[Closed] D.I.V.O.R.C.E - the gift that keeps on giving

And dont get divorced

Yes, they say prevention is better than cure, but you already know that.

is now restricting my dad stuff

I've been there, my wife stopped me seeing my son for 6 mths.

Really you never know anyone till you divorce them.

Sorry to hear you're having stress, chin up 😉

I'd be making sure that the kids knew that your dad stuff being restricted is not your decision or choice.

Then she will talk you down when she has them. Take the moral high road, and sit out the psycho bits.

Don't try and play a woman at being vindictive; it's a game you can't win.

its rather expensive business isn't it..... funny how the prospect of getting remarried makes em go a bit green and wild

The kids will make their own mind up in the end - till then, keep your chin up, walk proud and be the better person.

Take what few stolen moments you get with them, and make them really memorable, doesn't have to involve spending money, silly crap like getting a £1.99 painting set, sitting in the park and painting pictures with them really leaves a long lasting impression on kids. Make em laugh, lots.

Start ignoring her back. You've reached an agreement, so surely now she can only do one of two things legally:

1) sue you again, or

2) **** off.

No?

If a court order specifies how much access you have to your children then surely you/solicitor should be approaching the courts to let them know she is not complying with it's instruction.

I really hope you can sort things out , I'm not divorced myself but the thought of not being able to see my kids makes me fill up. My parents split up when I was 11 and mum stopped us from seeing dad , I used to jump out of the bedroom window so I could see him!

Z-11 has it absolutely spot on.

Keep a video diary, and tell the truth in it.

If a court order specifies how much access you have to your children then surely you/solicitor should be approaching the courts to let them know she is not complying with it's instruction.

Now, you see, that's what you'd expect - however this is the family court system, which exists in a strange parallel universe of court orders not being worth the paper they're written on 😯

save the money on solicitors letters, and put it in a bank account to take the kids on holiday!

The kids will make their own mind up in the end - till then, keep your chin up, walk proud and be the better person.

Take what few stolen moments you get with them, and make them really memorable, doesn't have to involve spending money, silly crap like getting a £1.99 painting set, sitting in the park and painting pictures with them really leaves a long lasting impression on kids. Make em laugh, lots.

save the money on solicitors letters, and put it in a bank account to take the kids on holiday

Now here is a man with wisdom. There will be short term pain but put it against long term gain. My heart goes out to you. I don't even like being away from my children when I'm working away for a few days. Can't even begin to imagine restricted access.

Disagree with the snatch time/chin up comments like you have to be the better person and accept it. You don't. Fight her for your sake and your kids'. If needs be tell them what the position is as maybe them knowing is what it will take - accepting the position is not in their best interests and robs you and them of time you can never get back. Try mediation/counselling/friends and emails but if that doesn't work then straight to the courts to get your time together enforced.

There's poor Dads who just wanna be part time when it suits them, pay little and pick n choose their time. They're crap. And there's Mums who use access to kids as a weapon to extort revenge or cash. They're crap too. Kids first. End of but it is NOT better for them to not see you. Good luck and remember to apply for legal aid if your financial position changes.

Out of all this it is the children that are important and your wife should realise that. Whatever has happened between the both of you it isn't their fault and they should be able to see both their parents. It is never an easy time divorce but so many children are involved when they really shouldn't be. Your solicitor should be helping you to make sure you see them. Like someone said make sure when you do see them have fun with them and always tell them how much you love them and miss them. All that doesn't need to cost a fortune. Hope things get better for you. 🙂

[i]After 7 years of hassle[/i]

If you'd have driven over her in a car, you'd have got less time inside and you'd have got the insurance money. Just saying like.

samuri - Member
After 7 years of hassle

If you'd have driven over her in a car, you'd have got less time inside and you'd have got the insurance money. Just saying like.

Its my (our) wedding anniversay today (21st) would have been married 14 yrs, but i decided that i had enough and ended it May last year.
My brother was seperating at the same time - he has 2 boys - I (we) dont have kids but he spent a lot of time and money on solicitors. A lot seemed to because both my brother and his ex wife wanted to "win" and get one over on the other - so lots of things were disputed , particularly the value of "stuff".
Solicitors seemed to be geared up - not to make this any easier - and as you say, sending each others solicitors costs a lot of money.
I guess i was really lucky - C and i both did some research on the web worked out what we each were entitled to - got the house valued and then split everything. C got a seperation agreement drawn up - i took it to a solicitor asked him to check it and then witness it - cost me £220 and about 30 minutes. My solicitor having checked it - wanted to send the draft back to C's solicitor who would then have sent it to C and then back to me - he seemed suprised when i said no - i'll sign it now , you sign it now and then i will deliver it by hand to C.

We did have a very stupid argument via a 3rd party over a CD player, which i really regret. Its easy for me to say as i dont have kids - but doing everything via solicitors just seems to increase the tension and aggravation and the cost - for me it felt like i was picking over the skeleton of a relationship, something that had once been very precious but sadly wasn't anymore. This was a person i had loved, it felt ridiculous to be comunicating via 3rd parties whom i had never previously met. I never put much value on stuff, its just stuff, it was sad to leave things that we had bought together butb it is just that stuff - the important stuff like the good memories i hope will be around for ever.
I hope it all works out for you i really do - i could not have coped with a drawn out seperation and argument.

I got divorced over 14 years ago, still pay for the kids (they were young).

We just decided to go our separate ways (well, she did have a boyfriend...). One solicitor and split the monies (what little there was) equally. I agreed to pay for the kids and that was that.

No CSA (or equivilent) - thank god.

Every so often my ex-wife has a moan about money - and I'll drop a bit of cash in, but nothing compared to my earnings. Never, ever had a dispute about access.

A 'high risk' solution but, a good mate (no, not me - I'm married, no kids....!) had very similar hassle to the OP - several years of acrimony and very little access to his kid. In the end he gently had a word with his ex to please, see the light, neither of them could afford to be sending solicitors letters back and forth.. access to his kid was terrible and has been slow building but he's taken his time and it is going well - overnight stays and the occasional weekend stopovers.
Seems that patience is the key ..... though that is oh so easy to say....

My experience of divorce is one from the "kids" perspective. My Mum is on her 4th marriage at the mo, the first being to my Dad. Granted he is rather "laid back" and he endured a right load of crap when other husbands arrived and baulked at paying for stepkids, which meant he was subjected to "kids access for money" and all that. At the time I was brainwashed by my Mum and eventually my Dad just left it alone, didn't see him properly for years. Then when I was about 20 he called me up and after a few pub visits together I asked him what all that was about when I was a kid. He just replied calmly that they were both too young and stupid and it was "just what your mother is like" Ironically I have now found myself to be on the "disagreeing" side of my mother, and I cannot believe what a manipulating lying cow she is. So much so that I can fully understand what my Dad meant about her, without him having to fully explain. So I have little to nowt to do with my Mum, and my Dad is enjoying being a Grandad to two grandsons who think the world of him. The old saying "What goes around comes around" applies I think.

She started moaning as she knows you are getting married again?

Ex Wives/GF's don't want to be with you and they can't bear you to be happy or with anyone else again.

I wish David "Just call me a c*nt" Cameron could see threads like these (but then he's never lived in the real world).

I know more "absent" fathers be [b]refused[/b] access to their kids than [b]refuse[/b] to play a part in there kids upbringing (emotional & financial).

The laws an ass and needs changing, how mothers can refuse access disregarding court orders is beyond me

Keep fighting. Your kids are to important to give up on.