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I just wrote a big post out but decided not to post details.
But the bottom line is that my friend is going through divorce and I’m not sure who to tell her to get advice from to help her with sorting out the financial side. She doesn’t want to end up fighting in court but they’re both quite far apart in agreeing.
Basically husband thinks he should give her <£10k to go away (it’s him that’s run off abroad 2 years ago), she’d like to be able to set herself back up on her own.
Cheers for any advice I can pass on.
Solicitor.
There are arbitration services that she can use
https://www.divorce.co.uk/separate-well-together/family-arbitration
Re. the £10k to go away thing, be careful. I had the exact scenario with my ex-wife. We avoided lawyers completely and we had a mortgage together. She gave me £10k and I took her name off the mortgage. Nothing official about that £10k.
A few years later when I sold the property, that £10k became an issue. Essentially there was a risk that if my ex happened to go bankrupt, that unofficial offloading of her name on the mortgage could be construed as a way to hide assets etc. Caused some minor hassles for me but luckily I was able to sort it.
In short, get proper financial advice as there are a lot of potential banana skins
Mediation is a legit thing and preferable to court by all parties (including the courts). It took me (in my last divorce) three trips to get a deal that my ex would agree to and was, to me at least, heavily unfair but was the only way that court could be avoided.
Speak to a solicitor though.
Arbitration all the way. If that doesn’t work then Document, Document, Document – you have to be open where all assets and cash sit, get it into an easy to see spreadsheet (courts will want this).
If you can not get arbitration to work, make sure the very first thing you do is make sure you get the jurisdiction sorted quickly – first in doesn’t necessarily work anymore, lots of factors around residence, where assets are etc – I say this as H has gone abroad so may suggest more than 1 x nationality is involved?
Divorces are horribly, grotesquely expensive if it cant be done amicably, (seeing this first hand -not me). If it covers more than one nationality, then suggest a law firm that has representation in the other nation, it will help if the Uk judge decides to allow things to be moved.
She doesn’t want to end up fighting in court but they’re both quite far apart in agreeing.
Solicitors don't really want to go to court either. A good family law solicitor will be able to advise on both what she is entitled to and how to discuss, agree and document that in a way that is least likely to be really messy and end up in court. Whilst its possible to get a simple divorce without a solicitor involved in some circumstances, it is almost inevitable if there is a financial settlement, property, etc. so she should be able to present it to the other side as essential to move things forward rather than being adversarial.
If no kids are involved, whatever you have is divided 50/50.
If kids are involved it's a whole different story.
Either way, the only way unfortunately is with a solicitor as it prevents both parties from changing the agreed terms later down the line and not having legal grounds to challenge it.
I have first hand experience of this, it's not easy nor cheap and drove into a mental breakdown. I wish your friend all the best.
Sodded off abroad and offered her £10k to go away - that's got 'going legal' written all over it!
So many variables though - he could have sodded off abroad to bum around Europe living hand to mouth 'finding himself', or could be sitting with his feet up by the pool in an Algarve villa.
Binding arbitration means you do not need a personal solicitor by my understanding and is the best and easiest route if things are reasonably amicable
I say this as H has gone abroad so may suggest more than 1 x nationality is involved?
No, both British. The company he worked for went under beginning of 2020 and he found a job abroad.
should be more simple if it has to go that far then - still worth checking what assets H may have abroad, including banks etc. Anyway - mediation/arbitration is a must - current divorce case i'm close to has sucked up almost 10% of all asset and cash value -its 6 figures..
What is the £10k offer based on?
Do they own a property and have equity in it and, if so, how much?
Mortgage in joint names?
Any other assets?
Divorce proceedings have started; UK solicitors on both sides?
Is UK binding mediation enforceable on a UK citizen who resides abroad?
If no kids are involved, whatever you have is divided 50/50.
Is this true?
Tbh I’ve always thought it was assuming you’ve been together a reasonable time, but I’m not sure how long reasonable is.
There’s a dog, no kids.
Get legal advice. I was married for 4 years and then we separated as she had an affair. The other half didn't want to settle using mediation and I didn't want to go to court. I spent a fortune with solicitors chasing her for a settlement but got no where and stopped short taking her to court because of the cost and upset involved. I just got on with my life.
8 years later I went to sell my house, only to find she had been monitoring it and she threatened to put a block on the sale (something which she may or may not have been able to do - but would have cost a lot in court fees to fight). She then took me to court for a settlement and I then had to pay a load to fight that. She took over 70% of the current house value. She'd never ever been on the mortgage and I'd paid for all the house and all bills myself. She was also after 80% of my pension but thankfully didn't get that (I was lucky as she may have done as pension sharing is a big issue at the moment and another judge might have ruled the other way). I should have taken her to court in the first place as all my work and value in the house I'd gained in the 8 years was lost.
So I would certainly get your friend to seek legal advice as the divorce rules are from an age way before our current values are based on.
These sorts of threads always make me feel very happy that I never got married 🙂
Anyway. Solicitor. End.
@traildog - that sucks to hear m8. But I hear it all the time from men specifically - they don't want to go to court and end up getting rinsed. I know five men quite well that this has happened to - despite them all being given advice to solicitor up straight away.
All of their wives said they didn't go to court. All of them did. One was very much like yours - mate had her off the mortgage, sold the house ten years later, she got a pile of the cash despite never paying a single thing.
Solicitor, solicitor, solicitor. You've fallen out badly enough to not want to be together any more - stuff the "amicable" stuff, get everything sorted legally, then see if you still want to be friends afterwards...
If no kids are involved, whatever you have is divided 50/50.
If kids are involved it’s a whole different story.
Nope.
Still 50/50 for the assets but there are then ongoing costs (to be shared).
We've had a conversation and agreed assets split equally, we leave each others pensions and potential inheritances alone.
We're still married and not, as far as I'm aware, planning on trying this out, was a random conversation one morning when discussing a mates current divorce.
We’ve had a conversation and agreed assets split equally, we leave each others pensions and potential inheritances alone.
We’re still married and not, as far as I’m aware, planning on trying this out, was a random conversation one morning when discussing a mates current divorce.
This is all very reasonable, but if you get divorced then you feel less reasonable towards each other.
All the people I referenced have had that conversation. (I've had that conversation with my partner of 20 years - although I'm miles better off because I never got married (and she feels the same)).
But when the big D rears it's head people lie to each other and come for the money. In a tough economic world it's to be expected because it can be life changing - and if you're getting divoreced you want to change your life.
So don't be fooled. If you're getting divorced reach straight for the lawyers - no matter how much you hate them - and get it done as fast as possible.
I reckon it's much more likely that you'll separate on better terms, because it's like ripping a plaster off quickly - unpleasant, but better than peeling it a bit at a time.
Is this true?
Tbh I’ve always thought it was assuming you’ve been together a reasonable time, but I’m not sure how long reasonable is.
There’s a dog, no kids.
Yes, absolutely true.
Inheritances and assets owned (and paid for) before marriage are the only exceptions IIRC.
Thanks very much to everyone that’s replied, I am passing on what’s been said to her.
At the moment she’s at the “can’t be arsed to fight and just want it over with” stage.
@traildog that sounds awful.
What is the £10k offer based on?
Do they own a property and have equity in it and, if so, how much?
Mortgage in joint names?
Any other assets?
Divorce proceedings have started; UK solicitors on both sides?
Is UK binding mediation enforceable on a UK citizen who resides abroad?
Don’t know what he’s based the 10k on
Yes they have a house although I don’t think she’s named on the mortgage - I don’t know why she isn’t. Don’t know how much equity but likely to be a reasonable amount.
Proceedings haven’t started yet.
Whether or not she's named on the mortgage shouldn't matter.
£10k could be anything from best guess to token amount someone at work banded about. I'd suggest though, if the house has reasonable equity then its probably not a figure with a fair outcome in mind.
My friend used a company that worked for both him and his soon to be ex-wife. A much nicer outcome resulted. Obviuosly this requires everyone to act reasonably.
My friend used a company that worked for both him and his soon to be ex-wife.
That'll be arbitration, you cannot have legal representation from the same company as that would be a conflict of interest. The former is probably the way to go, my sister in law took over a year to get divorced due to her ex constantly refusing to provide bills.
Solicitor, as most say above. Have recent experience of this, lots of mediation but in the end of you can't agree then you can't agree. If you have a good solicitor then they'll quickly tell you what you can and can't achieve (and also give you a steer on what is actually fair if you ask them). I wish I'd done less mediation.
One of my girlfriends has just settled up with her ex a month or so ago. She got 70 grand. And there will be another ~20k once a couple of other things have been sorted out.
10k is a joke unless she's only been in the relationship a couple of years, or never contributed anything to house/home and no kids involved.
My settlement with the ex was about 60k, i kept the house.