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Anyone here know anyone that was totally normal, got hit out of nowhere with depression, became a shadow their past selves and then recovered back to how they used to be?
Is it even possible?
Any ideas how to help / show the person a good time assuming that the person is getting drugs / therapy?
Seems to hitting a few people in close proximity to me now as life gets tougher.
Finding it very hard to be of much use outside of listening. Hits harder when it’s a good friend rather than a colleague.
Talk to them about it.
Signpost them to their GP.
Ask the suicide question.
...
I’ve suffered for years and currently in the process of reducing my dose of Citalopram with an eye to coming off completely. Not going well if I’m being honest. Today being a particularly bad day of low mood and crying. Not helped by finding out a neighbour, bloody wonderful person and friend has only a few months left to live. Genuinely one of the nicest people I know. All he’s worried about is looking after his wife. Makes seeing a point to anything seem utterly pointless.
If you want to help then listening, understanding and support, if needed, are all great things you can do. The person suffering has to know that they need professional help. It can be difficult for someone (speaking from personal experience) to realise they have enough self worth to feel they are worth helping.
Helping or living with somebody who has serious depression can be difficult. Ask Mrs F! So I commend you for wanting to help. Makes you a good person.
It's like being an alcoholic. You don't recover but you find ways of coping. The important thing is to find positive ways of coping, I e. Not alcohol, drugs, sex, buying stuff.
Medication can be useful to stabilise. I personally think it should be viewed as a stepping stone not a ends in itself.
Depends on why you have depression. Medication can be the end goal if it’s a chemical imbalance. I found talking therapies and CBT to be completely useless for me. Exercise, avoiding stress and sleep work in my case to some degree. Only trying to come off the meds because I’m tired of not being able to feel all emotions. Think I’ve missed out on important milestones in my kids lives so far by virtue of not being able to be emotionally present for them. That’s the downside of some meds. Leave you rather robotic. I think they are prescribed too quickly but can be utterly vital for some.
I'm ticking along on a low dose of Citalopram, and I can't see me coming off in the short or medium term.
I've been fairly open with friends and colleagues that i have issues snd I'mon meds, but there's only a few close friends I properly open up with. They help by checking I'm ok, listen when I need to let off steam, and don't try and offer advice. They'll encourage me outside when I'm not motivated, whether its for a ride, a hike or a stroll to a pub or cafe.
Anyone here know anyone that was totally normal, got hit out of nowhere with depression, became a shadow their past selves and then recovered back to how they used to be?
Is it even possible?
Any ideas how to help / show the person a good time assuming that the person is getting drugs / therapy?
Seems to hitting a few people in close proximity to me now as life gets tougher.
Finding it very hard to be of much use outside of listening. Hits harder when it’s a good friend rather than a colleague.
I went to therapy. I realised that to support someone close to me I needed a safe place to talk about how they made me feel and all the negative energy that situation produced, as well as get insights into how I could support them.
It's utterly emotionally draining so you need to identify what support you need to give them your best, but also ensure you protect your wellbeing.
Good point, you can't help others if you don’t look after yourself.
This is me at the moment, as in hit by depression unexpectedly. CBT and meds not really worked, I have good and bad days but even on good days don't really want to socialise, can't be bothered with my bike and other sports I used to love as I find that when I do try and do these things ( people say oh just come for a ride, you'll love it etc) but I don't as all I end up thinking is how crap and unfit I now am compared to before, and also that I'm holding them up etc, so if I do go out then I'd rather do it on my own.
I've found a new hobby I'm interested in getting involved in, and I'll be a complete newb at that, I'd be fairly happy meetting another new starter at it, so maybe try suggest something that would be completely new to both of you but you'll both enjoy? I'm going to try metal detecting as I can wander round with my own thoughts on the beach, but I know I've got someone else there to talk to, share my finds with etc when I want to, it won't be a full on day of physical exertion / conversation. Anyway everyone's different but that's one thing im looking forward to over the next few weeks, plodding around a field or beach digging up buttons, nails and bottle caps!
Sorry, rambling post, should have used more full stops!
Finding it very hard to be of much use outside of listening
Believe me, with doing that, you’re doing the best thing you can ever do and they will really really appreciate it.
When I was at my worst and in a really, really dark place I had a friend who did that and he quite literally saved my life
Good luck. Sounds like you’re doing exactly the right thing. Just accept that things can get quite bonkers and really irrational. Goes with the territory I’m afraid
Finding it very hard to be of much use outside of listening.
This is such an important contribution.
There is still way too much actual and perceived stigma out there but it's loads better than it was 5 years ago. Being that person who reacts like it's no more their fault than catching a cold is a good thing.
Showing a "good time" isn't necessarily feasible but supporting the activities that alleviate the symptoms may be. What you can do practically will vary as to what therapies/drugs/support they are adopting/using.
Disclaimer I'm an accountant not a psychologist 🫣
Listening and open ended questions (how, what, why, when type questions). Sometimes just sitting quietly with the sufferer will be enough.
As others said above get your support in place too, we're good here but face to face will be better for your mental health.
Finally well done for being that persons best friend (speaking as a somewhat depressed chap).
Outside of listening, as many flow experiences as can be had.
As others have said - listen, don't judge, accept that sometimes they just won't want to talk. When I was suffering I found a group session at my local MIND and that was a great place to be completely open but feel supported, and there was sometimes laughter as well as tears.
As for "showing them a good time", if a friend was suffering with a severe knee problem would you think you needed to take them for a run/ride to remind them what life with a good knee felt like? It's the same deal with mental health - be there to support them as they go through it, but don't expect them to join you for a 50K ride when they just feel like going round the block. Be the mate who says "yeah ill go round the block with you", chat on the way, be in the moment with them.
Sleep (quality, routine) and exercise are best for me. The first obviously easier to help with if you live with the person, but basically giving space and listening, also good advice.
Exercise wise I loose interest in stuff I used to do, but being (gently) forced into something a little different, that is still challenging but also achievable is ideal. Sounds a bit Goldilocks, but I found bouldering and CrossFit both worked for me for this rather than riding or running (and being worse than I used to be).
Cheers all, some great advice, really useful to see different perspectives. As a solutions person it’s easy to forget. Much easier to preserve your own energy if it’s an acquaintance or colleague, not so much where it’s a good friend you’ve known for years. Right, I’m going to seek the help of a pro rather than vent to the forum 🙂 Thanks again.
To answer your question the best thing you can do is be there for your friends, listen to them and signpost them to other help (GP first off) when needed.
Don’t give up on them and check in if they’re not communicating. Let them know you’ll always be there, they can trust you and they can talk about anything (or not).
It’s very difficult, and everyone is different. Personally, I found therapy to be a life saver. But some people just don’t like talking/opening up. And Citalopram was also extremely helpful.
When I was suffering I found a group session at my local MIND and that was a great place to be completely open but feel supported, and there was sometimes laughter as well as tears.
Group sessions are brilliant. This can be formal or informal, however as with every meeting needs someone good to help steer in some way, not necessarily "now John it's your turn" but maybe just conversation flow.
It's a brilliant thing to help someone and have done both sides of the fence. If life offers you the opportunity to help or be helped take it. As I have said before I think it's important to recognise that there is no one simple fix and it's a lifetimes work is important so as not to be too upset by dropping back in progress or slow progress.
I am currently reading Dr. Natasha Campbell McBride’s Gut and Physiology Syndrome. It’s very revealing on the subject of mental health issues and the causes (environment, prescription drugs and diet) and offers practical proven solutions. It seems to be extremely well researched.
I hope reading it may give you some hope. It has me. Left with some admittedly mild but unwelcome issues after 6 months of heavy doses Gabapentin and Amitriptyline for nerve paid (disc herniation). That was 18 months ago. Still it gets me.
There’s an earlier Gut and Psychology Syndrome version of the book also.
It’s expensive but worth it IMO. I found it for about £17.
As a free intro -
There’s an interview with her on YouTube from
Maybe 10 years ago. Interviwed by Dr Mercola. Whatever you think of his marketing and politics he IS a good interviewer.
I think everyone above has covered all of the points I’d make (as a sufferer of depression, crippling imposter syndrome, and have been suicidal).
I’ll only add one thing; if you offer help, you have to follow through. There is nothing worse than thinking someone is there for you, and finding they’re not.
It is incredibly hard supporting someone with severe depression, and I’d never blame anyone for not doing it. But I’m forever grateful to those who have.
I could write a lot here if I had more time and emotional energy spare, as I've been on both sides of this, but I'll just chime in on two points:
Talking/listening: yes this can be extremely helpful, and listening can be just that. Trying too hard to help can make things worse. For me, any sorts of 'it will get better, hang on in there' comments often just make things worse. Yes, it will pass. Then it will come back again. If you friend hasn't been talking these things through with people, opening up may be immeditaly liberating and hugely helpful. For me, having been in and out of depression for years, talking remains useful to a point, after which I recognise myself spouting the same true but unhelful c**p and need to move on.
Suicide: talking about this is a massive taboo and it shouldn't be. There is, counterintuatively, a potential to overreact, which backfires in the long run. There is a huge difference between daydreaming about wanting to be dead, and actually tying up a noose or stepping out in front of a train etc. A lot of people have experienced the former to some degree, and I actually believe that anyone that hasn't at some point wished they could simply disappear is mentally ill in their own way... When I opened up about suicidal thoughts 12 or so years ago, a few people freaked out and I felt I was being treated a little like a young teenager by some. One friend confiscated my slackline. I wanted to slackline damnit. Cut forward a couple of years, I actually had a few very serious attempts, and didn't talk much about it as I had previously felt completely misunderstood. Basically, if you ask the suicide question, just understand that thoughts, plans, and actions are very different things. Perhaps also make sure your friend understands this, as it's easy to overreact to your own thoughts -- I did this for years, now I can just say to myself "ah, there's the suicidal ideation again".
This turned into a longer post than I expected. Hope it makes some sense.
More solid advice, thanks again, all super helpful.
My late partner suffered from depression and alcohol abuse, the two were very much linked in her case, and I found it difficult to deal with, as I’d first met her around thirty years ago before she suddenly popped up again, and her personality was completely different. In the short time we were together, having a stable relationship seemed to be helping her, (her previous relationship had gone to pieces, and she’d suffered a major health problem that had exacerbated her depression), but she still often sat huddled up, and when I asked her if she was ok, she’d just say “I don’t want to be anymore”, which is a heartbreaking thing to hear the person you love saying.
I was doing a lot of online reading on new research into the use of microdosing psychedelics along with therapy for people with substance abuse and depression, and the results are very positive, to the extent that trials are being carried out at five places in the U.K., Exeter and Oxford are two, IIRC.
It’s being done by the NHS, using Ketamine, because it’s a known substance with a good safety record and is legal - in America similar trials are being done with psilocybin, which is a controlled substance here, and licensing is difficult and expensive.
Had she still been alive, I would have done everything possible to get her into a treatment program, everything I’ve read shows remarkable results, a single treatment session appears to reduce symptoms to a remarkable degree, for several months at a time.
I’m not sure if any of the articles I read are still available, I’ll have a dig around and see if I can turn them up; if it works as a treatment as well as early research indicates, then it could be life-changing, and for relatively little cost, not that that makes much difference to government spending policy…
Yeah, here’s one:
Here’s another:
https://www.wired.co.uk/article/australia-psilocybin-mdma-approval
Found this article, but I can’t find the reference to the clinical trials via the NHS at the moment.