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Inspired by the unwelcome cauliflower farting Mrs in gruntle****s thread, whose fairer sex partner let's rip unashamedly?
I fart like the bloke I am, but have honestly only heard Mrs STR possibly twice in 23 years - and she was asleep then
No. I can't understand how she hasn't exploded yet.
Never in 20 years
All the time.
Not farting is just plain wierd.
Or ladylike?
Yup, often amd loudly. But she has the good grace to laugh at farts
Or ladylike?
At home, who cares ?
Some people are far too uptight, it can't be good for you.
Mine holds them in. I can only assume they float up her spine and into her head, would explain all the shite she comes out with.
Only ever on the dunny. And then it's like the sound of a milkman falling down the stairs of a tower block onto a kitten.
That's what happens if you don't squeak regularly, kids.
Again only on the toilet, Jurassic park trumps I call them!
Like a trooper, no shame at all
Gently and sweetly... She calls them fouffs...
Mine sound like an accident in a trombone factory 🙂
Two words. Slimming World.
I'd sue but can't face reliving the horror.
Once a day, first thing in the morning. A good indicator that it's time to put the kettle on.
Most wimmin' don't stop talking long enough to build up enough pressure to need to fart...
She does, but at 36 she hasn't grown out of the shame yet.
Once, in 3 1/2 years, and she was asleep so she claims it doesn't count!
I on the other hand more than make up for her... Not on purpose you understand, it's just that You'd have to jam a knife into my belly once an hour to release the pressure build up if I didn't!
Burps though... Never in my life have I met someone that burps so loud, so deep and for so long as my GF! She staggers me, as she's not exactly a big girl... She doesn't even have to try either, they're naturally horrific enough without any extra effort.
God yes.
But because she's a lady, she won't hi-5 after the good ones. Women, eh?!
Like a force 10 gale. 😕
Yes, particularly since being pregnant. Hardly ever smell though, unlike my rancid releases.
My ex once farted so loudly in her sleep that she woke herself up, though she blames my laughter as the reason she woke up.
Not sure that's any better tbh
Oh yes, all the time, loud rasping ones too. Apparently it's her high protein diet that's to blame, whatever it's is, it stinks.
You know when you've been going out with a lady for a while and you want to take it to the next level.... so you Dutch Oven her for the first time.
Mrs R cupcaked me back 5 mins later.....
It was then I knew she was the girl for me.
Yes.
For someone weighing 8st on a good day, they are surprisingly powerful.
Generally I can tell by the shame written all over her face. It's like an advance warning that I should go into another room for a few minutes.
Are we taking front bottom or bottom bottom here?
When my wife leaves the bedroom in the morning it sounds like she is treading on a load of ducks!
As luck would have it im led in bed reading this and the missus has just let an absolute ripper off! She's now rolled to face away from me to ensure maximum exposure!!
They used to horrify me but luckily they don't smell.
It used to be rare, but since pregnancy a lot less so and usually at the dinner table. I used to encourage girlfriends to fart for fun because of the embarrassment and now that she does I wish she didn't but it would be extremely hypocritical to ask her not to.
On occasion, but her frequent burps would put most blokes to shame.
We were on holiday in Florence a few years ago staying in a hotel near the centre. There was a tiny lift that took you up to our floor. My wife held a fart in all the way back from a restaurant just so that she could let it out when we got into the lift.
Since mine is the current wife with the cauliflower farts the other night, this morning, she went to the bathroom and thought she was going to levitate out again, sounded like a kids brass band. I must admit to holding the gassy trump card in the house, but she does try......
Lentil and invariably spicy veggie meals do make a good Girl rip one out at least 5 times a day. I swear some days I married a bloke.
First time we ever shared a bed whilst she was asleep she let one go (whilst asleep) that made the windows rattle.
That was 15 odd years ago, she hasn't stopped since.
Although her's are always "unplanned" where as mine are always "forced".
As I always say, "Better out than in".
I think I've been aware of about 3 in the entire 25 years we've been together. I really cannot comprehend hows it's possible
Very rarely & only the odd 'peep' when she's on the loo. Mind you I have no idea what she's like when I'm not about.
All the time, she swears its because of having kids, I think its because she likes her own flavour.
I used to date a girl who would burp and then blow it in your face.
The first time she did it to me I just wished that I'd thought it up first.
My Mrs never used to at first but after a few months, she lost all self respect, living with me who farts all the time.
I have been doing yoga for years, and its mostly women in the class, and they are always farting especially when they are new.
My 14yr old daughter finds it hilarious and starts laughing uncontrollably!
Twice in 25 years. Once caused by uproarious laughter, one was an "Oops, that wasnt supposed to be audible..."
I think it happens more often than I hear....
Usually too busy snoring to fart.
Occasionally manages both at once, the clatty bastart.
she never used to, but since our dog died earlier this year she seems to have taken up the hobby with gusto
I can only presume its some strange extended mourning ritual
she never used to, but since our dog died earlier this year she seems to have taken up the hobby with [b]gusto [/b]
😆
Exquisitely put.
only when i pull her finger.
this is of course fine. But when i shake some dust of the lampshades, apparently the rules change, and he-who-dealt-it needs to stand outside for a few minutes.
Silent-but-deadly ones only. Never heard a proper trump.
In our house we have a strong belief that if you can't launch an air biscuit in front of your other half you're married the wrong person.
But she does at least give me fair warning if we're spooning at the time.
My misses never farted in all the years we were living in sin!!
But as soon as we got married ....all hell broke loose...and the weather has been windy ever since!!
And what cracks me up is she try's to pretend nothing has happened....but our dog knows.....as she will always sniff out a stinker....by sitting next to you 😆
yep.. the rule in our house is you have to give yourself a score out of ten afterwards
Wife and younger daughter (13) fart like troopers and find it hilariously funny. Older daughter (16) has never been known to trump and finds the whole issue rather displeasing. She's the cuckoo in the nest.
Most wimmin' don't stop talking long enough to build up enough pressure to need to fart...
OMG! this is it! I never understood how my missus managed to never fart, this solves the riddle
Conversely my wife barely says a word buts farts like a trooper. The theory is sound.
Theory quashed, mine can breath through her ears, talk and fart at the same time !
Women don't fart, they 'Sigh'. Chaps on the other hand, launch chemical warfare.
Yes but only to give me a clue.
do not search for farting women on youtube 😯
Yep, like a trooper as do both our cats (who are much worse than humans).
Long and lustily. she also has a sneeze that can rattle the windows.
MrSmith- how bad is it exactly?
Mine does and normally finds it very funny.
Especially the very silent, foul smelling ones. You know its bad when the cat moves!
Absolutely not, she is a lady. We just have a lot of squeaky floorboards 🙄
The reason women don't fart - they save it all up and it comes out as drama
Mrs M burps like a squaddie and her farts put Union Carbide to shame!
Oh and Ahsoka-beans-poppet-dog's bottom should be classed as a weapon of mass destruction!
MrSmith- how bad is it exactly?
Well compelling due to bums but repulsive at the same time. Bit like seeing porn for the first time. 😯
Evening. Cheers MrSmith, what has been seen can't be unseen. Abit like two ladies, one cup floweth over (the male version would be like a Claymore mine).
As the years progress..... When we were first going out she ordered a calzone in a local pizzeria, and asked for extra garlic. The pizza had a half inch stripe of minced garlic through it. She let one go in the wee small hours that woke us both up.
Soon after we were married she peeled one off in the Kashmir in Bradford which drew comments from the table behind her!
This thread reminded me of a farting "incident"
I came home a bit tipsy one evening and was on the phone to my brother as I started getting undressed for bed.
Mrs PF was already in bed, snoozing, and started moaning about how loud I was being.
I was over her side of the bed and felt a bottom burp coming on and thought it would be hilarious to "throw" it at her as she tried to get back to sleep.
Given my drunken state, it did not go according to plan and I ended up slapping her delicate wee face with a good amount of power as she slept.
Try explaining to your other half that you were not in fact trying to assault her, but merely trying to throw a fart in her face.
Mine holds them in. I can only assume they float up her spine and into her head, would explain all the shite she comes out with.
mine does the same when she can but every now and then she will let a ripper off in the house or in the car. usually she will say "oops" or "i've just farted".
the loud ones arent too bad but the silent ones are deadly....like something has died in her gut!
i fart all the time. kids find it hilarious, she just rolls her eyes at me like as if im being immature or something.
Some people are far too uptight, it can't be good for you.
Probably just need a good fart. My ex used to go to the toilet to fart.
To give a different perspective been with my BF now for coming upto 4 months and I've so far not heard him fart apart from on the loo, apparently he is of the opinion people should have enough control to do it while on the toilet. It's sodding hard work because now obviously I have to match that ethic, its particularly challenging as we're both runners as well as me riding bikes and I personally find it crippling to run with wind and I have to try to be strategic about any cars etc passing! Doesnt help that as someone with hereditary stomach problems that I do need to fart a fair bit!
he is of the opinion people should have enough control to do it while on the toilet.
I personally find it crippling to run with wind and I have to try to be strategic about any cars etc passing! Doesnt help that as someone with hereditary stomach problems that I do need to fart a fair bit!
Ditch him. You need a partner who will embrace your farts. He sounds a bit uptight.
🙂
Frequently and freely is the way. We feign disgust but thoroughly relish farting in each other's company. I'm convinced it adds years to one's life.
The hot, clingy, peanut butter ones are a bit rough sometimes though. I think it's the protein. And another variety that smell, quite frankly, like bins.
Only after anal
Mrs 10 has repeatedly released such unholy odors when sleeping that it wakes me up. She is a keen practitioner of the 'silent but deadly' style. Although recently has taken to blaming the in-laws dog, which we don't have.
Hubby let rip on our very first date. I tried to act horrified but fell about laughing.
A few years ago I was on an mtbing holiday in Scotland with 4 blokes. One evening we had a delicious meal in an old fashioned hotel. I felt one brewing, so out of embarrassment I sneaked off to the ladies loo. Once inside with the heavy outer door closed I started and couldn't stop. Wind was flowing and nothing I could do would prevent the constant noise. I ended ip almost kneeling down and crying with laughter. Luckily no one else came in.
I was gone for ages but the guys were so piddled they hadn't noticed my absence.
The memory still brings on a wee chuckle.