[Closed] Explaining obvious things then getting in trouble for it!

Getting hammered for the car fuel light coming on. I'd made the mistake of parking the car pointing uphill.

The night before I'd dug the piles of snow out from round it, swapped the pain in the arse child seat over, covered the screen against frost, filled the screen wash and parked it so she didn't have to clamber over snow to get in so it was easy for her to get to playgroup with our two year old.

She passes the petrol station going and coming back.

You're mansplaining. Stop it, it's sexist.

Thermostatic valves, I wish they'd never been invented.

I'll arrive home to find them all wound round to max and Mrs F complaining she cold and it's my fault as all the valves were off (they weren't). I'll then explain how they work.... again, and she'll retort that she knows how they work, she's not stupid (at this point I may raise an eyebrow, carefully) but that if she turns them up to max the room will heat up quicker........ffs

I've stuck the limit pins in now, that fixed her wagon 😀

"Dear, could you delete some of your emails on the ipad?"

"Why?"

"Because you have over 1000 unopened and it tends to make the ipad crash"

"I emptied my inbox last week"

"Yes dear, you did. But it's full again.

"But I haven't looked at them yet. They might be important"

"They can't be that important, they are still unopened and they are a week old"

(99% are ****ing discount codes)

"Why can't you delete the ones that aren't important for me? I'll then look at the important ones"

"OK"

(Select all, delete.)

"Where have all my emails gone?"

"I deleted them"

"Some of them might have been important"

And on, and on, and on. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

You're mansplaining. Stop it, it's sexist.

I know I am, but I felt compelled to after watching her trying to plug the light unit and charger together.

I have dynamo lights on my Tripster and when you come to a stop they stay on for approx 5 minutes, I left my bike outside the tesco in town yesterday night after my night run and faffed about a bit then went to walk into the store, cue a voice behind me "you've left your lights on", it was the very sweet but dim cigarette counter girl having her cig break outside so i said " they're voice activated [i]"Lights Off[/i]" and they went off a few seconds later (i could see the standby battery charge was just about to die 😉 ) - she was totally slack jawed amazed and i explained to her that you say "[i]Lights On[/i]" and they'll come back on.

i come back out the store 5 minutes later and she's standing there "[i]Lights On….Lights On….Lights On….[/i]" practically shouting at my bike, i explained to her as i swung my leg over that they obviously only pay attention to my voice as otherwise anyone could switch them on, i peddled off whilst saying "[i]Lights On[/i]" in a loud voice and hey presto they lit up 😀 - i did a wee circle in front of her and her face was an absolute look of awe and she said "[i]That's so ****ing cool [/i]" .

Priceless!….

But i expect i'll get a bollocking off her the next time i'm in the store, small town…small store….i bet she's told everyone in the store over the past day, my mate works there so he'll grass me up and tell her the truth, i expect i'll get a friendly slap next time i go in 😀

^ 😆

I often realise that, due to brain wiring issues, my wife has [i]no idea[/i] about how a lot of stuff works that strikes me as very obvious. I try not to, but I probably sound pretty condescending when explaining about it.

🙁

A number of years ago I was talking to group of girls at work about my new LG chocolate phone.
When asked why was it call a chocolate phone, l explained that it was made out of chocolate.
As any girl would, there next question was can you eat the chocolate? I said yes and at night when on charge it regenerates the chocolate.
They where amazed

Until a few weeks late when they saw me with phone and asked to have a look

One of the girls from the group is now my wife and still does not 100% believe me on anything because of this

My world is about to turn into one of pain and misery.

I was very lucky and won an iPhone 5 in the Christmas raffle at work. I'm about to pass this onto my wife when I get back home with it in a couple of weeks. She has never owned such a thing. Nokias with buttons up until now. She is most excited about the prospect, but I know it will mean many many conversations about how and what its doing, and how to make it do other things. Of course any lack of functionality will be down to me not knowing, not her, and I will get moaned at for it.

Given her track record with an iPad, this will not go well.

every time we get in the car when its cold she'll give out a "brrrrr its freezing" and jack the heaters to the max. "er....the engine isnt warm yet, it wont get warmer any quicker. do you understand how it works?" "yes".
same again next time.........

To her credit my ex used to ask me how things worked but I used to wander off topic into nickworld.

After cheerfully giving one of my 'explanations' at work she made a new rule that if I was bullshitting I had to put my left hand up; so I started explaining things whilst fiddling with the ceiling lights...

Happy days 🙂

Somafunk....post of the year so far.

I have no idea how social conventions work.

It goes both ways, just saying.

if she turns them up to max the room will heat up quicker........ffs

Gah, aircon wars at work.

Someone comes in, thinks, ooh, it's a bit warm, and drops the aircon to 16'.

Naturally, half an hour later someone else realises it's been set to "refrigerate" and sticks it up to max.

Next, all the windows are open because it's too warm and someone doesn't want to adjust the aircon because people keep fiddling with it.

Then the engineers are in repairing the aircon system that's turned into a solid block of ice through working its nuts off attempting to change the temperature of the bloody car park.

Soon as the engineer's left, "thank god for that, it's been really cold all day!" *click* *click* *click*

Once told an old couple in the lift queue my (old step-in) snowboard bindings were magnetic, when they starting quizzing me about how they worked.

"Technology eh, Doris. Whatever next!?"

Can't take credit for this, was an old IT colleague at work. We had a marketing woman who always wanted the latest kit, despite not knowing anything about it. So when laptops started getting upgraded despite hers not being due, she started complaining about it being too heavy to carry around and needing a lighter one.

Which was when my mate delivered the killer line that it was because of the number of files she stored on it. It wasn't an easy sell though, she disputed whether electronic files weighed anything, and that was when without a hint of a smile he advised her that each megabyte was over a thousand kilobytes, each kilobyte was over a thousand bytes, and each byte contained 'literally hundreds' of electrons, and therefore even though each electron is very small it soon started to add up.

Pure genius.

One of the girls from the group is now my wife and still does not 100% believe me on anything because of this

Did you ask her if she knew the difference between a chicken leg and a penis and when she replied "No!" did you invite her for a picnic?

When I lived in France I had a place in the office underground car park, which had an electric door controlled by a little widget that I kept down in the car door pocket.

I used to have fun with visitors from head office in London by driving up to the door, opening the window and saying: "Open the door!" and waiting, then saying "Ouvrez la porte!" and pressing the button. They would always be impressed that the door mechanism only understood French.

My wife recently entered the world of smartphones (from a cheap Blackberry). I did a load of research for her on phones in her budget, sizes she'd get on with and gave her a list of 3 to talk to Vodafone about. With explicit instructions not to go for the first thing they offered.

So I came home from work the other week to find she's gone for some massive Sony thing which she'll spend the next 2 years moaning about - and somehow this is my fault!

Now I didn't get in trouble for the explanation of this...it was more the laughing and chuckling about it throughout the day.

While walking down the river...

My wife: "Why are those ducks much bigger then those ducks over there?"

Me: "um...what?"

My wife: "Those ducks over there are much smaller then these ducks"

Me: "um...those ducks are further away...they're the same size as these ducks".

One of the 'small' ducks swims a little closer to the bank...

Me: "see".

When I lived in France I had a place in the office underground car park, which had an electric door controlled by a little widget that I kept down in the car door pocket.

I used to have fun with visitors from head office in London by driving up to the door, opening the window and saying: "Open the door!" and waiting, then saying "Ouvrez la porte!" and pressing the button. They would always be impressed that the door mechanism only understood French.

That reminds me of conversation I had with a French exchange student that stayed at our house once (no I didn't, by the way...she was more interested in seeing the local drug dealer as it meant free drugs).

She tried to get our dog to come in the house by speaking French at it...the dog just looked at her and barked.

She kept on telling the dog to get in the house in French...after a little while I came out and told him to come in in English.

She claimed that the dog was naughty as he wouldn't do what she told him to do.

I explained that he didn't understand French, but she insisted that he was just a dog therefore couldn't speak any language but should understand commands in French.

No amount of explaining would convince her that he didn't know what "obtenir dans la maison" meant.

You married someone who was previously convinced your phone was made of chocolate?

He saw the potential...

Car aircon - same as above. WHen she is too warm/cold she sets it to max/min, takes it off auto control and sets both sides of the car set at completely different temperatures despite Mrs Chief being in the car on her own all day.

Wood burning stove - I've explained to her how the air dampers work pretty much every cold day for the last two years. She still gets it wrong (she lights it before i get home from work) resulting in very poor draft / a lot of smoke and then she opens the front door letting all the smoke into the house and then complains to me that the stove is rubbish.

My wife currently has 3,167 unread emails on the ipad. And wants a new one cos the "old" ipad 2 is too slow. 😯

Our office aircon has had an engineer out at it 3 out of last 5 days because people keep mucking about with it.

Glad to see its not just me!

Has the same issue with heating controls in a school refurb I managed, complaints mainly came from females with TRVs on 5, aircon on max, windows open and the fire door propped open.

We ended up giving them control of the heating controls to 'their' rooms and the complaints stopped. Best thing is that these controls were connected to nothing and did nothing.

I had noticed that Mrs PF was [i]very[/i] attentive when cooking things in the oven.

When I eventually asked her why she would check on the contents every few minutes, she explained that we had a crap oven.

Apparently, the temperature light would stay on only for so long and would then go out, so she'd found that opening the oven door for a bit would "kick" it back into action and the light would come back on. But of course, it would eventually go back out and she'd need to open the door again until it kicked back in.

After I'd finished laughing I explained that the light was linked to the thermostat and when it was [i]not lit[/i] that meant the oven was at the right temperature, not the other way round 🙂

As she'd been doing this for 3 years, she didn't take too kindly to my slightly mocking explanation!