[Closed] Explaining death to a 3 year old

Thnk we used gone to the stars for ours, I don't do God either but they understand a bit more than we take them too.

Our two are 5 and 3. Their great granny died last year. Oddly enough the youngest barely noticed. Although we "don't do God" we saw no harm in using the term heaven to explain to the oldest where she is. He seemed happy with that and asked no further questions, but at least knows she died.

I suppose the question is not whether you do God but whether you believe in any form of spirituality. If you do, heaven - or some other term for the place people "live on" after death - is quite helpful. After all, we don't just instantly forget people when they die so why not have a word for where they are now?

Simply tell her she was [b]very[/b] old and that when people get [b]very[/b] old they die - and that means she won't be able to see her any more.

My two were just 2 when my mum died so we didn't have to explain anything to them, but they still look at pictures of her (and oddly, my dad who died when my wife was still pregnant), point and say 'nana' & 'grandad'.

Sorry for your loss by the way 🙁

Recently on Rev on BBC1, they did a scene in which he was explaining death to children which I found quite moving especially as I am still dealing with the loss of my partner;

There was a multi-page thread on here a few months ago. Try searching for that.

My contribution was to say "remember what it was like before you were born? It feels just like that."

I tried explaining why our cat had died to my 5 year old last night, not the same as a granny admittedly, but said the cats body had got tired and gone to sleep forever and his spirit has gone upto heaven. seemed to understand.

We just went for matter of fact, they've died. Even as a three year old they will have the concept already.

I was thinking about suggesting 'sleep' but wondered whether it might scare a child into thinking they might die if they go to sleep. (I used to be scared I would forget to breathe when I went to sleep).

just tell it how it is in scientific terms.

Just tell them about death. Don't underestimate kids.

tyredbiker got the right idea... something alone thou lines

We just went for matter of fact, they've died. Even as a three year old they will have the concept already.

Too true. I'm sure at 3 she will have seen dead animals in the garden or at the side of roads. I think you just need to judge her reaction and adjust your tack accordingly. Chances are her response will be "OK" and off she'll go back to playing.

As you don't "do" god, my solution would simply be to tell it like it is. You might need to explain why it's not something to get upset about - that's where the "just like it was before you were born" bit will come in useful...

As a more light hearted example of how we can worry too much, our 2.5 year old was asking for dvds about dinosaurs, so we got Planet Dinosaur. It's actually quite violent, lots of needless gore and blood really, and Mrs Grips was a bit worried it'd upset Lil Grips. She watched it intently the first few times without saying anything. The third or fourth time she was watching a sequence with a small plant eating T-Rex fodder type creature hopping nervously about when the music changed and the big nasty carnivore turned up. She said "Ooh! Iss dinnertime! Dinnertime for big dinosaur! Nom nom nom!"

I used to be scared I would forget to breathe when I went to sleep

Did you ever forget?

I once woke up and couldn't feel my heart beating so I started to panic, I could then feel it again so all was well.

friend at work lost his father recently and I had the same discussion with him, and one thing the bereavement counsellors said to him was don't use the 'gone to sleep forever' line with the kids as that can cause sleep issues.

otherwise I like the body worn out, gone up to heaven / to become an angel (which is not necessarily religious at that age if you don't want it to be) / to become a star. I like the 'do you remember what it was like before you were born' and I also liked the Rev one as per link above.

As for religion / god, I'm not religious but personally don't have an issue with using that as an explanation if it works at that time. The girls are taught religion at school and in time will make their own decisions on that. I'm happy to explain that some people don't believe in god, and others like me are not sure.

Sad at your loss.

Let them watch the first 5 minutes of [url= http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1049413/ ]Up[/url].

We had our cat put down on New Years Eve, our 5 yo was initially upset and then wanted another cat within an hour or so.
Dont bullshit or scare them and they'll be fine!

Thanks Jamie, I now have something in both my eyes!

By way of a quick update, we went down the 'very, very, very poorly, won't see her again as she's gone to be a star' route. Seemed to work ok. After asking my Dad if Granny had gone to be a star, she immediately asked him if he had a dog. Gotta love kids.

My wife is a bit more religious than I am and she told my 3 year old daughter that the dog had 'gone to heaven' at Xmas.

Now wee'un keeps asking who Kevin is and when he's bringing the dog back.

Oops.