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SWMBO is doing a course which involves submitting a series of coursework projects.
The current one is a 2500 word report on a fairly simple topic (we do completely different jobs and even I understand the topic). She's had it for 4 (might be 5, it feels like it anyway) weeks and it's due by midnight tonight.
Every evening for the entire time I've sat there patiently answering questions, showing her how to add page/section brakes in Word, do pie charts in Excel, do Harvard referencing, correct her grammar, point out that she's not answered the questions and a billion other things, usually the same things repeat every night, occasionally with tears.
She procrastinates and spent a week writing her reference list using the supposedly quicker automated word referencing wizard before she'd actually written the literary review. She wrote her executive summary first, then spends ages trying to make her findings fit that badly written section. She could have finished it 10x over by now the hours she's wasted on it. I could have written it by now! Infact this afternoon I sat down at her PC and did the entire results section and most of the conclusions.
And now we have "I don't understand how to write the conclusion" and "what's the difference between a conclusion and an executive summary".
FFS, she sat through a weekend of lectures split between the topic and how they expected reports to be written. She's not thick, it's almost like she's refusing to do a good job. She's not even reading what she's written, there's random sentences just floating around, paragraphs that make no points, kids in primary school would produce better. Then she just hands me a copy and expects me to re-write it for her!
At what point and I justified in just refusing to answer questions accepting that she may well get even more stressy, cry, refuse to talk to me, fail, give up, or she can learn to do this her sodding self.
And breathe.........................
Wired up differently mate. By which I mean wrong.
next time round, I suspect - if her deadline is 2hr awayAt what point and I justified in just refusing to answer questions
thegreatape - Member
Wired up differently mate. By which I mean wrong.
(S****s)
next time round, I suspect - if her deadline is 2hr away
I actually sat down and wrote the entire analysis and results section this afternoon when I got back from my ride as it was less painful than repeating how to do a pie chart again and hearing "but I don't know what to write" one more time. I wrote a sixth of the report in one hit whilst she was in the shower!
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote.
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote
how do I get the tv back ? just press the channel change buttons on the remote
Btw never show any frustration at their inability to grasp the simplest of tasks oh no. 😀
I'm 58000 words into my PhD write-up...you (both) have my sympathies.
*slaps self across face for procrastinating*
58000 words into my PhD
At the current rate that would take 116 weeks, which isn't bad for a phd, but doesn't include doing any actual research work!
This is why pubs were invented.
Next time, collect the dog, go to the pub, come back well after the deadline passed.
My wife has had to do similar for me (although not so extreme) several times. Then again for our children throughout school and Uni. I expect SWMBO would do the same for you, if circumstances were reversed - 'tis love!
I feel your pain. Lots.
If she doesn't normally act this way, Could it be that she is self-sabotaging because she doesn't feel good enough? Has she been out of education for a long time? Is this course supposed to open up a new chapter in her life?
I'm no psychoanalyst, and my missus would laugh bitterly at my attempts to try to see this from any other point of view. But i suspect your OH doesn't [i]want[/i] it fixing. And definitely doesn't want to be told that its easy really and that she just needs to crack on and stop being silly. Post deadline it sounds like you need to find out whats going on in her head. Good luck with that...
It's not that easy Klunk.
"How do I get the TV back?"
"Press "source" on the TV remote till it says HDMI"
"I can't find it!"
"That's the sat remote, don't press anything" (too late)
"Which remote is it?"
"Samsung"
"It still doesn't work"
"Just wait for it to load"
"Wot? Which button do I press?"... .
Persist, thisisnotaspoon, helping Madame to her PhD was trying at times but the investment has paid back several times over.
If she doesn't normally act this way, Could it be that she is self-sabotaging because she doesn't feel good enough? Has she been out of education for a long time? Is this course supposed to open up a new chapter in her life?I'm no psychoanalyst, and my missus would laugh bitterly at my attempts to try to see this from any other point of view. But i suspect your OH doesn't want it fixing. And definitely doesn't want to be told that its easy really and that she just needs to crack on and stop being silly. Post deadline it sounds like you need to find out whats going on in her head. Good luck with that...
No one wants a sensible answer, let alone one that strikes a definite chord!
Points noted.
Off to find a dog and a pub now.
My wife was the same when she was doing an OU degree. Left everything to the last moment and then expected me to spend hours each evening basically writing most of the content for her. Often I was working away on very intense projects (once was in Houston and totally missed exploring it for a week 🙁 ) - if I dared protest I was "unhelpful", "unsupportive" and worse.
We have been through quite a lot in our 15 year relationship and this came nearer to breaking us than anything else.
Agree wired very differently
My wife has two degrees, plays a vital role in social services and manages to look after three boys (me and the two Flying Ox Jrs). In short, she's a smart cookie with a wise head on her shoulders and the patience of a saint.
She [s]cannot[/s] will not - for I refuse to believe that someone as switched on as she is cannot grasp this simple thing, it must be willful ignorance - get to grips with the various types of mobile internet. Why 2G won't stream Netflix in HD while 4G is fine, for instance, or why having reception for emergency calls only means you can't upload a photo of baby sheep to Facebook.
Even the eldest boy gets it and he's only 4.
My wife takes the round metal plug hole thing out of the kitchen sink plug hole because 'it stops all the bits going down the plughole'
*smacks own forehead*
I say one thing:
Dishwasher.
"How do I get the TV back?"
"Press "source" on the TV remote till it says HDMI"
"I can't find it!"
"That's the sat remote, don't press anything" (too late)
"Which remote is it?"
"Samsung"
"It still doesn't work"
"Just wait for it to load"
"Wot? Which button do I press?"... .
That's my 92yo step-father that is...
Nearly pushed Mrs cloudnine out of our moving car. Navigating our way in rural Devon.. She had a smart phone and was trying to understand how we were the round dot moving along the Google maps route. With hindsight I should have handed over the phone to our 4 year old. Turn right here... No not this right.. The other right.
Ended up stopping momentarily and me quickly memorising the map and pretending to follow her destructions...
I hope you helped her by typing it up...
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My wife's a senior associate at a big multi-discipline engineering firm, a chartered engineer, and leads a team that consistently performs well nationally.
But can she get the hang of the washing machine and tumble drier?
Her: "I think there's something wrong with the drier"
Me: "Why's that?"
"It's not drying properly, it's taking ages."
I wander over to check, and find a solid mass of damp clothes in there filling the entire drum.
"You know the 'tumble' bit in the name 'tumble drier'? Any idea where that came from?"
"There's no need to be so bloody patronising, I know how to use the thing. I only put in load that came out of the washing machine."
So now I know that the clothes aren't washed properly either, as they would have been an even tighter mass of material in there (smaller drum) with no room to move.
Every. Single. Time.
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My wife takes the round metal plug hole thing out of the kitchen sink plug hole because 'it stops all the bits going down the plughole'
It does and it's a pain in the arse. Just let them go down the drain and get on with the rest of your life.
"There's no need to be so bloody patronising, I know how to use the thing."
This. Every single time. Almost every single appliance. Including her iPhone.
Look love, if you knew how to use it, it wouldn't have broken
Hey tinas, when you're done with your missus do you fancy writing my report up? This one's at least interesting, it's about bike stems.
Sounds similar to me, I have a month to my next assessment and done nothing since March. I may have to change the topic as I can't figure out how I can complete the one I have. Not enjoying it if I'm honest.
We've had our car from new, it's 8 years old now.
I was driving the other day and the wife says can you turn the radio down, I did.
"How did you do that?!" She says
What?!?
"Turn the radio down without touching it"
Err?! Used the button on the steering wheel
"Oh never knew it did that"
What 8 sod**** years??
"It doesn't say volume on it"
It has the world recognised universal volume symbol on it
"Oh!"
Heh we have Spotify on the iPad to the stereo via Apple TV..... not a chance. When I explain it she says, you make it too complicated!
Seems to just be restricted to audio, computers and phones no issues. I find it amusing not exasperating though and to be honest 99% of the things she does on a daily basis are much better than I could do
I used to have the same problem, I trained my wife to have better listening skills as I reasoned that was the problem, she was always thinking about Brad Pitt or haircuts or something.
Only that didn't work as the real problem was that I was a boring **** and her brain understandably switched off as soon as I started talking.
Now I pep my mansplaining up with strip routines and "science bits", she is much better behaved as a result.
TINAS - you have my sympathy. I have a very similar issue with Mrs JAMJ, not with her academic work (Which is excellent and I admire greatly.) - but with her work output.
I get asked to assist with some presentations, forms, process & governance documents etc... For a a very intelligent woman, I have to give the same advice each time. Sometimes I could scream! The conversations that start with "How do you..." are the ones I most dread.
The worst thing is, I get asked after she has been stabbing away fruitlessly for several hours and had very little time left. If I had been asked at the start I wouldn't be there typing away at 2am and getting shirty responses to my comments about needing sleep etc...
I hate writing and think I have a genuine phobia of form filling. I need to renew my passport, dreading it.
I applied for a job a couple of weeks ago, the application window was open for 3 weeks, I completed it in the last hour before the deadline, with a few minutes to spare. Needless to say I didn't get the job.
I have always been like it, can't explain it. Maybe she is the same?
Wife cooking.. puts food in pan, puts pan on wok burner then puts wok burner on full.
Me: that's going to burn honey, just put it on the smaller one and put the gas on medium rather than full
Wife: STOP PATRONISING ME!!!!!!
[quote=Houns said]I hate writing and think I have a genuine phobia of form filling. I need to renew my passport, dreading it.
You can complete an electronic application form online (then have to print it off and sign/send off I believe).
Just done miné completely on line, no printing out needed. Uploaded a photo, paid the money on line, chucked the old one in an envelope with no accompanying letter, and the new one is in its way back 5 days later.
Yep even stuff online. Including forum posts, emails etc etc (Hence why any posts of mine are short, blunt and grammatically incorrect as I just bash away at keys and hit send to get it over with)
Try patronising them? Or post a picture and let us decide?
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I don't understand why Joe's patio has 2 loungers on it...
The words I dread.
"I've had an idea for the house/garden".
Translation: "I've had an ill thought out and expensive idea. What I will do is order it via the internet (using your bank account of course), then expect you to execute said idea in your spare time. Should you refuse I will throw a week-long tantrum."
It has been going on like this for years and lessons are seemingly never learnt.
Well I'm glad to see it all seems normal, I though it was only me with the gf who asked me the same questions about software she uses on a weekly bases just to wind me up. 😀
That men [s]seemingly[/s] evidently choose a life-partner/enslaver with infinitely less care than we choose a bike is testament to our 'different' levels of intelligence.
The only way out of this potentially embarrassing predicament is to continually blame everything on Her Indoors Who Must Be Obeyed before going a bit 'Fred West'. Which is an option. Allegedly.
Does this correlate with showing your mrs how to change a tube.
"No I'm not showing how to do it again its ****ing pointless if you never actually ****ing try you'll never learn to do it"
Was taking the washing in off the line last night. Few trips in and out of the house. Place she decided to stand and watch was right in the door opening. Then tells me I'm grumpy when i ask her to move FFS.
Yeah this reminds me a bit of when my husband tries to cook dinner.
"How thinly do I need to slice these mushrooms?"
"How much stock so I need?"
"What should I use to stir these onions?"
"How long do I cook this for?"
"Does this look cooked to you?"
"Can you help me please?"
"Should I use a frying pan or a saucepan?"
"Does it need to be at room temperature first?"
"What temperature do I cook this chicken at?"
"What temperature do I cook this lamb at?"
"How hot is the oven?"
"Shall we have broccoli or cabbage?"
"Should I use a spatula or a spoon?"
"Can you help me stir these lentils?"
Ad infinitum.
correct her grammar, point out that she's not answered the questions and a billion other things, usually the same things repeat every night, occasionally with tears.
You do sound so supportive.
"Can you help me stir these lentils?"
I see the problem. For immediate effect simply replace veggie nonsense with sausage. He'll know exactly what to do with sausage. All the other stuff you mentioned may be more tricky. Keep on correcting him/drilling it into him until he either cries or gets it right? Hide his PS/xbox controller until he gets it right?
Well the lentils usually have sausages in them, to be fair.
Well the lentils usually have sausages in them, to be fair.
Easier still! Remove lentils from equation, replace with slices of bread on a plate. Brown sauce. Job jobbed. 😉
I bought SHWBO one of these:
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Now she shuts up moaning about Top Gear as long as I cook the bacon and show my moobs at least once a week.
Equality [i]can[/i] kind of work, but it's always a work in progress. Allegedly more to do with sex-wiring than actual expectations 😉
My wife is self employed. The first year she went and did her tax return, I put her in touch with an accountant. She decided he was too expensive (to be honest, her pay was too low really but that's another matter) so she'd do it herself. Cue weeks of her saying "I don't understand this bit" then me explaining it to her, her refusing to do what I suggest and going off doing her own thing, asking the same question the next evening, me suggesting maybe paying someone else £100 or so would allow her to do her job (and be well worth it for me).
I'm honestly not sure how we aren't divorced yet.
Meanwhile on mumsnet there is a very similar thread... 😉
OH and 2 out of 3 daughters probably spend most of the time being exhasberate by me. But middle daughter makes me feel at home.
Whilst driving past a mile and half of 'Nigel Mills - Conservative' roadside placards, middle daughter chimes up;
'Who would want to buy a conservatory off him?'
Bless.
This thread makes me both glad I'm single again...
But in a strange way I do miss pointless arguments.
Just to to be sure, I txtd this thread to SHWBO to ask if WABU and my DOH responded, but she went one further by pre-empting my response to her response::
"Well folks, just when I thought my better half didn't fit the criteria for this macho, thumbs in braces, wife slagging matchathon, Mrs Malvern Rider offered a 'clever' contribution about one poster's comment where he said 'baby sheep' instead of saying 'lambs'.
TSK - scoff, snort, - she just doesn't get sarcasm *sigh*
Spooky. Mind-readers. Except for when mind-reading may actually be useful. ie:
'What batteries go in here, little ones or big ones?'
For some reason they cannot then read your mind and you have to stop whatever it was you were doing, walk over, open the device and say the words 'double-A.'
At which point I now become the mind-reader because I know the next words she utters will be
'Are those the little ones, or the big ones?'
😉
igm - MemberMeanwhile on mumsnet there is a very similar thread...
Can't be that similar - they're allowed sweary words!
Dishwasher..
The other half insists on loading it in such a way that bowls are tucked inside each other so that she can get more in.
I don't know how many times I have to explain that the water needs to get to the surfaces, the dishwasher doesn't magically dissolve any food remnants that have been left on any surface windows the machine....
Glasses inside each other like the glass collectors in the pub used to do...bowls inside each other... argh
Oh and yes, cooker is either 220 degrees or off....
Whilst driving past a mile and half of 'Nigel Mills - Conservative' roadside placards, middle daughter chimes up;
'Who would want to buy a conservatory off him?'
😆
But women take on the 'mental load' these days.
Look it up. In fact, here? you go.
http://www.workingmother.com/this-comic-perfectly-explains-mental-load-working-mothers-bear
In our house, this manifests itself as, for example, the breadboard, knife and butter having been put away before the toaster has popped and me getting a bollocking for not tidying up. See also, tea towel on worktop when I'm washing a cup that materialised mid dry.
Nothing to do with the general (natural) inequality of paternity and the domino effect on roles, oh no. It's just that blokes are shit.
You do sound so supportive.
Supportive ended about a fortnight ago when I said (after the last one) 'unless you get this one done ahead of time I'm going riding all weekend and avoiding it'.
Unfortunately, puppydog eyes were deployed and I ended up typing, again.
In our house, this manifests itself as, for example, the breadboard, knife and butter having been put away before the toaster has popped and me getting a bollocking for not tidying up. See also, tea towel on worktop when I'm washing a cup that materialised mid dry.Nothing to do with the general (natural) inequality of paternity and the domino effect on roles, oh no. It's just that blokes are shit.
Yup, I can definitely relate to that. She swooped in and had a go at me for not putting the empty bottle of mouthwash in the bin whilst I was mid gargle yesterday!
That* comic from the blokes perspective: "I got home, sat down for 5 minutes, and the last few hours were immediately my fault".
*I'm not being sexist, exactly the same happens in our house if I'm having a mare of a time in the kitchen or servicing a car, bike fettling, etc. She sits there until I'm at (or beyond) the point of complete mental breakdown; naked in the fetal position crying uncontrollably before she offers to help.
My Mrs thinks food immediately turns into the most poisonous substance known to mankind at midnight on the best before date.
And that chicken you are going to cook in the next half an hour must immediately be put into the fridge when we get home from the shops.
Yes I've tried to explain. God knows I've tried!
You lot married the wrong woman.
I mean, yes all bike maintenance is down to me (but that's because I enjoy tinkering with bikes) but apart from that both of us can do most stuff we need to.
You lot married the wrong woman.
I'm pretty sure I didn't. She is pretty good at a lot of stuff and we certainly don't have "boys jobs and girl jobs". I am a bit hopeless but hey, she deals with it. 😉
Unlike the rest of you.