[Closed] Dumbest break-ups

I broke up because she gave me a really bad book.hardcover expensive trash.hate those kind of books and editions.
It never is the one thing.but the does come a point when you say..

Somone dumped me because God told them too.

Queen? Seems quite a sensible reason to me!

I once gave a girlfriend a black eye with the sleeve of a Showaddywaddy album... We broke up cos she went off with someone else though. Lucky escape really

Looking back, it seems like the dumbest possible motivation for a break-up.

you what..!? That would seem like an entirely valid reason..

you what..!? That would seem like an entirely valid reason..

😆

Looking back, it just seems kinda pathetic though. To be fair, it did take about a year for the hammer to fall.

Was she a 'fat bottomed girl'?

socks.

she didn't like what I did to her socks.

He smelled funny. Not bad, just funny. 😕

I couldn't be bothered taking her out on Valentine's Day, so we broke up the day before.

she didn't like what I did to her socks.

The mind boggles 😉

I got put "on a sex ban" as Cosmo suggested it...

However, a friend spent months trying to pull a very attractive girl who drank in our local, One night he came into my room, at about 4am, very drunk and with quite a tale to tell:

Apparently he had bumped into this girl in town, got chatting and things had gone well, at the end of the night he'd gone back to hers where they got on with doing the done thing. Only problem was she played the Kelly Clarkeson album throughout, after a brief rest, they went at it again, and on cam the awful album again. After a few hours sleep, things started getting frisky again, on came the album, at which point my mate "pops to the bathroom". Steals a dressing gown (remember he is very drunk) and jumps out of the bathroom window, landing on the flat roof of the kitchen. Problem is, the garden is a bit over grown, and he's no shoes on, so he rings our mutual friend who fell off the cathedral in Leeds once for some advice. Clutching at the advice of "try to land on your back" he jumps and jogs home, wearing just a dressing gown.

Next morning he gets a classic text: How did you get out? Do you want your clothes back?

Now that's a good story.

Makes me feel better, too, about the Queen thing.

Was she a 'fat bottomed girl'?

No, but come to think of it, I did keep finding Moet et Chandon in her pretty cabinet...

when i was well punk i broke up with a girl for banging on about clapton.

i was dumped because she didn't like the answer she thought i'd give to a question she never asked me. i think this happens a lot.

One of my exes tactically dumped me by text message, in an attempt to get me to make heroic efforts to get us back together. So I sent her one back that said "OK then" and didn't see her again for 4 years, when I was best man for a mate and she was head bridesmaid. First dance went well considering.

Why doesn't this kind of thing happen in Hollywood movies? 🙄

I dumped a girl because she didn't leave the toilet clean.

IDave so true,

just got dumped for the same reason,

Apparently my now ex girlfriend thought i wouldn't be committed to our relationship, (4yrs) so thought best to end it,

She did admit to not asking me how i felt, but said she new the answer anyway.

WTF is a man to do when the answer is known before the question is asked.

Woman splitarses the lot of em.

i was dumped because she didn't like the answer she thought i'd give to a question she never asked me.

and

She did admit to not asking me how i felt, but said she new the answer anyway.

Aren't you supposed to 'just know' when an important question 'hasn't' been asked? 🙄

Only problem was she played the Kelly Clarkeson album throughout

That makes me feel very old, and a bit sad at the same time

catflees erm streaks?

I dumpt a girl because she was butt ugly

apparently the correct answer to the question "Would you still go out with me if I wouldn't have sex with you?" is not "SHIT NO"
[img] [/img]

ETA: I'm not a complete arsehole, in my defence I was drunk and I thought she was joking. She wasn't.

So you don't enjoy the sex with her then retro? 😉
There are only two answers to that question and they are both wrong.

I wish we had a *like* function on this forum because I would *like* iDaves the bestest, that made me lol 🙂

*edit I dumped my now husband about 6 months in because he was completely sex mad. Literally every 5 minutes. Drove me mad.

andrewh - Member
So you don't enjoy the sex with her then retro?
There are only two answers to that question and they are both wrong.

Haha, that's a good point; I hadn't even considered that.

she went home for a weeks holiday so i thought sod this and got a replacement....her housemate

Somone dumped me because God told them too.

That is class but the use of the word 'too' suggests she wasn't the first, do you give off Satanic vibes?

Not really a break up, but at a party, there was a poor bloke that my mates thought they would set me up with. Well you can imagine, he thought he was in (I was v drunk), I sort of lead him on a bit (shameful) but when it came to 'it' I was perhaps a *little bit* hysterical (with hindsight) 😳 rescued by a mate who broke the door down. Poor bloke, must have thought I was a right nutter. In my defence I was a bit confused then.

I like the idea of a *like* function as well....

I broke up with a girl because she insisted on holding my hand at the cinema 😆

I dumped a girl because she had this huge tongue, oral was great but every time she kissed me I felt violated. Shame because I was punching well above my weight with her but I just couldn't handle the tongue.

I ended it with a girl as I found out she was hugely into violence.

No word of a lie she wanted me to punch her and slap her. She got a huge handful of hair pulling my head right back whilst saying 'ooo you ****ing ****er do it'. I felt like I'd been in a street fight rather than a love-clinch 🙁

Maybe if there is a God, someone somewhere has met their match. Probably a Welsh bloke. I bet she'd love it when the Welsh lose at Rugby 😯 😆

In my defence I was a bit confused then.

So how d'you think he felt, eh?

I split with a girlfriend because she was just too nice. No matter what I said or did, that was fine. Turn up pissed...no problem. Decide to change plans at the last mnute....no problem. Did I mention that she was (a) stunning (b) exceptionally wealthy? Every (straight) man's dream, no?

Except that if I made a joke she'd laugh; anyone whe's met me will confirm that 60%+ of my jokes are poor puns at best, and unfunny at worst. I made worse and worse jokes, and she kept laughing. Just didn't matter what I said, it was a riot.

So I was dealing with a mental incompetent (unlikely - degree, masters. accountancy qualification) or a doormat. And I couldn't cope; I need to be challenged. So I dumped her.

The worst of it was that it was my birthday the following week, and she'd had some beautiful silver cufflinks commisssioned (I'm actually wearing them now, 20 years on), which she insisted on giving me. She's never been anything but lovely to me, and I was really not that nice to her.

Sorry Nicola.

I sort of lead him on a bit (shameful) but when it came to 'it' I was perhaps a *little bit* hysterical

[i]I wish we had a *like* function on this forum[/i]

I once dumped a girl because she thought every forum should be like bloody Facebook 😛

... because she was too nice. Really nice people are horrible.

I know, one girl I knew kept asking for me to poke her. 🙂

I dumped a girl because she had this huge tongue, oral was great but every time she kissed me I felt violated.

+1

I ended it with a girl as I found out she was hugely into violence.

No word of a lie she wanted me to punch her and slap her. She got a huge handful of hair pulling my head right back whilst saying 'ooo you * * do it'. I felt like I'd been in a street fight rather than a love-clinch

+1 but the moment i did make an attempt at going along with her wishes she'd claw chunks out of my back... oh and she took us back to her ex's place and he gave us permission to use his bed, very surreal evening!

I was dealing with a mental incompetent (unlikely - degree, masters. accountancy qualification) or a doormat. And I couldn't cope; I need to be challenged. So I dumped her.

+1 kinda... super lovely girl, madly in love with me, i couldn't do wrong and she couldn't do enough for me... but yeah, need to be challenged and told when i'm being a dick so i broke it off.

Phil I had another like this. She left (when it healed) white 'stripes' from my shoulders/down my back. **** it hurt!

I've dodged a few Bird Bullets me. One sticks out, just a two off date for supper nothing more, she was/is a bit of a stalker, who still on occasion tries to contact me (4 years later), scary, she's even turned up at my new home... thankfully MrsBouy wasn't in at the time.. It's been quiet of late, which means sometime soon I'm expecting the dreaded text/contact..

Ohhh, which brings me onto the STW collective...
Does anyone know how you can block texts BTW? I've blocked the number and deleted the contact but still get texts from this person...??? Galaxy S on 3 BTW

Why not have a cheeky shag on the side?

ohhh just remembered another one from when i was a young teenager, i dumped a girl because she always tasted of salt and vinegar crisps when we kissed... that was easily forgiven due to her, well i'm not going to lie... her boobs; but her best friend was really annoying and had a crush on my best mate at the time. we (my mate and I) decided the only way to stop her friend being annoying was to dump the salty boobed one.

I can't believe how many of you wusses don't like having a girl you can smash about... MTFU!

I'm a nice guy me, couldn't/wouldn't ever cheat on anyone..

Mmmm... salty boobs....

yeti, she commanded me to tear out her nipple rings... now i'm all up for some fun, but i wasnt too keen on walking home the next morning covered in nipple blood.

I'm thinking about dumping a girl because she's a vegetarian. And doesn't drink. And she doesn't watch films. Lovely girl, amazing body, great fun, but everything's just a bit too much like hard work.

I'm not looking for a female version of me, but everything seems to be a compromise or a sacrifice.

I'll probably regret it, but it's not right.

And what is it with tee-totallers? They just seem so smug and self-righeous...

I finished with a bi-sexual that enjoyed having things put up her bottom.

While this may be a lot of people's fantasy, she was very needy and had an interesting grasp on reality.

I decided while on holiday in Cambodia that I really didn't need the relationship in my life, so finished on return.

I can't believe how many of you wusses don't like having a girl you can smash about... MTFU!

So let me get this right... if a girl turns nasty and screams 'spank me like a b*tch' as she claws your face off, you're actually supposed to do it?

Ohhhh. 😳

I worked with someone who's fiance left him when they were having a cottage holiday in Wales.

They were, errm, being intimate doggy style when he threw the sheepskin rug off the floor onto her back and asked her to make aheep noises.

On the flipside. As a kid I was really quite possessive/needy and lost a couple of really nice girls because of it. So I imagine on the ^^ a few 'hard work' girls were actually going through a phase and are probably well adjusted now..

Or just STW'ers 😯

Ok... so tearing out nipple rings is a bit extreme... EDITED as I'm stuck at home today.

Camo - you just need to show that bitch who the boss is, dogs are pack animals and need a clear sense of who the pack leader is. Oh wait a minute you're talking about a lady?

Only problem was she played the Kelly Clarkeson album throughout

Was round her house, her parents were asleep and she put the album on it was [i]Parade[/i]. Every frickin' song is embedded in my brain and if I hear one now I have to throw or break something 🙂

My mate got off with a girl from Finchley who was a bit extreme. She said she would do anything he wanted as long as he didnt reject her. Got through the door of her flat and she says in this little girl voice "I have been really bad and need to be punished" he thought it would be a spanking session but the truth is she wanted him to beat the crap out of her, very sad and very damaged. He just couldnt do it and she started screaming that he was a ****er and all the rest. I dont think he ever got over it.

Oh www I did larf 😀

Why not have a cheeky shag on the side?

Their beaks are sharp, dude - you'd lose your tongue! 8)

Camo - you just need to show that bitch who the boss is, dogs are pack animals and need a clear sense of who the pack leader is. Oh wait a minute you're talking about a lady?

Have you considered writing the Southern Yeti's Man Guide to Relationships? I'm sure there's plenty of emotionally sensitive under confident youngsters who'd snap up a copy. 8)

Not really dumped but I once went out with a girl who liked (and this is going back a bit) Spandau Ballet.
Was round her house, her parents were asleep and she put the album on it was Parade. Every frickin' song is embedded in my brain and if I hear one now I have to throw or break something

A decade on, Queen still gives me the willies. Same reason.

Pigface sounds like my experience. It wasn't quite what I expected pseudo-masacism to be.

Pigface, thats grim!

Oh I've just remembered one. 😳
I stopped seeing this girl when I discovered she wasn't a natural blonde.

I couldn't help it, it just turned me right off!

[i]pseudo-masacism[/i]

it's not real masochism, then 😉

😆

I was finished by a girlfriend once because I wouldn't have sex enough. Seriously I had had enough. It was relentless.

My first date with her was the same day I was meant to be getting married (I had split from my fiancee a coupole of months earlier). Within an hour of the date starting (and at around midday, on the verandah of her mum and dad's house) she had me perform oral on her. And that was just for starters.

We worked together and she would take me back to the house every lunchtime for sex, then get intimate in cinemas, in her car (one memorable liaison at the foot of Emley Moor TV mast in a storm - I still giggle every time I drive by it) in her Metro. Then there was the time she insisted I had her in the front room of a friend's house. In the middle of a party - all I remember was my friends coming in and out and cheering. And the time at my mum & dad's house when she was on her period.

Ohh and then there was the time her dog walked in on us...

I was utterly and completely exhausted - all this was over about 10 weeks I think and I probably haven't had sex that many times since 🙂

I do wish I had met her when I was a little bit older and more up for experimenting 🙂

pseudo-masacism

proper lol 🙂

Predictive text malfunction:

My long term girlfriend at the time was out of town but I got on really well with her parents so I texted her Mum to see if they wanted to go to the pub for a bite to eat.

The local pub in the village is called the crown. The text should have said:

Fancy getting food in the crown?

Unfortunately it was written as:

"Fancy getting done in the brown?!"

Rotfl, class

A mate of mine got dumped after a a few predictive text malfunctions.
Every time he wrote "Honey" in a text it was changed to "Goofy". The first one raised a laugh, the second and eye brow and the 5 or 6 after that her tempreture.
I think she might have had a a secret paranoia about her teeth....

it was changed to "Goofy".

'Mickey, you can't get a divorce from Minnie on the grounds that she has buck teeth'.

'I didn't say she had buck teeth, I said she's ******* Goofy'

😆

emma82 - Member

*edit I dumped my now husband about 6 months in because he was completely sex mad. Literally every 5 minutes. Drove me mad.

What, you married Hora?

I'm thinking about dumping a girl because she's a vegetarian. And doesn't drink. And she doesn't watch films. Lovely girl, amazing body, great fun, but everything's just a bit too much like hard work.

She can drive you back from the steak house plastered. Cheap date, too.

emma82 what do you class as 'sex mad'? Three times a day every day or a STWer-special (once a month).

ScottChegg - Member

She can drive you back from the steak house plastered. Cheap date, too.

I've considered this, but it feels like you're getting drunk in front of ones parents. I'm not a lush, but I quite like getting larruped with a lady and having silly drunken sex... Is that too much to ask??

Also, I've come to the conclusion that vegetarianism is a disability. It's a childish, petty, self-inflicted disability, but it's disabling nonetheless. Tee-totalism is similar, but worse.

3/4 times a day, hour or so each at least. Do manage that still a few times a month not but generally we are a twice a week couple now 😳

Take a positive out of it- he obviously finds you hot 😀 Some blokes don't with their partners and vice versa.

I don't see myself as sexmad although if I ****ed less I'd probably have some energy to ride (a bike) instead of being knackered all the time 😆

Lordy... I've quite a lot of there. I won't go into a list but two stand out.

A notable one was told to dump me by her mother. Via a seance.

After her I went out with this Swedish girl for a while. He was about 80% of my ideal, up for it most of the time, attractive, intellectual and well travelled. However, she had absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever. In all the time I dated her, she never once laughed.

And I failed to dump her three times. Seriously. I sat her down, had the chat with her and she stared at me blankly. I asked if she was alright and then she invited me back to hers for sex. I declined, explaining that I'd just finished the relationship and went home. The very next weekend, she turned up at my door and invited herself in. It only stopped once I started ignoring her texts and calls.

Tis the opposite problem now, I want more, he wants less so we sort of even out 😯

I don't know why I am having this conversation with you and I never knew you were sex mad in the first place.

MFs ex was definately an addict. Be interested to know what the dog did when it walked in on you MF......

Father in law walked in on us once. Didn't hurry to sod off either cheeky git.

Father in law walked in on us once. Didn't hurry to sod off either cheeky git.

I once walked in on my bestmate in the middle of the night and sat in the corner of the room with my mug of red wine. A while later I said 'looks good, can I have a go'?

To which she shreaked 'arrghh get out you perv mark'!

I sulked out

and I never knew you were sex mad in the first place.

Yes. Ask anyone I drink/ride with- its a topic that sometimes 'pops up'

I used to date this girl who had a cat. Lovely thing it was, the only problem was that said daffy girl used to insist on sleeping with the cat on her bed every night.

If the cat couldn't sleep on the bed because it was "in use", it would sit on the bedside table and stare at me until we'd finished. The expression was like nothing I've seen before or since on a cat, like it was totally captivated with me. Right next to the cat was a photo of her dad.

It's a terrible distraction when you're getting the jester's shoes I can tell you.

Ok, tooo much infoooooo!!

I've been walked in on once, whilst babysitting. Not too compromising as we heard the car pull up, but red faced non the less.

I've been walked in on once, whilst babysitting.

😯