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Thor Ragnarok :
Man destroys his own planet because he didn't want to share it with his sister after she broke his favourite toy.
Titanic
Passengers are delayed getting to NY as several disembarked half way (nicked from somebody describing the way the Muller report was summarised)
JFK: man got shot by someone
stolen from here:
Apocalypse Now; it's like the Wizard of Oz
Woman by the name of 'Debbie' enjoys a lot of sex in a city called 'Dallas'
Predator
Man shaves without a beard whilst his mate screams at a tree. If it bleeds they can kill it.
Some fish find another fish.
The Day After Tomorrow.
Saturday.
(only valid on a Thursday).
Reservoir Dogs
Bank robbers get shot.
Fight Club
Man hits himself
The Wizard of Oz.
Girl goes to strange land and kills the first person she meets then joins up with three fugitives and goes on to kill again.
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Mother uses advertising to promote the work done by the local police force.
Apocalypse Now
Man goes on an oriental boat trip of discovery.
Predator
A journey through foliage in order to get a ride on a helicopter.
Star Wars
Hostorical spiritual awakening with a sub-plot of incestuous romance.
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Archaeologist pointlessly dashes around the world and achieves nothing.
ET
Character has a mysterious birth, performs a couple of miracles, dies then comes back to life before leaving for good.
Game of Thrones
Swords, tits, dragons and zombies
Titanic
Passengers are delayed getting to NY as several disembarked half way (nicked from somebody describing the way the Muller report was summarised)
I quite like 'Everyone does the ice bucket challenge'
Game of Thrones
Swords, tits, dragons and zombies
"Peter Stringfellow's Lord of the Rings"
Cool Hand Luke
Man with communication issues proves somebody can eat 50 eggs.
2001
Haunted gravestone turns monkey into a killer. Monkey's descendants find another haunted gravestone then build clever computer. Computer says no. Last haunted gravestone turns out to be hollow.
Man who kills robots is a robot or not.
and a unicorn
Titanic:
Rain Man
Dustin Hoffman is more likeable than Tom cruise
Skyfall
"The names MacAllister. Kevin MacAllister"
Mad Max-Fury Road: This way. That way.
Half of the cast are blue
titanic
avatar
the smurf movie
Citizen Kane: rosebud's a name for a clitoris sledge.
The Karate Kid:
Old man tricks child in to doing household chores. Beats up some other kids and mocks a war veteran.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: Two cowboys rob lots of banks then get shot dead. And a bicycle
The Incredible Hulk: a good man with astounding anger management issues gets chased by the nasty military
Jaws
Man struggling to find his place in a changing world goes fishing
Planet of the Apes: Descendant of monkeys gets lost and thinks he's in a place where monkeys rule but really he's on the monkey planet all along only the monkey descendants on the monkey planet blew up aforementioned monkey planet because they didn't like the other monkeys on the monkey planet and thereby left the monkey planet to the monkeys.
(Yes I know apes and monkeys are different but that's part of the explaining it badly bit)
LOTR entire trilogy
Except it's explained really rather well.
Finding Nemo
Man's wife was brutally murdered shortly after giving birth, leaving his son physically disabled and then in a twisted turn of events the son was kidnapped and his father chased the kidnapper thousands of miles with a mentally disabled woman to get him back.
2001
Haunted gravestone turns monkey into a killer. Monkey’s descendants find another haunted gravestone then build clever computer. Computer says no. Last haunted gravestone turns out to be hollow.
So that's what it was about.
Lord of the Rings: elves, basically.
Bonus description - Touching the Void: man crawls to ridiculously bad soundtrack.
Alien Covenant
Idiots in Space!
(though I think that's a pretty accurate description)
I much prefer willstaffs Finding Nemo synopsis. Brill.
Castaway
Bloke lost then found.
PS Still like the film though.
Star Wars:
Man falls in love with his sister and has his hand chopped off by his dad, who'd had his arms and legs chopped off by his surrogate Uncle. His nephew kills his best friend then blasts his own mum into space.
Basically, Eastenders...in Space.
Man regrets answering public phone.
12 monkeys:
Time travel, spider eating, kidnap, amateur dentistry shenanigans... Or severe mental illness... You decide.
Top gun:
Sweaty homo-erotic volleyball, some planes go whoosh, Goose dies, Tom loses his confidence, gets it back, beats the baddies (and by extension communism).
Terminator:
Meat covered, time traveling robot, murder/kidnap shenanigans... Or severe mental illness... You decide.
The departed:
Bostonian, Irish gangster shenanigans, everyone kills everyone else, only Marky Mark survives.
Days of thunder:
Top Gun, but in cars, and without the volleyball...
Die Hard:
Man attempts to save his failing marriage, end up endangering several civilians with gunfire and explosives...
Rocky:
Bumbling simpleton loses a boxing match, but gets a girlfriend...
Beauty and the Beast:
Grumpy, bearded, rich hermit kidnaps old bloke. Old blokes daughter negotiates a hostage swap. She suffers a slow descent in to insanity and starts talking to cutlery. Locals attempt to rescue her, but stockholme syndrome. Villagers die.
Godzilla:
Nuclear weapon testing. BOOM! BLAMO! Giant lizard. Lots of property damage
Finding Nemo:
A bit like Taken, but without Liam Neeson.
Grave of the Fireflies
Two children go on wonderous adventures in post-war Japan, eventually they are re-united with their absent mother.
Lord of the Rings (all of them)
Extended Picnic
Shrek
Fat ugly blokes can get laid too. But only when they stop chasing hotties and find a fat ugly woman.
Star Wars.
Impressionable youth gets radicalised by religious hermit.
Goes on to blow up a military base.
The Matrix:
The drugs do work.
Taken 2 - n
You saw the first one right?
Nuns on the Run
2 failed bank robbers explore religion and cross dressing
Hunt for the Wilderpeople
man takes boy into the woods and is chased by police.
Children of the Corn:
Threats to withhold pudding don’t go down well
Blade Runner: computer left out in rain breaks down
Blazing Saddles:
Rascism, men farting, and the N-word.
Warring Factions following flawed religious dogma use slave labour and weapons of mass destruction to commit genocide in a bid to rule.
Star Wars.
The Revenant : A man walking in snow and falling down a lot. For three hours.
Tom loses his confidence, gets it back,
Solo
Thief tries to steal more and more impressive things to impress the wrong woman.
In the end ,he's a ghost!
Foolish, virgin, Christian copper dies so that islanders don't have to eat tinned fruit.
Recycling robot stalks another robot after humans render earth uninhabitable.
The Shawshank Redemption:
Man murders wife and evades justice.
A man goes for a long walk with his son. Some men try to eat them. (The Road)
Alien,
Company tries to save money by using tramper to do multi drop pickup They don't pay overtime.
Lord of the rings
lots of lingering looks between mates on holiday .small man gets his ring destroyed
Damnit Mr potato head. That was pretty much my description of deliverance.
A man had three sons. One was angry. One was sad and silly. One was clever and a bit angry.
The man put a bit of orange peel in his mouth and fell down. The angry son died of lots of bullets. The sad and silly son died of some bullets because the clever and a bit angry son told a man to put the bullets inside him. The clever and a bit angry one died of sad.
(Godfather Trilogy)
Damnit Mr potato head. That was pretty much my description of deliverance.
Some men go in some boats. One of the men plays a guitar with a boy with a big head who plays a banjo first. A bad man puts his winky in one boat man’s bottom and tells him to say weeeeeeeee. Waistcoat man kills the bad man with a bow and arrow and he dies too. The other men are sad and get out of their boats.
Ex nun sings some songs while looking after a rich mans kids. Oh no! The nazis are coming, escape over the alps.
Civilisation is built on exploitation of children, but finds improved working conditions are a benefit.
Monsters Inc.
127hours
Man sits in gully for 127 hours, drinks his own **** then chops off his arm
Masked billionaire runs around city at night, beating up the mentally ill while his nemesis eradicates organised crime.
Un homme achète une jolie maison en viager, le vendeur vit plus longtemps que l'acheteur.
hundredthidiot - or we could both have said
people regret walking through a big wood and regret meeting local characters
Labyrinth:
Famous singer and his gang abducts child in a theme park and blames older sister.
Possessed toys fight against a boys need to grow up.
Toy Story 1-3
A truncated version of the bible. With robots.
The Shawshank Redemption:
Man murders wife and evades justice.
Claustrophobic scatting ensues
Small boy tortures petty criminals in an empty house, rather than informing authorities.
Rich kid skives off school.