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The **** of Monte Cristo -
Edmond Dantes is guilty after all.
Avata - Northerners express their gratitude.
War of the words - Another day on STW
The Pelican Brie - I didn't even know they produced milk
md max - post apocalyptic driver of a v8 supercharged ambulance
Mad Ax - muddydwarf takes his tool of choice to the outback
Illy Elliot - a lad from a northern town of tea drinkers hides his love of slightly crappy Italian coffee.
Beverly Hills Op - Eddie Murphy gets some huge norks.
Do soldiers
Do soldiers what?
4 hours later
Gripping documentary about being on hold to BT customer service
The **** of Monte Cristo
Who knew BT had a call centre in Monte Cristo?
The lad in the van - Alan Bennett story of north country boy illegally parks in his driveway
American Pi - Teenage maths
The Hunt for Re October - E-mail with details of half term holiday cover goes missing and nearly starts nuclear Armageddon.
Dial for Murder - Knife wielding maniacs delivered to your door
The Wizard of O - Dorothy leaves Kansas, and learns a lot more than she expected...
ill Bill - he isn't very well, poor Bill
The py who loved me - a binners biopic
Lie of Pi - a mathematician discovers we've been wrong all along
Diving Miss Daisy -
Storm beaker - wether in a draining vessel
Catch 2 - the second of many
Rainspotting - A true to life documentary on the Scottish Weather
Cash: David Kronenburg thriller about getting the horn over filthy lucre.
Rus: Ron Howard biopic about the lesser-known motor racing career of tartan hatted comedian Mr Abbott
Ed - I get looked after by Bruce Willis, John Malkovic and a load of other oldies
Riving miss daisy - use you imagination
Boyhod - Coming of age movie shot over several years, following a young mans journey into bricklaying.
Shun the Sheep - Stop frame high jinks as everybody ignores the funny herd running riot in town.
Man Streets - Small-time hood gets in over his head in 70s New York's gay district.
Cool Runings - John Candy and the Jamaican Bobsleigh Team have to show they've got what it takes when it comes to brass rubbing at the Viking archaeological site
Debbie doe Dallas, Essential stag night viewing.
Local Her, Girl next door saves village from oil exploration.
Wet side story, Rival gangs in inclement dance off.
The Forsyte Sag - Brucey's struggles with impotence
Groundhog ay - Uncanny circumstances give Bill Murray the chance to prove he is the man of Andie McDowell's dreams as they are surrounded by Canadians relentlessly pointing out the local rodent fauna
Battle Beyond The Star - Robert Vaughn looks even more sheepish in this lower budget remake of the already Lidl sized Star Wars cash-in
angle heart a man's obsession with trigonometry pushes him over the edge (90 deg to be precise)
tom raider unscrupulous goings on at the local prize winning tomato growing competition.
op gun a man with gender identity issues (and a fully stocked gun rack) cannot afford a sex change,so he decides to improvise.
tim bandits tim henman decides to don a guy fawkes mask and steal from the rich banksters to help save his local cattery/kebab shop (not the same place i hasten to add).
Good film about giving up the bong:
'Eternal Sunshine of the Potless Mind'
The Bob,A malignant, gelatinous, yellow life form takes over a small town
The Rad - Malaysian armed police go crazy 8 bonkers on 20" wheels in a tower block.
Interstella - Matthew McConaughey gets pissed on reassuringly expensive lager
The Fantastic Fur - Dark sequel to 101 Dalmatians
The Magnificent Seve - biopic of a golfer
Seven Rides For Seven Brothers - dodgy porn remake of a musical
Not my contribution - MrsJulianA's
The Fault in our Tars - Drama based around the discovery and subsequent cover-up of problems with major roadworks
Tar Trek - Sequel in which an inspector from HSE travels the length and breadth of the country taking tarmac samples
Tar Wars - Completing the trilogy by covering the lengthy court battle that ensues
Bride over the river Kwai. Love blossoms in a Japanese death camp.
True Git. John Wayne proves to be a pain in the arse.
Tit Nic. Biopic of a peeping Tom.
Ice Ae - some Scotsmen contemplate their surroundings.
handi - Ben Kingsley wins the hearts and minds of the Indian people by being practical around the house
Who framed Roger Rabbi – An innocent Jew tries to clear his name
Roundhog Day – Babe makes a misguided attempt to get back to competition fitness
2001 A pace odyssey – One man’s struggle to walk 2 km unaided
Rome and Juliet – A capital city struggles with the phonetic alphabet
The Italian Jo – sequel to Rome and Juliet
For weddings and a funeral – The trails and tribulations of a seller of suits
Carry on CEO – An expose of corruption at the top
Noting Hill – An impressionist struggles to perfect his TV comedian
ETA Hat's new, pussycat? - A feline dabbles with millinery
M Gonna Git You Sucka. The head of the U.K. Secret Service gets all hip hop on the ass of a Compton gangsta.
The Longest Da. Biopic of Robert Wadlow told from his sons perspective.
Fever Pith. A mutant orange starts a pandemic that could kill all humanity.
Far From The Adding Crowd. Mathematician leaves his colleagues to go on a much needed holiday.
The Back Hole - a camp scientist cruises the rim of a black hole looking for whatever action comes his way.
Dad's Arm. pompous bank manager cuts his arm off to help defend the nation
The Icycle thieves - angry Norwegians in pursuit of lost frozen klingons
Reservoir Dos - picnics and frolics at the water's edge
High Noo - Scotsman greets his friends and neighbours with a jazz cigarette
Lien - adventures in the life of a debt collector
Laughterhouse Five - Hilarious tales of firebombing and time travel
Ard to kill - Sean Bean remake of the Seigal classic
Raveheart - Mel Gibson gets off his face on disco biscuits.
The Lying Scotsman - Graeme Obree makes up a story about riding his bike.
9½ Wees - the story of a complex relationship between a man and his porcelain potty
aws - a sweet tale of a little fish spending it's holidays in Martha's Vinyard
Raiders of the Lost Ar - a dyslexic archaeologist has trouble working out where he is
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Dom - the same archaeologist discovers a cult that prays at the shrine of an enormous mobile phone
Indiana Jones and the La's Crusade - the hero returns, this time on tour with a Liverpudlian band trying desperately to make a comeback
ook - a little boy battles with a crocodile and a pirate on the Leeds to Livrpool canal
Attack of the Clone - a short, unsuccessful, low budget flick made by George Lucas
O bother, where art thou - George Clooney gets mildly peeved in this Ulyses inspired adventure (rated U)
The Blind Sid - Ernie Large's partner loses his glasses
some Like it Ho - Marilyn Munroe only 18 certificate film
The O.d couple - two newly single middle aged men take a trip to Switzerland
The Quiet Ma - John Wayne does Mrs Doubtfire with an Irish twist
Particus - a toga wearing party organiser who is so popular, everyone pretends that they are him
the La's Mohican - the return of the Liverpudlian band who in a desperate attempt at a comeback, get a radical haircut in order to appeal to the yoof of today
Bi - tom hanks grows up over night to find out he's half chips half rice
The Do's of war - a plucky group of pigeon fanciers unite to defeat the Nazi
One with the wind - a handsome, southern plantation owner comes to terms with his chronic flatulence
the La's samurai - our ever hopeful Liverpudlian band try to make it big in Japan, tonight
Interstella - Mathew McConoghey decides not to save the world and gets pished instead
Planet of the Aps - an astronaut returns from space only to find that a takeover of the planet by new world monkeys was foiled by their lack of opposable thumbs
The La's House on the Left - failed horror flick about a band who live just at the end of the street
Weeny Todd - a disgruntled hair dresser goes on a killing spree when a customer makes fun of his little gentleman
finding Emo - a disaffected fish goes goth
Ice cold in Ale - A British soldier gets angry when served a warm pint after weeks spent in the desert
Siderman - Bitten by a spider, a man seeks solace in drink
Shaun of the DEA - after battling the zombie apocalypse, our hero returns to fight Mexican drug barons
my bi fat Greek wedding - a tale of love and romance on the island of Lesbos
Pup Fiction - a small dog with a big story