a tiny little window into their soul. 🙂 (Or just admit that I've failed in my efforts not to judge.)