I'm in the bad books. Not been on my bike in 2 weeks due to weather and dad duties.
My son's supposed to be with his mum this weekend, weather looks decent both Saturday and sunday. The girl I have been kinda seeing for the last couple of months was hinting to meet up.
I'm back at work after 8 wks tomorrow. Then I just fancy a weekend to myself. Had my son the whole 8 weeks apart from 4 nights (not complaining, loved every moment).
So, I have kinda said I CBA this weekend. Not mentioned im planning on riding both Sat and Sunday. We only met up on Tuesday night anyway.
If she's worth the effort, she'll be fine with you doing what you enjoy. 😀
So, I have kinda said I CBA this weekend.
...with that approach then defo "Destined to be single forever… "! 🙂
Did you tell her can't be arsed, or did you give her the full, very understandable story that you shared with the random strangers on the Internet?
Those 3 little words every woman longs to hear....
... can't be arsed
So, I have kinda said I CBA this weekend. Not mentioned im planning on riding both Sat and Sunday. We only met up on Tuesday night anyway.
Excellent attitude. My regular occasional riding mate recently met a woman after what seems like decades being single, but is probably only a couple of years. He's now inconveniently besotted with her and can only bring himself to go riding if she's more than 200 miles away. He could learn a lot from you 🙂
Hmm, if she knows you ride a bike, then she may need educating in our 'sport'. MrsF knew what it entails (although hadn't quite signed up for the injuries - broken spine, broken hand, smashed shoulder) but she's also got a hobby that's quite 'time consuming' - sewing/knitting/embroidery, and has more machines than I have bikes.
Okay, looks like I misunderstood the acronym.
CBA isn't Could Be Anal, correct?
This will affect the response
A cycling friend of mine a few years back got himself a girlfriend.
A few weeks later I met him again and asked how he was getting on regards the GF.
He said, and I quote 'She wanted me to play tennis with her, I knew at that point I had to bin her off'
Its good to have boundaries.
Girlfriend vs MTB
Not seeing the problem tbh. You made the right choice 😁
My girlfriend said it's me or the bikes. Gee, I'm gonna miss her
I suppose a girlfriend who is into MTB is worth its weight in gold.
Need photos of your now ex-girlfriend to understand whether you're an idiot or you're an idiot who likes bikes too much.
My wife has muttered about being a bike widow on and off over the years.
She mostly accepts it= keeper
If you explain you need some "me time" this weekend and give the reasons above with an alternative date to meet up, then if she's genuine, she'll understand.
She mostly accepts it= keeper
The acceptance came in our relationship when Mrs Binners put this framed print up in the dining room as there's invariably a bike in there. My road bike is leaning against the table at the moment 😀
I mean, if she's not genuinely seeing you as a long term partner and was just after meaningless unfulfilling casual sex, she can drop me a DM....
Decided a few years ago (actually nearly a decade!) that the single life is for me. After a series of bad experiences with controlling women and ones who didn't 'get' hobbies I gave it up as a lost cause. It doesn't help that I definitely don't want kids and when you're a 43 year old bloke the only women really left available are one who are either desperate to have kids NOW or have a ready-made brood in tow. The worst one told me on the third date that when we have kids (note there was no discussion about the subject before this...) that all hobbies must be forfeited to free up time for them. That's the only time I've bailed on a date midway, paid the bar bill and just left. The bar lady was shocked when I told her and let me go out the back door!
The only one that had any prospects of being a keeper was called Louise and changed her mind on having kids so let her go.
Mrs Zip drives out to a country pub to meet her friends for lunch and booze.
I then cycle down to drive her back.
Wins all round.
The girl I have been kinda seeing for the last couple of months was hinting to meet up.
So, I have kinda said I CBA this weekend.
We only met up on Tuesday night anyway.
Doesn't sound like it was really going anywhere anyway?
Partner that bikes also - worth it's weight in gold - yup, you'll need double the 'gold' to pay for the kit.
MrsF not a big cyclist, but has two bikes (my fault).
@zippykona, now that sounds a plan at lunchtimes.
MrsF is driving out for a meal into the country tonight, but on a potentially wet evening, with no work tomorrow, I think I'll have some beer, and get the TV to myself.
Meanwhile in a place not that far away...
Girl 1 - " How's things going with that new bloke?"
Girl 2 (that the OP can't be arsed about) - " Great, I like him a lot,early days though"
Girl 3 - "What's on this weekend then?"
Girl 2 - " Not sure,he may be going cycling "
Girl 1 and 2 - "HE'S A CYCLIST!!,dump him NOW,they are all weirdos "
😆 🤣
@reluctantjumper.
We had a girl in the shop buying presents for her bridesmaids. I casually asked when the wedding was ,she replied that he hadn't asked yet.
Scary lady.
He’s now inconveniently besotted with her and can only bring himself to go riding if she’s more than 200 miles away
I'm currently besotted, but took a different approach... "You really want one of these ebikes... let's go and try one.." Hers arrives Saturday 😀
Mrs IRC has let me go away on my own for a few tours ranging between 8 weeks and 11 weeks. I was away for a week climbing in Skye a couple months after we met. Every couple IMO needs things they do seperately as well as what they do together. If a weekend is a problem it's a question mark.
After 2 years of being single (it was great, away every weekend... lots of cycling etc) I've struck gold with my Girlfriend.
She's an MTB rider, got a gravel bike (same as mine, what are the chances), retired early and lives by Eryri in a mortgage free house. Also a climber and walker. Proper landed on my feet!
He said, and I quote ‘She wanted me to play tennis with her, I knew at that point I had to bin her off’
Quite right. Love means nothing to a tennis player
Wife once ask me if I love my bike more than her.
I asked which one.
Seems that was an acceptable answer as she's still here.
I suppose a girlfriend who is into MTB is worth its weight in gold.
I've managed 3 now. Well, one roadie, a professional rider no less (well, ok, she was unemployed and kept being flown all over the world to race. Such was the lot of a UK based professional woman cyclist in the 1990s.) Now in her 50's and only riding for fun.
One roadie/MTBer (who only used to ride to work before we dated). Ended up riding nationals on and off road more than once. She's now getting into a bit of enduro with her new partner, but only for shits and giggles.
And this one, who used to ride in her teens and early 20's but gave up due to funds/study/more study/child/small apartment/more study/work. So she'll start again soon.
I'd really love to know if there's a parallel thread to this over on the Women's forum section! 🤣
Shockingly there are occasions where it's not just the genders you've all assumed. My dating profile always had genuine bike photos on and a few of them to make it clear to whomever looking that I have other priorities and not even Brad Pitt himself will make me stop heading out on my bikes. Though I'm not always sure its the perfect solution for both to be into bikes, some blokes and their ego's can soon take a hit if you're better on a push bike than them but thankfully for my now husband he is much better on a motorbike than me so we each have our strengths. He spanners the motorbikes and I spanner the push bikes and he gets that a portion of my week is taken up with going out on my bike. Especially when I point out that if I don't I'll be significantly rounder with all the biscuits I eat!
Though as others have said it goes without saying that nobody whether male or female wants to be told they 'cba' with you. I'm sure any of us would appreciate the 'things have been so hectic and stressful so I could do with a weekend to myself' sentiment instead. Though having said that I'm the equal rare phenomenom that I say what I mean and dont just say 'I'm fine'.
‘I’m fine’…
The two words that strike fear into any man’s heart 😂
‘I’m fine’…The two words that strike fear into any man’s heart 😂
It's right up there with "oh I don't mind, you choose..."
which makes everything that happens from that moment on entirely your fault.
Shockingly there are occasions where it’s not just the genders you’ve all assumed.
TBF, most of the examples here are personal anecdotes, and, most of us being male and the cyclist, the genders would tend to be that way round. Not necessarily anything to do with assumptions.
timbaFree Member
He said, and I quote ‘She wanted me to play tennis with her, I knew at that point I had to bin her off’
Quite right. Love means nothing to a tennis player
👏 criminal that this went unremarked.
Meh. My other half's just glad to be rid of me....
It will be fine. We didn't have plans, just discussed meeting up. She had to rearrange a couple of times before and it was all cool. However, you never know. Could come home to my house egged if she is anything like my son's mum...
Her daughter told me (when she was 10) that her mum used to twist the bits on my bike when I was seeing her... I think she means the barrel adjusters as I did have a brief period of unexplained gear shifting. I had to get my mate to index it prior to most rides. He would be like you must have been playing about with it...
I can think of a couple who would ride around the woods for a few hours, take in lashings of ale on the return route,
get showered and then go at it like wild animals. These things are not mutually exclusive.
Partner that bikes also – worth it’s weight in gold – yup, you’ll need double the ‘gold’ to pay for the kit.
Mostly mythical though aren't they IME.
The number of Women that ride bikes is sadly relatively very small, and the unwanted attention they get when they do probably drives a few more away from cycling.
Me and the boss share enough common interests that we're not struggling for conversation or things to do, and she can normally tell when I'm overdue for a bike ride by my mood so then just sends me out then.
But she has a habit of assuming my time outside of work and childcare duties is hers by default. She's tried to enjoy cycling, but just doesn't and forcing her on to a bike would be a cruel thing to do for both of us.
There's a whole discussion to be had about assumed gender roles and the bad habits we pick up from our parents and wider society etc, but I don't think anyone really wants that, it's easier to gripe about the familiar patterns of behaviour many of us fall into.
I'm not keen on divorce or becoming single seemingly being surrounded by cheerleaders for it, I do actually love my wife.
Unfortunately for many of us riding bikes is something we really like to do but having a family and relationships has to come first, and thus 'Mens hobbies' (I know) often end up as the neglected aspect of our lives. All very predictable and common it seems.
Right guys. Just to clarify, I obviously didn't say 'hey, about meeting up this weekend I CBA, rather go cycling'. I do have more tact than that...
You remind me of how lucky I got...
Got divorced some 10+ years ago, then met a nice gal. She had as many bikes as I did then. Now there are 3 road bikes on the living room wall - 2 of hers, one of mine. And she has 6 bikes while I got just 5.
Things are good.
Road bikes? Hmmmmm.
MTBs are in the garage of course!
Road bikes are more art than ridden. And always meticulously cleaned after that summer sunday ride. Neither of us loves road riding that much - there are cars on the roads, after all.
The acceptance came in our relationship when Mrs Binners put this framed print up in the dining room as there’s invariably a bike in there. My road bike is leaning against the table at the moment 😀
TBH I was surprised that Mrs DoD told me to leave my mtb in the living room next to the table which is already the home of my gravel bike 🙂
Fwiw I think just being honest - as someone else suggested, "it's been really hectic and I could really do with having this weekend to myself and some bike time" - is definitely the best way to go. If you can't be honest with each other and give each other a bit of space when you need it that's a problem, I think. Rather than a problem about how much time is reasonable to spend with your bikes. Feeling obliged to fib about it isn't a good sign, maybe. I can't really imagine any more what it'd be like to have to compromise and share my time or consider anyone else, but that's not very healthy! And with that, I'm off out to the garage to unhealthily spend time with the old MTB that's stuck on the turbo!
Me and the boss share enough common interests that we’re not struggling for conversation or things to do, and she can normally tell when I’m overdue for a bike ride by my mood so then just sends me out then
Though I'm noticing a greater correlation between "You haven't been out on your bike - it would do you good to get out" and it being dangerous rush hour traffic.....she's more cunning than I first thought
Mostly mythical though aren’t they IME.
The number of Women that ride bikes is sadly relatively very small,
Agreed, hence my point they they are worth their weight in gold IME.
My tactic has always been to make it very clear on the first date that half of the weekend is bike riding/whatever hobby I'm into time, no ifs buts or maybes. It's worked well so far.
So you're (still) single then...
I'm flattered but sorry I'm currently taken. I'll be sure to let you know if that changes though.
Jeepers
Mrs Tj was a cyclist. 2 of my female pals are cyclists both quicker than me. I cannot imagine being in a relationship where i could not share my passion for wandering around the scenery by bike.
Though I’m noticing a greater correlation between “You haven’t been out on your bike – it would do you good to get out” and it being dangerous rush hour traffic…..she’s more cunning than I first thought
You know that she knows that you know. But.... you get to go out on your bike, so roll with it I reckon.
The number of Women that ride bikes is sadly relatively very small, and the unwanted attention they get when they do probably drives a few more away from cycling.
Not as rare as you think. They might not be as obsessive about it, and perhaps to reinforce the stereotypes they might (in general) not be about the gnar or riding until you hit the wall but there's plenty of women on bikes. As TJ says:
Mrs Tj was a cyclist. 2 of my female pals are cyclists both quicker than me. I cannot imagine being in a relationship where i could not share my passion for wandering around the scenery by bike.
Of the "cyclists" I know at least 1/3rd are women - most could either kick my ass on speed or technical skills, and a few of them on both. Of the women I know well, the majority would be quite happy to hop on a bike and go for at least a leisurely cycle for a few hours. I'd respectfully suggest that if you are finding it hard to maintain a long term relationship AND spending huge amounts of time on bikes without them - the two factors may well be linked. If your "identity" is very much about fitness / outdoors / active etc - then if your "search criteria" for partners isn't at least considering that then you are bound to fail. That doesn't mean you can never date non-cyclists, there's plenty of female runners, plenty of hill walkers, and even plenty who are less active but quite like their own space whilst you go off to play. I'd also suggest that since cycling is actually fun, many women would do it if encouraged the right way by a supportive partner - you might need to compromise on climbs, distance, duration or technicality if you want any less experienced rider to have fun.
