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Long story short(ish) - last week my ex-wife announced by text message that she will be moving 150 miles away with my 8yo son at the end of the current school term. She's a teacher, so I assumed this is to coincide with starting a new position at a local school.
I have amicably agreed shared parental responsibility for my son, and have had him stay with me for 1 evening per weekend for the last 4+ years - plus at least one week per summer holiday (this wasn't a court order). I also currently pay just over the CSA recommended level of child maintenance for my son.
Obviously this is a difficult position for me, certainly emotionally. I understand he desire to move away, in order to be closer to her immediate family and assumingly find more affordable housing (she is currently renting, but has a sufficient sized deposit for a house following our divorce).
I also have a 7 week old son with my current wife, for which my older son has been really enjoying visiting, so I have added sadness with the thought of my both my sons being so far apart with regards to their future relationship.
I spoke with my manager today whom has experienced a very traumatic childcare arrangement through the courts with her ex - and based on what I told her she has put a fire cracker in my undercrackers and advised that I make a much stronger case for future access to my son/potentially blocking a move - as I have stronger rights than I currently believe.
I really don't know what to do, where to go first, whom to speak with and worryingly, how to afford any of it. With a newborn at home I am now stretched paper thin financially.
Can I ask the collective hive if anyone has a similar experience, and opinions on what I should do moving forward?
I just want the best for my son, and i'm concerned that being passive in order to prevent a huge break down of relationship is going to potentially cause me huge regret in the future.
Thanks
You need to speak to a specialist family law solicitor immediately, don't agree anything with your ex before you do that.
Seriously, i'd write a longer post, but do it now!
I started a response but it sounded pessimistic - I hope you, your current and your ex-wife manage to find a solution to this that works for all of you. I have nothing practical to suggest other than find a family law solicitor and talk to them (I know one in North Wales if that's any use - DM me).
Fight it. Any connection between your 2nd son being born and her moving away?
Even when the seperation is amicable you have to stand your ground. The fact she just texted you is a big red flag. Dont let on that you are skint either and threaten to take this to the courts.
I speak from experience.
Sorry to hear of your predicament OP, hope it all works out for all of you especially your son.
weigh up whether your on ongoing future relationship with her (she is, like it or not the mother of your child) and your son is worth the hassle of court, You say you want the best for him (and by extension his mum as well) this may, in the short term at least, be for the best, having access to the wider family, and a secure(r) home might by what he needs, and you must always put his needs first.
Mt ex took my kids from Northamptonshire to Newcastle ( where she is from) but they could buy a place outright and she had both family and work there, I had to bite my tongue and agree that it would provide a good future for all of them, and spent a good couple of years driving the 300 miles every month or so (all I could afford) to see my children. In time I moved further north, they grew up and could come and see me by themselves, and at the end of a couple of rough-ish years, I have a good relationship with my ex, and a great one with my kids.
It's probably bleak, thinking about it at the moment, but where there's a will there's a way.
If you want your son living with you full time you could go for that. But expect a massively bitter and expansive battle, who would benefit from that ? In the great scheme of things 150mls isn't that far. Certainly not convenient for you, but you "could" manage your current access. I reckon a court would agree as well. People move their kids halfway across the world and the courts are fine with that. 150 miles Pft !! Good luck, often life doesn't seem fair mostly because it isn't, especially for fathers separated from their children. 🙁🙁
P.s. Just seen nickc's post. Its spot on.
Two things:
1) It sounds like the split is mostly amicable so far. Talk to her in the first instance rather than immediately lawyering up, tell her your concerns? Presumably she also wants the best for your anklebiter?
2) 150 miles ain't all that far, it's not like she's moving to Canada. How long's it gonna take you in travel time? One day a week becomes two days a fortnight maybe?
Don't talk to her at all until you get proper legal advice, and then follow that. All you will be doing otherwise is giving her a head start and god knows what she will come up with if you give her notice. Amicable so far can and will go out the window at any time for any reason.
Thanks everyone.
I'm due a consultation with a family law firm later today.