I suppose the real question is, are you wanting to tell her you can’t be friends because you don’t want to keep her in your life if she moves on, or because you want to get back with her and are hoping she actually feels the same and will come running?
fair point, it’s a bit of both really. I already know the answer to the second one really, however I should have grown a pair and asked her months ago, rather than putting off the inevitable
I guess I’d rather know for sure and then make the break, than always be asking myself ‘what if’.
Yeah I'm with Kramer, an ultimatum isn't fair. But telling her you don't think you've ever really gotten over her so you need space is ok IMO. If she's a friend she'll understand and respect you for it. If she's a friend, she maybe upset, but will not want to hurt you and give you space.
Maybe one day you can be friends again.
Yeah I’m with Kramer, an ultimatum isn’t fair. But telling her you don’t think you’ve ever really gotten over her so you need space is ok IMO.
But that is what he's going to do isnt it? He never said he was giving her an ultimatum.
So Blackflag did you kill her?
He never said he was giving her an ultimatum.
Maybe not an ultimatum, but this:
I guess I’d rather know for sure and then make the break, than always be asking myself ‘what if’.
made it sound like he was ging to ask her if she was still into him rather than just saying he can't handle the friendship at the moment/anymore. I dunno, maybe he does need to ask the question. regret what you've done, not what you haven't I suppose....
Anyway, good luck tpbiker.
Maybe he should ask her for assistance in creating dating profiles and then advice on dates etc. If she is enthusiastic about helping with that then the flame is truly extinguished but there might be a positive outcome in the form of a new partner (or some casual fun along the way).
I guess I’d rather know for sure and then make the break, than always be asking myself ‘what if’.
Mate. You knew for sure two years ago when she sacked you off. There is no "what if" here, you've had two years to if and haven't iffed, she's found someone else, your window for iffing has closed.
Other women are available. Some will even shag you occasionally.
A friendship is likely salvageable here but only if you let go and step back for a while.
Definitely shag the boyfriend
Move on and let it fade out.
Don’t drown your spirits with a bottle of red.
Drown them with a bottle of spirits. Go big!
Do you think you would have remained pals after she got with another parter?
Seems odd to be willing to lose a good friend just because she’s found a man. Yes, it can be tough to see, but (no offence intended), grow a set, be happy for her and let things ride.
Don’t be a dick about it and you will probably still be friends in 10/20 years. Who knows, the flame may re-ignite – just don’t cling on to that hope
By behaving like an actual grown-up, I stayed good friends with several of my exes, some I broke up with, others broke up with me, one of those I ended up actually living with after twenty years. Although to be fair we were never really ‘going out’, we were really very good friends. One went straight out with my best mate from school, got married, they now live just across the road from me, and I see them both regularly, three of my exes invited me to their weddings.
Plenty of people of my acquaintance have expressed astonishment that I could be friends with my exes; I avoided saying that possibly they were never friends in the first place…
It really depends on the circumstances..
I'm very good friends with one of my ex's... she's engaged and I'm currently single... But we don't get along as a couple, simple as that.
I'm sure we'll remain life time friends, and some of my friends are like 'does it bother you she's engaged'?
My answer to that is simple... we get along much better as friends than we do as a couple, so as long as there is nothing bad going on in her new realationship, it's not my business.
It sounds like the OP is still holing a candle for his ex, though, which is maybe not healthy, and complicates the matter.
Most of my ex's though, if they contacted me, I would run a mile!!!!
Yeah well that conversation has been had and it was as painless as possible. 2 bottle of red have diminished the pain somewhat. Tomorrow will be an almighty hangover but a new start.
Many thanks all
Yeah well that conversation has been had and it was as painless as possible. 2 bottle of red have diminished the pain somewhat. Tomorrow will be an almighty hangover but a new start nailing her mum.
