[Closed] Ex stopping contact with daughter

First off have you got any parental rights at all.? Were you on the birth certificate or were you married at the time.?

The courts are a lot less weighted towards the female these days and as a father you have are on a much leveller playing field. As in most contact cases I would get everything done through a solicitor and the courts. Get it set out in black and white.

Don't mess around, get a solicitor.

Edit. In my case I had no money at all for solicitors so I did it alone. CAFCASs were a god send and I got full custody although I believe my ex's circumstances may be a little different from yours.

Yes I have parental responsibility, thanks Neil - Solicitors first thing in the morning......shame all this could be avoided, in the meantime I don't see my daughter!

if she stops you have to go down the legal route - suggest mediation and use lawyers.
Dont ever stop fighting it will get better.
CAFCASS are nothing to be worried about as I doubt your ex will make any form of credible claim as to why she has stopped you seeing your daughter. CAFCASS will then do a bog standard report for an arguing couple. They would also rather deal with the real issues than petty squabbles.
Get her to explain in writing shy she has stopped for you and hope for something irrational. Courts are not stupid they know what goes on.
Be strong it gets better. Its unfortunate you need to battle to see your child but it just shws how much you love her
Chin up.

Try replacing the why questions with ones that start with how. When you've made some questions about how to go about finding solutions to your problems then work on finding answers. Go to CAFCASS in the frame of mind that you wrote your opening post and you will be seen as the baddie.

To get where you are now you must have made some poor decisions, time to start making better ones.

Edukator - no need for that nasty comment.

Yes I have parental responsibility

Happy days then. Getting some sort of contact through the courts should be reasonably easy.

A friend of mine took his case to the courts and got access. One day in the week and 3 out of four weekends. That was seven years ago and that was also the last time he laid eyes on his ex. Perfect.

Get the access sorted out, see your wee one and keep the relationship with the ex purely business like.

And think twice about taking the already abundant advice to get all legally intimidating and nasty with your ex. Beat her into a corner and she might get really nasty. If your ex is as bitter and twisted as you make out you'll soon be legal toast with no access at all.

Edukator - what have you based your opinions on, you know nothing about me or the decisions I have made?

I never said I was going to get nasty with my ex - that's come from you Edukator

It's not nasty Cinnamon girl, it's cautionary, how many men have no acccess at all? And why? Think about it. We are only getting one side; I'd be interested to hear the OP's ex's version of affairs. It could be the OP who is bitter and twisted.

Sbrock - you have regularly shared with us in great detail your issues with your ex. it's possible that this impacts on some of the comments.

Read again, Sbrock, I have given no advice to get nasty at all, I have advised treating advice from other forum members to get all legally nasty with caution. Do you misquote and distort what your ex says too?

Life would be easier if adults saw the world through adult eyes.

I only posted for a bit of advice/ reassurance .... Don't think I will bother in future

We know you drive a black Audi and ride a black Santa Cruz, SBrock. And everything else you've told us.

Edukator - Member

To get where you are now you must have made some poor decisions, time to start making better ones

This is what I'm referring to.^

The OP is not asking to be judged.

Jesus! He only asked for advice...

I can offer none except a name of a very good family solicitor - good luck OP.

i dont understand where this phrase 'get all legally nasty' has come from,
this child has a human right to have contact with her father, the courts arent being 'nasty' if they say that the father is allowed to see his own child.

[url= http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/child-access-any-experts-here ]Here for one[/url]

?

Having read the earlier threads about this, it appears obvious that you need a court to determine and support fair access. As you say, this does not have to be nasty. BTW, did you ever get overnight access? Everest get external mediation or a solicitor. It sadly seems like your ex will use access to hurt you. She canon do this until you have a formal arrangement, so get one ASAP!

Im with e on this roll out the legals and it's likely to get nasty (er) and expensive fast. Your ex is prolly v pissed off with you getting on with your life and breaking your balls over it.

Mediation first, softly softly catchy monkey eh.

[url= http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/why-do-i-feel-like-this ]And here[/url]

And the Apple thread.

I can't help feeling that the OP's propensity to rant on htis forum might be reflected in his real life persona and make him somewhat difficult to deal with. I pity his ex.

I have been having my daughter regular overnight for tha last month with no problems, until she has found out about a new relationship.

Edukator - just shut up.

Edukator - Member

I can't help feeling that the OP's propensity to rant on htis forum might be reflected in his real life personal and make him somewhat difficult to deal with. I pity his ex.

Good grief. Are [b]you[/b] his ex? I just read the first thread you mentioned and the OP was calm and chatty.

Stop judging the OP Edukator, you're not making yourself look good, just strangely bitter.

Mediation first, softly softly catchy monkey eh...

Utter tosh.

Take it to court. End of.

roll out the legals and it's likely to get nasty fast,

How.? The father has a right to see the child and the child has a right to see the daughter. As long as sb is not a raving alcoholic or a wife beater then the ex will not have too much of a say in court.

[url= http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/daughter-got-christened-unknown-to-me ]And another one.[/url]

Do you ever approve of anything your ex does with your daughter? How many parents wouldn't trust a 17-year-old woman to babysit? When you walked out you left your ex to bring up your daughter, why shouldn't she get your daughter christened?

"How" are you going to stop the destructive spiral your life (as portrayed on STW) is in, SBrock?

Edukator - what is your purpose?

Well thats some progress SBrock. I think zulus idea of a diary is a great one. Issues like this will need to be remembered. Have you explained to her that your new gf wont meet your daughter? Made any promises? Tried to make her understand that stopping contact is unfair on all 3 of you?

Educator, I see nothing wrong with either of those threads. Just a bloke in a tough situation.

as above, ive had 7 years of doing EXACTLY what my ex wants if i want to see my children, and all i have got for the trouble were more demands.
i honestly wish i had went to court at the start, it would have saved so much heartache. and money.
i pay the correct amount as detailed on the csa website and i still get hassle off her, ive had to change my phone number to stop her threatening me, i have had 6 threatening letters off her solicitor, and she talks of little else but battles in court and me not seeing my kids.
i could have avoided all this by getting a contact order at the very start, however as it stands i havent seen my children for more than a year and ive given up hope, she has broken me.
my advice: apply to the court for a contact order, it will stop your ex from having the opportunity to be nasty, and it will better for you and your daughter in the long run, its not nasty, the courts dont do nasty.

Bitter? We've watched SBrocks conflicts with his ex like car-crash TV for months. I think it's time someone pointed out that he is his own worst enemy. Well I have.

SBrock has posted a series of threads in which it is apparent he has a highly conflictual relationaship with his ex and is unnecessarily provacative with her. I'm suggesting he breaks the vicious circle he's in and tries to build a realtionship with his ex based on a series of positive expereinces rahter than a series of barnies.

Thank you for all your constructive comments

Edukator - are you a father?

and is unnecessarily provacative with her.

False. From what I've seen he's been pretty reasonable.

I'm suggesting he breaks the vicious circle he's in and tries to build a realtionship with his ex based on a series of positive expereinces rahter than a series of barnies.

Yep, establishing proper contact with his daughter would achieve that IMO.

The courts may not deliberately do nasty but:

[url= http://www.separateddads.co.uk/falsely-accused-child-abuse.html ]would these fathers agree?[/url]

SBrock,

You have legal right of access to your daughter, (unless you are a criminal of some kind)

Go down the solicitor route asap,
One; your ex might back down anyway once she sees you're serious, and Two; she might not try pulling the same stunt again.

If shes done it before and is trying it now its so that she can still have some 'control' over your life,

****k her I say and get a court order.

Oh, and if she/solicitors say 'lets just have a friendly agreement, nothing formal' then say no, you want it in writing, that way she cant play silly buggers with you later.

I've have had the same happen.

Get tough, quickly.

Edukator? you're not really are you?

edit: pretty much what neilsonwheels said, plus, make it clear to her that you are only there for the daughter. leave her in no doubt that its over with you two. texting/ fb mates/ 'pop round for a chat and a cuppa', 'lets just be friends' and all that bollox just leads to more trouble.

[b]Edukator[/b] and we saw just how rant-free and reasonable you were in the deleted steve jobs thread...

I hope, just really hope, you are not a teacher.

I read his previous threads as demonstrating some conflict - yes- but to an extent where he felt he was being subject to domestic abuse...

Sure - there are always two sides - but I'm not really sure what you are trying to achieve here...

My 2p. Get a solicitor. Don't play hardball, but don't be soft either... do everything by the book and through official channels as far as dealing with her goes - ie if an offer comes to you informally, or a promise of changed behaviour, say 'that's great, but if I couyld just have it through my solicitor please'. And good luck.

WTF I'm really not happy about this, are they taking the piss or what

The above quote is what you said about Apple (whose products you appear to adore). No, Apple are just charging you for their services and ranting won't help. Your ex used a trustworthy woman to babysit, had your daughter baptised and ranting won't help. In fact it'll make matters worse, and appears to have done so.

Edukator - what is your purpose (again)

WTF I'm really not happy about this, are they taking the piss or what

The above quote is what you said about Apple (whose products you appear to adore). No, Apple are just charging you for their services and ranting won't help. Your ex used a trustworthy woman to babysit, had your daughter baptised and ranting won't help. In fact it'll make matters worse, and appears to have done so.

A friend of mine had an ex who tried a similar trick of stopping him seeing his kids when she found out he was seeing somebody new.
He played it cool .. and she then reversed the situation of wanting him to have the children as much as possible, in the belief it would spoil his social life and drive a wedge between him and his new girlfriend ..

women eh 🙄

Edukator is having some time off the forum to calm down.

[b]Mark[/b] Thanks

nicely intervened, resident grumpy!

Can you make it a long time?

does anyone else think that edukator is the OPs ex?

Maybe..... He even knew what car I drove and bike I rode!

Just perhaps Edukator should have said wehat he said in private, or not at all.

As for the break up of a relationship, it happens and if there is a child involved its always as a bargianing tool or a weapon of destruction to end any thoughts of geting back together.

S brock best of luck

good luck fella.

SBrock

Haven't read all this thread as it appears to have gone off topic and personal very early (what is wrong with this place these days?)

But my sympathy is with you as in very similar position, all be it with older children that I do see but not as often as I should and controlled totally by other parties. It is going to get expensive for me and very difficult, but it will be worth it.

I've got a good solicitor that specialises in family law. She is a small practice in the SE corner of England. If you are in that area I'll give you her number.

In all your dealings with your ex, write down conversations, dates and her reasons for with-holding contact. And remain calm in all that you do despite the rage that at times will burn inside you. If you feel like you are going to boil over walk away, it will only hurt you later if you let that rage spill out.

Good Luck

Thanks, sadly not in the South East, that's the problem I need to find a good family solicitor in the Lincoln area.

At the risk of having to take some time off to calm down, i have to say re reading the history, I'm with educator on this. You need to spend less time posting for help on internet forums a lame enough past time at the best of times and re-engage with your ex for the sake of your daughter, if, as you claim, you rreally love her.
Living with women is a ****ing nightmare, they're irrational, moody, irritable at the best of times then childbirth comes along and they can go completely psycho, so what did you do? ****ed off and left her to her own devices. I'm not surprised she hates you.

Work something out, get back together with her, or stfu and take what's coming to you which aint much, when it was you who left the little girl alone with one parent..

Relationships are hard work, always have been always will be, chidren make them tougher, being a selfish male who 'can't take it any more' after what 6 months?..

As I see it you hold the key to your own fate.

(I've lived with and put up with the same miserable bee one tee cee aich for 4 kids worth), now and again it's totally worth it, most of the time it's a major drag, that's what bikes are for, but easy it aint' but never once did I think to abandon them because I'd fallen out with their psycho mother.

Get involved with lawyers= you both lose.

Don't have any first hand experience, but what I have seen of mates going through the same thing, get legal help. Good luck and I hope things get better.

SBrock - Member

Can you make it a long time?

Posted 31 minutes ago

Nice guy.

Living with [s]women[/s] derekrides is a **** nightmare

QFT

As for being unhappy with a 17yr old babysitting, I think he was comparing that his ex considered the baby too young to be without her care overnight. For the record, my wife finds it hard to let [b]me[/b] babysit for more than a few hours, let alone anyone else. New mothers are, unsurprisingly, quite protective of their babies.

Nothing to add sorry, except to the OP, I really hope things can be sorted soon for you. I despair of this place now - it's really not a nice place to spend time any more 🙁 .

As for being unhappy with a 17yr old babysitting, I think he was comparing that his ex considered the baby too young to be without her care overnight. For the record, my wife finds it hard to let me babysit for more than a few hours, let alone anyone else. New mothers are, unsurprisingly, quite protective of their babies.

Yes I was, it was ok to leave my daughter with a 17 year old, but not ok to leave her with me. However I have been having my daughter regular overnight for the past month with no issues.

Nothing to add sorry, except to the OP, I really hope things can be sorted soon for you. I despair of this place now - it's really not a nice place to spend time any more .

I take it you refer to the trolling which contribute nothing constructive to people's topics?

two sides to every story.

SBrock - Member
I take it you refer to the trolling which contribute nothing constructive to people's topics?

Sorry, yeah, I guess that probably makes me just as bad 😕 . All the best anyway and I really hope things work out.

I'm at the fatalistic end of the spectrum here, I'm afraid

I have only indirect experience of this but try this quote from a judge in family court about 8yrs ago:

"You are breaking legal agreements, lying to this court and damaging your children and the only punishment I can give you is a custodial sentence. I'm not willing to do that, so, how often would you [b]like[/b] the children to see their father ?"

Sorry, wish you all the best and hope yours turns out differently

(FWIW, the bloke's kids are now pretty much grown up and they see him lots and get on fine. In the meantime, he took a couple of years to get used to the "loss" of his kids and I honestly think that she only came round when she saw him out having fun again after being really down for a while)

mamadirt - Member
SBrock - Member
I take it you refer to the trolling which contribute nothing constructive to people's topics?
Sorry, yeah, I guess that probably makes me just as bad . All the best anyway and I really hope things work out.

no its fine, wasn't meaning you

SBrock just read this and your previous threads , i don't see that you come across badly at all . you are just in a difficult scenario and looking for support.

Getting a lawyer involved is not nasty child care lawyers are trained and paid to look to the long term interests of the child which normally involves seeking to achieve amicable agreed contact.. the old quote from a judge above reflects the obvious dilemma of what to do when parent with residence frustrates contact. Judges rarely want to imprison a parent for contempt of court as it is not in the child's interest but they sometimes award residence to the other party.

Lawyers will provide a good means of moving this on and defining a route for the future.

You have about 12 years of this to come I'm afraid so you do need to take positive action now.

SBrock just read this and your previous threads , i don't see that you come across badly at all . you are just in a difficult scenario and looking for support.

Yes I came here for some support, not to be judged by people are not aware of all the facts.

 

That's forums for you I'm afraid, people will judge you on the facts supplied [i]and[/i] the facts you haven't but they've got in their heads 😉 Good luck with the access, and remember that the stories people tell you are their own. You get to write yours yourself...

best of luck mate, the days of supportive singletrack seem to be few and far between these days, with petty keyboard warriors and trolls being a more regular thing. Maybe when half term finishes a lot of 'em will be in bed early on a school night.

Mama and tazzy +1

SBrock,

D'you know what, I haven't read the earlier threads referred to above. They don't matter. You're her father and she needs her father regardless of what has gone on between you and her mother.

I'd be seeking legal help. Good luck.

Oh, and can't we all just be nice to each other? 🙂

I'm with the two sides to every story brigade, rather than the 'he's on STW and is therefore blameless' crew...

I think I said this on one of the other threads...there are actually three sides. The OP's, his ex's and somewhere in the miggle, there's the truth. 🙂

(I've lived with and put up with the same miserable bee one tee cee aich for 4 kids worth), now and again it's totally worth it, most of the time it's a major drag, that's what bikes are for, but easy it aint' but never once did I think to abandon them because I'd fallen out with their psycho mother.

Well, there's 4 damaged kids in the making. Nohing like a happy home to nurture young minds, eh?

If it isn't working together, apart is worth looking at.

Don't worry, Derek, at least you are sure it isn't your fault.

Fair enouvh crikey. Can you tell us what hes done to warrant loss of contact then?

two sides to every story.

Amen. OP I'm guessing here but you split from her when your ex-partner had literally just given birth? You wonder why shes ****ing angry? **** me maybe we could recommend a self-awareness course?

Can you tell us what hes done to warrant loss of contact then?

How do you know he's lost contact.........because he says so ? 🙂

It's fairly clear that the guy needs to be regularly reassured by a bunch of strangers on the internet who know zilch, that his ex, which he abandoned with their young baby last Christmas, is Mrs Unreasonable, whilst he on the hand, is Mr Reasonable - the evidence for his innocence appears to be that he rides a mtb.

Surely it would be more useful and constructive if he were to seek the advice of family and friends who actually know his situation and ex partner ? Or aren't they telling him what he wants to hear ?

He's started 2 threads to garner sympathy because his ex committed the horrendous crime of getting her child christened. The first one to say how upset he was that she was going to do it, and then the second one a few weeks later to tell everyone that it had come as an unexpected shock.

Now he's saying :

SBrock - Member

She has played this card before, so I'm now considering a contact order but have been reading so many bad things about CAFCASS that they paint you as the baddie.

Posted 16 hours ago

But hang on a second....... it was all apparently sorted out over 6 months ago :

SBrock - Member

I'm going to speak to the Court tomorrow and ask them for a Contact Order form C79.

Posted 6 months ago

He starts these threads to invite people's opinions, I've given mine, will I also get banned for giving the 'incorrect opinion' ie, not the "there there you poor thing, she sounds like a terrible nasty woman" ?

Whatever the situation here, posting on a mountain bike forum is unlikely to do anything other than make you feel better if everyone posts in support, which in this case they've not done. Bit of an own goal.

In the real world though, the one where you want to see your daughter, the only sensible thing you can do is follow the rules as closely as possible. Speak to a solicitor, get some proper advice, and follow it.

On top of that, try to maintain some 'normal' communication with your ex. You don't have to be the best of friends, but equally, it doesn't have to be solely via solicitors' letters. Don't get drawn into arguments, nor rise to the bait. Note down anything you see as a breach of the rules.

Finally, your referring to your ex as 'bitter and twisted' is telling. The cliche that all exes are somehow dreadful women who hate all men is, quite frankly, rather lazy. In my experience, women (and men) tend to be angry only if they have a reason to be;, and from what I've seen, the people referring to their ex in relentlessly negative terms are often the cause of the problem, even if they don't realise it themselves.

I despise the term 'snake with t*ts'. There are always two sides to every story.

Everytime I've heard its from blokes who are abit 'wideboy' or haven't grown up.

Two sides to every story, and even though we've only heard his it seems to point towards things being not as one sided as claimed.

It's the children I feel sorry for.